Dear Aek,

I can’t believe that in eight short months you’ll be a Mrs.!  That Adarsh is a lucky man!

When Vishnu and I got married, I honestly didn’t know what the journey would be like.  I mean, I’d never lived with a boy before.  And honestly, no one could have prepared me…for both the craziness and all of the amazing experiences we would have as husband and wife. 

You and Adarsh will undoubtedly navigate your marriage together hand-in-hand.  Knowing you two, it’s going to be a fun and sweet and loving and a sometimes annoying adventure (marriage is a package deal!). 

I’ll save the sentimental stuff for the wedding speech, but I wanted to surprise you with a special post filled with marriage advice from some of our family members and my friends (your friends are all still babies!). 

I hope you enjoy reading through these tidbits of wisdom as much as I have!

LOVE YOU!
Par

“Embrace each other’s differences. When you live together, you’ll find that all the habits of the other person are affected by how they were raised and what they’re used to.  Even though it may be completely different than you, learn from it and keep an open mind.  Living with your new roommate for life really is the most exciting thing in the world!”

“Marriage is truly a gift. It’s getting the chance to spend each and every moment with your best friend and enjoying even the small things in life together. You will truly appreciate your marriage after many years of long distance. Definitely pick your battles, and it’s ok to say sorry! But at the same time, it’s good to speak your mind when something is really bothering you as it’s not healthy to keep things inside. You may not always agree on everything, but there is always somewhere in the middle that you can meet. Cook together, make the bed together, fold clothes together, and eat late night ice cream together as these are the little moments that you will always cherish and where you can sometimes have the best conversations.”

“’Agree to disagree’ – I really struggle with this concept (especially with the husband for some reason), but I’ve learned that he and I will not always agree on every discussion we have – and instead of letting it turn into a fight or letting my feelings get hurt, or going to bed upset (which you should always try to avoid – second piece of advice!), it’s totally fine to say, "You know what – I don’t agree with you, and that’s OKAY."  It’s better to end the discussion there in a healthy manner rather than letting it turn into something that never needed to happen!”

“1. Continue to approach each other with the same level of curiosity you had at the beginning of your relationship. Remember when the cell phone battery was going to die but you just had to keep talking to him? There are infinite layers to all of us and exploring the unknowns will keep your day to day life exciting.

2. Establish yourselves as a unit to your loved ones. If he cannot make an event for your family, be the one who tells your family it will not work this time for both of you. Navigate that road together.

3. Carve out time routinely, whether that’s once a week or once a month, that is just for you two. If you can leave out any technology, that’s even better! You’re both going to have busy work schedules and it’s easy to forget to communicate face to face in the midst of the daily grind.

4. Show love even when you’re angry. This doesn’t mean to ignore the argument and pretend everything is okay. It means that it is possible to hold your ground and still be considerate.

5. Thank each other for the gestures you do for one another. The verbal expression of gratitude will go a long way.”

“After being married for 10 years and having two kids, I have learned that marriage is like a book filled with many different characters and events.  But no matter which chapter you are on in life be that one constant support to each other.  The kind of support that is unshakable even with a changing plotline.  This, I believe, is one of the most important elements to a happy and healthy marriage.”

“Make time for date night!”

“Put the phones/tablets down in the evenings. Everything else and everyone else can wait.  And be somebody who makes everybody feel like a somebody, especially your spouse.”

“The ego of a male is the biggest thing in his existence.  If the female partner is able to pamper or take care of that, she remains happy and life is peaceful!  On the other hand females are ruled by the emotions they have.  If those are tended to or dealt with in a loving way,  the man of the house shall have no complaints whatsoever!

Forgive and forget with love compassion and awareness!

Knowledge of "no event is bigger than us" and "acceptance of people things and situations as they are" is the key to a happy loving peaceful and blissful life because “the more one resists the more it persists.”"

“1. If you get into a fight, make up before you go to bed! 
2. Make time for each other!!!
3. Make time for bow chicka wow wow!
4. Make time for tickle fights (they are the best)!”

“The thing that I really took for granted before marriage and wish someone had told me is to really carve out time for just the two of us.  It’s nothing groundbreaking, and I’m sure other people will give the same piece of advice, but I’ve really started to appreciate alone time now more than ever given our busy schedules. Furthermore, I think watching TV/movies is great with a significant other but you’re not really engaging with that person for more than a few seconds at a time so what we really try hard to do is to go on a walk or to dinner or brunch once during the weekend so we can actually have a real conversation. Ideally, it would be outside the hours of football on Sunday so there are no fantasy football distractions!”

“The one thing that I have learned is that everyone says never go to bed angry. BUT I have learned that it is actually ok to go to bed angry. In the heat of the moment you might say things you don’t mean. Also, 99% of the time, the next day you forget why you were upset and you are able to talk about it in a more calm fashion.” 

