self-love Archives - My Inner Shakti

Six Questions to Help Change the Story I Tell Myself

I shared a pretty vulnerable post on Instagram the other day. It all started with a Super Soul podcast episode I listened to with guest Brene Brown. I had a major a-ha moment while listening. I realized I’m an internalizer. I’ve always known this about myself, but I now have a word to associate with my thinking/behavior.

Before I go on, I should share that I’m not proud of being an internalizer. It’s something I’m trying really hard to change.

For those of you who don’t follow me on IG, an internalizer is someone who takes anything/everything people say/do and internalizes it. A very negative story follows – how you need to change, be different/better, etc. All because of someone else’s behavior.

Pretty silly, huh?

While I wish I could just turn off my internalizer tendencies, it’s not that easy. However, changing the story I tell myself is proving easier to do. Easier being a relative term here!

After I made this connection to the podcast episode, I talked to someone about it, and she shared a series of questions I found super helpful. In fact, I’ve already gone through them in my head on several occasions. And I kid you not, the story I told myself definitely changed. In the past, things would often take a very dramatic and unnecessary turn, but this time, I calmed myself down and took a much more practical approach.

Anyways, these questions are awesome, so I thought I’d share. I know I’m not the only one who tells myself some pretty crazy stories sometimes!

Is there substantial evidence for my thought?
Is there evidence contrary to my thought?
Am I attempting to interpret this situation without all the evidence?
What would a friend thing of this situation and my thoughts about it?
If I look at the situation more positively, how is it different?
Will this matter a year from now? How about five years from now?

The core element to consider here is that our thoughts elicit an emotional response which then triggers our behavior. It’s a cycle that can only be broken by changing our thoughts!

In the past, I would’ve read a post like this and been like “oh cool.” In one ear and out the other. But this time around, I’m making an extra effort to analyze my thoughts before acting out my emotions, and I see a HUGE difference already. It’s definitely one of those things you have to practice over and over again until it become second nature…totally worth it though. More than anything, I’m able to get out of my own head and stay calm.

Changing my world one story at a time!

The Wright Institute: Foundations Weekend

written by Parita 4 Comments

I attended a workshop this weekend hosted by the Wright Foundation [for the Realization of Human Potential]. And when I say I attended, I mean – 6-11 p on Friday and 8a-8p on both Saturday and Sunday. It was full on!

The focus of the weekend was personal transformation and growth, a topic I love and find super interesting. Overall, I enjoyed the workshop, the content, and the people I met. I’m not quite sure if I’ll participate in another (paid) program, but I’m glad I put myself out there and did something that was a little outside my comfort zone.

I thought I would share some of the snippets that impacted and inspired me the most.

Our fears tell us more about who we are, what we can expect from the world, and what the world can expect from us. This plays into loss aversion – anticipating the pain of loss more than the pleasure of gain. Said differently, playing to win versus playing not to lose.
More than happiness, we should seek out well-being, meaning, and incremental self-improvement.
We are the gift to the world. Period. Not our accomplishments, the outcomes of our decisions, etc.
Our goal should be to live life unedited.
Weird is good!
Never confuse impossible with inconvenient! –> LOVE THIS
In order to get people to listen to you, YOU have to listen to you.
Your pain is part of your gift. Denying the pain is denying the gift.
You’re the corner of humanity you have to take care of and be responsible for. Otherwise, you are projecting your insecurities and unfinished BS on to the world.
There’s pain in focusing on your own satisfaction. –> So much truth to this.
Don’t be afraid to unleash the dam [of emotion] because even dams return to become a stream (or river).
When things get good, people stop taking risks. We should flip when things are good!
The more authentically you live, the more you’ll live your purpose.
By being vulnerable and opening up, you’re recruiting allies for your team.

I hope you can find some inspiration in one (or more!) of the above bullets! Happy Wednesday!

Where/what/who do you draw inspiration from?

The One Thing We Should All Aim to Do More of in 2017

written by Parita 10 Comments

As I’ve mentioned before, I don’t have specific 2017 resolutions or goals. However, the one thing I want to do is be more intentional with my time. Like me, lots of people are opting to pick a 2017 word/phrase instead of going down the resolution route.

Regardless of what option you choose (or don’t choose), there is one thing we should all aim to do more of in 2017. As I think more and more about what I want out of this year and the years to come, I need to conquer this one thing before anything else can really be achieved.

In 2017, we should all aim to care more about what we think of ourselves versus what others think of us.

Think about it. You can set as many resolutions/goals as you want, or you can pick a super inspiring word to keep you focused on what matters. But until you care more about (and really own) your thoughts, decisions, actions, etc., none of that really matters. In order to live life on our terms and accomplish great things, big or small, we absolutely need to put ourselves first.

Now don’t get me wrong. Of course other people matter. I still care about what Vishnu, my parents, my sister, and my close friends think because I value their opinions and some of my decisions do impact them. The key here is that their opinions are just that. To live a fulfilling life, and in my case, live up to my 2017 mantra (anything, not everything), I have to love and trust myself more than anyone else around me. I have to believe in myself and take ownership for my decision…regardless of what everyone else thinks.

