My Inner Shakti

finding strength in everyday things

Weekly Marriage Meeting

Weekly Marriage Meeting

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I’d like to think that after over four years of marriage Vishnu and I are pretty good communicators and generally know what we each need to do to keep our household running.  But then out of nowhere, a great idea presents itself.

When my sister and her husband came over for dinner the other night, they talked about their weekly marriage meeting.  This is something they recently implemented to stay on the same page every week.  With two incredibly demanding schedules, it’s easy to focus on work and put your marriage and essential tasks on the back burner.  Especially as newlyweds.

What’s a weekly marriage meeting you ask?  Well, it’s exactly what it sounds like.  It’s a 30 ish minute weekly meeting where you come together as a couple and do some or all of the following…

  • Give a general update on your weekly happenings
  • Share something your partner did that you really appreciated
  • Review the previous week’s goals
  • Set a few key goals for the coming week
  • Discuss financials and anything related to your family budget
  • Meal plan together

Personally, this is right up my alley.  I love setting (and achieving) goals, meal planning, etc.

Weekly Marriage MeetingEven if you’re nothing like me, hear me out. Relationships are hard work and require special attention.  I think that’s something we can all agree on.  I also think we can agree on the fact that it’s easy to take your significant other for granted every now and again.  It’s not intentional of course, but when you see each other everyday, it’s easy to make everything but your love a priority.  These meetings help avoid that!

If you’re still not convinced, how about this – your relationship is like your job.  It requires you to set goals, check in regularly, acknowledge what’s working well, provide constructive feedback, etc.  A good friend said this to me once, and it really stuck.  I would never let my responsibilities at work to fall to the wayside, so why would I do that to my most precious relationship.  Am I right or am I right?!

Anyways, now that you’re convinced that you and your significant other need to hold weekly meetings, here are a few ground rules to ensure your meetings are productive.

  • Schedule your meetings so that everything else revolves around them.  And don’t cancel!
  • Put your phone and anything else that could prove to be a distraction away.
  • Sit together.  Side-by-side.  It’s more intimate!
  • Always keep an open mind and frame everything in a positive way.  This is not the time to bring your grievances to the table.  Schedule a separate meeting for that!

In all honestly, Vishnu and I did a lite version of this for a couple of weeks (and actually enjoyed it).  We didn’t follow rule #1 so that’s probably why the concept didn’t stick. But with a new year upon us in a few short weeks, I’m ready to bring weekly marriage meetings back.  Wish us luck!

Do you and your significant other do something similar?  What are you tips and tricks for staying on the same page when life gets in the way?

Gretchen Rubin Four Tendencies Quiz

The Four Tendencies Quiz – Take It Before Making Your 2016 Resolutions

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I took an online personality quiz, and it changed my life.

Said no one ever.

Not even me – the girl who loves discovering and taking new quizzes.  And I’ll admit that when the results page pops up on my screen, I sit and read every word.  I may even reflect for a few minutes.  But after that, it’s basically in one ear and out the other.  Hardly ever do I use what I learn from these “revealing” quizzes.

Of course, there are a couple of exceptions.

The first one is The 5 Love Languages quiz I took, made Vishnu take, and then blogged about a year or so ago.  I still think about this one because it’s so spot on.  The second quiz that really opened my eyes is Gretchen Rubin’s Four Tendencies quiz.  Going into it, I knew exactly which bucket I would fall under (I’m an Upholder through and through).  So that wasn’t exactly revealing.  The “results page” though, that was what got me thinking.  Not that it was super detailed…however, it was simple enough to understand and the concepts can easily be thought about in terms of real life situations/experiences.

I liked the Four Tendencies quiz enough to make Vishnu sit down and take it too.  If you know my husband, you know this is no easy feat.  Anyways, while I knew exactly which tendency I fell under, I had no clue with Vishnu.  All I knew was that an Upholder he is not!  Turns out Vishnu’s an Obliger.

What benefit did I get from taking this quiz and making my husband take it too?

Well for one, it made me feel better about my semi-neurotic ways.  Upholders, by definition, respond to both inner and outer rules and expectations.  This is why I live by my to do lists, am motivated by execution and getting things done, and feel horrible when I make mistakes or fail to follow through.  Even when it’s MY own expectation or rule.  My Upholder tendency is why setting goals (and blogging about them) works so well for me.  Also (this isn’t a good thing), I personally think being an Upholder blindly leads me to hold everyone else up to the same standards, which is why it was so great that Vishnu took the quiz!

