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What I Think of My Pregnant Body

What I Think of My Pregnant Body

written by Parita 2 Comments

What I think of my pregnant body.  Whew, what a loaded title, huh?!

With that, I’m not going to hold back with this post.  I’ve been formulating it in my head for a while now, and I figure it’s time to get my honest thoughts out there.  Get ready for some realness, and please note that the following is 100% my story (because every pregnant woman and her pregnancy are different).

First and foremost, I want to start off by saying that I’m beyond grateful for my body and what it’s accomplished over the past 8.5 months.  On the flip side, the changes that come with this territory haven’t always been easy to swallow.  Oh, and we can’t forget about the hormones!

What I Think of My Pregnant Body

Let me explain…

The Past

Long time readers know I’ve had my fair share of ups and downs when it comes to body image issues.  Let’s just say I haven’t always been so body positive with myself.  Like a lot of women, I tend to scrutinize and criticize more than love.  For the sake of this post, let’s say this mindset is my set-point.

The First Few Months

When I first learned I was pregnant, I was obviously over-the-moon.  But pretty soon, the reality that my body was going to change (A LOT) set in. I’m not proud to admit it, but given my ever-evolving relationship with my body, I thought about the changes more than I should have.  In fact, I had a few emotional breakdowns (my poor husband!) where I cried about my clothes not fitting, my thighs/arms/you name it getting bigger, etc.  Don’t get me wrong.  I wasn’t naive.  I knew how lucky I was to even be pregnant, and I also knew that pregnancy equaled change.  It was just a tough pill to swallow at first.

My dissatisfaction lasted through the first few weeks of my second trimester…until my belly really started to ‘pop.’  For some reason, seeing my stomach go from this roundish shape to an actual round pregnant belly turned on a switch in my head.  It sounds so bizarre, but most every negative thought disappeared over time.  Instead, I was filled with extreme gratitude for what my body, the one I’ve had a love/hate relationship with for so long, could do and was doing.  Growing a freaking human!  I finally realized what a miracle all of this was and haven’t looked back since.

I should also mention that I thought it would take Vishnu and I a lot longer to get pregnant than it did (for many reasons I won’t go into right now).  I was prepared to have to wait and potentially use medical interventions to get us to the finish line. But God/the Universe had different plans for us…and here we are.  Because of this, part of me feels very selfish for my preliminary focus and thoughts.  But at the end of the day, I’m just glad I got to a positive space where I smile bigger than I ever have when I glance in the mirror.

Present Day

So yes, while my thoughts have evolved with time, I can truly say that I’ve never been prouder of my body and happier with the way it looks.

In fact, when I now think about all the changes it’s gone through, I’m that much more excited about bringing our little guy into this world because it’s this very body that’s going to do so much of the necessary work it takes to raise a healthy baby.  This body is going to feed (hopefully!), carry, play with, embrace, snuggle with, and most importantly, love [with every fiber of its being] our little guy.

Regardless of my past, I’ll always be thankful for the changes I’ve experienced and will likely continue experiencing because they serve as a reminder of this crazy miraculous nine month journey that I wouldn’t trade for the world.  Let’s consider this my new (and improved!) set-point.

For anyone experiencing similar emotions and thoughts, please know you’re not alone.  Pregnancy is an absolutely beautiful thing, but it’s also hard in so many ways.  At the end of the day, you and your body are are miracle workers, and all of these changes will soon be worth their weight in gold (and so much more)!

Written on May 30, 2017 Related:pregnancy, Self

I am a Hypocrite

written by Parita 32 Comments

The other night, Vishnu called me a hypocrite.  And I hate to admit it, but he’s right.  Let me explain.

As we were going to sleep on Sunday, he put his arm around my waist.  I pushed it away and turned the other way.  He asked if everything was ok.  Silence.  He asked again, and that’s when it all came out.  I told him that I didn’t want him touching my fat.  He told me I was being ridiculous. We went back and forth for a while, before I burst into tears and said, “I hate my body!  I hate it!”  I honestly think I stunned my husband…and myself.

Of course this led to a lot of questions but unfortunately no answers.  Vishnu asked me to think about what I said from a different perspective.  He said, “What if your sister, your mom, or your best friend said what you just did?  What would you say to them?  Because whatever you would say to them is what you need to say to yourself.”  Well for one, I would never tell anyone to hate their body.  So yes, I am a hypocrite. 

