self-talk Archives - My Inner Shakti

Six Questions to Help Change the Story I Tell Myself

I shared a pretty vulnerable post on Instagram the other day. It all started with a Super Soul podcast episode I listened to with guest Brene Brown. I had a major a-ha moment while listening. I realized I’m an internalizer. I’ve always known this about myself, but I now have a word to associate with my thinking/behavior.

Before I go on, I should share that I’m not proud of being an internalizer. It’s something I’m trying really hard to change.

For those of you who don’t follow me on IG, an internalizer is someone who takes anything/everything people say/do and internalizes it. A very negative story follows – how you need to change, be different/better, etc. All because of someone else’s behavior.

Pretty silly, huh?

While I wish I could just turn off my internalizer tendencies, it’s not that easy. However, changing the story I tell myself is proving easier to do. Easier being a relative term here!

After I made this connection to the podcast episode, I talked to someone about it, and she shared a series of questions I found super helpful. In fact, I’ve already gone through them in my head on several occasions. And I kid you not, the story I told myself definitely changed. In the past, things would often take a very dramatic and unnecessary turn, but this time, I calmed myself down and took a much more practical approach.

Anyways, these questions are awesome, so I thought I’d share. I know I’m not the only one who tells myself some pretty crazy stories sometimes!

Is there substantial evidence for my thought?
Is there evidence contrary to my thought?
Am I attempting to interpret this situation without all the evidence?
What would a friend thing of this situation and my thoughts about it?
If I look at the situation more positively, how is it different?
Will this matter a year from now? How about five years from now?

The core element to consider here is that our thoughts elicit an emotional response which then triggers our behavior. It’s a cycle that can only be broken by changing our thoughts!

In the past, I would’ve read a post like this and been like “oh cool.” In one ear and out the other. But this time around, I’m making an extra effort to analyze my thoughts before acting out my emotions, and I see a HUGE difference already. It’s definitely one of those things you have to practice over and over again until it become second nature…totally worth it though. More than anything, I’m able to get out of my own head and stay calm.

Changing my world one story at a time!

You have the prettiest eyebrows!

written by Parita 2 Comments

Imagine my surprise when the young girl behind the counter at the local pizza place told ME I have the “prettiest eyebrows.”

Let me set the scene. My FIL and I set out to pick up lunch on Sunday. I had just showered and pulled my hair into a bun (typical!). No makeup AT ALL, dark circles galore, and skin that is way less than perfect right now.

I walked in ready to pay, grab the pizza, and walk right out. Her comment took me by surprise. So much so that I turned around to see who she was talking to. I love me some pretty eyebrows!

When I realized she was talking to me, I laughed a little and said thanks. What I wanted to say was, “Oh my goodness, are you crazy?! These things? They are far from pretty and not filled in at all, but thank you. You made this very tired mama’s day!”

I guess I wasn’t ready to show my crazy that day!

When I got back in the car, I thought more about her comment and my immediate internal dialogue. Here I was thinking I was showing up at my worst, not feeling pretty at all. And here was this total stranger who saw something she liked in me. My eyebrows at that! Truth be told, they aren’t my favorite feature, but she honestly could’ve complimented anything and I would’ve reacted the same way.

All this goes to prove something I already know but tend to forget, especially when it comes to me, myself, and I. What we see in the mirror is not a true reflection of who we are. What I mean by this is that most of us tend to pick ourselves apart…physically and mentally. We only see and focus on our so called flaws. When others look at us, they tend to see and focus on the good. Even total strangers!

I can’t tell you how many times I find myself in conversations with people where I say, “Are you kidding? I love your _____.” Or, “Really? I never even noticed _____.”

From that very kind comment, here’s the message I ultimately walked away with – Be kind(er) to yourself. Talk to yourself the way you would a friend or even a total stranger. And maybe don’t stare at the mirror for too long! 🙂

Happy holidays to YOU!

The One Thing We Should All Aim to Do More of in 2017

written by Parita 10 Comments

As I’ve mentioned before, I don’t have specific 2017 resolutions or goals. However, the one thing I want to do is be more intentional with my time. Like me, lots of people are opting to pick a 2017 word/phrase instead of going down the resolution route.

Regardless of what option you choose (or don’t choose), there is one thing we should all aim to do more of in 2017. As I think more and more about what I want out of this year and the years to come, I need to conquer this one thing before anything else can really be achieved.

In 2017, we should all aim to care more about what we think of ourselves versus what others think of us.

Think about it. You can set as many resolutions/goals as you want, or you can pick a super inspiring word to keep you focused on what matters. But until you care more about (and really own) your thoughts, decisions, actions, etc., none of that really matters. In order to live life on our terms and accomplish great things, big or small, we absolutely need to put ourselves first.

Now don’t get me wrong. Of course other people matter. I still care about what Vishnu, my parents, my sister, and my close friends think because I value their opinions and some of my decisions do impact them. The key here is that their opinions are just that. To live a fulfilling life, and in my case, live up to my 2017 mantra (anything, not everything), I have to love and trust myself more than anyone else around me. I have to believe in myself and take ownership for my decision…regardless of what everyone else thinks.