Vishnu’s an Obliger, which means that he responds to outer rules and expectations but not inner ones.  He thinks more in terms of the things he must get done and is motivated by accountability and not letting other people down.  The quiz results plus the Happier podcast episode that talks more about Obligers really helped me understand Vishnu in a way that I hadn’t been able to up to this point.  In the podcast, Elizabeth, Grechen’s sister, said that her husband who is also an Obliger doesn’t seem to think of her as an outsider or someone he can’t let down.  This means she’s not a source of motivation for him because she’s “too close.”  Her expectations for him are not part of the outer world…they feel like they’re coming from the inside.  I kid you not, when I heard her say this, I almost fell over.  This is 110% Vishnu!  And up until that point, it would leave me feeling so frustrated.   But now I get that the best thing I can do to help him achieve goals or meet inner expectations is help him figure out a system of outer accountability that doesn’t include me!

Side note: all of this will make sense after you take the quiz and listen to the podcast.  It’s really fascinating and worth the time if you ask me!

Gretchen Rubin Four Tendencies Quiz

Anyways, I tell you all this because I think this is one online quiz everyone should take before setting new goals/habits/resolutions in 2016.  It’ll help you understand how you handle both inner and outer expectations.  This is crucial when sticking to new habits or achieving goals.  For example, an Upholder like me will do whatever her to do list tells her to do because I have to meet the expectations I set for myself.  However, an Obliger like Vishnu is more likely to stay accountable if the expectations come from someone else (other than me!) and not a list he created.

Maybe I’m just a sucker for these kinds of things, but this quiz really made sense to me.  I mean, it wasn’t life changing, but it did help me understand my husband (and myself) a little bit better.  And that’s a HUGE win!

If you love this kind of stuff as much as I do, I highly recommend you check out Gretchen Rubin’s books – The Happiness Project (read this a few years ago) and Better Than Before (this one is on my list).

Have you taken this quiz before?  If so, what tendency are you?  If you take this quiz as a result of my post, come back and tell me what tendency you are!

No portion of this post is sponsored.  However, there are Amazon affiliate links included. There is no extra cost to you, but I do receive a small commission on anything you buy through my links.  Thank you for reading and supporting My Inner Shakti!

Grow Your Marriage by Focusing on the Small Things

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Marriage is work. You guys have read that on here before! But when you think about it, anything and everything worth having is work.

And while I strongly believe in love, communication, trust, honesty, etc, those are givens. You won’t happily survive the crazy adventure of marriage without these building blocks.

And even with these major elements present, there’s no guarantee your marriage will be full of growth – mental, emotional, and spiritual growth. It’s a little scary to be honest

So how do you grow your marriage and ensure that the two of you grow together as a couple?*

Well, some people live for the big marriage moments – the engagement, the wedding, the honeymoon, the baby, the first home, etc. Sounds a little nuts, but I know couples that are constantly looking forward to the next “big” thing…to the point that it’s all they talk about. The next big trip, the next car they’re going to buy, the next expensive restaurant they’re going to try. They seek growth in these things.

I’ll be the first to admit that it’s fun and exciting to talk about these big moments, dream about them even. I mean, Vishnu and I have our future children’s names picked out (well if we have girls that is). And we are definitely planning to eat our way through Italy next year.

However, while I am no marriage expert, I can say with 100% certainty that these big things do not bring growth. They bring excitement, they give you something to look forward to, they are milestones, but they will not help grow your marriage on a daily basis.

If you take a moment and pay attention, you’ll realize, much like I did, that the kind of growth that will sustain you and your significant other for the years to come is wrapped up in the small, every day, seemingly simple things.

These “things” most likely look and feel different depending on the couple. For us, I find that our marriage grows steadily when we laugh together about silly things, when we teach other something new, when we argue and then discuss our lessons learned, when we overcome obstacles as a team, etc. Call me cheesy but I also think growth also occurs in the silent moments – as you’re falling asleep next to the person you love, as you sit and watch your favorite TV show together, as walk hand in hand during a post-dinner walk, etc.

I think we can all agree that we live in a day and age where most people assume bigger is better. But when it comes to relationships, I truly believe that by thinking about, focusing/working on, and relishing in the seemingly small things, you not only grow your marriage but also the amount of love and happiness you feel on a daily basis.

And because I love finding quotes that capture my thoughts in a concise way, I have to share one that pretty much summarizes this entire blog post…

Maybe a marriage, like a life, isn’t only about the Big Moments, whether they be bad or good. Maybe it’s all the small things–like being guided slowly forward, surely, day after day– that stretch out to strengthen even the most tenuous bond.”
― Sarah Dessen, This Lullaby

*For the sake of this post, I wrote about marriage. However, I believe the idea of growth and focusing on the small things applies to all relationships!

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