My Inner Shakti

finding strength in everyday things

Where Do We Go From Here + Life Updates

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I think we’re now at day 95 in quarantine. CRAZY! I’ve obviously stopped sharing frequent updates like I said I would…because well, the past few weeks have been filled with a lot of conversation, reading, introspection, etc.

It’s actually not hard to believe how much our country and some parts of the world have changed since George Floyd’s murder. I’m proud of all the people protesting and demanding change, and I’m also glad the momentum isn’t slowing down, especially online. We have quite a way to go, but I’m praying this is the start of a movement bigger than any of us could have imagined.

We’ve watched the documentary 13th on Netflix and Just Mercy (based on a true story), and I plan to read So You Want to Talk About Race soon. I also bought a few books for Kaiden that will hopefully spark some insightful conversations with him. All things that should’ve been done sooner, but I’m trying to take the necessary steps to educate myself on systemic racism and how we can dismantle it.

There’s so much more I can and want to say about this, but it’s going to have to come in pieces because I want to craft my thoughts thoughtfully. As I’ve come to see on social media, when the conversation doesn’t remain factual and respectful, no one benefits.

I will leave you with this…PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do your part in helping to influence change now and in the future. Signing a petition or calling representatives may not seem like a big deal to you, but when we do them as a collective, they have a big impact. So many laws have been created or overturned as a result of every day people demanding change. Take a few minutes and just do it!

Life Updates

There’s no easy way to transition from that, but I wanted to share some life updates since the last time I posted.

For starters, the BIG update…VISHNU GRADUATED RESIDENCY LAST WEEK! Yay. It’s really such a huge accomplishment for him (and us a family). The past five years haven’t been the smoothest, but we did what we had to, and I’m just so proud of him for not only getting through this time, but doing it with such grace. He has one more year of training left (fellowship), and then we’re done done! Woo!

Kaiden enjoying his dada’s gradutation cake (Honey What’s Cooking chocolate depression cake made by my sissy!)

That may be my only BIG update to date. I’ve had some work wins here and there, and I love that we’re trying to address racism, discrimination and bias. I’m working with some passionate coworkers on different projects, and it just feels good to know we’re doing something that may impact the long term trajectory for our people around the world.

Other than that, Kaiden is nap time potty trained, which feels huge to us!

Well, that’s all she wrote because she (me) is tired!

I’m going to try and post here more regularly because I do enjoy sharing my off the cuff and random thoughts here.

Happy Thursday – make it a good one…

Days 58-74: Same Old But Lots to Think About

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I think my day count is right. Who knows at this point. I still can’t believe we’re 70+ days into our shelter in place. I naively thought we’d be ‘out of it’ much sooner.

With that being said, our days at home pretty much look like days 1-58. Still trying to juggle working with parenting. Still trying to juggle mine and Vishnu’s needs for time and space. Still trying to naturally squeeze in learning for K…in the form of every day activities and conversations. Still (sometimes) feel guilty for all the TV he watches, although he is definitely showing more learning comprehension from both the shows he watches and the books we read. So there is that. Oh and we still have a huge family love for all of our Where’s Waldo books. I think we’re up to 6 now! After I ordered two more, Vishnu ordered another two. Ha!

Other than that, we’re pretty much living the same old routine and life. I do try to spice things up with ‘fun’ activities. Most of which work well the first time around and by the 2nd or 3rd time, K is over it and wants to just run around. Ha!

Work is going well. We have a few big events/meetings next week and things should hopefully calm down a little (ish!). While it’s still super challenging to find time to sit down and just work (between calls and Kaiden), I ‘think’ I’m finding a rhythm that works for me. I call it the 24/7 work week where all days/times are open for working. I know that doesn’t work for everyone, but it does for me. It gives me more flexibility in terms of when I can get things done. Unless it’s time sensitive, I try and fit things in where and when I can. And that maybe on Thursday morning or Saturday afternoon. Thankfully my organisation supports this (at least for now), so I’m going with it.

Speaking of work, my friend Ruchika from @meditatingmommy invited me to do a IG Live with her. We actually did it yesterday but you can find the playback on Ruchika’s profile. We talked about being a mom/working mom at this time, setting boundaries, and how to say no. It was a great conversation, and I hope you’ll give it a listen.

Thought I’d share a fun K picture before taking this super deep…

It’s sad and crazy to think about how we’ve been quarantining in our home, three black Americans were murdered for no damn reason other than the color of their skin. It’s sickening, and it needs to stop.

