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Raising a Kid with Doctor Dad

Raising a Kid with Doctor Dad

written by Parita 3 Comments

I like to joke that medicine is Vishnu’s mistress.  A mistress that I’ve come to accept and befriend.  Ha!  She’s been a part of our lives since we starting dating almost 14 years ago.  And she’ll be around until Vishnu retires.  Who am I kidding?  She’ll be around forever.

When it was just us, it was easier to work with and around Vishnu’s med school journey (studying, boards, residency application/matching process, etc.).  Now that we have Kaiden, it’s a whole different ball game.  But we’re learning to navigate this path just like we have all the others.

Before I share more, let me set some context…

When we had Kaiden, Vishnu had just started his 2nd year of Radiology residency (overall year 3 if you count intern year).  He’s now in his 3rd year, and we have one more to go.  After he finishes residency, he’ll complete one year of fellowship because he wants to specialize in a particular area of Radiology.  Once he’s done with all of this training, he start working as an attending.  Phew!

I’m not going to lie.  From a significant other’s perspective, this journey has been exciting, challenging, frustrating, etc.  I mean, I knew what I was getting into when we started dating and later married, but nothing can really prepare you for the ups and downs.

Raising a Kid with Doctor Dad

Vishnu wanted me to share that we do use bed sheets and a comforter.  They were being washed at the time this picture was taken.  

I will caveat this by saying I know we have it better than a lot of other people out there.  My heart specifically goes out to the military families who deal with deployments, uncertainty, and long periods of time without seeing each other. 

Something that often dictates how we schedule our time and how our days/evenings run is Vishnu’s schedule.  And it changes by the month and every now and then even by the week.  This means that sometimes he has to be at the hospital by 7:00 and sometimes not until 7:30.  If it’s the latter, he’s able to drop Kaiden off at daycare.  If not, it’s all me!  I don’t mind the variances when they’re limited to daytime hours.  Nights are something else altogether!  When Vishnu’s on nights, he leaves the house at 6:30 pm and comes back the next morning around 8 am.  His shifts run Sunday night through the following Saturday morning.  The reason I truly dislike nights is because they eat up our weekends, since Vishnu needs to fit in rest at some point.  Another game changer is call.  For Vishnu’s hospital, these are the Saturday/Sunday shifts they do.  Saturdays are usually 24 hour (7 am – 8 am) and Sundays are 12 hour (8 am – 7 pm).  I hate 24 hour Saturdays.  HATE!  And I don’t think I need to explain why!

Other than the weekly/monthly variances, we also deal with holiday shifts.  The past two years were rough, especially around the holidays.  But oh well!  What can you do?  I’m hoping the final year of residency (next year) is as chill as they say it is.  Fingers crossed!

Another aspect of all of this is the uncertainty that comes with the residency and fellowship matching process.  It’s not a given that you’ll end up where you want to be in terms of city.  For us, Kaiden wasn’t here when we matched in Chicago for residency.  But now that we’re on to the fellowship process, he’s definitely something we’re taking into consideration, since he’ll be three at the start of it.

With all of this being said, we are always trying to be more aware of how we spend our time, especially on the weekends.  In the past, we’ve always let med school/residency/etc. take precedence over all else.  Now that we have Kaiden, we recognize that if we don’t bring intention to everything we do, these first few years of his life will fly by, and we’ll have big regrets later.  For us, this looks like visiting the museum, going out to eat as a family, taking trips (definitely need to get better about this one!), etc.  Vishnu’s committed not to let board studying (pretty much the first half of 2019) be his only priority.  As is the case with everything, it’s a work in progress, but we’re trying!

Raising a Kid with Doctor Dad

The other side of all of this is accepting and acknowledging that this is all short term (although it doesn’t always feel like it).  We’ll be settled somewhere in a few years, and I’m pretty sure we’ll miss pieces of the residency/fellowship journey.