I’ve found that this is absolutely easier said than done, but it’s also absolutely necessary. It’s necessary if/when you become a parent and are faced with difficult decisions, it’s necessary when you’re deciding what your next career move should be, goodness, it’s even necessary when deciding what to wear in the morning.

When we let other people’s thoughts rule our universe, we’re basically giving up everything we think/want. Don’t let other people’s opinions determine who you are and what you’re capable of…that should be completely up to you!

Your next question may be – how do I do this? How do I stop truly stop putting other people’s thoughts/opinions before my own? Well unfortunately, I don’t have the answer to that. Personally, it all starts with loving and building myself up more instead of doubting, judging, and tearing myself apart. That gives me the strength to focus on myself without obsessing about everyone else.

With all of that being said, please do set goals/resolutions/intentions for 2017 (I personally find it inspiring!), but at the same time, do also aim to care more about what you think/ say/ do/want than anyone else. And remember, it all starts with loving and trusting yourself!

Here’s to an amazing 2017!

Current Workouts, Half Marathon, and Say Your Name

written by Parita 8 Comments

After getting back from Atlanta, I started putting a bit more effort into my workouts. As I’ve mentioned several times, I kind of fell off the wagon for a bit…BUT I’m back! And this is where my type A personality and love for structure come in handy!

When I got home from work last Monday, I printed out monthly calendars for October 2014-January 2015. I also printed out Hal Higdon’s intermediate half marathon training plan. And then I got to work.

After double and triple checking my ability to count back 12 weeks from January 25, I put a star next to October 27. Eek – the day my training begins! That brings me to my current workouts.

Current workouts

In my mind, October 6-27 equals a pre-half-marathon warm up period. This is my time to prep my body for what’s to come. I honestly hadn’t been running as much as I wanted over the past month, so during these three weeks, my plan is to ease my way back into regular runs and strength training workouts. So far so good.

Here’s what last week looked like:
Monday – 3.25 mile run
Tuesday – Full-body strength workout + 20 minute incline walk
Wednesday – REST!
Thursday – 3.25 mile run
Friday – Full-body strength workout + elliptical/rowing machine
Saturday – 4.5 mile run

And here’s what I have planned for this week:
Sunday – 3.25 mile walk
Monday – Full-body strength workout + 20 minute incline walk
Tuesday – 3.25 mile run
Wednesday – Full-body strength workout + elliptical
Thursday – REST
Friday – Fitness Blender Barre workout
Saturday – 4.5 mile run

And I’m hoping week three looks similar.

I’ve been logging all my runs in the Map My Run app. When I first decided to run this half, I didn’t really care about my time. I just wanted to run the whole thing. But now a part of me wants to get a little faster. I’m averaging 10 minute miles right now. My goal is to bring that down to 9:30. We’ll see how that goes!

And as far as strength training is concerned, I’ve been searching the web to find new, fun, and short workouts (YouTube, DVDs, blogs, etc.). This one is my current favorite!

Half marathon training

As I mentioned, I’ll be following Hal Higdon’s training plan. I was really happy with how it prepared me for my previous two runs so why mess with a good thing!

I will, however, be making small tweaks this time around. The weekend long runs will stay as is, but how I structure the week will change. I definitely want to continue with my strength workouts and some form of cross-training. As of right now, I’m thinking no more than 2-3 runs during the week.

Say Your Name

And finally, my mom shared an NPR article with me last week titled “Why Saying is Believing – The Science of Self-Talk.” The article addresses some really interesting research on how self-talk and the words we use impact how we see ourselves.

Towards the end of the article, the researchers talk about how referring to yourself in the third person has a powerful effect on performance. It turns out that we’re a lot more supportive and kinder to ourselves when we say our name versus “I.”

I decided to put this finding into practice during my next run, which just so happened to be the 4.5 miler on Saturday. Around the two mile mark, I felt the urge to walk. So I said to myself, “Come on, Parita, you made the decision to run the entire time today. You can do it!” And then again, at the 3.5 mile mark I really felt like walking, but I didn’t. Instead, I said to myself, “Parita you are stronger than you believe. You can do this. Only one more mile to go!”

And guess what. I didn’t walk at all. I ran the entire 4.5 miles at a pretty decent pace. As crazy as it seems to refer to yourself in the third person, I see why it’s so powerful. When I did it during my run, it felt like someone else was cheering me on – a much nicer person who really believed in my capabilities.

I know it sounds a little kooky, but try it…perhaps during your next workout or before an important presentation/test/interview/meeting.

Do you have any races coming up?
Do you plan out your weekly workouts or do you prefer to go with the flow?

Six Questions to Help Change the Story I Tell Myself

You have the prettiest eyebrows!

The One Thing We Should All Aim to Do More of in 2017

Current Workouts, Half Marathon, and Say Your Name

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