These recent ‘events’ have given me a huge pause. Like what are we doing in this country. Not only are we being taken over by a deadly virus and all the behaviors and inequity that comes with that, but now police brutality and racism and hatred are showing up over and over again.

The problem seems so much bigger than any one of us. And that’s what always gets me. I get caught up in the, “What can I do?” mindset. And I’ve realized that there’s plenty we as individuals can do. We can ask more of our government officials. We can have open conversations with friends and family members. We can open up our homes for our kids to ask questions and learn in a safe space. We can make sure their books are diverse and talk about inequality, etc. We can make sure our group of friends reflects the world around us.

The bottom line is we can do something. It may not make a difference today or tomorrow, but I truly believe if every person took these things into consideration and did something to bring awareness, lessen judgment, eradicate hate, we could get somewhere.

Man, there’s so much I want to say about this. And look, I’m not perfect, but I’m just thinking about my childhood and everything I’ve experienced and the decisions I’ve made to date, and it all adds up.

I once had a conversation with a follower who’s now more like a friend who said that we (as in immigrants to the US) owe our success to black Americans. This is not to say other races have not been met with difficulty, hardship, etc. What we discussed was that it was that much easier for our parents and others who came here because they had people who went through/were going through/are going through the struggle, the oppression, the racism.

Any POC who says they know what black Americans go through/feel is a liar. No you don’t. Again, this is not to say your struggle is less than, but you don’t know the fear – for your family and friends, your children.

I read something from a black mom who said that she doesn’t want her son to be a hashtag. Let that sink in.

Anyways, enough rambling from me. It’s late now. I should go to bed. But I had to share these thoughts because I refuse to remain silent and feel helpless.

With that, I hope you have a good weekend.

Days 50-57: Let’s Play Catch-up

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Another week behind us, and another week where I didn’t blog as frequently as I wanted. Mostly because I don’t have time but when I do, I’d rather sit and watch TV with Vishnu!

Anyways, let’s play a bit of catch-up on what’s been going around our apartment these days…

In no particular order…

Mother’s Day 2020

Mother’s Day 2020 – Overall, we had a great weekend. I got to do a few things for me and spend lots of QT with my two boys! We had yummy food, I got to read a bit of my new book, I napped when K napped, I worked out. Not too shabby given the current circumstances!

Par cuts Kaiden’s hair

Speaking of Mother’s Day, I cut Kaiden’s hair for the first time! We got this kit from Costco, watched many YouTube videos but found this one to be most helpful, and got to work. This is the first time I’ve ever done something like this (using the buzzer on Vishnu’s hair doesn’t count), and I was just so proud that it actually looked good! We didn’t want to use the buzzer on Kaiden, so a scissor only cut it was…which is why I was so sure I was going to mess up. But that YouTube video gave me all the confidence and tips I needed.

Virtual baby shower

Have you guys attended an virtual events yet? We attended our first virtual baby shower this past weekend and it was so fun. Nothing like a real in-person party, but we still made the most of it and had a blast. Vishnu and I even won a baby Jeopardy game (go figure!).

Meditation for Kids book launch event

I also attended Tejal V. Patel’s book launch event, and let me tell you – it has me so motivated to bring meditation into all of our lives in full force! Vishnu and I talked about it afterwards and we are both in agreement that this is something as important as learning your numbers, letters, shapes, and colors. As Kaiden grows up, we want him to have a toolkit full of resources that will help him navigate his emotions and thoughts. But we also understand that in order for this to happen, we need to model what it looks like or at least go on the journey with him. So we’re committing to this as a family! Wish us luck!

I highly recommend checking out her book, Meditation for Kids, if you’re interested in this as well. Easy to understand and follow with 40 exercises to engage your child. It’s truly amazing!

Trader Joe’s

I made my first Trader Joe’s fun in eight weeks on Friday! To say, I was excited would be an understatement, as would say I blew our weekly grocery budget out of the water. Oops! My one product recommendation after this trip would be the Chili Onion Crunch. It goes with EVERYTHING! It’s condiment that’s spicy, crunchy, and just plain delicious. Vishnu also loved it. Next time I go to TJs, I’m going to have to grab like five bottles!

Mama Mina’s care package

Speaking of food, my mom sent us a couple of care packages filled with Indian snacks. So sweet and thoughtful of her, my dad, and my ba (grandmother) who all worked super hard to get everything ready. This just goes to show that a mom’s love never lessens with time. In fact, I think my thinks about me and my sister more now that we’re older! I’ve been having so much fun snacking on so many different and delicious things. My favorite little treat are the kachoris she sent. I eat them with ketchup or the red chutney I found in my freezer (also made by my mom at some point!). THANK YOU, MA/DAD/BA!

