life lessons Archives - My Inner Shakti

This is 36 and These are the 6 Biggest Lessons I’ve Learned

It’s my birthday today! To be very honest, I’m not a huge birthday person. I love celebrating other people’s birthdays. But my own? Don’t care all that much. To me, today is more about my parents. It’s the day their lives changed completely 36 years ago. To that point, Kaiden’s birthday is a HUGE deal to me for that very reason. It’s the day I became a mom!

Anyways, enough of that! Despite not really wanting to make a big deal out of it, my sister made me a cake (she’s the sweetest!), her and my BIL are watching K tonight, and Vishnu’s taking me out to dinner. Now that I think about, I can get behind this kind of celebrating!

Something I do find myself doing a lot around this time every year is reflecting on who I was, who I am, and who I will be. I also love thinking about all the lessons I’ve learned over the years. Things I try and beat into anyone who’s younger than me!

This is 36. Where family selfies are taken by your toddler!

With that, I thought I’d share 6 of the biggest lessons I’ve learned in the past 36 years. Let’s do this…birthday style!

It’s so so cliché yet so so true. Love yourself completely. The good, the ‘bad,’ the things you want to change, you mind, your body. All of it. After years of feeling like I wasn’t good enough, pretty enough, skinny enough, smart enough, etc., I can tell you without a doubt that if you start to look at yourself in the best possible light and remain gentle going forward, everything will change. Loving yourself isn’t selfish. It’s an investment into the wellbeing and joy of everyone around you. While you’ll reap most of the benefits, they’ll be the recipients of the dividends from your newfound happiness.
Travel. Whenever you can. Wherever you can. Make it a habit. This is something I had done more with my friends and Vishnu. I mean, we’ve travelled to some cool places, but I have no doubt we could’ve done more. There are so many benefits to stepping outside your comfort zone and into another culture and way of living. Just do it!
If there’s something in your heart you want to try, DO IT! You only have now. There are no promises for what tomorrow brings. Stop overthinking it and take a small step. And then do it again and again and again, until you’ve done the damn thing!
People come and people go. That’s ok. Not everyone is meant to stay in your life forever. Also, you can’t be everything to everyone. Try and keep those around who you feel the most you with.
There’s no such thing as perfect. It’s all in the eye of the beholder. So, don’t strive for perfection because it’s impossible. Strive to be a little different every day. We’re all works in progress. Take it one day at a time!
Don’t sweat the small stuff. None of it really matters in the long run. Learn to spend your energy on the things and people who truly matter to you. Think about it this way. The amount of energy you get every day is finite. If you spend the majority of it on the little things, you won’t have any left for the big things you want to accomplish, the people who need a bit of your energy, and most importantly…you! Remember to save a little for yourself every day! Stay focused on what’s really important!

That’s all she wrote! Thanks for reading. 😊

If You Don’t Ask…

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…the answer is always no. As I (and Nora Roberts) like to say.

While the big lesson Vishnu wants to pass on to Kaiden is to never give up no matter how many times he may fall, mine is a little different. I want to teach him the value of asking for what he believes he deserves because if you don’t ask, the answer is always no. Additionally, not asking leads to regret and what ifs, which are both hard to live with.

There’s no doubt Kaiden will hear me say this A LOT over the course of his life because I truly believe it and have benefited from asking these harder questions.

For example, I was the only person in my post-MBA job class to ask for an increase in base salary, and guess what…I got one. Nothing monumental, but something’s better than nothing.

A couple of years ago, I had a courageous conversation with my boss’s boss about my salary. I asked her if an increase to market value was possible, and guess what…not only did I get a major bump in salary, but I also got a promotion.

Don’t get me wrong. Money is not the most important driver. Possibility is. I know who have met the loves of the their lives because they dared to ask a stranger out. People who got cool opportunities when they weren’t the most qualified because they showed ambition and determination.

I also know people, myself included, who’ve asked the question and received a no in return. It’s not easy to hear, but at least you know versus wondering what could have been. The no is a lot easier to take when you think of it this way.

And this doesn’t just apply to major life situations. It applies to small every day things too. From restaurant requests to asking for samples at Sephora. 🙂

Don’t discount the power of asking for what you want. The worst thing anyone can say is no.

Enjoy and Appreciate the Slow Days

written by Parita 2 Comments

While I drove home from my Sunday night grocery run, I reflected on the weekend and thought, “Saturday felt like a slow day, and I really liked it.”