Another aspect, for me at least, is accepting a few things and being ok with them (most of the time).  For us, this means that I’m pretty much the primary parent.  I’m also the one who schedules doctor’s appointments, activities, home stuff, etc.  Some days I’m filled with gratitude and more than happy to take it all on, and some days…well, I’m not.  Positive self-talk really does wonders.  I have to remind myself that Vishnu’s not out having fun…he’s at work, studying, etc.  And truth be told, Vishnu actually does a lot more than I would be able to do if the roles were reversed.  He does a great job balancing everything, especially fatherhood and husbandhood.  In fact, he’s the one who’s constantly thinking of new things for us to do and try, new places to take Kaiden, etc.

Raising a Kid with Doctor Dad

Many people think the doctor life is glamorous and easy, especially for the significant other, but I’m here to tell you it’s not.  I have lots of friends who are doctors and/or are married to one, and glamor is so far from the reality of this journey.  It takes a lot of dedication, compromise, resiliency, and faith to get to the end of training, and I imagine those same things continue to carry you forward well after.

So yeah, we’re 17 months in and pretty much agree that Kaiden should not go into medicine.  HA!  Jussssstttt kidddddinggggg!  At least I am.  Vishnu’s determined to guide him down a different path.  We shall see!

Written on November 29, 2018 Related:motherhood, Parenthood, Uncategorized

The story of us - year 13

The Story of Us – Year 13

written by Parita 8 Comments

I’ve shared a lot of stories on MIS over the years.  Like A LOT!  And most of them have involved Vishnu in some way, but the story I haven’t shared is the one about how we met and eventually started dating.  Until now that is…

And the best part is today’s our 13 year dating anniversary!

PV the story of us - year 13

Vishnu and I met for the first time in January 2005 during a ski trip organized by four of the major universities in Georgia (I went to the University of Georgia and he went to Georgia Tech).  He even hung out in our hotel room for a bit, but I didn’t talk to him.  Haha.  The one thing I remember is that he was wearing a Batman t-shirt.  Guess what?  That shirt’s in my closet now!

Fast forward to February 4, 2005.  The day we met (again) and actually talked to each other!

Vishnu came to Athens with our mutual friend Kartik for UGA’s annual Indian Cultural Exchange (ICE) formal.  The backstory is that Vishnu was originally just my friend Monica’s date.  I was supposed to go with my friend Atul, but he couldn’t make it because of an exam.  To make a long story short, Vishnu ended up being both mine and Monica’s date.

On Friday night (the night before the formal), a bunch of us ended up hanging out at our apartment.  Kartik and Vishnu stayed the night at our place.  The next morning, Vishnu and I watched a Bollywood movie together (Aitraaz) because I wanted to and he was there.  I always joke that Vishnu tricked me that morning because here I was, a Bollywood princess, thinking this cool guy from Tech was also into Bollywood.  Turns out he was into Priyanka Chopra.  Ha!

The year of us - year 13

That night we all went to the formal and had a blast.  Vishnu and I even slow danced together to a Bryan Adams song.  It was more goofy than romantic but still a fun memory!

After the formal, a bunch of us went to iHop, and on the way back to our apartment, Vishnu casually asked for both mine and my roommate’s phone number.  At this point, I didn’t think anything of it because we literally just met.  He was obviously already in love with me!

Over the next few months, we met up when we could and talked on the phone A LOT.  In fact, during one of those months, we blew through something like 6,000 minutes.

The story of us - year 13

It wasn’t until summer break when I started my internship in Atlanta and Vishnu started summer classes in the city when we started hanging out more frequently and by ourselves.  He was even my ‘date’ to my company’s annual summer event.

Sometime in June things started to change, and I started having feelings for Vishnu.  I remember the exact moment I thought, “Hey, I really like this guy!”  Before said movie started, I got up to go to the restroom, and as I was walking away, Vishnu said something funny.  I laughed and realized that he was no longer just my friend Vishnu.

Of course, I kept that little tidbit of information to myself.

Then a few days before the 4th of July, we made plans to grab dinner and watch the fireworks together.  Something felt different that night.  Vishnu was much more touchy feely and playful.  I thought it was a little weird but didn’t want to make any assumptions.

