self-help Archives - My Inner Shakti

The Magic of a Pause

Happy Wednesday, y’all! I hope you’re having a good week so far. My week has been pretty standard. Work is fairly busy and home life is well…fun and chaotic as ever! Never a boring day with a toddler around!

I wanted to share a lesson I relearned again this week. After sharing on IG via a story, I thought it was too important not to share here.

You’ve heard me share (and likely have seen elsewhere) that…

Event + Reaction = Outcome

I want to revise this and add a few elements…

Event + Pause + Reaction + Pause + Action = Outcome

First of all, the pause is so critical. This may likely be a three second pause, but nonetheless it’s key to evaluating how you want to act and how you want to take action. Without a pause, you may have a knee jerk reaction which may lead to an action that harms more than it helps.

The pause is starting to come more naturally to me because I talked to my peer coach about this for 12 weeks. We discussed different situations and strategies that I then tried out on a weekly basis. This has been a gamechanger for me because now I can actually separate myself from the event and really think through my reaction and action.

Next, I added action to this equation. While your reaction may as well be your action, I see them as two separate things. For me, my reaction is my emotional response. My action is what I do given the event + my reaction. Thinking of it this way shows me how much power lies in my reaction (my thoughts, beliefs, and feelings).

The less I learned this week had to do with an email I was expecting. I hadn’t heard back from someone after sending two emails, and my mind went to the worst case scenario.

My initial thought was to send a 3rd stern email, but instead of doing that, I thought about what else I could do. That pause gave me the idea to call a good friend who I could talk this out with. After that conversation, I decided to wait until Friday to respond. Lo and behold, I got an email back less than 30 minutes later. The Universe was watching me!

Had I not taken that pause before acting, I would’ve likely pissed someone off and/or lost an important opportunity.

Now if only we could rewind and add a few pauses around past events! You live and you learn though, right?!

Daily Habits to Build Personal and Professional Resilience

written by Parita Leave a Comment

Every now and then, new corporate buzz words will pop up. Some are here to stay and actually have some substance, while others fade with time.

Personally, I think resilience is one of those concepts, and I definitely think it’s here to stay. It’s not something that can just fade way, especially given the way we live our lives now.

I learned more about what resilience means in terms of personal and professional development during the conference I attended in London back in October. One of the speakers for my team’s session was a resilience expert who talked to us about what it is, why it’s important, and how to create more of it on a daily basis. Since then, I’ve been keen to learn more. From what I know, resilience is one of those things that is the result of mindful habits/living.

Ok, first thing’s first. What is resilience? Well according to Alexia Michiels (the speaker) in her book, The Resilience Drive, it’s the range of skills that enable us to bounce back when faced with adversity. It helps us lead a successful and fulfilling life. “Resilient people demonstrate rapid bounce, courage, and creativity; they cultivate healthy connections with themselves, others, and the environment.”

I read The Resilience Drive on the way to London just last week. It’s not so much a true book as it is a pocket guide with over 100 ideas for how to cultivate resilience in our daily lives.

There are five sections based on different areas of self and life. And under each, there are ideas for how to be more resilient.

So, being the nerd that I am, I took notes while reading this on the plane. I wrote down the ideas under each of the five sections that I thought would work for me and/or things that I want to implement in 2020.

Stay calm and rejuvenate
1. Exhale – 4 seconds in and 6 seconds out
2. Close your eyes every now and then
3. Get in child’s pose a few times a day
4. Walk slower (been on my to-do list since I was like 1…ha!)
5. Disconnect from screens and limit screen time
6. Relax before bed (happy to note that I’m starting this in 2019…started meditating using the Head Space app!)

Stimulate your vitality
1. Stretch in the AM – right when you wake up
2. Adjust your posture throughout the day
3. Practice balancing exercises while doing everyday tasks/chores around the house (i.e. folding laundry)
4. Take real lunch breaks (without your laptop and/or phone)
5. Eat slowly
6. Create a sleep routine

Engage your emotions
1. Listen more actively
2. Think about and list out WWW (what went well) every day
3. Actively participate in discussions
4. Find and/or create quick wins for yourself every day

Train the mind
1. Set a daily/weekly intention
2. Schedule email breaks (only check email during specific times of the day)
3. Monotask
4. Keep things simple (stupid) – KISS!