Little Fires Everwhere

Have you seen Little Fires Everywhere? If not, you need to! Vishnu and I finished the six episode Hulu show over the weekend. I read the book almost two years ago, and I wasn’t impressed with the show at first (too slow, I think), but then the second half picked up and it was on fire! Reese Witherspoon and Kerry Washington are the two leads, and they were spectacular. They brought the whole story to life! Highly recommend this one!

Becoming (the documentary)

I also started watching the Becoming documentary on Netflix but had to stop because it was late and I was tired. Just the first few minutes had me tearing up though! Can’t wait to watch the whole thing.

Where’s Waldo?

If you follow me on Instagram, you know that Kaiden is now obsessed with Where’s Waldo? He loves looking for Waldo, Waldo’s sister (Wanda), Bad Waldo, and Santa Claus (the wizard). And I would be lying if I said Vishnu and I weren’t into it because we are…big time! I wasn’t sure if he would find any joy in looking for tiny characters on a very densely illustrated page, but he loves it and it keeps his attention for more than two minutes…so win win win all around! Highly recommend checking out the books if you have a toddler. I think most would enjoy.

We have this one, this one, and this one.

The Power of Showing Up

I recently finished The Power of Showing Up. This is a parenting book more focused on the parents than the kids themselves. It’s about secure attachment, why it’s important, and how to build it. If you like reading about the psychology of parenting (I’m obsessed!), this one is for you!

The Gifted School

So now I’m on to The Gifted School, and it’s definitely an interesting read so far. I’m only 50 or so pages in but I’m excited to see where it goes. Hard to tell at this point, but I feel like it’s going to be a good one.

Reading goal

Out of the top three things I do for me and me alone at this time – exercising, working out, and reading – I feel like reading is the one that feels less like a chore. It still brings me so much joy, and the books are sort of an escape from our reality. All of that to say that I’ve committed to at least 5 minutes of daily reading. So far, I’ve been reading for 15-30 minutes, but 5 is my minimum. Woo hoo! Here’s to reaching my 20 books in 2020 goal!

That’s all I’ve got right now! Tell me how you’re doing. Hope things are well, but feel free to tell me if they’re not. Big hugs!

No portion of this post is sponsored.  However, affiliate links are included. There is no extra cost to you, but I do receive a small commission on anything you buy through my links.  Thank you for reading and supporting My Inner Shakti!

Days 47-49: A Hard Parenting Weekend

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If you’ve ever felt that I paint a pretty picture about life and motherhood, I hope this post sets the record straight.

This weekend was one for the books in terms of how hard it was (in recent memory). It’s hard to tell what’s bothering Kaiden because he can’t express himself articulately at that level yet, but whatever it was, it was a doozy. He was melting down left and right over the smallest things (and that’s when we could figure out what was bothering him) – drop of water on his shirt, having to wash his hands, me wearing my Apple watch, etc.

While he is an emotional child, his meltdowns are usually short-lived. I’m wondering if has something to do with the current situation. I didn’t think he really got it, but perhaps having to stay inside for 6 weeks has had an impact.

I just feel for him because he’s usually my happy boy. Vishnu and I are just trying to stick to our boundaries and talking him through each situation as it unfolds. I’m hoping in a couple of weeks something clicks and he understands that we can talk about somethings versus cry and scream about them. Wish us luck!

With that, here’s are some weekend highlights…

Friday

  • Virtual game night with some friends. We played Codenames, and it was really fun and a lot more seamless than I thought it would be.
  • Happy Camper pizza for dinner. I got the veggie loaded pie and it was DELISH! This is some of the best pizza I’ve had in Chicago. If you’re a deep dish fan, take this with a grain of salt. Otherwise, try it if you get the chance.
  • Family walk around the neighborhood. Kaiden sat in his stroller for most of it, but then we unleashed the beast towards the end so he could burn some energy!

Saturday

  • Workout with Vishnu. We did a Has Fit HIIT workout – a great one to do with someone else. You don’t need a ton of room and could easily use soup cans or water bottles if you don’t have light weights.
  • Meltdowns galore (see intro to the post)…no need for me to elaborate here!
  • Wine, cheese, and movie night with Vishnu. MUCH MUCH MUCH NEEDED!
  • Some outdoor time with K. In the morning we spent some time on our balcony, and in the afternoon, we attempted another family walk. As soon as we stepped outside our building, it starting raining. We made our way upstairs, while dealing with another meltdown, and by the way we got to our place, it stopped raining. Go figure! We did manage to get some time on our balcony (much needed!).
  • I made Table of Spice’s chocolate banana bread in muffin form (again!). Kaiden loves this recipe, and I make it with 4 bananas and only 2 tablespoons of sugar…so technically it’s healthy, right?!

