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Weaning Off of Exclusive Pumping

written by Parita Leave a Comment

If you want to read more about the early part of my journey and what helped me, check out this post.

This time around I weaned off the pump a little shy of six months. I had a lot of different reasons for doing so, including the fact that I was pumping 3 times a day for 30-60 minutes a piece. The time commitment while juggling an infant, a 4 year old, and a husband with a demanding job was starting to be a lot. Couple that with the fact that my supply started to dip (I’m talking 2 ounces for 45 minutes of pumping towards the end), I just started to question how much longer I could/wanted to go on.

Because I was experienced with pumping and its effect on my mental health, I knew that it wasn’t worth compromising myself. I believe happy mama = happy family, and that meant taking my state of being into consideration.

I was asked on IG to talk about weaning off the pump while pushing away guilt, and I will say it’s hard. To this day I question my decision (even though I know it was the right one for me). The best piece of advice I have is to focus on what you need versus what everyone else did/is doing. If you go down the path of ‘XYZ pumped/breastfed for X long,’ guilt will forever be your sidekick. FED IS BEST and formula is NOT the devil. Your baby needs you to be ok. Period.

With that being said, I was able to fully wean off the pump in 10 or so days. I basically counted back from when I expected my last day to be, and started decreasing the time of my middle session by a few minutes. And then three days later, I started decreasing the time of my 1st and 3rd session by a few minutes. Then I decreased the time of my middle session for a few days, and so forth and so on until I felt like I could go all day without pumping without feeling uncomfortable.

I will say, it was a little surprising and sad to see some milk still leaking through a week after weaning. It made me feel guilty and like a bad mom for stopping. But then I’d actively change the narrative to ‘I’m a great mom for my baby. I love her and am doing what’s best for her by doing what’s best for me.’

I will also say that now that EPing is forever behind me, I feel a sense of freedom. I feel like I can use my time more strategically. I’m not as stressed and reactive and demanding and pushy. I feel like I’m sleeping better, making more time for exercise consistently, etc.

Do I sometimes wish I had continued EPing for a little longer? Sure. But then I take one good look at Mila and see a growing, thriving, beautiful baby who is so excited to see me all day everyday, and all those doubts go away.

Bottom line – listen to your gut and know that any decision you make on behalf of your mental, emotional, and physical health will only serve your baby too.

Written on May 2, 2022 Related:Baby, motherhood

My Journey with Exclusive Pumping the Second Time Around

written by Parita Leave a Comment

Ok, so I have so much to say about this topic, but first and foremost, let me share how I got to exclusively pumping with Mila.

I had every intention of breastfeeding this time around, and for the first couple of days after she was born, it felt like we were going in the right direction. She fed beautifully on day 1 (and thankfully my colostrum was in full force) and even during the day on day 2. Things changed on night two with her cluster feeding more. She would latch and then unlatch. The unlatching would make her angry and she’d be inconsolable. At that point it was impossible to even get her back on the breast.

Vishnu and I called the nurse in to help us, and she really tried her best too. We just could not get M to latch and suck. That’s when Vishnu and I decided to try a bottle (the nurse actually encouraged us to do so as well).

Side note – with Kaiden, we had what felt like zero support from the nurses at the hospital. Instead of reading the situation (re: he couldn’t latch at all and I had no idea what I was doing), they would just push him on to me as if that was going to solve the problem. And then they encouraged SNS which is one of the most stressful feeding techniques ever. Vishnu and I vowed to not go down that path with Mila.

So yeah, we ended up giving her bottles that night as well as a pacifier. We figured her health and our sanity was worth.

For the next 2+ weeks, I continued to put her on the breast first when it came time to feed. Sometimes she’d stay on for a minute or two and sometimes she’d go full on frantic on us. Needless to say, M got used to the bottle pretty quickly.

I called a lactation consultant to come and help us, and she suggested a few things that were helpful but didn’t solve our issue of why M wouldn’t latch and stay latched.

The consultant did as me an important question though that ultimately helped me be ok with exclusive pumping. She asked, “Is your goal to get your baby latch or to feed her your breastmilk?” GAME CHANGING QUESTION!

My goal is to give Mila my milk for as long as I can, however I can. Sure, I really wanted to breastfeed this time around, and sure, it felt like we were on a good path for a bit there, but I’m truly not upset about being on the EP path again.

