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Gretchen Rubin Four Tendencies Quiz

The Four Tendencies Quiz – Take It Before Making Your 2016 Resolutions

written by Parita 8 Comments

I took an online personality quiz, and it changed my life.

Said no one ever.

Not even me – the girl who loves discovering and taking new quizzes.  And I’ll admit that when the results page pops up on my screen, I sit and read every word.  I may even reflect for a few minutes.  But after that, it’s basically in one ear and out the other.  Hardly ever do I use what I learn from these “revealing” quizzes.

Of course, there are a couple of exceptions.

The first one is The 5 Love Languages quiz I took, made Vishnu take, and then blogged about a year or so ago.  I still think about this one because it’s so spot on.  The second quiz that really opened my eyes is Gretchen Rubin’s Four Tendencies quiz.  Going into it, I knew exactly which bucket I would fall under (I’m an Upholder through and through).  So that wasn’t exactly revealing.  The “results page” though, that was what got me thinking.  Not that it was super detailed…however, it was simple enough to understand and the concepts can easily be thought about in terms of real life situations/experiences.

I liked the Four Tendencies quiz enough to make Vishnu sit down and take it too.  If you know my husband, you know this is no easy feat.  Anyways, while I knew exactly which tendency I fell under, I had no clue with Vishnu.  All I knew was that an Upholder he is not!  Turns out Vishnu’s an Obliger.

What benefit did I get from taking this quiz and making my husband take it too?

Well for one, it made me feel better about my semi-neurotic ways.  Upholders, by definition, respond to both inner and outer rules and expectations.  This is why I live by my to do lists, am motivated by execution and getting things done, and feel horrible when I make mistakes or fail to follow through.  Even when it’s MY own expectation or rule.  My Upholder tendency is why setting goals (and blogging about them) works so well for me.  Also (this isn’t a good thing), I personally think being an Upholder blindly leads me to hold everyone else up to the same standards, which is why it was so great that Vishnu took the quiz!

Vishnu’s an Obliger, which means that he responds to outer rules and expectations but not inner ones.  He thinks more in terms of the things he must get done and is motivated by accountability and not letting other people down.  The quiz results plus the Happier podcast episode that talks more about Obligers really helped me understand Vishnu in a way that I hadn’t been able to up to this point.  In the podcast, Elizabeth, Grechen’s sister, said that her husband who is also an Obliger doesn’t seem to think of her as an outsider or someone he can’t let down.  This means she’s not a source of motivation for him because she’s “too close.”  Her expectations for him are not part of the outer world…they feel like they’re coming from the inside.  I kid you not, when I heard her say this, I almost fell over.  This is 110% Vishnu!  And up until that point, it would leave me feeling so frustrated.   But now I get that the best thing I can do to help him achieve goals or meet inner expectations is help him figure out a system of outer accountability that doesn’t include me!

Side note: all of this will make sense after you take the quiz and listen to the podcast.  It’s really fascinating and worth the time if you ask me!

Gretchen Rubin Four Tendencies Quiz

Anyways, I tell you all this because I think this is one online quiz everyone should take before setting new goals/habits/resolutions in 2016.  It’ll help you understand how you handle both inner and outer expectations.  This is crucial when sticking to new habits or achieving goals.  For example, an Upholder like me will do whatever her to do list tells her to do because I have to meet the expectations I set for myself.  However, an Obliger like Vishnu is more likely to stay accountable if the expectations come from someone else (other than me!) and not a list he created.

Maybe I’m just a sucker for these kinds of things, but this quiz really made sense to me.  I mean, it wasn’t life changing, but it did help me understand my husband (and myself) a little bit better.  And that’s a HUGE win!

If you love this kind of stuff as much as I do, I highly recommend you check out Gretchen Rubin’s books – The Happiness Project (read this a few years ago) and Better Than Before (this one is on my list).

Have you taken this quiz before?  If so, what tendency are you?  If you take this quiz as a result of my post, come back and tell me what tendency you are!

No portion of this post is sponsored.  However, there are Amazon affiliate links included. There is no extra cost to you, but I do receive a small commission on anything you buy through my links.  Thank you for reading and supporting My Inner Shakti!

Written on December 9, 2015 Related:Life, Marriage, Self, Uncategorized

Book Review: The Happiness Project

written by Parita 28 Comments

I absolutely love the topic of happiness – reading articles and blog posts about it, discussing it in person with others, practicing tips and techniques I pick up along the way, etc.  So when I read an article about The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin, I knew I had to read this book.  I mean it does have the word happiness in the title!

I started with no expectations at all and came out with a whole lot.  In fact, I took notes along the way, so that I could share my lessons learned versus just a synopsis of the book.

But first a very short description…

With humor and humility, Gretchen Rubin set out to create a year long happiness project for herself.  But not because she was unhappy.  She wanted to see if she could improve her already pretty great life by applying the sage wisdom of philosophers from the past and the modern day research of today.

The book is organized with that year long timeframe in mind, with every chapter being about a particular month and her resolutions for that month.  For example, one month (chapter) is dedicated to the relationship between money and happiness, while another is about relationships and marriage.

Before I get into specifics, I want to say that I loved the little experiments she set up for herself every month.  They reinforced the fact that little changes/updates can have a huge impact on an individual’s quality of life and his/her happiness factor.  And with every experiment, she would reinforce the fact that in order to feel true happiness she had to “be Gretchen.”  In other words, in order for the changes to have a real impact on her happiness, she had to be herself at all times.  

So here are the things that really stood out to me as I was reading…

  • The very simple 1 minute rule.  If you can do a particular task in 1 minute, don’t postpone it.  Get it out of the way.  For example, when I get home from work and change out of my work clothes, my instinct is to throw them on the bed.  Now, I literally pause and think about how putting them away or throwing them in the hamper takes about 30 seconds, and then I do just that.  This was one of my favorite tips – it’s made a huge difference!
  • A paradox of happiness – “We seek to control ourselves but the unfamiliar and unexpected are important sources of happiness.”  Basically, sometimes you just have to let go and take a deep dive into the unknown.  This is something I’m getting better at because I’ve realized (in retrospect) that some of the happiest moments in my life have been the ones I never saw coming.
  • A secret of adulthood – fun for one person does not equal fun for the next.  While it’s great to learn from others and take part in new experiences every now and then, do what makes you happy and don’t feel bad about it.
  • “Be Gretchen” –> “Be Parita” Smile
  • “The days are long, but the years are shorter.”  So so true!  And I think many people, including myself, take this for granted.  If you want to make a change in your life (any change), the time to do it is now.  What are you waiting for!?
  • It’s easy to be heavy and hard to be light.  It’s easy to pick out the negative aspects of a situation, but it’s actually really hard to take a tough situation and put a positive spin on it.  It’s easy to be a pessimist and hard to be an optimist.  It’s easy to give up but really hard to keep moving forward (sometimes against the odds).  Creating happiness for oneself actually takes effort.  It requires a certain degree of selflessness, a whole lot of patience, and an enormous amount of inner strength.

And these are just some of the things I jotted down.  While everyone’s happiness journey is unique to them, I do think this book has a little something for everyone.

Let me know if you decide to check it out!  And Happy Monday!

Have you read The Happiness Project? Thoughts?  Any other books I should add to my list?

Written on April 8, 2013 Related:Book, Inspirational, Life, Self

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