Sunday

  • Cleaning of bathrooms by yours truly. Even though I hate this task, it is technically alone time…so I’ll take it?!
  • Another family walk. The weather in Chicago was on fire this weekend!
  • I made Peas and Crayons Tortilla Soup and felt comfort and happiness with every spoonful. I’ve been making this for a couple of years now, and it’s absolutely delicious and virtually fool-proof.

Hoping for a better week for all of us! Make it a good one 🙂

Day 46: All We Have is Now

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I was talking to one of my good friends the other night. She has two toddler girls, a demanding a job, and a husband with a demanding job. Her experience so far has been chaotic and messy. And as you all know, mine hasn’t exactly been a piece of cake (but whose has?!).

We were laughing about how hard this is at time and how we would do anything to go back to days like the ones we had before – long commutes, packed weekends…the hustle and bustle days as I like to call them. We just didn’t appreciate them for what they were. We took them for granted because we never imagined a situation like this one.

The flip side of this Corona coin is that while the past is in the past, the future is so uncertain. For us, we have no clue when we’ll get to see our parents again. Heck, I don’t know when I’ll see my sister and BIL. Not anytime soon. And that just makes me sad. I don’t care if I have to wear a mask everywhere I go, or if I can’t go to my favorite restaurants/stores/whatever, but let me see my family! And to be honest, I think this has been the hardest part for me. The uncertain future and not knowing when it’ll be ‘safe’ to see the people I love again.

That’s all to say that the Coronavirus is truly teaching us that all we have is the now. And we need to appreciate it for all it’s worth. Because I bet there will be a day (in the future) where we long for the days home with our kids, no commutes, lazy afternoons, regular movie nights, etc.

When life gets messy, do somersaults!

Other day 46 happenings:

  • Bollywood lost yet another iconic actor – Rishi Kapoor. Just a day after the death of Irffan Khan. So sad. Both were so incredibly talented and had so much life in front of them.
  • I made a yummy pasta for dinner (totally off the cuff) and Kaiden went from not wanting anything to do with it to devouring his whole plate.
  • Kaiden’s been having more outbursts lately where if he even hears the whispers of a no coming, he screams. It’s intense and annoying but I kind of get it. Sometimes all I want to do is scream. We’re trying to talk him through his emotions because he definitely understands a lot more now, so let’s just say it’s a work in progress…
  • From a work perspective, I had a really great conversation with a potential external speaker we want to use for a virtual networking events I’m helping to pull together. The focus is on women in the workplace and how we can better position ourselves during this time, why communication and the words we use are so important, etc. That call was followed up by a call with my coworker who’s working on this with me, and she was so genuinely excited about this that it got me even more excited. So yeah, we’re excited!
  • I did a Workout with Salma workout yesterday morning and felt a soreness in my legs and butt all day. It was intense yet awesome! I love interval training over counting reps, so this was especially great. Highly recommend checking out her program if you need/want to switch things up.

And that was day 46 in a nutshell. Lata gatas!

Days 43-45: Soundtracks

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The greatest thing to happen over the past few days is Kaiden wanting to listen to Frozen and Coco soundtracks on Alexa. The other day, he woke up and sat on the couch for like 45 minutes while listening to Coco songs. I don’t know how long this will last, but I’m hoping for a while.

Other than that, it’s status quo here. The weather’s been pretty crappy, and when the window to go outside does appear, Kaiden is in a crappy mood. It’s supposed to be close to 70 degrees on Saturday, so I told Vishnu we should go out for an early walk before the crowds take over the city of Chicago [insert eyeroll].

The BEST news this week is that Vishnu presented his senior project and is done with call! He graduates from residency in a little over a month, and in little over a year, we’ll be done with training! WOO HOO! We were talking about his/our journey last night, and it feels like yesterday when he was stressing about medical school and getting into residency. I’m just so proud of him, and honestly speaking, so thankful to have call and extensive night float shifts behind us (for now).