What I mean by slow is that we took our time doing almost everything (getting up, getting ready, eating, etc.), and I remember everything about the day. That hardly happens anymore. It honestly felt like the ‘good old days.’ You know, the days when smart phones and the internet like it is now didn’t exist. Days where you took your time and savored the moment.

Upon further reflection, I decided I want more slow days. In fact, I want more slow days than fast ones.

This thought was solidified when I sat down on the couch next to Vishnu an hour or so later. I was scrolling through Facebook (trust me, I see the irony in this) and came upon a heartbreaking story. A story about a 37 year old mother who was driving home from the hospital where she was visiting her premature twins in the NICU. A mother whose car was fatally sideswiped by another vehicle whose driver was possibly under the influence. A mother who leaves behind six children and a husband.

I immediately started praying for this family as the tears rolled down my face. I also couldn’t help but think about all of the other recent tragedies and how life just isn’t fair. But I suppose we’ll never know why bad things happen to good people.

And while there’s nothing fair about losing someone you love way too soon, something we can do while our loved ones are still with us is enjoy and appreciate the slow days with them. All this requires is to really be in the moment with those who matter most. Physically, mentally, and emotionally. Put your phone away. Don’t think about work or your growing to do (or get to) list. Listen, acknowledge, hug, kiss, smile, play, enjoy, appreciate, slow down, and LIVE!

Because we’ll never truly know what’s in store for us tomorrow, go ahead and enjoy and appreciate the slow days. And while you’re at it, actively cultivate lots and lots of slow days. Your future self will thank you.

I wish you a slow and happy Monday!

Repeat After Me – Everything is Figureoutable

written by Parita 2 Comments

Figureoutable is not a Parita term. I only heard of it very recently while watching a Marie Forleo Super Soul Sunday episode. This was one of those random things I watched while sitting at my desk and eating lunch, and I honestly didn’t expect for it to impact me as much as it did. In fact, repeating the phrase “everything is figureoutable” over and over again during our move is what kept me sane!

If you want to know what figureoutable means to Marie, watch the episode. To me, it’s a great reminder not to freak out immediately! Even the most challenging situation is figureoutable. You may not like the solution, but it’s there. Something else this word reminds me is that solutions don’t come easy, you have to work for them. You have to figure it out – take a deep breathe, let the emotion go (with time), use your head, and take whatever action feels right to you.

This episode fell into my lap/inbox at the perfect time. My one goal with our move to Chicago was to stay calm and not let the stress get to me. Personally, I think I did a hell of a job…no major arguments with Vishnu, no breakouts, no tears. Win, win win! And trust me, the opportunities for all of those things to happen were there, I just chose not to let them get to me. I focused on the fact that everything is figureoutable!

To bring this made up word to life, I want to share two prime scenarios that come to mind. The first had to do with packing up our car. Vishnu was very skeptical that we could fit all of our stuff into our “tiny” sedan. He stated this multiple times. I, on the other hand and somewhat surprisingly, took a different view. You guessed it – one way or another, everything would be just fine because everything is figureoutable. I kept telling him that if things didn’t fit, we could use UPS to mail them to Chicago, we could donate them, or we could throw away some of the unessential items. We’re two intelligent people, and together we would figure it out. I’m not sure repeating a made up word helped Vishnu, but it did prevent us from arguing, and it did help us when space seemed so limited. We did have to leave a few things behinds, but we were also able to bring along some things that we didn’t expect to. It all worked out!

The second scenario where maintaining the “everything is figureoutable” mindset worked in our favor was when we actually got to Chicago and had to figure out how to get our four large suitcases and 12 boxes home from the Amtrak station. We were unsure as to what to do because multiple trips were necessary, I had to go to work the day our stuff came in, etc. To make a long story short, I quickly stopped the oncoming freak out, took a deep breath, and started throwing out ideas. The one that stuck involved using Task Rabbit (this is a great service that allows you to hire people to do whatever tasks you need doing). I suggested hiring someone with a truck to meet Vishnu at the station and help him bring our stuff home. Lo and behold, we found someone almost immediately, and he was highly rated and very affordable. I honestly don’t think I would’ve been able to think of this random solution without my new mindset.

I recognize that these examples are pretty minor compared to the hard stuff life often throws at us. However, after giving it quite a bit of thought, I’m convinced that a figureoutable mindset can help us get through the toughest of times. Like I said before, you may not like the solution, but it’s there.

Repeat after me – “Everything is “figureoutable.”

What mantra helps get you through stressful/tough times?

