My Inner Shakti

finding strength in everyday things

Last Full Weekend in Chicago

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I took a big exhale as I typed out the title of this post! I can’t believe the less than one week countdown is on. So bittersweet in so many ways, but also just so very sweet.

I wanted this weekend to be full of family time. While Kaiden and I leave next weekend, Vishnu doesn’t come until 12 days later when his fellowship ends.

Friday

Friday was a good day overall. I worked, ran some errands, and baked mini cheesecakes (because I wanted to!). We had a simple dinner, not so simple bedtime routine (because Mr. K didn’t want to go to bed!), and a night of television hopping. We started with an HBO show called Starstruck, moved on to the a docuseries called The Windsors, and ended the night with some Jason Statham movie. Well, Vishnu did anyways. I fell asleep about 25 minutes into The Windsors!

Saturday

Saturday ended up starting later than I expected. Closer to 7:30! Kaiden decided to sleep in a little!

As soon as he woke up, he reminded me that we forgot to wrap daddy’s presents, so that’s what we did first thing. Then we delivered the presents to daddy in bed, ate breakfast, got ready, and went to brunch.

Y’all! M Henry is a must try little place in Andersonville. The food was fantastic! Vishnu and I couldn’t get enough of the Blackberry Bliss Pancakes we ordered for our table.

We then headed to my sister’s place for the next few hours where we sat and talked and caved to Kaiden’s demands! Her SIL graduated from undergrad, so her in-laws were in town. We hadn’t seen them in a long time, and it was fun to catch-up…and I think they enjoyed Kaiden’s shenanigans!

We now had a tired boy on our hands who skipped his nap, which meant a quick dinner, no bath, and an intended early bedtime. Bedtime didn’t happen any earlier than normal, but he fell asleep right away, so there’s that!

I spent the next few hours reading on the couch and starting this blog post while Vishnu watched some Angelina Jolie movie.

Sunday

Sunday started off with pancakes and fruit. We then got ready and headed to the park to launch rockets and swing. I’m pretty sure Kaiden was a little disappointed because none of his friends could make it. He kept asking me who he should play with, and when I would say, me or daddy, he would reply with, “But I want to play with my friends!”

We eventually convinced him to come home, and then it was lunch, nap, workout for mama, wake up, and more park time. We launched rockets with K’s friend Roger, and they also chased each other around with Roger’s bubble guns.

We ended the day/weekend with dinner, bath time (much much needed), and little bedtime drama per the usual!

Overall, our last full weekend in Chicago was a great one! Lots of time outside and with family.

Hope y’all had a good one too!

Friday Stuff [#10]

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Hellooooo Friday! I’ve said this before, but I don’t like being the kind of person who only looks forward to weekends (as easy as that can be!). That being said, I am looking forward to this weekend because we’re celebrating Father’s Day early since we fly out next Sunday (can you believe it?!). There will be brunch, gifts, and family time! I can’t wait.

Other than that, I plan to continue my decluttering efforts. My goal is to donate/giveaway/throw away stuff in Chicago, so we don’t have to sort through it all and go through the same process in Atlanta. Wish me luck!

With that, let’s talk about some Friday stuff…

Reflection time

I attended a leadership session with an HBS professor this week who talked about the importance of including ample reflection time in our days – to ask questions, to think through what went well, what could have gone better, etc. He was talking about this from a work perspective, but this is beneficial to everyone. It’s about giving our brains some time to catch up with our bodies. Otherwise, it’s all about running from here to there, putting out fires, etc.

After hearing him speak, I definitely want to build in more time for intentional reflection. I’m thinking journaling would work well for me, but like he said, you need to make this a habit that works for you. Whatever it looks like, just get it done!

Ilia

Ilia isn’t a new brand, but it’s new to me! I just bought the Skin Serum foundation (shade Catalina SF7) after consulting with a few beauty bloggers and reading reviews. I’ve used it 5-6 times now, and I LOVE it! It doesn’t have that heavy foundation feel despite giving medium coverage, and it’s so easy to apply with your fingertips. The most impressive thing is that I wore it out on HOT days (for 3-4 hours each), and it didn’t budge or leave streaks on my face. I’m a fan!