I’ve been thinking about it for the past few days, and I still don’t know why, in that moment, I said I hate my body.  I honestly thought I was over this kind of thinking.  Hate is such a strong word, and I know I’m better than that.   

Vishnu and I ended our conversation with him telling me that I need to change the way I think about myself.  And he’s right.  This is all part of a mental game I play.  And while I’ve come a long way from where I used to be, I still have a lot of work to do.  You see, I live a healthy lifestyle – nutritious meals (most of the time) + a  variety of workouts.  However, the thoughts that sometimes occupy my headspace are not always healthy and positive.  I still need to work on the whole self-love thing.  I know how important it is, and more importantly, I believe in the power of it.

What bothers me the most is that I write a blog about being positive, maintaining healthy habits, and above all, loving yourself…faults and all.  And there I was, in a moment of weakness, proclaiming that I hate my body.  I feel like I let all of you who read my blog down.  I’m sorry for writing one message and living another. 

I’m not quite sure what happens from here…except that I don’t want to be a hypocrite.  I don’t ever want to use the word hate and body in the same sentence.  I’m ready to enter my thirties with true self-love and respect.  It’ll take time, but for once and for all, I’m going to learn to love and accept the body I’ve been given….faults and all!.  It’s well deserved. 

I know this post isn’t in line with what I usually write about, but I wanted to be honest and make the point that no one is perfect.  As I like to say, we are all beautiful works in progress.  And while acknowledgement is a great first step, you can’t stop there.  At the end of the day, you have to help yourself by challenging the negative thoughts, replacing them with positive ones, and moving forward.  This is what I wish for myself and others like me.  It’s the only way.

“You are imperfect, permanently and inevitably flawed. We all are. And you are beautiful.” -Amy Bloom

Thank you for reading…and hopefully forgiving me for being a hypocrite.  I promise I’m working on it.

Written on March 8, 2013 Related:Health, Self

Girl Talk: Compliments + Confidence

written by Parita Leave a Comment

As you can probably imagine, there were all kinds of conversations going on this past weekend.  With most of us never having met before, we were excited to get to know each other.  It was pretty awesome because there was a high level of comfort present from the beginning.

With that being said, there was one topic that surprisingly came up quite a few times – body confidence. 

The conversation initially started because we were so complimentary with each other – clothes, shoes, hair, makeup, you name it.  I didn’t think too much of this, and it was actually nice to laugh and share hair and makeup tricks and tips.  However, the compliments were then directed to each girls’ physical appearance.  At first, I didn’t think there was anything wrong with this.  However, I started sensing that the follow-up to each of the compliments was a silent, “I’d love to have your _____.”  This made me stop and think because even I engaged in that kind of thinking.

Bachelorette Bandits 098

As we were walking around the city, one of the girls and I started talking about our past (and sometimes present) body confidence issues.  She shared her story, and I shared mine.  I told her that as we were getting ready earlier, I noticed her long, lean arms and was a little jealous.  With a surprised look on her face, she told me that she was thinking the same thing about me and one of the other girls.  It was almost like what we saw in the mirror was not the same as what others saw when they looked at us.  For example, when I heard my new friend tell me that she was envious of my petite frame, I couldn’t believe my ears.  In fact, I kept saying things like “no way” and “you just don’t know.” 

Part two of the body confidence conversation occurred with a larger group of us the next morning.  As I was getting dressed, a couple of girls commented on my small, petite frame and how lucky I was.  To most, their comments would’ve been extremely flattering.  I, however, stopped what I was doing, turned around to look at them (two tall, beautiful women by the way), and told them to stop it.  Instead of being happy about what was being said, I was frustrated because by lifting one another up, we were putting ourselves down, and I was guilty of this as well.  My conversation from the previous day kept coming back to me, and I realized how destructive both behaviors actually were. Complimenting others shouldn’t run parallel to not loving yourself, and accepting compliments shouldn’t run parallel to disbelief and self-doubt. 

If I recall correctly, my exact statement to the group of girls was, “We are all beautiful – tall, short, curvy, flat, thin, thick.  We have to love and accept ourselves.  True beauty is a part of who you are, what you exude.” 