I’ve found that this is absolutely easier said than done, but it’s also absolutely necessary. It’s necessary if/when you become a parent and are faced with difficult decisions, it’s necessary when you’re deciding what your next career move should be, goodness, it’s even necessary when deciding what to wear in the morning.

When we let other people’s thoughts rule our universe, we’re basically giving up everything we think/want. Don’t let other people’s opinions determine who you are and what you’re capable of…that should be completely up to you!

Your next question may be – how do I do this? How do I stop truly stop putting other people’s thoughts/opinions before my own? Well unfortunately, I don’t have the answer to that. Personally, it all starts with loving and building myself up more instead of doubting, judging, and tearing myself apart. That gives me the strength to focus on myself without obsessing about everyone else.

With all of that being said, please do set goals/resolutions/intentions for 2017 (I personally find it inspiring!), but at the same time, do also aim to care more about what you think/ say/ do/want than anyone else. And remember, it all starts with loving and trusting yourself!

Here’s to an amazing 2017!

What’s Your Power Phrase?

written by Parita 2 Comments

Everyone, and I mean everyone, should have a power phrase!

What’s a power phrase, you ask? Well, it’s the phrase that makes you believe and feel like you can do anything. When repeated over and over again (most likely silently), this phrase will give you the extra boost of confidence you need.

For example, before I have to present or talk in front of a group of people in a more formal setting, I run my power phrase on replay in my mind. It’s crazy how this one phrases erases any trace of doubt (well, almost any trace) I place on my abilities.

What’s your phrase, you ask? Ok, so don’t laugh, but it’s…

This is my house!!!

The next logical question would be, “Why this phrase?” Well, let me explain.

In my last job, a part of one of our development sessions included a three day workshop with trained actors. For those three days, we worked on our energy level, our presence, and our presentation skills. I honestly don’t remember everything we learned (it was five years ago!), but the one thing that really stuck was the tip about having a power phrase. “This is my house” was something one of my colleagues came up with and shared, and I absolutely loved how fun(ny) it sounded in my head and yet how bold it made me feel at the same time. As someone once told me, a confident smile goes a long way!

The thing about power phrases is that they don’t guarantee success. You may still fall flat on your face, but at least you did it with confidence! For example, my power phrase comes into play when dealing with difficult people. It brings me to stand just that much taller. Like with the mean lady at the post office. Did I necessarily walk away owning the interaction? Nope, not at all. But I also didn’t cower in fear. Win!

With all of that being said, tell me – what’s your power phrase?

I am a Hypocrite

written by Parita 32 Comments

The other night, Vishnu called me a hypocrite. And I hate to admit it, but he’s right. Let me explain.

As we were going to sleep on Sunday, he put his arm around my waist. I pushed it away and turned the other way. He asked if everything was ok. Silence. He asked again, and that’s when it all came out. I told him that I didn’t want him touching my fat. He told me I was being ridiculous. We went back and forth for a while, before I burst into tears and said, “I hate my body! I hate it!” I honestly think I stunned my husband…and myself.

Of course this led to a lot of questions but unfortunately no answers. Vishnu asked me to think about what I said from a different perspective. He said, “What if your sister, your mom, or your best friend said what you just did? What would you say to them? Because whatever you would say to them is what you need to say to yourself.” Well for one, I would never tell anyone to hate their body. So yes, I am a hypocrite.

I’ve been thinking about it for the past few days, and I still don’t know why, in that moment, I said I hate my body. I honestly thought I was over this kind of thinking. Hate is such a strong word, and I know I’m better than that.

Vishnu and I ended our conversation with him telling me that I need to change the way I think about myself. And he’s right. This is all part of a mental game I play. And while I’ve come a long way from where I used to be, I still have a lot of work to do. You see, I live a healthy lifestyle – nutritious meals (most of the time) + a variety of workouts. However, the thoughts that sometimes occupy my headspace are not always healthy and positive. I still need to work on the whole self-love thing. I know how important it is, and more importantly, I believe in the power of it.

What bothers me the most is that I write a blog about being positive, maintaining healthy habits, and above all, loving yourself…faults and all. And there I was, in a moment of weakness, proclaiming that I hate my body. I feel like I let all of you who read my blog down. I’m sorry for writing one message and living another.

I’m not quite sure what happens from here…except that I don’t want to be a hypocrite. I don’t ever want to use the word hate and body in the same sentence. I’m ready to enter my thirties with true self-love and respect. It’ll take time, but for once and for all, I’m going to learn to love and accept the body I’ve been given….faults and all!. It’s well deserved.

I know this post isn’t in line with what I usually write about, but I wanted to be honest and make the point that no one is perfect. As I like to say, we are all beautiful works in progress. And while acknowledgement is a great first step, you can’t stop there. At the end of the day, you have to help yourself by challenging the negative thoughts, replacing them with positive ones, and moving forward. This is what I wish for myself and others like me. It’s the only way.

“You are imperfect, permanently and inevitably flawed. We all are. And you are beautiful.” -Amy Bloom

Thank you for reading…and hopefully forgiving me for being a hypocrite. I promise I’m working on it.

Six Questions to Help Change the Story I Tell Myself

The Wright Institute: Foundations Weekend

The One Thing We Should All Aim to Do More of in 2017

What’s Your Power Phrase?

I am a Hypocrite

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