Other miscellaneous updates:

  • I’m starting to figure out a rhythm for the days when Vishnu has to go into work. My boss told me to block out my calendar and only take meetings I can easily make happen. I don’t think I’ll go to that extent, but it’s nice to feel supported. That in and of itself takes the stress of a bit.
  • I’m trying my best to wake up at 5 to workout. It’s been hit or miss up to this point, but I’m making strides this week. What helps me is having a workout ready to go and previewed the night before. Knowing what I have lined up helps me not waste time and actually gets me excited about the workout itself.
  • I’ve been wearing my new Sephora makeup on the days I have more calls with people other than my favorite coworkers, and I have to say, it definitely puts me in a better mood. I like looking more put together. And I’m sure it helps me look more professional (vs. a major bum).
  • I made Cookie and Kate’s veggie fried rice for dinner last night, and it was delicious and so simple to pull together. I bet most people have the ingredients needed. What surprised me the most was how flavorful it was given it didn’t have any complicated ingredients. Really basic but really good. I did add pan sauted tofu for extra protein (good choice on my part!).

And that was the past few days. Hope you are all staying healthy, safe, and inside!

Written on Related:COVID-19

Days 36-42: Professional Doubts, Heightened Emotions, etc.

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I kind of dropped off there for a bit, didn’t I?! Days 36-42 were pretty good…considering the current situation.

We did have a little milk accident though.

Professional doubts and heightened emotions

I did have a few moments at the start of the week, but after a conversation with one of my best co-worker friends, I felt so much better.

Essentially, I was scrolling through LinkedIn, and I happened to see that one of my elementary school friends was promoted to a very senior role in her company. Obviously, I was happy for her, but I also went down a rabbit hole questioning my professional accomplishments, etc. Truth be told, I was ‘ahead’ of her academically growing up. I then started thinking about others I grew up with and started comparing where they are with where I am.

When I got on a call with my friend Ros, we pretty much got to the bottom of it. I’m pretty sure those emotions came up because I’m currently questioning myself professionally. I used to be highly productive and a high performer. I like to get things done and I’m very results oriented. This whole working from home with a toddler has thrown my off my groove and I don’t see myself as a contributor anymore. Ros said that it’s natural to feel that way right now, but also to be aware that in a situation like this, all of our emotions are heightened – the good and the bad. She said to give myself grace.

She also offered a personal example of how she’s feeling during this quarantine, and it really hit home for me then. We all have our shit, and what we see online is no reflection of reality. I saw a promotion and immediately thought that someone’s life is perfect.

Even though I don’t feel like I’m contributing as much right now, I do have a lot of other wonderful things in my life like my baby boy and my loving husband. We have our health (and thankfully our family’s health). We have a roof over our heads and food in the pantry/fridge. We’re doing ok.

As far as questioning my professional accomplishments, I took some time later that day to think about what I have accomplished, along with what I’ve been able to do with this blog, and it ain’t so bad! I’m actually very happy in my job. In fact…

This was a good week overall. I ran a successful call. My boss and I had some productive conversations. And I ended the week with a good call that resulted in learning about some exciting work in the pipeline where I’ll hopefully be able to use my passion for storytelling.

So the bottom line is to not compare and when in doubt think through at a deep level who you are and what you’ve accomplished. Also, this crisis is going to heighten every emotion. Stay aware of that!

But first, we drink milk…from a closed cup!

Days 36-42

Other than all that, this was a decent week.

  • We think Kaiden’s starting to get bored, so I’m going to have to get creative with some activities. He gets easily bored/restless as it is, and the current situation isn’t helping.
  • Kaiden napped for 3 whole hours one day. I worked for the first 2 and then sat around waiting for him to wake up for the last hour. I figured he’d be up soon and that didn’t happen until an hour later. Ay ay ay! Lesson learned – just do what you need to do, and if he wakes up, he wakes up.
  • The next day, he didn’t nap at all. Go figure!
  • Vishnu’s been watching episodes of Succession at night, and I somehow got pulled in even though I didn’t want to start a new show right now. I didn’t watch every episode of season 1 all the way through, but I may have to actually watch season 2 with Vishnu. It’s pretty good…and messed up!
  • I napped while Kaiden napped this past Saturday, and man did I need it! I felt like I was hit by a Mack Truck…so much so that I woke up in a panic thinking I had Coronavirus.
  • I’m loving my new Sephora purchases. I need to pull together a post of everything once I’ve used it enough times to produce a fair POV. Working on it!
  • I was singing yesterday (a Coco song – one of Kaiden’s favorites), and K looked at me and said, “Alexa, stop.” He then dissolved into giggles. What a sassy pants!

Well, that’s what’s been going on in our neck of the woods. Tell me more about what you’ve been up to!

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