With Kaiden, I think I made the experience miserable for myself. This time I’m doing things a little differently…

  1. Invest in a good quality pump – I have the Spectra S2 which is a hospital grade pump that a lot of my friends used. Personally, I love the suctioning power as well as the fact that there are less parts to clean. A great option in my opinion!
  2. Invest in good quality pumping bras – WIth Kaiden, I had no idea what I was doing. In the chaos of his delivery and bringing him home, I didn’t even think to buy real pumping bras. Instead, I made my own. And while it was a great idea, if I do say so myself, it was very cheap and silly of me. This time around, I got these bras, and LOVE them. Perfect for the exclusive pumper and a breastfeeder/pumper.
  3. Length of pumping sessions – With Kaiden, I thought my pumping sessions had to be 30-45 minutes long to be the most effective. The lactation consultant I saw ensured me that 20-25 minutes was plenty if I’m also massaging my breasts while pumping. Hallelujah!
  4. Missed/shorter sessions – As a mom of two, I’m here to tell you your pumping schedule may not always go to plan. Mine hasn’t…not once! But I’m not going to stress about it. I’m going to do the best I can with the time and resources I have. And you should too!
  5. Power pumping – I was hoping I wouldn’t have to power pump this time around, but lo and behold, I’m still doing it! PP is a great thing to do when baby is going through a growth spurt – 2 weeks, 4 weeks, 6 weeks, 8 weeks, etc. Basically, it looks like this – pump for 20, 10 minute break, pump for 10, 10 minute break, pump for 10. Yes, it’s an hour, but I try to do these sessions when the kiddos are asleep – late at night or in the wee hours of the morning. And I’ll admit that PP does help increase supply overall, so I guess it’s worth it!
  6. Water, oats, and fenugreek – These are the things I used last time to help with my supply and they’re doing their thing this time too. Also, I had a friend tell me extra protein helped her supply. Also, it’s important to put aside any weight loss goals at this time. You have to eat and eat regularly. Pumping burns about 20 calories an ounce so let’s say you pump an average of 30 ounces a day, that’s 600 calories you’re burning through. Think of it this way – your body needs fuel to make fuel.
  7. Pump time = YOU time! – I wasn’t very good about making the most of my pumping time with K. I would just sit there and think about how much it sucked that I had to pump while someone else got to feed my baby. This time around, I’m taking full advantage of all the 20 minute blocks of time I have. I’m reading, listening to podcast, connecting with Kaiden, calling friends and family members, blogging, etc. I wouldn’t exactly call it self-care, but this time around, I’m realizing my attitude about pumping is what will make or break it for me. And because I want to do this for at least six months, I need to have a good attitude.
  8. Mindset – Going along with the above, your mindset is everything. You’re not going to be pumping for the rest of your life or even for years to come. I basically tell myself to make it through the day…and rinse and repeat. No need to look months into the future and lament on how you have to pump so much. One day at a time…nothing lasts forever.
  9. Communication – For me, exclusive pumping wouldn’t work without Vishnu’s support. So my biggest suggestion here is to have an open and honest conversation with your partner about what you’ll need to make this a success for your family. Vishnu really wants Mila to have my breastmilk for as long as she can, so he’s fully on board to help me. He does the two middle of the night feedings so I can pump. And on weekends, he’s game to watch both kids so I can get my sessions in. This is really about teamwork!
  10. FED IS BEST – I have and always believe this. Breastfeeding, pumping, formula – ALL good options to feed a baby. If you have to pump and supplement at some point, do it! Formula is not the devil. Remember that the goal is to have a healthy baby…whatever that takes. With Kaiden, we transitioned to formula after six months of EP because my mental health was in question and I couldn’t do it anymore. And guess what…he’s THRIVING! A healthy baby is important but so is a healthy mama.  Do what is best or your family and ignore the noise!

If you are also pumping or debating on EP, please don’t hesitate to contact me. Happy to help in whatever way I can!

Also, if you want to read more about my journey with Kaiden, check out these posts – My breastfeeding and pumping journey and Exclusive Pumping – an Emotional Journey.

