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Having an opinion is important, but knowing if/when to share it is more important.

Pause Before Sharing Your Opinion

written by Parita 15 Comments

I think we can all agree that having an opinion is a good thing.  After all, opinions form the basis of almost every conversation, they showcase a point of view, etc.  I mean, one could argue that MIS (and other blogs) is one big blob of an opinion.

However, I think we can all agree that it’s also important to know when to share your opinion and when to keep your mouth shut.  Just because you have a particular stance on something doesn’t mean it’s always appropriate to express it.

Having an opinion is important, but knowing if/when to share it is more important.

And this is exactly what I’m working on as part of my year of the pause.

I’m not exactly known for being a quiet person.  If I have something to say, I’ll usually find a way to say it.  And to be honest, I kind of like that about myself.

But as with everything in life, there’s are potential downfalls to being less selective when sharing your opinion.  For example, the other person may not want to hear what you think at that time, and it may frustrate him/her that you’re interjecting with your own thoughts before they’ve had the opportunity to fully think about/state/feel whatever they’re going through.  You can also come across as a know-it-all when sharing your opinion trumps hearing the other person out.  And sometimes we really need to keep our thoughts to ourselves, even when we think them with the best intentions – this one is VERY IMPORTANT.  For instance, if a friend of mine is venting to me about someone/something, it’s so easy to share the same opinion and perpetuate the thinking.  But we all know this isn’t healthy – for our friend or us.  Negativity only breeds negativity.

I only realized this was an issue for me when I asked my mom and Vishnu (separately) if they think I overshare my opinion at times and whether they find that helpful or not.  Well, guess what…their answers were a gentle yes and no.  They both said that sometimes they just want to vent to/talk through something with someone who won’t judge them.  I’m that person for both of them, but I wasn’t allowing them to do so because my own thoughts would always surface to the top of the conversation.  Lesson learned!

Now when I feel the urge to share my opinion, I quickly run through a series of questions in my head.  Is sharing my opinion what’s best for the other person?  Is the other person even looking for me to share my thoughts?  Would it be better to share my opinion at a different time?  By not sharing my opinion, am I be doing myself a disservice? 

Based on the answers to these questions, I decide to move forward or keep quiet.  And don’t get me wrong, this is absolutely a journey.  It’s taken a lot of work (and will continue to take a lot of work) to get to this point.  But by pausing and checking in to see what the right thing to say/not say is, I find that I’m slowly becoming a better listener (not my strongest attribute).  I’m also able to separate myself from the other person’s issues, whereas before, I was unable to do so.  Their problem became my problem.  Not so much anymore.

In addition to (mentally) thinking through the questions I mentioned above, you can also get curious and actually ask the other person questions instead of sharing your opinion.  Personally, it really helps me when the person I’m talking to asks thought-provoking questions.  When that happens, I almost don’t mind when they share their opinion because it’s based on something a little more substantial.

Taking a pause before sharing my opinion has helped me help the people I care about.  I obviously don’t have it all figured out (who does, right?!), but what I do know is this – having an opinion is important, but knowing if/when to share it is more important!

Written on January 20, 2016 Related:Life, Self

How to Improve Any Relationship…

written by Parita Leave a Comment

…even a little bit.

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Listen.  Yep, it’s that simple.  Master the art of listening, and master your life.  Ok, maybe I’m stretching it a little, but I truly believe that most good listeners are well respected, liked, and successful in one way, shape or form. 

My thoughts were confirmed when I read an article on the subject in the local paper called To Listen is to Respect.  I found the given tips and techniques to be simple yet effective, so I thought I would share along with some of my own insight. 

And just to be clear, I’m not an expert on good listening – quiet the opposite actually.  While I love talking to people, hearing their thoughts, and engaging in respectful dialogue, I often find myself either interjecting my own opinion or zoning out (probably more than I should).  And that is not respectful.

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NOT respectful (but it happens sometimes)!

The article says that people need to monitor their airtime.  Are you talking more than 50% of the time?  If so, that needs to change ASAP, and here’s how…

Demonstrate genuine interest and empathy.  When talking to people, show interest by asking questions and inviting others to share their thoughts, all while putting your own opinions aside.  And I personally think that if you’re not engaged and can’t show genuine interest, excuse yourself from the conversation.  That seems rude, but I really think that it’s better then pretending to listen.

Listen to learn.  So here, you want to stay present.  Try to understand what the person is saying both verbally and nonverbally.  And instead of thinking about what you’re going to say next, understand what is actually being said because that’s where the learning happens. 

Be comfortable with silence.  Good conversation isn’t always about talking nonstop.  Silence gives both parties a chance to regroup or think about what was already said.  If anything, it can enhance the conversation.  And if you’re one of those people who is uncomfortable with silence or has a need to always fill it up with words (guilty as charged), pause and select your words carefully because you’ll probably end up sharing more then intended.  If you have to break the silence, at least make it a question.

Minimize other bad listening habits. (This one was written for me).  Don’t text while someone is talking to you.  Don’t look at the clock either.  And don’t change the subject, especially if the other person started the conversation.  But definitely make sure you are maintaining eye contact, nodding your head when appropriate, and using the right body language.

Good listening skills help build trust and earn respect, both necessary for any healthy relationship.  And if you learn to be a supportive listener, you will find yourself surrounded by others who are able to do the same for you.  Win win!

And as Sir Winston Churchill once said, “Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.”

Do you consider yourself to be a good listener?  Which tip resonated with you?  Have any of your own to share?

Written on January 27, 2012 Related:Relationships, Self

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