PV 13 years later

July 4, 2005!

After the fireworks, we decided to grab some dessert at Cafe Intermezzo (our fav place!).  We somehow got into a discussion about how our friends thought we were dating because we hung out all the time, etc., etc.  It basically ended with how we didn’t want to ruin our friendship…sooo no dating!  Vishnu dropped me off at my car and that was that.  Or so I thought.

On my way home, I was talking to my best friend Roshni about my ‘date’ and all the weirdness when I got a call from Vishnu.  I said hi.  He asked, “Soooo has dating crossed your mind?”  I said, “Ummmm yes.”  He said, “Ok, cool.”  And that was that!  With that question, we officially started dating and the rest is history!

The story of us - year 13

Legally married!

The past 13 years have been full of ups, downs, long distance, business school, medical school, residency, new jobs, a trillion moves, a beautiful baby, etc.  And you know what, while it’s been an amazing ride so far, I know the best is yet to come!  Especially with my best friend and main man by my side!  Happy 13, babe!

Your turn – How long have you and your significant other known each other?  

Written on July 4, 2018 Related:Relationships, Uncategorized

Mexico 66 Birch White Onitsuka Tigers

A Pair of Onitsuka Tigers Made Me Cry

written by Parita 6 Comments

Let me start by saying that those who know me best will likely not be surprised by this story.  It’s very Parita.

So Vishnu is a huge fan of the Asics Onitsuka Tiger line of shoes.  He has at least five different pairs.  If you’re not familiar with it, it’s a street sneak that comes in lots of different colors and style variations.

Up until this past year, I’ve never really been interested in owning a pair of Onitsuka Tigers.  Vishnu even bought me a pair he found on sale, and while I loved his thoughtfulness, the style just wasn’t my favorite.  They’re now my errand shoes. 🙂

With that being said, after searching high and low for my perfect casual sneaker, I found the PERFECT pair of Tigers.  These bad boys checked every box.  Neutral color scheme, not too bulky/wide, and decent price point.

You’d think I’d just hit the purchase button, but for some reason, I couldn’t.  The thought of buying these shoes made me feel guilty.  I have no explanation because I bought plenty of other things at higher price points so it wasn’t about the money.

Anyways, by the time I was ready to make these my own, every website was out of my size – Asics, Amazon, Zappos, you name it.  Vishnu told me he would keep an eye out and hit that purchase button as soon as he could.

And then…we had a baby and life got busy.  New shoes were no longer a priority.

Fast forward to Saturday afternoon.  Vishnu, Kaiden, and I went to brunch, and on our way back, I took a little detour to Michigan Ave to run a few errands while the boys headed home.  When I walked into the apartment, Vishnu asked me what size my first pair of Tigers are.  I told him, and he responded by telling me to check and make sure.  I opened our shoe closet, found the shoes, checked the size, and told him again.  I could tell he was trying to get to something but couldn’t figure out what.  When he realized I wasn’t getting it, he got up, walked over to me, reached into the closet, and pulled out a brand new pair of Tigers…the very ones I’d been eyeing for months!!!

Mexico 66 Birch White Onitsuka Tigers

What did I do?

Welllll…I burst into tears.  You guys, I had HUGE tears running down my face for at least 3-5 minutes.  It was a little ridiculous!

Vishnu, knowing full well this was a very Parita reaction, was still a bit surprised.  So he did two very Vishnu like things.  He hugged me and laughed.  While I cried and asked why he’s so nice to me.

I chalk all of this up to Vishnu’s thoughtfulness and…the last bit of pregnancy hormones that have yet to leave my body.  Ha!

But seriously, how cute is my hubby?  And how dramatic am I?

Also, if you can find your size, get these shoes because they’re awesome.  Also, we can be shoe twins! 🙂

Written on August 28, 2017 Related:Fashion, Marriage, Relationships

5 year anniversary

5 Years of Love, Laughter, and Driving Each Other a Little Crazy

written by Parita 2 Comments

Today is mine and Vishnu’s wedding anniversary!  5 years of love, laughter, and driving each other a little crazy.  And I wouldn’t change any of it for the world!

