My Inner Shakti

finding strength in everyday things

What and Who is Home For You?

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Home. How do you define it? What feelings does the thought of it bring up?

These are questions that have been coming up for me in different ways. Day-to-day through my parenting and the environment I try to create for my kids is one of the biggest ways. Also via articles/blogs and podcasts. So needless to say, I’ve been thinking about this a lot!

When I was younger, home was definitely the literal structure we lived in. Then once I left for college, I equated home with comfort (and the structure). A place I could always retreat back to.

Now, home to me is anywhere and anyone I can be myself around. So yes, my house is home. But more importantly, lots of the people in life feel like home.

Looking at this slightly differently, writing in my journal feels like home. When I coach, I also feel like I’m home. Reading a good book also feels like home. Working out also feels like home.

If I feel like I am myself in any given moment, I am home.

This little boy, my firstborn, definitely feels like home!

We all have to define it for ourselves, but my perspective is so comforting to me because when I look at it this way, home is never too far. It also helps me assess if something or someone is really for me. If it/they don’t feel like home, I’ll probably keep my distance a bit.

I’d love to hear from you. How do you define home? When do you most feel at home?

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What’s Good?

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Y’all! It. Has. Been. A. Week!

HFM for one kid and the an intense stomach virus/bug for the other. With Vishnu out of town this weekend to top it off.

If I’m being completely honest, I definitely threw myself an elaborate pity party and stayed there for a while. It’s not the sicknesses that get to me. Those are a part of kids going to school…and being a parent. It’s the kids having to miss out on stuff because of the sicknesses, especially Kaiden. I feel bad that he hasn’t seen his friends in a while or that we have to keep bowing out of stuff because someone is not feeling good.

I told my friend Monica this the other day, and she acknowledged and validated my feelings, but then she also got real with me, which is something I love about her. She basically said that if it’s not us it’s someone else. These feelings are a part of the ride, and that we’re super lucky to have the group of friends we have…people we actually want (and want our kids) to spend time with.

Her words rang true on so many levels, so I grabbed my bag and ran out of my own party!

And then I started a ‘what’s good?’ list because I needed to refocus my mind on everything that went/is going well…because there’s definitely more good than not.

An intense Mila tantrum – not good but she gets over it quickly…so kind of good?!

So here are a few things I came up with…

  • Even though the HFM and stomach bug sucked big time, both are curable. Also, given the severity of each, both kids actually fared ok and were in decent spirits.
  • My parents are able to and want to help me when needed. Even though this wasn’t the weekend I had in mind, I’m so thankful they were around to help me. Definitely couldn’t have done it on my own.
  • Even though it feels like we’re always missing out, we have so many more opportunities coming up to hang out with our friends. We’re lucky to have the friends we have.
  • Despite the craziness that was Saturday, I got to celebrate a dear friend of mine and her engagement. Seeing how happy she was reminded me of what really matters in life.
  • Vishnu had a really good time in Vegas (well-deserved too), BUT NOW HE’S BACK!!! Phew!
  • Even though I had a few very minor stomach bug type symptoms, I was unaffected overall by the HFM (thank goodness). Vishnu also got some symptoms while on his trip, but they lasted less than 24 hour thankfully.
  • Mila loves her new classroom and teacher at school. She may be bringing home all the bugs but at least she’s happy!
  • Kaiden also still loves school, and told me the other day, “I don’t like Saturdays because there’s no school on Saturdays.” He’ll change his mind soon enough, but I’ll take it for now.
  • We’re going to the Trevor Noah show this Friday, and I AM SO EXCITED. He’s pretty much my celebrity crush! We went to his show in Chicago, and it was amazing, so I have high hopes!
  • Even though sick kids disrupt work and routine, I’m so lucky to not be tethered to a corporate job right now. I’m finding that what I do now and the way I do it + the time I get with the kids is a good blend for me at this time. I’m not 100% anything right now, but that works because I love both parts of my life and glad to have them come to life in different ways.

