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The Grass is Greener…

written by Parita 10 Comments

The other day, I came across an article on the Purpose Fairy blog about happiness and scientifically proven ways to increase it.  The wannabe psychologist in me loved this piece.  However, the core premise was surprising.   Let me explain.

According to research that’s been done at the University of California – Riverside by Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky, a person’s overall happiness level is a combination of three things:

1. A “happiness set point” determined by genetics, which accounts for 50% of happiness
2. Life circumstances, which account for 10% of happiness
3. Intentional activities, which account for 40% of happiness

What surprised me was that intentional activities, the things that we choose to do, account for 40% of our overall happiness.  For some reason, I really thought there would be a more even split between the three.

This article then made me think about something I heard recently on a Jillian Michaels podcast.  I think she was talking about people purposefully creating the life they want for themselves (or something like that).  During the discussion, she casually threw out a phrase that was completely new to me – “The grass is greener where you water it.”  What a powerful idea.  In fact, I’m still thinking/writing about it weeks later.

This made me laugh a lot!

I think we (society) are so used to hearing about the grass being greener on the other side that we never stop to think about the reasons why it isn’t greener on our side.  Well, it’s probably because we’re too busy looking elsewhere and not paying any attention to what’s happening in “our own backyard.”  It takes courage to turn your gaze inward and ask the question – “what can I do differently.”  I don’t know too many people, including myself, who do this well. 

The one person that does come to mind when I think about all of this is my dad.  He is probably one of the happiest people I know.  And not because he lives a perfect life, but because he chooses to be happy and focuses on all the good that surrounds him.  A small example of this is how he deals with his early wake up call (4:45 am) for work.  Instead of comparing himself to other people his age who are retired and “living the life,” he’s thankful for his health and a body that allows him to get up so early every morning.  I’ve honestly never heard my dad complain about this.  In his words, “it’s a part of life.” 

The Purpose Fairy article outlines three scientifically proven ways to increase happiness.  Well, here are three ways of increasing happiness that I’ve learned from the happiest man I know:

1. Smile more.  Smile for no reason.  Smile at strangers.  Hell, smile at yourself in the mirror. 
2. Make it a point to listen to your favorite music often.  Instant happiness!  The minute my dad gets home (from anywhere) he plays old Bollywood songs because it makes both him and my mom happy.  I know I don’t live at home anymore, but I guarantee that most evenings those two can be found signing around the house.  It’s cute!
3. Keep in touch with those you love.  Both my parents are really good about calling up friends/family just to say hi.  The simple of act of regularly picking up the phone and catching up with people creates an environment of happiness and love.

Well, I’m off to spend time with Vishnu and his dad (another very happy person) for the next couple of days!  He’s in town for a conference and is staying with us! 

Have a wonderful weekend!  And don’t forget to water your grass with lots of intentional, happy actions this weekend! 

Written on February 8, 2013 Related:Family, Inspirational, Life

Way of the Peaceful Warrior

written by Parita 12 Comments

I’m a HUGE fan of Purpose Fairy.  It’s one of those websites that makes you think about who you are and why you are here with every single article/post.  And I LOVE that.  So when I saw “Way of the Peaceful Warrior” on the sidebar as a recommended reading, I decided to check it out at the library.

Honestly, all I knew was it’s a spiritual book written by a former gymnast. 

Well, I picked it up on Saturday and finished it on Tuesday night.  I kinda liked it a lot!

This is a hard book to review because no two people are going to walk away from it with the same thoughts, feelings, ideas.  However the basic premise is this – a young student gymnast happens to meet a mysterious man one night at a gas station and his life changes forever.  He can no longer go back to being a college student caught up in the ups and downs of everyday life.  He’s forced to “wake up” and see the world and his own life in a different light. 

One huge lesson I gained from this book is that we must try our very hardest to live in the present.  The past is gone, and there’s absolutely nothing any one of us can do about that.  And the future is one big unknown, and no matter how hard we try we can’t predict it.  All we have is now.  This is easier said than done, but I’ve found that I’m the happiest when focused on the present.  When I go back in time or jump to the future, I’m robbing myself of the only sure thing I have…the now.

Another relatively simple concept that stuck with me had to do with keeping a sense of humor whenever possible, especially when it comes to yourself.  I’m trying to do this more in different situations (marriage, friendships, work) because I find that it helps give me the strength to move forward.  And honestly, I’ve learned that taking myself seriously is a lot of work.  It’s much easier to laugh at my imperfections and quirks because they they make me who I am.  And who I am is enough.

Vulnerability is another topic that’s addressed over and over again throughout the story.  We are so afraid to get hurt, so afraid to let others see us as anything other than perfect, so afraid to let our guard down.  And that’s really ironic because the only way to live life is to open yourself up to all that it has to offer, including the not so great stuff.   Vulnerability is true courage and without exposing it and owning it for ourselves, we’re only half living. 

My short review/lessons learned don’t even begin to scratch the surface with what this book can offer to people who read it with an open, clear mind.  Like I said before, no two people are going to walk away with the same a-ha moments, but that’s the beauty of it.  In fact, this book may not be for everyone.  But if you’ve even once questioned your purpose or thought about life’s true meaning, this book may be worth checking out. 

And with that, I leave you with my favorite quote from the book…

“Wake up! If you knew for certain you had a terminal illness–if you had little time left to live–you would waste precious little of it! Well, I’m telling you…you do have a terminal illness: It’s called birth. You don’t have more than a few years left. No one does! So be happy now, without reason–or you will never be at all.”

Written on November 1, 2012 Related:Book, Humor, Inspirational, Life, Self

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