On our wedding day, I remember thinking, “This is the BEST day of my life.  I’m marrying my best friend.”  And while it was an amazing day and so special in so many ways, I now know how wrong I was.  It wasn’t the best day of my life.

Every day since, no matter how hard or crazy, has been the best.  Waking up next to him is the best. Eating with him is the best.  Watching TV with him is the best.  Running errands with him is the best.  Cooking with him is the best.  Yes, even arguing with him is…ok so not the best, but there’s no one else I’d rather bicker with!  Basically, doing life with him is the BEST.

And soon enough navigating parenthood with him will be the best!

Love you, boo!  Here’s to the past 5 years and the lifetime ahead of us!

5 year anniversary

The start of the rest of our lives!

5 year anniversary

Honeymooning!

5 year anniversary

Year 1 in the books!

5 year anniversary

Babymooning!

[Insert year 5 picture]

Year 5 in the books!

 

Written on June 30, 2017 Related:Life, Marriage, Relationships

Why do you love me?

Why Do You Love Me?

written by Parita 2 Comments

As you guys know, I’m obsessed with This is Us.  Tuesdays bring a sense of pure happiness (because I love the show so much) and a sense of dread (because I know the tears will be flowing).  The past few weeks were no different, as I sobbed my way through most every episode.  Such a human show!

The season finale aired this past week, and while it didn’t induce as many tears, the last five minutes were as equally heartbreaking as they were heartwarming.  No worries, I’m not going to give anything away!

Two of the main characters get into a heated argument and one asks the other, “Why do you love me?”  At first, there is no response, but then the next morning, this particular character blows us away, as he always does, with his answer.  That’s when my tears start!

Why do you love me?

 

After the episode ended, I looked at Vishnu and asked, “Why do you love me?”  Without an ounce of hesitation, he said, “I love you because you make me feel more like me than anyone I’ve ever known.”

[Cue more tears!]

My husband is the sweetest man ever (when he wants to be!), and with that answer, I’m pretty sure he could be on the This is Us writing staff!

Happy Friday, all!  And when you say I love you to the special people in your life, be sure to tell them why.  It’ll make their day!

Written on March 17, 2017 Related:Marriage, Relationships, Uncategorized

Weekly Marriage Meeting

Weekly Marriage Meeting

written by Parita Leave a Comment

I’d like to think that after over four years of marriage Vishnu and I are pretty good communicators and generally know what we each need to do to keep our household running.  But then out of nowhere, a great idea presents itself.

When my sister and her husband came over for dinner the other night, they talked about their weekly marriage meeting.  This is something they recently implemented to stay on the same page every week.  With two incredibly demanding schedules, it’s easy to focus on work and put your marriage and essential tasks on the back burner.  Especially as newlyweds.

What’s a weekly marriage meeting you ask?  Well, it’s exactly what it sounds like.  It’s a 30 ish minute weekly meeting where you come together as a couple and do some or all of the following…

  • Give a general update on your weekly happenings
  • Share something your partner did that you really appreciated
  • Review the previous week’s goals
  • Set a few key goals for the coming week
  • Discuss financials and anything related to your family budget
  • Meal plan together

Personally, this is right up my alley.  I love setting (and achieving) goals, meal planning, etc.

Weekly Marriage MeetingEven if you’re nothing like me, hear me out. Relationships are hard work and require special attention.  I think that’s something we can all agree on.  I also think we can agree on the fact that it’s easy to take your significant other for granted every now and again.  It’s not intentional of course, but when you see each other everyday, it’s easy to make everything but your love a priority.  These meetings help avoid that!

If you’re still not convinced, how about this – your relationship is like your job.  It requires you to set goals, check in regularly, acknowledge what’s working well, provide constructive feedback, etc.  A good friend said this to me once, and it really stuck.  I would never let my responsibilities at work to fall to the wayside, so why would I do that to my most precious relationship.  Am I right or am I right?!

