negative self-talk Archives

5 Ways to De-Stress

Over the last seven weeks or so, I’ve started to change as a person. How do I know this? My husband has commented on my “transformation” several times. He’s amazed by how the little things that used to make me upset or emotional don’t seem to affect me in the same ways. And you know what…I feel it too!

What brought on this seemingly sudden shift? To be completely honest, I was fed up with always being stressed about everything. I hated how I felt after getting super pissed about something trivial. It was starting to feel like my emotions controlled me, and I wanted to change that! But the real turning point came when Vishnu pointed out that my average stress level was way too high, and that I needed to do something about it!

And so I did.

Before I share what’s worked for me in turns of de-stressing and bringing more Zen into my life, I have to say that this is one of those endeavors that requires hard work and focus. And if you really want to change, you have to face the not so positive stuff head on. You have to be honest with yourself about your thoughts and behaviors and how they are impacting you and those around you. You have to acknowledge the not so great parts of yourself and commit to being different and actually work on it.

Also, by sharing my thoughts in this post, I am in no way saying that I never get stressed anymore. Even when we commit to a different way of being, there will be good days and bad days. And let’s face it – stress is part of being human. My thoughts are more so around how to manage it in a productive and healthy way.

With all that being said, here are 5 tried and true ways to de-stress…

1. Don’t go at it alone. When I committed to dealing with stress differently, I enlisted Vishnu’s help. I picked him because he’s always honest with me, I trust him, and he’s my husband (duh!) and the person who has to deal with me day in and day out!

Over the past few weeks, he’s been able to give me real-time feedback on what he’s noticed and how it’s affected him (good and bad…but mostly good!). This in turn motivates me to continue on.

2. Meditate for a few minutes every day. I’ve talked about this on the blog before, but this is the first time I’ve actually stuck with a mini practice. And the reason I’ve stuck with it is because it works!

I listen to BK Shivani’s guided meditations on YouTube (this morning mediation is my favorite) because they’re short (just being honest!) and really impactful. When I sit down and meditate/focus first thing in the morning, I sense a difference in the way I view my day and the things happening around me. I’m not as frazzled and all over the place. It’s hard to explain, but all I can say is that it’s made a huge difference for me.

3. Listen to your self-talk very carefully. Over the years, I’ve learned that when my self-talk turns negative, my stress goes up. And inevitably it shows up in the way I behave/react which then starts a vicious cycle.

When negative self-talk has been a part of your life for a long time, it’s hard (near impossible) to stop cold turkey. The key for me has been to nip it in the bud before it takes over and permeates every possible thought. I know from experience that NOTHING good comes from putting yourself down, and that knowledge is enough to make me change the way I think. Now instead of being mean to myself, I try (still working on this) to take a different approach and talk to myself the way I would to my sister or a good friend.

Being kinder and more forgiving to myself has definitely helped keep the stress at bay. Who knew!

4. Slow down! I am notorious for doing everything quickly. And sometimes that’s ok because the situation warrants it, but most of the time, rushing does no good. Personally, the faster I go the more mistakes I make and the more stress I cause.

My day to day responsibilities and work don’t require speed…quite the opposite in fact, so this has been a bit easier for me to do. When I feel myself speeding up, I take a deep breath and slow my roll!

5. Pause. Kind of in line with slowing down, when I feel the stress building up, I take a quick pause. And when I pause, I breathe and ask myself, “What is the best thing you can do right now?” The answer is never to stress out. So I try not to!

Pausing has also helped to keep what’s important front and center. Most of the things that stress me out will be erased from my memory in five years time (if not less), so why am I letting them consume me right now.

Like I said, you can’t stop stress from trying to creep into your life. But you can find better ways of dealing with it, and that’s exactly what I’ve set out to do! It’s not easy, but it’s 110% worth it. Not only is my husband more appreciative but so is my skin (I’ll leave that for another blog post though!).

What’s one of your tried and true ways to de-stress?

I am a Hypocrite

written by Parita 32 Comments

The other night, Vishnu called me a hypocrite. And I hate to admit it, but he’s right. Let me explain.

As we were going to sleep on Sunday, he put his arm around my waist. I pushed it away and turned the other way. He asked if everything was ok. Silence. He asked again, and that’s when it all came out. I told him that I didn’t want him touching my fat. He told me I was being ridiculous. We went back and forth for a while, before I burst into tears and said, “I hate my body! I hate it!” I honestly think I stunned my husband…and myself.

Of course this led to a lot of questions but unfortunately no answers. Vishnu asked me to think about what I said from a different perspective. He said, “What if your sister, your mom, or your best friend said what you just did? What would you say to them? Because whatever you would say to them is what you need to say to yourself.” Well for one, I would never tell anyone to hate their body. So yes, I am a hypocrite.

I’ve been thinking about it for the past few days, and I still don’t know why, in that moment, I said I hate my body. I honestly thought I was over this kind of thinking. Hate is such a strong word, and I know I’m better than that.

Vishnu and I ended our conversation with him telling me that I need to change the way I think about myself. And he’s right. This is all part of a mental game I play. And while I’ve come a long way from where I used to be, I still have a lot of work to do. You see, I live a healthy lifestyle – nutritious meals (most of the time) + a variety of workouts. However, the thoughts that sometimes occupy my headspace are not always healthy and positive. I still need to work on the whole self-love thing. I know how important it is, and more importantly, I believe in the power of it.

What bothers me the most is that I write a blog about being positive, maintaining healthy habits, and above all, loving yourself…faults and all. And there I was, in a moment of weakness, proclaiming that I hate my body. I feel like I let all of you who read my blog down. I’m sorry for writing one message and living another.