Written on November 9, 2021 Related:Baby, motherhood

Medela Pump In Style

Exclusive Pumping – an Emotional Journey

written by Parita 8 Comments

As I mentioned in my previous breastfeeding and pumping post, I wasn’t able to breastfeed Kaiden.  Despite my best efforts, it just didn’t work for us.  One of my very first lessons in learning to go with the flow as a new mom I suppose.

When I decided to go the exclusive pumping route, I was so caught up in the logistics of it all that I never stopped to think about the emotional element.  And boy are there a lot of emotions.

Despite being a true ‘fed is best’ advocate and believer, when direct breastfeeding didn’t work, I felt like a complete failure.  Aside from literally feeding my baby, breastfeeding, in my mind, was going to help us bond.  That’s what everyone says, right?

I spent A LOT of time crying about how my body let me down and how I let Kaiden down.  Poor Vishnu!  He reassured me I wasn’t a failure…over and over again.  My sadness over the whole thing was a bit intense.  This probably had to do with labor also not going the way I imagined it would.  Not to mention hormones!

Once I started pumping more regularly, I went through a whole new range of emotions – excited at my increasing supply to sad/bitter about having to pump while someone else fed K to plain exhausted from pumping around the clock to worried when I couldn’t pump on time.  The emotional journey was more than I ever expected to experience.

Medela Pump In Style

And let me tell you about crying over spilled milk…literally.  I still remember spilling my first (there were a few) bottle of pumped milk.  Oh man…the tears!  Breast milk is essentially “liquid gold,” and to see mine all over the counter and not in my baby’s belly was crushing.

My exclusive pumping journey lasted a little over six months, and looking back, I’m very proud of myself for keeping up with it all.  I was even able to build a sizable freezer stash. My original goal was to pump for four months.  I decided to keep going because my work situation allowed for a nice transition.  The mother’s room is incredible…very thankful for a workplace that provides moms with a comfortable and private place to pump.

When I made the decision to wean off of pumping while in Atlanta, I didn’t expected yet another set of emotions to emerge.  Again, I felt sad and guilty.  I was a little surprised by these emotions, since I was truly looking forward to stopping.  I quickly realized that these emotions were linked to no longer being K’s sole food source.  While I couldn’t physically breastfeed, for six months, I poured my heart and soul into pumping and feeding K my milk.  In some ways, with the whole journey coming to an end, it felt like my connection to him was being severed…dramatic much?!  The guilt came from knowing I still could’ve pumped some milk for K but choosing not to.  To counter these emotions, I repeated “happy mama=happy baby” to myself over and over again.

And then when I pumped for the last time (this past Monday), I felt…relief!  I feel good about K’s development and growth over the past six months.  Sure, I still wish (and probably always will) I could’ve breastfed even for a little bit, but hey, it is what it is.  Maybe with baby #2 (one day!).

While this emotional journey has come to an end, another one is about to start…daycare!  More on that to come. 🙂

WISH US LUCK (K starts this Monday)!!!

*I ordered the Medela Pump In Style per the recommendation of my mama friends, and it worked really well for me!

 

Written on January 5, 2018 Related:Baby, motherhood, Uncategorized

My breastfeeding and pumping journey

My Breastfeeding and Pumping Journey

written by Parita 12 Comments

Breastfeeding.  A topic that conjures up all kinds of hopes, emotions, and images.  A topic that is also quite controversial depending on who you ask.

I’ll get straight to the punchline.  Despite preparing myself with a class, articles, videos, advice from friends, etc., I was unable to breastfeed Kaiden successfully.  Instead, I opted for the pumping route, and while that wasn’t necessarily the path I wanted to go down at first, it worked ok for us.  And if pumping hadn’t worked, formula most definitely would’ve.

If you can’t tell, I’m a firm believer in ‘fed is best.’  This means ensuring your baby is fed and thriving supersedes all else.  Yes, breast milk is ideal, but guess what, parenting and idealism don’t always go hand in hand (shocker!).

In my humble opinion, formula is not the devil and it’s certainly not poison, like many people would have you believe.  In fact, both my sister and I were formula fed.  My sister was salutatorian of her high school class and went on to attend a prestigious college, medical school, and now residency program.  I did ok too!