Anyways, now that you’re convinced that you and your significant other need to hold weekly meetings, here are a few ground rules to ensure your meetings are productive.

  • Schedule your meetings so that everything else revolves around them.  And don’t cancel!
  • Put your phone and anything else that could prove to be a distraction away.
  • Sit together.  Side-by-side.  It’s more intimate!
  • Always keep an open mind and frame everything in a positive way.  This is not the time to bring your grievances to the table.  Schedule a separate meeting for that!

In all honestly, Vishnu and I did a lite version of this for a couple of weeks (and actually enjoyed it).  We didn’t follow rule #1 so that’s probably why the concept didn’t stick. But with a new year upon us in a few short weeks, I’m ready to bring weekly marriage meetings back.  Wish us luck!

Do you and your significant other do something similar?  What are you tips and tricks for staying on the same page when life gets in the way?

Written on November 17, 2016 Related:Marriage, Relationships, Uncategorized

selfie by the Chicago River

Year One of Radiology Residency – It’s All About Your Mindset

written by Parita 12 Comments

We’re four months in to year two of residency, and dare I say, it’s been so easy.  Well, it’s been easy for me.  Vishnu would likely disagree!

The main caveat to consider is Vishnu started year one (year two overall) of Radiology residency.  Radiology, while intense in terms of the learning curve, is more lifestyle friendly than other fields like internal medicine, surgery, etc.  That’s not to say he won’t ever be on call or have to do nights. That’s all coming soon (unfortunately), but the first few months resemble a 7-5 type schedule.  This is not typical in medicine!

selfie by the Chicago River

With that being said, we’re really trying to enjoy our time together, especially the weekday time.  Once weekend call and nights start, things will be a bit different.  And beyond that, year two and three (of Radiology) are supposedly pretty tough schedule wise (still not that bad comparatively).  But let’s not go there yet!

When my friend Sweeti was here this past weekend, we talked about medical relationships and how hard they can be sometimes.  Sweeti is a physician and her husband is currently finishing up fellowship (last year of the journey).  Because her husband is always at the hospital and she’s currently taking some time off before she starts work in January, she’s going through what I experienced last year.  She said she often wonders about how I got through the first few years (med school and intern year).  I was flattered to hear this, even though I haven’t always handled everything so well. Regardless, this got me thinking about how I managed and continue to stay [somewhat] positive through residency, especially with the constant schedule changes and moving (although no more moving for the next four years!).

I wanted to write about my conversation with Sweeti because I think it applies to any and every situation life presents us with.

It’s all about your mindset.  Period.

If you let your mind dwell on the negative aspects of what you’re facing, that’s all you will ever see.  If you choose to put a positive spin on things, and focus on the silver linings (even if they aren’t part of your ideal state), your situation won’t appear as gray.  Such a simple and easy to understand concept, yet it’s so hard to put into practice.  But really, what’s the alternative?  I mean, don’t get me wrong.  Go low if you need to.  Just don’t stay there.  Find your way back to the top and look for the little rays of sunshine.  They’re there.  I promise!

Even though we’ve moved a million times in the past few years.  Even though Vishnu spent our first year of marriage locked up in the guest room studying.  Even though we often have to attend important events solo.  Even though I hate going to bed alone (it scares me!).

It’s all worth it when I hear Vishnu talk about what he’s doing at work.  It’s all worth it when I think about the future we’re building for ourselves…slowly but surely.  It’s all worth it because we make the most of the time we do spend together.

Whenever I think about this whole mindset thing, I’m reminded of this quote.  So powerful, so true, so profound!

Be careful of your thoughts, for your thoughts become your words. Be careful of your words, for your words become your actions. Be careful of your actions, for your actions become your habits. Be careful of your habits, for your habits become your character. Be careful of your character, for your character becomes your destiny. — Chinese proverb, author unknown 

So guys, choose the best thoughts possible!  Even when it’s hard.  You and your destiny are better off for it!

Written on October 19, 2016 Related:Life, Marriage, Relationships, Uncategorized

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