“Communication is so important! Make it a point to spend time together everyday.  A simple ‘how was your day?’ goes a long way.

Text or call during the day just to say hello, I love you and I’m thinking about you.

Dress up on date night (especially on those nights when you feel like wearing sweats).

Marriage is 100/100 (not 50/50).

Never go to bed angry.

Be willing to say sorry even if you don’t think you’re wrong sometimes.

Clean before you go on vacation – it’s nice to come back to a tidy place. :)”

“Be on the same team, ALWAYS.  This means extending all the kindness you would extend a teammate or a friend to your spouse – assume positive intent, work together to solve problems, enjoy each other’s company, try different plays and strategies, don’t criticize, support each other, celebrate wins and mourn losses together, etc.” 

“Lovingly communicate, respectfully disagree. ;-)”

“Understand what is important. Let things go and pick your battles. Keep yourself accountable for your part in a disagreement.

Treat your husband like your partner, not your child.  It’s okay if he forgot to get the right kind of cheese or was 10 minutes late picking you up. Respect each other. Cant stress that one enough.

You can’t change your partner. When you try to change someone, you come across as a nag and wind up sending the message that ‘who you are is not enough.’ Nobody likes getting that message. Let them be who they are and focus on changing yourself or your own reactions.

Keep in mind that every family dynamic is different and while you may not agree with or understand certain things when it comes to your new family members, don’t judge. Don’t gossip about your partner’s family to others. I have seen this too often and it makes me sad!

Dance party all the time – be goofy!

Open communication is key especially when there are topics that you know each of you have a different opinion on or a topic that one person feels strongly about. (e.g., Money, career, baby, etc.)

Take time every so often to discuss your goals together: for yourself, for your partner, and goals you have as a unit. Reflect on how you can help your partner through his goals and vice versa.”

“Marriage is a joining of two individuals.  But don’t lose your own unique attributes and what makes you you in the process.

Let your strengths and weaknesses bring out the best in each other.

Treat each other as best friends.  As much effort as you put into the relationship the more you will get out of it.”

“I have learned that marriage is so much more than the beautiful wedding ceremony we spend so much energy and time on.  Praying its perfect, representing the perfect life we hope we will have; more than the perfect pottery barn home decor we must have in our wedding registry that will fit perfectly in our perfectly decorated home or the perfect honeymoon destination we spend hours rummaging through vacation package websites to take fantastic pictures we can share on social media.

What I have learned about marriage is how to be vulnerable.  How to let down my guard and allow myself to see myself and love myself so that I can in turn feel the love of the one I have chosen the spend the rest of my life with.  I have learned to listen and not judge.  I have learned what it truly means to love unconditionally, because to love someone and all their flaws means you love yourself and all your flaws.  Marriage has made me face my own personal challenges and has motivated me to become a better human being.

My advice is to go into marriage with openness in your heart to love the good, the bad, the ugly.  Love is not a feeling or based off romance, its a choice.  You choose to be there everyday, to show up, to give.  But most important is to learn to love yourself, only when you love yourself will you be able to really love someone else and to be able to truly feel the love that is being given to you.”

“Your first year of marriage will be one the most challenging yet rewarding times in your life.  Even if you have been dating for years, marriage is different in so many ways. Try to enjoy the experience and know that it only gets better with time!  Be patient with each other and try not to sweat the small things!”

“1) Tone of voice is everything. It sets the mood for all your interactions. Never talk down to each other and save baby talk for babies.

2) Your partner isn’t your personal assistant. You are both there to help each other but don’t rely on each other to accomplish your daily tasks or personal goals.

3) Enjoy every moment you can with your husband.  Life is full of stressors and surprises and you never know what may come your way. 

4) My wedding weekend was one of the best weekends of my life. Don’t get preoccupied with small things and have a great time! Its your party after all.” 

“Take time out to assess what you are doing right and what you are doing wrong. There is always room for improvement. It is so easy for me to write a laundry list of the things he has done wrong but it is my responsibility to be cognizant of my imperfections too. Remember you deserve the best of him and he deserves the best of you.”

This one’s from mom! – “Remember that marriage is not just between two people, but it is also the joining of two families.  Always be honest and open with each other and communicate respectfully.  And yes your momma/maa is old-fashioned, but remember that EVERYTHING should be ours, not mine or yours.”

And this is from me! – “There are so many things I could say.  But I think the most important is to always choose fun.  You are about to spend the REST OF YOUR LIFE with someone.  Have as much fun as humanly possible!  Even when it’s hard, choose fun.  Even when it’s the last thing you want to do, choose fun.  Because when you do, you’ll see the best in each other, you’ll fall in love all over again, and you’ll realize that the life together really is the best thing ever.”

And if you want even more advice, check out what people shared with me before I got married!