Luckily, another girl agreed with me.  She said that she thinks she’s sexy, therefore she is sexy.  She doesn’t need anyone else to reaffirm her thoughts, although compliments are always nice!.  She mentioned that negative thoughts and comparisons cross her mind from time to time, but she knows she’s an intelligent, competent, beautiful woman.  She acknowledges that everyone’s bodies are different, and this fact should be celebrated.  Her mindset is all about what she has, not what others have that she doesn’t. 

Needless to say, her statements made us all stop and think.  We asked her where her strong self-confidence and appreciation for her body comes from.  We wanted her to divulge her secrets.

Well, it just so happens that this one isn’t a secret at all.  Positive body confidence comes from within.  YOU have to appreciate what you have.  YOU have to make an effort not to engage in negative self-talk.  YOU have to elevate others while not putting yourself down.  YOU have to stop purposely looking for your so called flaws.  YOU have to believe in yourself.  YOU have to exude that confidence, baby, because it’s there, you just have to find it!

So while I can’t personally say that I am now 100% confident with my body, I can say that these conversations remind me to not be so hard on myself, to love myself, and to appreciate and be kind to the body I’ve been give.  

Oh and they also remind me that I love girl talk!

Bachelorette Bandits 100

When you hang out with your girlfriends, do you ever talk about body image and confidence? 

 

Written on February 23, 2012 Related:Friends, Inspirational, Self

Body Bashing Be Gone

written by Parita Leave a Comment

Picture3

Even thought I’ve come a long way from my body bashing days, it’s so easy for me to find imperfections with my body.  So easy. 

The other day, I had enough.  I told myself that instead of focusing on every bit “fat” or “flab” on my body, I’m going to remind myself about all of the wonderful things it allows me to do on a daily basis. 

Instead of focusing on those last few pounds, I’m going to enjoy the little every day things that I oftentimes take for granted.

No one is perfect.  In fact, I think perfection is boring.  So why do I put pressure on myself to have a “perfect” body?  I am healthy and strong, and that’s what really matters. 

I hate it when I hear other people bashing their bodies, so why should I be any different?  I’m not.

I still have a good number of years left to spend with this body, so I better start developing a  positive relationship with it today. 

I better start appreciating it today. 

I better start loving it today.

Do you ever have days where you’re less than pleased with your reflection in the mirror?  How do you combat that negative self-talk?

Written on October 26, 2011 Related:Inspirational, Self

Body Image and Negative Self-Talk

written by Parita Leave a Comment

Can you do me a favor?  Pretty please!  Go to Carrie’s blog at Moves ‘N Munchies and check out her blog post on body image and how women view their bodies.  I love her blog as it is, but I really think this was one of the most powerful blog posts I’ve read in a long time. 

I’ve dealt with body image issues for quite a few years now.  I know what it’s like to look in the mirror and hate what you see.  I know what it’s like to compare yourself to every other girl you see.  I know what it’s like to open up a magazine and wish with all your heart that you looked like one of the models or featured actresses.  And I know I’m not alone.  Negative body image is not an easy thing to overcome, but it is possible.  And I don’t think women are the only ones that suffer from this disease.  Yes, it’s a disease.  Trust me. 

Over the past year or so, I’ve made a conscious effort to really eliminate negative self-talk  and negative self-thoughts from my life.  I used to roll my eyes when I would read or hear things like, “You really have to love yourself first.”  The old me honestly used to think, “What crap!”  But it’s SO SO SO true.  When you love yourself, you take care of yourself and your needs.  Again, this is not an easy battle to fight, but it’s worth it because I now know that I’m worth it. 

Sorry for getting all serious today, but I REALLY feel passionate and strongly about this topic.  Most all of us have dealt with this issue, and it’s not an easy thing to talk about.  So if you will, please do me another favor.  Before going to bed tonight, write down 5 things you love about you.  Save that piece of paper and pull it out whenever you feel that negative self-talk creeping into your thoughts.  Why?  Because YOU are worth it! 

Do you or have you ever suffered from this “disease?”  How are you or how did you overcome it?

Written on March 17, 2011 Related:Inspirational, Self

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