So yeah…things are good! Sometimes they feel hard when I get overwhelmed but honest conversations with close friends and a solid ‘what’s good?’ list set me straight!

If you’re going through a challenging time right now, I’m sending BIG HUGE HUGS your way. Maybe a list will help, maybe a good convo with a good friend, maybe a pity party…whatever it is that you need, take the time and do it because you and your feelings matter.

Sending lots of love!

Reframing Your Strengths and Weaknesses

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“What are some of your weaknesses?” –> I hated this question during job interviews because you really had to make sure you picked things that didn’t scare your potential employer away while still sounding genuine, etc.

If I were being honest, I would’ve spouted off quite a few things and remained jobless. Ha!

I started thinking about strengths and weaknesses again after a convo with my mom. I then listened to a Simon Sinek podcast episode where we reframes strengths and weaknesses. I wanted to share all of this, especially as we approach the new year and want to change everything! Also, I have a much better answer to that silly interview question.

It all started when m y mom told me that she and my aunt were talking earlier about my sister and how chill and calm she is. How she just moves at her own speed and nothing can really speed her up. They were totally complimentary about this and even said that we should all be this way.

If I’m being 100% honest, I first took this to mean that my mom was telling me I’m not this way and need to change. She NEVER once said that so totally a me thing, but it left me feeling less than.

An hour or so later, I listened to Simon Sinek’s podcast and immediately felt better. In it, he talks about how (and I’m paraphrasing) the terminology of strengths and weaknesses needs to go. It’s really all about context.

For example, 85% of the time being more like my sister – calm and chill – is the way to go. She’s so meticulous and rarely makes careless errors. Her laidback personality also makes her really easy and fun to be around. BUT…if you are in a time crunch, she may not be the best person to call on. She also takes forever to make decisions and gets sidetracked a lot. It makes me laugh to this day, but I’ll never forget when she was over for dinner with my BIL. I was making paninis and she asked me how she can help. I told he to cut the chicken so I can start making the sandwiches. Two minutes later, I see her in the living room chatting with Vishnu and my BIL. She totally got distracted, and I ended up prepping the chicken!

Now, on the other hand, I’m a very time oriented person who is mission driven. I have a hard time being slow and sort of carefree. I value productivity over most things. This makes me THE person you want when you need to stay focused on a task. I can also make quick decisions. There’s a reason I was in project management for over 10 years! But of course, my strengths don’t work in so many contexts. I’m not always fun to be around, and sometimes I miss the human element because I’m so focused on getting things done.

So while you could totally characterize these traits of ours as strengths or weaknesses, it’s all dependent on the context or situation.

This is important to remember from a personal development perspective because so often we’re trying to change our perceived weaknesses into strengths without realizing that in some contexts they may already be.

So yes, while I will always strive to be a bit more like my sister, I also recognize that some of my attributes and characteristics have served me well and will continue to.

Don’t throw the baby out with the bath water!

And now to answer that interview question a little differently. You could say something like, “I don’t believe in strengths or weaknesses because a perceived strength in some contexts is a weakness in others and vice versa. And here’s an example of that…”

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Two Things I’m Doing to End 2022 on a High Note

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Y’all it’s December 1st! What? How? Crazy!

I’ve been thinking a lot about living more intentionally. What it means for me, what it looks like, what I can do to do just that.

As I was thinking about being at the start of the end of 2022, two things came up for me. Two things that will hopefully help me (and maybe even some of you) end the year on a high note.

  1. SLOWWWWW DOWN! Maybe you’re already a slow (in a good way of course!) person, but I am not! I got fast even when I don’t want/need to go fast. So with that, I’m declaring December 2022 the month I slowwww all the way down. I’m going to (try to) talk slower, walk slower, eat slower, etc. All with the intention of really experiencing whatever is happening, instead of trying to rush to the next thing. I think this will help with my ability to be more mindful and present.
  2. Put my phone away in a random drawer when I’m with the kids. Put my phone away at 8:30 (one hour before bed), and not look at my phone again until 7 am. Basically, I’m looking to break up with my phone at critical points in the day! I know I feel a certain kind of way and someone I truly want to spend time with has their phone glued to their side. I don’t want to (continue to) be that person. It’s rude, it’s unnecessary, and it’s doing nothing to build connection and presence.