I’m not quite sure what happens from here…except that I don’t want to be a hypocrite. I don’t ever want to use the word hate and body in the same sentence. I’m ready to enter my thirties with true self-love and respect. It’ll take time, but for once and for all, I’m going to learn to love and accept the body I’ve been given….faults and all!. It’s well deserved.

I know this post isn’t in line with what I usually write about, but I wanted to be honest and make the point that no one is perfect. As I like to say, we are all beautiful works in progress. And while acknowledgement is a great first step, you can’t stop there. At the end of the day, you have to help yourself by challenging the negative thoughts, replacing them with positive ones, and moving forward. This is what I wish for myself and others like me. It’s the only way.

“You are imperfect, permanently and inevitably flawed. We all are. And you are beautiful.” -Amy Bloom

Thank you for reading…and hopefully forgiving me for being a hypocrite. I promise I’m working on it.

Girl Talk: Compliments + Confidence

written by Parita Leave a Comment

As you can probably imagine, there were all kinds of conversations going on this past weekend. With most of us never having met before, we were excited to get to know each other. It was pretty awesome because there was a high level of comfort present from the beginning.

With that being said, there was one topic that surprisingly came up quite a few times – body confidence.

The conversation initially started because we were so complimentary with each other – clothes, shoes, hair, makeup, you name it. I didn’t think too much of this, and it was actually nice to laugh and share hair and makeup tricks and tips. However, the compliments were then directed to each girls’ physical appearance. At first, I didn’t think there was anything wrong with this. However, I started sensing that the follow-up to each of the compliments was a silent, “I’d love to have your _____.” This made me stop and think because even I engaged in that kind of thinking.

As we were walking around the city, one of the girls and I started talking about our past (and sometimes present) body confidence issues. She shared her story, and I shared mine. I told her that as we were getting ready earlier, I noticed her long, lean arms and was a little jealous. With a surprised look on her face, she told me that she was thinking the same thing about me and one of the other girls. It was almost like what we saw in the mirror was not the same as what others saw when they looked at us. For example, when I heard my new friend tell me that she was envious of my petite frame, I couldn’t believe my ears. In fact, I kept saying things like “no way” and “you just don’t know.”

Part two of the body confidence conversation occurred with a larger group of us the next morning. As I was getting dressed, a couple of girls commented on my small, petite frame and how lucky I was. To most, their comments would’ve been extremely flattering. I, however, stopped what I was doing, turned around to look at them (two tall, beautiful women by the way), and told them to stop it. Instead of being happy about what was being said, I was frustrated because by lifting one another up, we were putting ourselves down, and I was guilty of this as well. My conversation from the previous day kept coming back to me, and I realized how destructive both behaviors actually were. Complimenting others shouldn’t run parallel to not loving yourself, and accepting compliments shouldn’t run parallel to disbelief and self-doubt.

If I recall correctly, my exact statement to the group of girls was, “We are all beautiful – tall, short, curvy, flat, thin, thick. We have to love and accept ourselves. True beauty is a part of who you are, what you exude.”

Luckily, another girl agreed with me. She said that she thinks she’s sexy, therefore she is sexy. She doesn’t need anyone else to reaffirm her thoughts, although compliments are always nice!. She mentioned that negative thoughts and comparisons cross her mind from time to time, but she knows she’s an intelligent, competent, beautiful woman. She acknowledges that everyone’s bodies are different, and this fact should be celebrated. Her mindset is all about what she has, not what others have that she doesn’t.

Needless to say, her statements made us all stop and think. We asked her where her strong self-confidence and appreciation for her body comes from. We wanted her to divulge her secrets.

Well, it just so happens that this one isn’t a secret at all. Positive body confidence comes from within. YOU have to appreciate what you have. YOU have to make an effort not to engage in negative self-talk. YOU have to elevate others while not putting yourself down. YOU have to stop purposely looking for your so called flaws. YOU have to believe in yourself. YOU have to exude that confidence, baby, because it’s there, you just have to find it!

So while I can’t personally say that I am now 100% confident with my body, I can say that these conversations remind me to not be so hard on myself, to love myself, and to appreciate and be kind to the body I’ve been give.

Oh and they also remind me that I love girl talk!

When you hang out with your girlfriends, do you ever talk about body image and confidence?

Body Image and Negative Self-Talk

written by Parita Leave a Comment

Can you do me a favor? Pretty please! Go to Carrie’s blog at Moves ‘N Munchies and check out her blog post on body image and how women view their bodies. I love her blog as it is, but I really think this was one of the most powerful blog posts I’ve read in a long time.

I’ve dealt with body image issues for quite a few years now. I know what it’s like to look in the mirror and hate what you see. I know what it’s like to compare yourself to every other girl you see. I know what it’s like to open up a magazine and wish with all your heart that you looked like one of the models or featured actresses. And I know I’m not alone. Negative body image is not an easy thing to overcome, but it is possible. And I don’t think women are the only ones that suffer from this disease. Yes, it’s a disease. Trust me.

Over the past year or so, I’ve made a conscious effort to really eliminate negative self-talk and negative self-thoughts from my life. I used to roll my eyes when I would read or hear things like, “You really have to love yourself first.” The old me honestly used to think, “What crap!” But it’s SO SO SO true. When you love yourself, you take care of yourself and your needs. Again, this is not an easy battle to fight, but it’s worth it because I now know that I’m worth it.

Sorry for getting all serious today, but I REALLY feel passionate and strongly about this topic. Most all of us have dealt with this issue, and it’s not an easy thing to talk about. So if you will, please do me another favor. Before going to bed tonight, write down 5 things you love about you. Save that piece of paper and pull it out whenever you feel that negative self-talk creeping into your thoughts. Why? Because YOU are worth it!

Do you or have you ever suffered from this “disease?” How are you or how did you overcome it?