I want to try the Super Serum Skin Tint (I did the color match via the website and was told to get shade Morgan ST11.5) as well, but I’m going to wait until later in the year. I don’t need it right now, so it feels like an unnecessary purchase, but once baby is here, I’m going to need a simplified morning routine, and I can definitely see this product being part of that. Have you tried this? If yes, let me know you’re thoughts!

Professional Troublemaker

I’m currently reading Professional Troublemaker by Luvie Ajayi Jones, and I freaking love it so far (a little under half way through). It’s the kick in the pants we will need to go out there, speak our truths, and be awesome. I think her writing style is perfectly matched to the message she’s trying to deliver. Love love love!

Good reads

Chrissy Teigen’s fall from grace – I knew there was some controversy around CT in May of this yea but honestly hadn’t looked into it too much. I used to love how direct, unabashed, honest she is, but some of the stuff she’s directed at people in the past definitely crosses a line. I don’t care what your intentions are. When you say things like that, you have to know the impact is going to be pretty bad. Would love to hear your thoughts!

12 Products to Use for Glowing, Summer Skin Without Foundation – More product recs for glowy summer skin! And the Ilia Skin Tint is on this list!

With that, I hope you have an awesome Friday and weekend ahead!

2021 Books To Date

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I set a reading goal of 21 minutes in 2021, and while I haven’t ticked it off every single day, I have gotten through some really good books. I’m now also lowering the bar to ‘however many minutes in 2021.’ HA!

With that, here are my 2021 books to date…with my personal rating (as you can see, I’ve made some good selections so far)!

  1. A Promised Land – Barack Obama – 10/10
  2. Untamed – Glennon Doyle – 10/10
  3. The Nightingale – Kristin Hannah – 9/10
  4. Untold – Brown Girl Magazine and Modern Marigold Press – 10/10
  5. Anxious People – Frederik Backman – 9/10
  6. The Four Winds – Kristin Hannah – 8/10
  7. Life’s Too Short – Abby Jimenez – 8/10
  8. One to Watch – Kate Stayman-London – 7/10
  9. Professional Troublemaker – Luvie Ajayi Jones – currently reading
  10. People We Meet on Vacation – Emily Henry – reading next
  11. What a Happy Family – Saumya Dave – reading next

Now tell me – what do I need to add to the list for the second half of the year?

Friday Stuff [#9]

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The weeks are really flying by around here. I can’t believe we only have two full weekends left in Chicago…and just as the weather is getting better too!

I had a master list of places I wanted to visit, people I wanted to see, restaurants I wanted to eat at, etc. all before we move, and I’m pretty sure I lost that list a while a go. Instead of fretting about all of that, I’m just going to try and enjoy the moments as they come. We’ll be back here in no time to visit is what I keep telling myself.

We do have a couple of fun dinners/events over the next two weeks – Gaijin with my sister, Ever with Vishnu, my sister, and my BIL, and Vishnu’s fellowship graduation dinner. Looking forward to each and every one!

Anyways, enough about the move. Let’s talk about some super random Friday stuff…

Morning routines

We used to have a pretty solid morning routine and were able to to get out the door in under an hour from the time K woke up to the time he walked into school. But now? Now it’s kind of messy. We get through most of what we need to – changing clothes, breakfast…and then everything breaks apart. He wants to stay and play, he doesn’t want to brush his teeth, he wants to draw his teacher a picture, etc. I’m not sure what happened but I’m sure my stress of meetings, calls, and work doesn’t help.

I’m telling myself it’s a phase because most things seem to be with kids, so hopefully he stops with the full on tears at some point.

I swear…it’s the minute he hears ‘no’ and his world falls apart. It’s all age appropriate, I get that, but man…it’s hard to communicate with an emotional child, especially once the tears start.

I do think that by working on my emotions during his emotional moments will help. Vishnu and I talked about a few things earlier this week that I need to just put in place and try. Wish me luck!

Meditation

I’ve written about meditation a few times before, and to be honest, my ‘practice,’ if we can call it that, has never stuck. I think I put too much pressure on myself, and I put it off until the end of the day when I’m super tired and just want to go to bed.

