motherhood story Archives - My Inner Shakti

My passion around sharing my fellow mamas’ stories is only growing! Moms seriously amaze me. It’s incredible what they can accomplish in 24 hours, only to do it again the next day.

Today’s guest blogger, Sejal Shah, is someone who continues to amaze me with her creativity and patience, her ability to connect with her children, her children’s grasp of the Gujarati language, etc. Oh and did I mention she recently started her own company and is soon-to-be a mama of FIVE!

SUPPPPERRRR MOOOMMMM!

With that, I’m going to let Sejal tell you all about her motherhood journey and what life looks like right now…

When I started this journey of blogging and social media, I was a mom who recently quit her corporate career to raise a little boy. At the time, I was passionate about sharing my journey of motherhood; little did I know then that I was actually sharing the very essence of who I am and what is important to me which I was passing down to my child – my Indian-ness. Today, I am a mom to four very Gujarati kids (soon to be 5 – it still sounds so surreal, ahh!) , Insta-blogger @sage_ness and the Founder of Bolo Bolo Baby. The journey of motherhood led me to pursuing my passion.

Instead of telling you the WHAT about my business, I’m going to share the HOW because the number one question I get on a daily basis is, “how do you do it?” How do I raise four kids (five, five, five), launch a small business, find time to pass on Gujarati/Hindi language & culture to my kids, share all that I do on a daily basis on Instagram and manage to make homemade meals! Honestly, I never know how to answer that question, nor is there a simple answer. Instead, I keep sharing with you, my fellow moms! I share anything that helps me be more productive and efficient with my time in order to be better to myself personally and professionally, to my family and to the community. We all are juggling and hustling in different ways and knowing we can all support one another in this virtual world is part of the modern day “village”.

So for those of you still reading, my fellow moms, my village – this is what keeps me going and this is how I pursue my passion while being a mom. I am grateful to be surrounded by other women and entrepreneurs who inspire me to keep at it! (Saving the best for last – so keep reading, or skip my ramblings and go to the bottom).

Also, please note the following does not account for the endless cups of Chaa/Chai that are consumed throughout the day, the countless hours of sleep sacrificed and all the deep breaths!!!

ROUTINE: With the kids especially, I need a routine so I can have predictability in my day. This is the only way I am able to make time for everything else I want to do. More importantly, the kids THRIVE knowing what to expect. Children are creatures of process and order, so when they know what to expect, it makes for smoother days (read: less nagging and tantrums)! Our routine revolves around two main things FOOD & SLEEP. This includes four key time slots: lunch time, nap time, dinner time and bedtimes. The exact time of these will vary every now and then, but the order never really changes! So for example, they know that as soon as lunch is done, they have a little time to play before we go up for naps!

KEEP IT SIMPLE: Some days we eat the same thing for lunch and dinner. Many weeks we pick our laundry from the basket instead of folding it. Most days the kitchen gets cleaned at the end of the day and not after every meal (if you show up during the middle of the day – judge me all you want). And some of our staple foods are made in bulk to simplify our days like the much requested homemade & healthy pancakes .

TRUST THE CHILD:

Our home is a Montessori inspired home. What exactly is this? Dr. Montessori said, “Education is a natural process carried out by the human individual, and is acquired not by listening to words, but by experiences in the environment.” The first environment for children is their very own home. This is where they experience the beginning of life! We encourage, invite and trust our children to participate in and be a part of our home. They have access to cooking, doing laundry, cleaning or just being. By cultural norms, we often associate these household chores as things we do for our child to create a home environment, which limits them from exploring these every day spaces. Dr. Montessori reminds us to “Never help a child with a task at which he feels he can succeed.” When they climb atop a stool to wash their own hands, cut their own fruit or simply eat their own meal, there is intrinsic joy. They are so PROUD of themselves for achieving these milestones on their own. They want to show us they can do it! Children seek independence as much as we do! It has been so apparent with all my kids that when they have equal access to the things we do, they are more inclined to “help” out and there is so much empowerment, confidence and happiness that is developing in the process. The best part is they don’t feel like they are helping – they are just doing what interests and excites them. To them this is play. BUT for me, as a mom, when they are able to do simple tasks like wash their own hands at the age of two, prepare and mix grains to make our popular #Khichdimix at three, eat on their own as babies so I can attend to other mommy duties and join me in sweeping the floor and cleaning up spills, it really is a few things off my plate! To me, trusting my child(ren) is a long-term investment in their own development, and it’s a huge asset to running a large household and getting stuff done (albeit at a MUCH slower pace for now).