Spirit in action
1. Do one random act of kindness a day
2. Be open to different opinions
3. Meditate (check!)

The book explains more about each of these daily resilience habits. If you’re interested, send me an email or buy the Kindle version off Amazon. It’s a great reference book to have, especially on those tough days where you feel anything but resilient!

No portion of this post is sponsored. However, affiliate links are included. There is no extra cost to you, but I do receive a small commission on anything you buy through my links. Thank you for reading and supporting My Inner Shakti!

Why I Believe ‘The Magic of Thinking Big’ is a Worthwhile Read

written by Parita Leave a Comment

I never in a million years thought that it’d take so long to finish a book. The old me could plow through 300+ pages in a weekend. Now? It takes me weeks if not months. Oh well, at least I’m still trying!

I digress!

Today, I want to share why I believe The Magic of Thinking Big is a worthwhile read along with a caveat to go along with that sentiment.

First and foremost, let me start off by saying that this book really is for everyone, regardless of your line of work, level, etc. In my opinion, it’s about how to be human in achieving success (however you define that for yourself). The suggestions really hit home because they’re rooted in basic values and principles. It’s not about achieving overnight success, but rather about making small, simple, and very practical changes to your thinking and ultimately behavior that will allow you to win people over, be happier, achieve your goals, etc.

Let’s move on to the caveat for a second. The book was written in 1959. This means the stories and examples are very old-school (re: sales, manufacturing, male dominated, etc.). On the surface, they seem very archaic, but when you really think about it, they are things that still apply in our modern day lives. Perhaps now more than ever…? If you can get over this one thing and really allow the simplicity of the book to guide your thinking, I think you’ll gain a lot from it. I know I did!

Without giving away all the wisdom, here are a few points that really hit home for me. As you’ll see, these aren’t complex topics/ideas. It’s just simple stuff that we need to be reminded of more often.

Big people monopolize the listening. Small people monopolize the talking.
Don’t sell yourself short. Think, ‘why not me?’
Always ask, “Is it really important?” Especially before getting worked up.
Be human in your approach. Put people first.
“Life it up.” In your smile, your language, etc.
Always think about how you can add value.
Surround yourself with people who are successful and push you to be better.
How you think about yourself is directly correlated to what you can achieve. Whenever doubt creeps into your mind, think big. Focus on what you can do today, all actions welcome.
It’s not always the smartest person in the room who is the most successful. It’s the person who’s willing to build relationships, work hard, and keep trying no matter how many time he/she fails.
Always give people more than they expect to get.
Action, action, action. Action begets action.
Think about things as they can be not as they are. Visualization elevates your thinking and gets you out of the here and now to the possible.

Believe it or not, this is just a small sliver of everything you can get out of this book. Can’t wait to reread again in the future!

And for those who were holding their breath waiting for me to share my next week, it’s going to be Beartown!!! So excited to dig in!

Your turn – what’s your favorite self-help type book?

A ‘Have To’ List vs. A ‘Get To’ List

written by Parita Leave a Comment

Like so many others, I spent most of yesterday in shock over the horrific mass shooting in Vegas. There are no words to adequately describe how sick to my stomach I felt as we watched the news in the morning and learned more about what happened.

Kaiden was positioned between me and Vishnu on the sofa, and as I looked at him, I couldn’t help but cry and think, “I’m so so sorry for this crazy world, kiddo. I promise we’ll do everything in our power to leave it a better place for you.”

Many people have expressed that prayers and thoughts are not enough in times like this. Times where policy change and a little stepping up on the part of our leaders and politicians could mean the difference between life and death. And while I will never stop praying for and sending positive thoughts to those who need them, I agree that action is the only way forward. Look, I get that the right to bear arms is just that…a right. But when one person’s right can ultimately cost someone else’s life, we need to rethink the entire system. I’m not an expert in the area of gun control laws by any means, but this, to me, isn’t about having all the facts. It’s about using commonsense. And at the end of the day, I’m just someone who wants to leave this world a better place than she found it.

Anyways, I’m looking into what I can personally do to help create change. Maybe it’ll make a difference, maybe it won’t. But I have to try. For Kaiden and all the other beautiful babies who deserve a bright and peaceful future.

One very easy thing all of us can do is contact our legislators. To make the process even easier, you can text ‘RESIST’ to 50409. Follow the instructions to send a personal and powerful message to those who have the opportunity to impact major reform. Enough is enough.