This time around, there’s no pressure, but a real desire to give it a try. I’m trying to get 10 minutes in for the next 30 days in a row. Just me, my timer, and my deep breaths (and a lot of unwanted thoughts as of right now!). We’ll see, I’ll share more later because I do seem to be more motivated this time around…let’s see if that sticks!

Pregnancy wardrobe

When I was pregnant with K, I was going into the office quite a bit. So I decided to buy a few neutral pieces (pregnancy jeans, black pants, and a few tops) and rent everything else from Le Tote. Great choice for that time!

This time around, I’m working from home 100% of the time, so I don’t feel justified in renting clothes. BUT, at the same time, I’m going to be super pregnant while living through the Georgia heat, so my current winter wardrobe won’t suffice the way it has in Chicago (so far!).

I’m trying not to go overboard because…two and through if you know what I mean! Essentially I’ve invested in a couple of more tops, 4-5 dresses and a pair of jean shorts. I figure if I need more, it’s all within a fingers tap…hopefully it’s enough to get me to the finish line.

What are your pregnancy wardrobe must haves? Any favorite places to shop?

Good reads

The Best Beach Reads for Summer – So many are headed to the beach this summer, and you can’t go without a book in hand. This is a great list for anyone who’s looking for a good book or two!

3 Lies They Tell You in School That Hurt You in Business – LOVED this!

Naomi Osaka Shows That Prioritizing Yourself Over A Job Is Still A Radical Act – Didn’t think about Naomi Osaka’s decision in this way, but it’s so true. Nothing is worth our health and sanity! Great read.

Happy Friday! I’m solo parenting most of the weekend since Vishnu’s on call Friday-Monday (last shifts!). We have a few playdates/meet ups and a birthday party on the agenda. Wish me luck!

Married to Medicine – Nearing the End

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Over the course of our marriage, I’ve written several posts about being married to someone in medicine – medical school, intern year, residency, fellowship. It’s all well documented here.

But now, we’re finally finally finally coming to end of this very long journey. We’re a month away from Vishnu finishing fellowship and being done with training! WOO FREAKING HOO! I can’t wait!

Now that we’re this.close to the end, I have a slightly different perspective about the past 10 years than I did while we were in the thick of them.

Vishnu’s med school graduation in 2015

With that, here are a few of my key lessons learned…

Before getting married, talk to your s/o about what the next few years will look like. You obviously won’t be able to anticipate everything that’s going to happen, but don’t go in blind or without talking to others who have been in your shoes.

Your s/o may change as they go along on this journey. Medicine is no joke. The amount of stress trainees face is intense – exams, applications, rotations, boards, actual training, finding a job. It’s A LOT and it would change anyone. There are times when I look at Vishnu and I’m like, “This isn’t the same exact person I met 16 years ago, but this is a man who’s been through his fair of challenges and has come out on top.” It’s important to communicate and check in whenever possible. The question “how are you doing today?” will go a long way.

Independence is the name of the game. Find your own hobbies and things that bring you joy because I can pretty much guarantee that your s/o will not be around nearly as much as you think they will. Even with they are at home, they’ll likely be reading, prepping for the next day, prepping for a conference, etc. Being able to do your own thing will only serve you. And honestly, don’t feel bad about it. Think of this as a unique opportunity to develop and find things you love.

If you have kids, you may end up being the primary parent. This one took me a while to wrap my head around. Not because we want it to be this way but because it has to be. I’m not going to sugarcoat it. It’s tiring and overwhelming, and at times, it doesn’t feel fair, especially when you have your own career to think about. However, being in medicine, it’s highly unlikely your s/o will be able to drop what they’re doing at a moment’s notice to tend to your kid. Know that it will be like this for a little bit and deal with it.

Enjoy the process without being too attached to the different milestones. Even though it’s a stressful time, it’s also a beautiful time in your life. My advice would be to enjoy the ride without really focusing too much on specific milestones, dates, etc. You’ll get to the end one way or another, and it’s important to stay flexible and agile throughout.