GIVING BACK TO THE COMMUNITY: We all do this in different ways but ultimately, however it is and whatever it is, it is always something that makes you feel good and lifts your spirits! This contributes to my overall mental health and happiness! For me, it began with giving back what my parents gave to me – my Indian-ness! I started making cultural activities for my children to learn more about Indian festivals like Diwali, Holi , Ganesh Chaturthi etc. To further promote language and culture I took it upon myself to find ways to promote Gujarati and Hindi in our home through hands on activities and flashcards in Gujarati and Hindi for various Indian festivals. I shared these on my blog with our community for free as a way to provide a resource to our multi-cultural community. They were a hit! Being able to GIVE the gift of language and culture was my way of helping preserve what was given to me. It also inspired me to continue finding ways to preserve our Indian roots & pursue my passion with the launch of my very own company. Recognizing that I am the last generation getting language and culture from the roots (my parents), it is extremely important for me to pass this on to my children. I take responsibility for a lost culture and a lost language. The gift of Indian roots through language and culture is the biggest gift I think I can advocate for and give back to the next generation.

PURSUE YOUR PASSION: This is the KEY to my day! As a mom, it’s easy to get lost in the needs of everyone but yourself. I realized the days I spent a little bit of time doing things that excite me, it took my energy, happiness and over all well being to the next level for myself and those around me. When my oldest was about 3.5 years old I witnessed him fluently reading and attempting to write in Gujarati and Hindi. It was the most rewarding and fulfilling experience. I was touched by the power of hands-on and immersive learning. From the basics of speaking to my children in Gujarati to all the other efforts I put into bringing language and culture into our home, I was already seeing the results at such an early age. This is what motivated me and inspired me to take this passion of passing on Indian language and culture to the next level with the launch of Bolo Bolo Baby! My goal is to continue sparking the curiosity of Hindi and Gujarati language as well as Indian culture in every home by making it more accessible to our multicultural generation and most importantly keep it hands-on with our creative and detailed bilingual (Hindi and English OR Gujarati and English) product designs! Our products are designed keeping in mind that many of our generation did not learn to speak or read/write in Hindi and Gujarati, but I don’t want that to be a limitation! We are working hard to find creative ways to support this learning journey for our generation! I hope this passion of my mine ends up being a gift for generations to come!

So, if you followed my ramblings for this long then I must ask, what is YOUR passion? And more importantly, HOW are you pursuing it? Come share your journey or join mine because really…it takes a (virtual) village! I continue to share my Motherhood journey with an amazing tribe and my passion through the Bolo Bolo Baby Products. I can’t wait to cross paths with you and be a part of your tribe!

Thank you, Sejal, for sharing your journey and experiences. I’m so glad to have you in my virtual tribe and can’t wait to ‘meet’ baby #5!

If you’ve been reading MIS for the past few months, you know all about my “Diary of a Working Mom” series. It’s very near and dear to my heart because I’m a working mom and these women are my tribe!

But over the past few weeks, I’ve been thinking a lot about the stories I want to share on here, and while working mama stories will always be #1 because that’s my personal vantage point, I want to show the various sides of motherhood and what that means to different people. For example, today we have my good friend Jenny sharing her SAHM story (more on that in a minute). I also have a momtrepreneur lined up to do the same in a couple of weeks.

If I’ve learned anything at all in the past 14 months, it’s this – my mamahood circle needs to/should include mamas from every walk of life, professions, age group, etc. If you want in, I want you here! Regardless of our story, we all have a lot to share and give. And when it comes to the SAHM vs. the working mom debate, it’s not something that should be debated IMO. We’re all doing the best we can for our babies and ourselves. Every mother’s decision is her own, and she shouldn’t be judged for it! PERIOD.

That thought is what brings Jenny to MIS today. So…I don’t know how to give this introduction any justice but I’ll try! Jenny and I have known each other for 16 years! We met my freshman year of college (her sophomore) and it was honestly friendship at first sight. We both ended up majoring in Finance and taking a ton of classes together and the rest is history…16 years of history to be exact.

Jenny’s little boy Noah was born a little over a month before Kaiden, so now we’re sharing the motherhood major as well! Jenny (and her husband/our good friend Jimi) is the most down to earth, funny, and relatable (she’s also #marriedtomedicine) person I know. She’s an open book when it comes to any questions I have, and she doesn’t hide the fact that while this journey is an amazing one, it’s hard! And you guys know, I appreciate that more than anything!

I could honestly go on and on about Mrs. Malik, but I’ll let her do the talking instead!