With everything that’s been going on in the world as of late, from natural disasters to the man made ones, I’ve been thinking a lot about the idea of have to vs. get to. Let me explain.

I 100% acknowledge that I live a very privileged life. It’s not perfect by any means, but from a needs based perspective, I don’t have to worry about much. We have a roof over our heads, food on the table, running water, electricity, etc. We are privileged and freaking lucky. I know this.

But then I go through my day thinking about all the things I have to do. I have to do the laundry, I have to make dinner, I have to pump, I have to pay the bills, I have to clean…and the list goes on and on.

When you think about it, for most of us, our ‘have to’ list is a really a ‘get to’ list because of our privilege.

Getting to do laundry means we have clean clothes on our backs.
Getting to make dinner means we have food on the table and full bellies.
Getting to pump means I can feed Kaiden breast milk.
Getting to pay bills means we have gas, electricity, internet, and TV services.
Getting to clean means we have a roof over our heads to keep clean.

There may very well be things on your list that you have to do because there’s no way around them. However, when you put the ‘get to’ spin on them, you’ll feel more grateful about even the most mundane of actions. Like laundry.

Look, I’m not saying it’s easy to live in a state of complete gratefulness day in and day out. But if you can tip the scale to be a little more ‘get to’ heavy, I’d say you’re doing pretty good. 🙂 In the midst of all the chaos, that’s what I’m working on.

Putting the Universe’s Words into Action

written by Parita 5 Comments

My long time readers know I’m a huge fan of Notes from the Universe. It’s been years since I first signed up to receive daily messages from the Universe and haven’t looked back once! While everyone who signs up receives the same messages, I find they come at exactly the perfect time for me. The Universe just knows!

I smiled big when I read the “Perception Management for Very Advanced Souls” note last week. I even shared the message on the MIS Facebook page. And then I thought, easier said than done!

Anyone else agree…?

I mean, I get it. If I could think these thoughts all day every day, I’d be the most peace-filled, zen person on Earth. However, when someone really pisses you off, it’s hard to think, “I love you!” HA!

Well, my sister and I had the opportunity to put these words into action on Friday, and I can now say [when you remember to think these thoughts] they actually work.

Situation: We were driving home from the Honda dealership on Friday afternoon, and someone ran a stop sign (like a bat out of hell). My gut reaction was to yell, “WTF!” But before I could, my sister, who saw my Facebook post, said, “Be careful, friend. We love you.” I looked at her, laughed, and said, “Yes, we love you and forgive you. Just be careful next time.” And then we laughed and laughed some more. More than anything, saying those words out loud, took a very frustrating situation and alleviated it a bit. And who knows, maybe next time our little bat out of hell will think twice before blowing through a stop sign. You know, because we sent so much love his way!

I’m going to try and keep these thoughts at the forefront of my mind this week, as I’m sure I’ll come across a few more ‘WTF’ situations. My goal is to replace my angry thoughts with more loving ones. No easy feat for me, I’ll tell you that! Expect an update in this week’s Friday Favorites post.

With that, I hope each of you has a peaceful week full of loving thoughts. Love you, my friends (never too early to start, right?)!

Be Big in the Little Things

written by Parita 4 Comments

Be big in the little things.

I read this phrase in an airline magazine recently, and it stuck. So much power in six simple words!

The story in the magazine was about a man who lived this phrase day in and day out. He never let the little things get to him and opted to take the high road whenever possible. What a saint!

This got me thinking about how so much of my day to day life is filled with little stresses. The key word is little. I know I recently blogged about meltdowns and feeling overwhelmed, but trust me, I know I have it good. With a little bit of perspective, positive thinking, and gratitude, my stress can (for the most part) be reversed quite easily.

With that being said, the little things are what consume most of our lives on a daily basis. And how we react and behave in these moments is what frames our perspective which, in my opinion, ultimately creates our destiny (to a degree).

So what if we chose to be big in the little things? We chose not to get upset, angry, super duper emotional, etc. What if instead, we saw the small things for what they are…small.

Instead of mumbling/grumbling through the little things, we can actually be big in a very simple way. We can say thank you.