What is NOT the point of life?

written by Parita 17 Comments

As stated so perfectly in this Clarity on Fire post, I often find myself getting stuck in the daily grind and then eventually asking what is the point of all of this. That kind of thinking eventually leads to the bajillion dollar question – what is the point of life? Putting aside the broad and generic responses, I find this question really hard to answer. I mean, it’s pretty much as deep as it gets!

But what if you approached the question from a different angle. Instead of asking what is the point of life, ask yourself what is not the point of my life. The addition of that one word changes everything. We all inherently know what is not the point of our lives, but when you don’t frame the question in that way, the answer seems unattainable.

Anyway, after reading Kristen’s post, I opened up the Notes app on my phone and started typing furiously. You guys know I’m a pen and paper kind of girl, however, I want to have my list handy whenever I need an extra boost. It serves as a great reminder of all the things (big and small) I really need to let go of (if I haven’t already).

With that, here’s my “what is not the point of life” list…

Being perfect
Having everyone like/love you
Climbing the career ladder
Staying inside my comfort zone
Being super fit
Being everything to everyone
Playing the comparison game
Holding grudges
Being right (and wanting to prove it)
Caring about what everyone else thinks about your decisions/actions
Pretending to be someone you’re not
Being afraid to make mistakes
Having a super clean and put together home
Holding on to the past

…and I’m sure this list will continue to grow over time.

It’s ironic how we all know what our list looks like even if we don’t put pen to paper. But when it comes down to what we choose to focus on, it’s often those very things that end up draining our energy.

I’m no exception to the above. That is why I’m going to try my very best to let go of everything that is not the point of my life and hopefully open myself up to everything that is!

How’s that for a deep end of the week post?!

Happy Friday!

What’s on your “this is not the point of my life” list?

32 Lessons in 32 Years

written by Parita 25 Comments

It was my birthday this past weekend! To be honest, I’m not a huge birthday person. I love celebrating other people’s birthdays, but I don’t like making a big deal out of my own. To put this in perspective, I was more excited about MIS’ birthday!

Of course, Vishnu wasn’t going to let it pass by without some sort of celebrating. I woke up on Saturday morning to the sound of Vishnu entering the apartment after his night shift. He usually comes into the bedroom right away to give me a kiss, but instead he started rummaging around in the kitchen. I got out of bed after a few minutes to see what was up. Well, what was up was a cute little cupcake, a birthday balloon, my favorite dark chocolate, and the sweetest husband in the world singing happy birthday!

[Vishnu’s original plan was to bring the cupcake to me in bed, but I woke up and ruined that plan. I felt bad, so I got back in bed and let him do his thing!]

The rest of the day was pretty perfect too. I ran my usual weekend errands, treated myself to a delicious coffee, and talked to family and friends throughout the day. Later in the evening, we had an amazing dinner experience at a local Italian restaurant (more about this restaurant coming soon!). We ended the night with Meet the Patels and YouTube videos!

And this, my friends, is 32!

I also spent a portion of the weekend reflecting on all the things I’ve learned in the last 32 years (both big and small). Along with the 32 lessons below, I’ve come to realize that I’m much more grounded now than I ever was in my 20s. Despite the bumpy journey, I’m proud of myself and truly looking forward to what this year and the rest of my 30s will bring.

And now, in no particular order, my 32 lessons in 32 years…

Everything in moderation. Even moderation.
Laughter is the BEST medicine!
The grass is greener where you water it.
No one can take your knowledge away from you. Strive to learn something new every day.
The world needs more authentic/genuine/real people. If nothing else, be that.
You can’t love someone else completely until you love yourself completely.
A little reality TV never hurt anyone.
You can’t change other people. You can, however, change yourself. And that may ultimately change those around you.
Always have an attitude of gratitude.
Find something that makes you come alive – a job, a passion project, a hobby – and go after it with a vengeance.
The darker the chocolate the better.
Wash your face every night. Don’t skip this step! Oh and…moisturize, moisturize, moisturize.
A bad day(s) doesn’t equal a bad life.
Your parents aren’t going to be around forever so don’t take them for granted.
Money isn’t everything. In fact, most of life’s precious moments are 100% free.
You’ll never regret saying, “I’m sorry.”
Be kind to unkind people. They need it the most.
Always choose the adventure.
Health is real wealth.
When in doubt, less is more.
Your body was made to move.
Choose integrity over all else. Because you will always know.
Travel, both near and far, as often as possible.
Marriage is hard work. And it’s not 50/50. It’s 100/100.
Assume good intent.
Live within your means and save money whenever possible.
Perfection does not exist. In fact, the fun lies in the imperfections.
Listen to your gut/intuition. It can/will guide you if you let it.
Know what good looks like (for you) and don’t settle for less.
Loss, heartbreak, pain, etc. are all a part of life. You won’t be the same after going through it, but you will be ok.
Life is short. Have fun, laugh as much as possible, and love with your whole heart.
Age is just a number!