Don’t dismiss your journey as the support person. This is an important one. My FIL always acknowledges and validates my role in this whole journey, and it’s SO appreciated. While Vishnu’s away doing shifts and taking exams, I’m at home with Kaiden, running a household, and working a FT job. I’m also everyone’s contact person, a planner, a cook, and coordinator. It’s not easy so don’t dismiss the very important role you play and your thoughts and emotions on this journey.

Embrace the uncertain – Plans may change, you may not know when your s/o is coming home, you may have to spend holidays alone, etc. It’s just the name of the game, so be ready for it. Not always fun (and I certainly didn’t always handle it in stride), but like with everything else, know that the uncertainty (for the most part depending on what specialty your s/o is in) will come to an end.

Sometimes it just plain sucks, and it’s ok to feel that way. Don’t feel guilty about not loving this journey. It’s not always fun. In fact, it’s hardly ever fun! And while it’s important to be grateful and all that, it’s also ok to just sit in the suckiness for a bit. Just know that…

As cliche as it sounds, it all goes so much faster than you can imagine. While it can suck sometimes, it really does fly by. I’ve been waiting for this exact moment for so long, and it’s finally here. I can hardly believe it. So when I say enjoy it for what it is and make the most of the training years. Travel when you can. Meet new people. Do what you need to do…all while knowing it will come to an end. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.

While being #marriedtomedcine isn’t easy, whenever I think of our journey, my mind always goes to military families who not only deal with all of the above but on a much larger and deeper scale. So yes, acknowledge where you are but keep a grateful heart always. That’s always helped me!

Raising Privileged Kids

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My organization runs a learning program for senior leaders that’s led by Harvard Business School. This year, I’m able to attend because our first module is virtual. Today was the first day of the four week program, and the session was about strategy and a few other things.

As I was listening, a lot of my core Finance and MBA knowledge was coming back to me, but my ears really perked up when the professor started talking about human capital, recruiting, and strategizing about the kind of people you want to work for you.

He told a story about a friend of friend whose daughter applied to a widely known and respected consulting firm. After her second interview, she was told she didn’t qualify. When she told her dad, he basically went on a mission to find out why she was rejected. He happened to be engaging with this firm in his own job, so he approached the lead partner and asked him if he had any insights into what happened with his daughter. Mind you, this is a huge organization. The partner couldn’t give specifics about his daughter, but he did offer to look at her resume. He also asked her dad what she did for fun, what her hobbies were, etc. After the dad rambled on and on about the prestigious private school she attended for college, the international traveller she was, etc., the partner stopped him and said I think I know what’s going on but let me take a look at her resume.

One glance at her resume, and he said this, “She has privilege written all over this and her. We’re looking for candidates that went to state schools, got good grades, and worked at the library at night to pay for tuition. And maybe they got a few scholarships along the way too. Kids who have grit and perseverance and know how to face a challenge in its face.”

This part of the session made me stop and think about how I grew up and how Kaiden is (and is going to) grow up. I was that firm’s ideal candidate. I went to a state school, I got good grades, and I worked at the student center my sophomore through my senior year. I even worked during business school for the Department of Organizational Effectiveness. Will Kaiden be? Hard to tell since he’s going to grow up with parents who are financially more secure, who grew up in this country, and have access to things that my parents didn’t.

I think about the concept of privilege a lot, especially as a mom. And I think it’s amazing to want and be able to give your kids more than what you had (our parents did it!), but where do we draw the line? I, for one, would not be opposed to Kaiden working in HS and college. Just because he has a 529 in his name doesn’t mean he can’t save some of his own money for the things he wants to do.

I also believe the concept of privilege is something that’s established well before college. It’s about the conversations you have with your kids, the things you buy them, the people you surround yourself with, etc. Vishnu and I are trying to raise a good human, who may be a little privileged, but hopefully one who understands that what he’s been given should be used for the greater good in some way.

Ay ay ay…parenting…the wheels never stop turning!

State of Our Household – 3.5 Years Old

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Kaiden is officially 3.5 years old! We have a full blown little man on our hands, y’all. He literally sounds like a teenager sometimes (which can be funny or not so much depending on the day).

I think I’ve said this with every age, but I love 3. It’s challenging and frustrating at times, but I love all the cuteness that comes with it (especially the things he says).