1. Share a bit about you – family info, pre-baby work life, Jimi’s profession and how it impacts you, etc.
Hi MIS Community! My name is Jenny Malik, my husband’s name is Jimi, and we have a 15 month old named Noah. Prior to making the decision to stay at home with Noah, I worked as a Financial Consultant with CDC on various projects in Atlanta for 7 years, and then switched gears and became an Operations Manager at Raymond James in Albany, GA for almost 4 years. Jimi is a physician who is currently completing a one year Hospice and Palliative Medicine Fellowship at MD Anderson Cancer Center in Houston, TX. We’re thankful because this fellowship has allowed us a little more time together as a family and we hope that the next job will allow for the same. As a Hospitalist Director before fellowship, Jimi worked at least 2 weekends a month, 12 hour day/night shifts, and many holidays,leaving him less time with us. Although the fellowship is busy with weekday and weekend call, Jimi is able to see Noah at the end of the day because he gets off of work at a more reasonable hour so that makes me incredibly happy.

2. How long have you been a SAHM and what prompted you to stay home with your baby?
I have been a SAHM for 15 months since Noah was born in May 2017. There were a lot of different factors that went into our decision for me to stay at home, but I think the biggest one was quality time. Jimi and I always talk about how when we’re on our deathbeds, we won’t say that we wished we had worked more, received that promotion, or made more money… instead, we will wish we had more time with the people we love.

3. Walk me through a day in your life.
There have been a lot of fluctuations over the course of Noah’s short lifetime on what a “normal” day looks like, but our day now typically starts at 6:30/7:00am. Jimi will get ready for work and will be there by 7:30am on most days. Now that Noah is 15 months, he’s a lot more interactive which makes the day go by more quickly and, in general, is a lot more fun. I’ll be honest, newborn days went by really slow for me, but I do miss the cuddles :). We’ll play, read, dance, sing, or run errands when Noah isn’t taking one of his two naps. When he is napping, I’ll try to take care of things around the house or relax for a bit (cook, clean, laundry, vacuum, watch a show, bake, etc.). The evenings get busier because once Jimi comes home from work, we’ll have family dinner, Noah’s bathtime, play/read together, and Noah’s bedtime at 7:45pm. Jimi and I will spend our uninterrupted quality time together after Noah is in bed. We’ll catch up on the day, eat dinner (if we haven’t been able to already) and if we have time, watch something together. That time with Jimi is one of my most favorite parts of the day.

4. In your opinion, what are the biggest advantages of being a SAHM?
I have really enjoyed having quality bonding time with Noah and being able to witness his first milestones. I’m also a bit of a control freak, so I like having the ability to adjust his schedule (as best you can with a young child) in case there’s an off nap or something doesn’t go quite as planned. I don’t feel rushed at the end of the day or on the weekends in that I’m able to get more done around the house during the day so that when Jimi is off, we can hang out as a family and not spend as much time on housework.

5. On the flip side, what do you consider to be the biggest disadvantages?
I have found that I can definitely get bored and miss the social interaction with other adults. Hopefully I don’t lose my ability to talk to people! If you don’t use it, you lose it, right?!? 🙂 I miss being mentally challenged like I was in the working world. I find that I always have to be “on” in that there’s no real break and you can’t leave at 5:00pm everyday. I sometimes worry that I’m not teaching Noah all that I can, or should, be teaching him. Since I’m a first time mom, I find myself having to read or talk to other moms about when kids are supposed to do certain things like use spoons to eat or potty train. There’s so much to teach these little babies!

6. How do you handle mom guilt?
Even though I’m at home with Noah everyday, I still feel mom guilt if I go out without him… it’s unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. In these moments, I try to remember that it’s important for me to have some time for myself and it’s equally valuable for Noah to get one-on-one time with Jimi or family and friends. Thankfully, Jimi is always great about encouraging me to get out and enjoy time for myself.

7. How do you carve out me time? What does me time look like for you? What’s your guilty pleasure?
Although it’s not just “me” in this instance, I love date nights with my boo. I also enjoy a relaxing mani/pedi, baking desserts, girls nights, and watching a tv show or two. I just finished seasons 1 and 2 of Man in the High Castle and can’t wait to see what happens in season 3 this fall! Guilty pleasure – I’ve stepped up my online shopping game since I can’t always get out to the mall these days. Oh those simple joys in life… 🙂

8. What advice would you give to someone considering being a SAHM?
It’s a tough decision to make, but if you’re willing and able to (whether that be financially, physically, mentally, emotionally, etc.), you likely won’t regret the decision to stay at home with your child. You may love staying home and you may not, and either way, it’s okay. You’re still a great mom. At the end of the day, you have to determine what is best for you and your family. A phrase that I’ve heard over and over again since becoming a mom which I have found to be true in my limited experience is – “Days can be long, but years go by quickly.” This saying applies on good days and bad, and I personally am trying to embrace it one day at time. This experience has pushed me out of my comfort zone in so many ways, and I look forward to seeing how our family continues to grow together.

Thanks for the opportunity to share a little bit about my life as a SAHM and the life of the Maliks! 🙂

Thank YOU, Jenny, for sharing your story! Noah and Jimi are so lucky to have you!