This thought came to me as I was reading another article about living in a constant state of thanks. Essentially, this means saying thank you all the time – not only to other human beings but to inanimate objects as well. By saying thank you (or thinking it) throughout the day, you are acknowledging all of the wonderfulness in your life and creating a positive energy bubble that gets harder and harder to burst as time goes on.

For example (and I kid you not), as I was heading out for work and locking the apartment door, I took a moment to say thank you to our apartment for being such a beautiful and comfortable first home for us in Chicago. I know it sounds silly, but that small act put me in such a good mood. I even withstood the super crowded (and super late) train without silently complaining!

Look, I’m not saying it’s easy to be big in the little things. Sometimes when the little things add up, it’s hard not to be reactive (and a little crazy!). But as I like to say, what’s the alternative? To get upset over every little thing and end up miserable? I didn’t think so!

Happy Wednesday! And don’t forget to be big in as many little things that come your way. 🙂

P.S. THANK YOU to everyone who reached out to me after Monday’s blog post! You guys are plain awesome! I promise I’m doing much better and can’t wait to share the habits/strategies I’m trying! I’m sending big virtual hugs to all of you!

Repeat After Me – Everything is Figureoutable

written by Parita 2 Comments

Figureoutable is not a Parita term. I only heard of it very recently while watching a Marie Forleo Super Soul Sunday episode. This was one of those random things I watched while sitting at my desk and eating lunch, and I honestly didn’t expect for it to impact me as much as it did. In fact, repeating the phrase “everything is figureoutable” over and over again during our move is what kept me sane!

If you want to know what figureoutable means to Marie, watch the episode. To me, it’s a great reminder not to freak out immediately! Even the most challenging situation is figureoutable. You may not like the solution, but it’s there. Something else this word reminds me is that solutions don’t come easy, you have to work for them. You have to figure it out – take a deep breathe, let the emotion go (with time), use your head, and take whatever action feels right to you.

This episode fell into my lap/inbox at the perfect time. My one goal with our move to Chicago was to stay calm and not let the stress get to me. Personally, I think I did a hell of a job…no major arguments with Vishnu, no breakouts, no tears. Win, win win! And trust me, the opportunities for all of those things to happen were there, I just chose not to let them get to me. I focused on the fact that everything is figureoutable!

To bring this made up word to life, I want to share two prime scenarios that come to mind. The first had to do with packing up our car. Vishnu was very skeptical that we could fit all of our stuff into our “tiny” sedan. He stated this multiple times. I, on the other hand and somewhat surprisingly, took a different view. You guessed it – one way or another, everything would be just fine because everything is figureoutable. I kept telling him that if things didn’t fit, we could use UPS to mail them to Chicago, we could donate them, or we could throw away some of the unessential items. We’re two intelligent people, and together we would figure it out. I’m not sure repeating a made up word helped Vishnu, but it did prevent us from arguing, and it did help us when space seemed so limited. We did have to leave a few things behinds, but we were also able to bring along some things that we didn’t expect to. It all worked out!

The second scenario where maintaining the “everything is figureoutable” mindset worked in our favor was when we actually got to Chicago and had to figure out how to get our four large suitcases and 12 boxes home from the Amtrak station. We were unsure as to what to do because multiple trips were necessary, I had to go to work the day our stuff came in, etc. To make a long story short, I quickly stopped the oncoming freak out, took a deep breath, and started throwing out ideas. The one that stuck involved using Task Rabbit (this is a great service that allows you to hire people to do whatever tasks you need doing). I suggested hiring someone with a truck to meet Vishnu at the station and help him bring our stuff home. Lo and behold, we found someone almost immediately, and he was highly rated and very affordable. I honestly don’t think I would’ve been able to think of this random solution without my new mindset.

I recognize that these examples are pretty minor compared to the hard stuff life often throws at us. However, after giving it quite a bit of thought, I’m convinced that a figureoutable mindset can help us get through the toughest of times. Like I said before, you may not like the solution, but it’s there.

Repeat after me – “Everything is “figureoutable.”

What mantra helps get you through stressful/tough times?

The Magic of a Pause

Daily Habits to Build Personal and Professional Resilience

Why I Believe ‘The Magic of Thinking Big’ is a Worthwhile Read

A ‘Have To’ List vs. A ‘Get To’ List

Putting the Universe’s Words into Action

Be Big in the Little Things

Repeat After Me – Everything is Figureoutable

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