With that, here’s how our household is doing at 3.5…

State of Kaiden

Physically, Kaiden is on the smaller side when it comes to weight, but this doesn’t surprise me given that Vishnu was pretty small as a young kid too. Surprisingly, he seems to be a little taller than what we would’ve expected, given that no one is a giant in our families.

Mentally, this kid is as smart as a whip. And it’s not because I’m biased. He is intellectually doing really well (also per his teachers). He understand more than we would ever expect and remembers that much more. While he’s not reading or writing much just yet, his ability to comprehend and put two and two together just blows my mind.

Emotionally, he just gets it too. Not always with his own emotions, but in terms of how certain things would make others feel. He can read a room really well.

Speaking of his own emotions, K is still very much allergic to any word that sounds like no. And when he wants something, he wants it. And when he doesn’t want something he doesn’t want it. The kid’s stubborn! His meltdowns can be pretty epic, but I think we’re getting good at predicting them and bracing ourselves. We’re also working on setting more firm boundaries and then letting him feel what he wants to feel about them. He’s entitled to that, and while he may not love them, boundaries are incredibly important.

In terms of food, K is so hit or miss at home. Sometimes he loves something and sometimes it’s ‘yucky.’ There are some dishes that I can be 99% sure will be a hit, so I tend to rotate those more regularly. But he still loves most veggies, fruits, cheese, pasta (specifically mac n’ cheese) and bread. Thankfully, he still eats well at daycare, so at least there’s that!

In terms of play, the biggest development is K’s love for pretend play, and I’m here for it! He loves to pretend and turn ordinary objects into castles and wands, etc. I’m so thankful for this because it means we don’t need too many toys to keep him occupied. Not that we have much room for more stuff!

And finally, he’s getting into slightly longer books (but still loves his shorter picture books), so I’m thinking about getting him some chapter books we can work through. Should be fun!

So that sums up Kaiden at 3.5. Let’s move on to how mama and dada are doing…

State of Mama

Oh man! As much as I want to pull my hair out sometimes, this sweet little boy has my whole heart plus some. He’s so full of kindness and understanding and joy, and I’m so thankful he’s mine!

In terms of how I’m doing, things are going well. It’s a bit of a juggle with full-time work, Awarify, Kaiden, Vishnu’s schedule, and home stuff. Phew! But I’m learning to let some stuff fall through the cracks when it doesn’t really matter. Haven’t perfected this yet, but I’m trying.

I feel like since I started my coaching program, I’m starting to become so much more aware of my own thoughts and if they’re serving me or not. I’ve always thought of myself as a somewhat aware person, but I wasn’t…it take a lot of deep work and introspection and I’m working on it and discovering new things about myself. This is all to say that this new level of awareness is helping tremendously with my parenting. I’m learning new ways to think about things so they don’t get to me or don’t become a big issue.

I have some ambitious goals for 2021, but I’m tempering any expectations I place on myself, others, and any external situations. Given the year we’ve had, I think it’s better to stay agile when possible. Nonetheless, I’m excited for a new year and some light at the end of the tunnel.

Overall, I’m doing well and looking forward to new adventures with my kiddo!

State of Dada

Dada is BUSY! Lol! Fellowship is a lot of work and responsibility, but we’re lucky that Vishnu’s program is super organized and we know all his call/weekend dates ahead of time. This is the last leg of our medical training journey…next up is attendingship! I’ll be sharing more about that soon!

Vishnu and Kaiden have a really fun and rowdy relationship right now! I suspect it’ll stay that way for a while! I think K also looks to Vishnu as his source of calm because he’s so steady through all the emotions and ups and downs.

I will say that Vishnu is less emotional than me, so while he gives his love to K so openly and freely, he’s also less all over the place. Something I need to learn from him.

Overall, Vishnu’s doing well and really enjoying this age too, although a few times a week, he’ll tell me he’s sad Kaiden is growing up and won’t remain so little for long. #truethat

And that, my friends, is how our household is faring right now. I wish this update was a bit more exciting, but you know…these are Covid times. Hopefully year 4 will bring some better news with it!

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