And just because she’s the cutest, here’s the birthday poem my mom wrote for me! [Thanks, momma!]

What did you get up to this weekend!?

Don’t Apologize for Being Picky About These 3 Things

written by Parita 15 Comments

Early on in life, being picky is usually seen as negative thing. For example, toddlers can be picky eaters and that can oftentimes pose a problem for parents.

Even later in life, I’ve had several friends be told that they’re too picky because they aren’t married yet. (Side note: I mean, I get that parents worry, but really? Too picky about who you’re going to spend the rest of your life with? Hmm…)

Now that I’m in my thirties, I consider pickiness to be a positive attribute. I know it’s cliché, but you only get this one life. There are no second chances or do overs. That’s why I’m not going to apologize for being picky about the following three things. In fact, I’m only going to be pickier from here on out!

TIME

Like it is with so many other things in life, we oftentimes don’t respect time until it’s a thing of the past. Once it’s gone, it’s gone. Time is precious.

And that’s exactly why I want to be pickier about how I spend my time. Admittedly, I’m not the best at this. However, I’m trying to be more present and aware of how I choose to spend my free time. If I find myself aimlessly watching TV or surfing the internet, I check in and ask myself if this is really what I want to be doing right now. If the answer is yes, then I continue on. If the answer is no, I turn my attention to something more meaningful.

I’m also trying to be better about prioritizing my time so that it’s not always filled with other people’s agenda items. This ensures that the ever important “me” activities don’t get pushed to the back burner.

PEOPLE

Over the past couple of years, I’ve learned (sometimes the hard way) that one of the best things you can do is be picky about who you let into your life.

I used to be the kind of person that wanted everyone to be a part of her life. Even if people didn’t return the favor, I’d do my absolute best to keep in touch. I’d also make excuses for people who were less than kind. And those excuses usually resulted in me blaming myself for their behavior. One word comes to mind when I think of those days…EXHAUSTING!

So now, I’m choosing to be picky not only about who comes into my life but also who stays. I’m trying very hard to be more positive, grounded and zen. The last thing I need is someone else’s negative energy. And by no means am I saying that I only want positive people all the time. In fact, that wouldn’t be very authentic at all. I guess my point is that if someone’s overall vibe is negative, I don’t want or need it.

LIFE IS TOO DAMN SHORT!

MONEY

I’m a firm believer in that money (aka “things”) can’t buy happiness. In my 31 years, I’ve seen plenty of unhappy people with plenty of money and “things.” I’ve also seen lots of happy people with very little in terms of the things money can buy. Now, I know this isn’t as black and white as I’m making it seem, but overall, when I reflect on the happiest/most fulfilling moments in my life, they had nothing to do with the things money can buy. They did, however, have to do with an experience of some sort. And I totally acknowledge that some experiences in life require a little dough!

Vishnu and I are ridiculously fortunate in terms of our finances. Don’t get me wrong. We aren’t bringing in the big bucks by any means, but for the most part, money isn’t something we worry about regularly. However, that doesn’t mean we can/should spend freely on “things.” In fact, my goal with our next move is to get rid of as many “things” as possible.

What I do want is for us to be pickier about how we prioritize between things and experiences. For example, I splurged a little for better seats at the Aziz Ansari show this weekend because I know it’s going to be a fun experience for both me and Vishnu. AND it’s his birthday! Travel is another experience I want us to prioritize. Our trip to Italy, while expensive, was beyond amazing! The memories we created will stay with me for the rest of my life.

Sometimes “things” are necessary and even warranted, but when it comes to how you choose to spend your money, prioritize and pick experiences over “things.” Trust me, you’re guaranteed to get a better happiness return!

Thanks for reading and happy Friday!

Do you find yourself getting pickier as you get older? How so?

This is 36 and These are the 6 Biggest Lessons I’ve Learned

If You Don’t Ask…

Enjoy and Appreciate the Slow Days

Repeat After Me – Everything is Figureoutable

What is NOT the point of life?

32 Lessons in 32 Years

Don’t Apologize for Being Picky About These 3 Things

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