To be honest, I was pretty wrapped up in the idea of breastfeeding before K was born.  However, Vishnu and I both decided early on that we would do whatever was necessary to help him grow, and if that meant supplementing with or solely feeding him formula, we would do that.My breastfeeding and pumping journey

So my breastfeeding journey began soon after K was born.  As I shared in Kaiden’s birth story, our labor and delivery didn’t go quite as planned.  Because of the chorioamnionitis, I was on antibiotics/medications well before Kaiden was born and five days afterwards.  Kaiden was taken to the chorio nursery for surveillance and didn’t join me until six hours after he was born, except for a brief period of time (~30-45 minutes) where we did some skin to skin and I attempted to breastfeed him some colostrum.  I say attempted because I have no idea if I actually did.  There was no one in the room to help me, so I honestly just tried my best.

A number of factors led to my inability to breastfeed properly.  One, I think the stress and antibiotics/medication caused my milk to come in a lot slower and later than most.  Two, we had one nurse early on who just wasn’t helpful in the breastfeeding department.  When I asked for help, she would literally just push Kaiden on to my breast and walk away.  Three, Kaiden was and still is a hungry little guy.  He had zero patience for the boob.  Ha!  He would scream and scream and scream while I tried to get him to latch.  We later learned that he also has a small mouth (whatever that means!).  Four, because of the lack of latching and slow milk flow, Kaiden’s weight dropped more than expected in the first few days.  We were told if he continued on that trajectory, he’d end up in the NICU.  This obviously freaked us out big time.  This comment led us to rely more heavily on formula for the first two weeks of Kaiden’s life.  We believe he got so used to the faster flow (we tried SNS (supplemental nursing system) in the hospital and for a week at home) that he had no patience left for the breast because when we’d try to get him to latch at home…you guessed it…he’d scream and scream and scream.  Even with breast SNS.

Ultimately, I said enough is enough and decided to exclusively pump.

So there’s breastfeeding and there’s pumping.  The end result is the same but the method is different!

Because breastfeeding didn’t go as planned from the beginning, I started pumping while in the hospital.  I honestly don’t remember how much I pumped at the time, but I do remember it wasn’t much.  Hence the supplementing with formula.

When we got home, I immediately started pumping while continuing to try breastfeeding (very unsuccessfully) and feeding Kaiden formula using the SNS method (we stopped this after our second doctor’s visit and started using slow flow bottles instead).  I even had a lactation consultant come to me the week we got home from the hospital.  She had a few helpful tips, but at the end of the visit, her basic recommendation was to keep trying.  To my credit, I did try but to no avail.  My boy just didn’t want to latch.  He preferred screaming instead!

At first, the formula to breast milk ratio favored formula, however slowly but surely, my supply increased and we were able to phase out the formula.  Currently, K’s diet consists of solely breast milk, and I’m hoping to make it to six months.  My supply’s suffered a little since starting work, but because I was able to stash a decent amount of milk in the freezer, we may end up making it to the end of December.  Fingers crossed!

Life as an exclusively pumping mama has been kind of chaotic to be honest.  If I had/have an extra pair of hands to help take care of Kaiden while I pump, it’s fine, but when I don’t, things get a bit wacky in terms of schedule.  Earlier on, I tried to pump at least 7-8 times a day.  That averages out to every 3-3.5 hours.  Craziness.  Now, I pump four times a day…sometimes five when I can swing it.

In terms of keeping my supply up, my mom helped a ton.  She made sure I ate fenugreek seeds every day along with this Indian mixture that had lots of nuts and seeds.  I also ate a TON of oatmeal for the first couple of months.  And of course, hydration is key.  Water is your best friend when it comes to breastfeeding/pumping.

I could go on and on about pumping because it’s all I know, but for now, I’ll say this – it’s hard, yes, but it’s doable!  You just have to put your mind to it and be consistent.  And as I’ve been told multiple times, do what you can.  Don’t kill yourself if it’s not working.  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, in my humble opinion, it’s 110% ok to go the formula route.  FED IS BEST!  And of course, happy mama equals happy baby.  Do what feels right TO YOU!

Phew…this turned into a long post!  If you have any questions that I may not have addressed, please feel free to ask.  I’m an open book when it comes to my experiences and am eager to help other mamas when I can!

Written on November 16, 2017 Related:Baby, motherhood, Uncategorized

Welcome to My Inner Shakti! This is my little corner of the internet where I explore and share more about the things that give me my inner strength. I hope you stick around! Read More Here...
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