To stay accountable, I’ll share a progress report (it will be pretty subjective albeit honest!) at the end of the month.

YOUR TURN – Now I want to know…how are you planning to end 2022 on a high note?

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The Privilege of Choice

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Have you ever thought about something so much that you feel like you could write a whole book on the topic? That’s me right now with this idea of the privilege of choice.

Ever since we decided to start Mila in daycare, I’ve been thinking about my privilege to choose to put her in school at this time. And then my mind automatically goes to my parents and their lack of privilege with so many things. That, of course, brings it’s own sense of guilt…

…such a layered topic for me!

I’m sharing this because I think there’s some hidden shame for those of us who are the ‘in between generation.’ Personally, I am the child of immigrants who quite literally worked their butts off to give us a good life. That good life, which I undoubtedly live, provides me with privilege. And even though my parents have never shamed me for the way we live our life, I feel like I owe them something, and one way I can do that is by choosing the harder path.

Are you still with me?

Ok, so this came up for me because, as you all know, I quit my corporate job to really put my whole self into Awarify and now Momsanity. But then we kept Mila home with me for a year because we couldn’t find a nanny and because I didn’t want to start her in daycare until at least 12 months.

The 12 month mark rolled round, and I found myself conflicted again. Cold and flu season is on steriods right now. Are we doing the right thing? Should I take her out and put her back at 18 months? And the real zinger of a question was…

…am I being selfish by choosing to put my child in daycare when she could stay home with me?

I went in circles over this decision. I talked to friends, I obviously talked to Vishnu, and I talked to my sister who’s a pediatrician.

Obviously, everyone I talked to had differing opinions. Some agreed with my initial idea to restart her at 18 months, and some thought the complete opposite – keep her in!

Vishnu, and my sister agreed, is of the mindset that, in terms of sickness, we’re just kicking the can down the road if we start her later. And who knows what other viruses are going to be circulating in the springtime.

I was also concerned about her nap schedule being thrown off (and it is), but my friend Monica reminded me that transitions take time, and that Mila would in fact adjust.

And finally, everyone said that I also have to take my wants/needs/desires for my businesses into account. I can’t keep pushing those to some future date…because I’m scared. And that really got to it for me. Taking care of Mila is so natural to me. I know how to do it, and I think I do a good job. Whereas, I’ve never built a business from the ground up before. There’s definitely some fear there!

Ultimately, the decision we came to was to take things month by month. If for any reason, we/I feel like she’s not thriving or it’s too much for her, we can take her out for a bit. Also, she’s in school 3.5 days, which is an amount of time I’m comfortable with.

At the end of the day, it’s still a privilege to put her in school when we don’t technically have to, but I’m realizing that it’s good for both of us. I’m making some headway with Awarify and Momsanity, and Mila gets to grow her social skills and have fun with other babies which she absolutely loves! It really is a win/win.

Also, when I compare sending Kaiden to school versus Mila, there was no choice with him. We had to send him, which brought with it a different kind of guilt.

Life is never going to be black and white. Most things are pretty gray. And that’s where I feel like I sit right now. 100% in the gray.

As another friend told me when I basically shared this whole blog post with her via a phone convo, it’s ok for our lives to look different than our parents. It’s called progress, and more importantly, how we choose to live our lives, no matter what the decisions are, is up to us. No one else has to live with our choices. Only we do. So be kinder to yourself.

I hope you’re kind to yourself through every though choice.

Black Friday 2022 – Invest in YOURSELF

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Holiday season is upon us! Thanksgiving and Christmas will be here before you know it. And that means sale upon sale upon sale will be happening too. And of course, I’m not here to tell you how to spend your money. I will be purchasing a few things here and there too!

But what I am here to tell you is while you’re at it, why not use this time to think about investing in YOURSELF! You know, the kind of investment that will fulfill you and make you more joyful not just for a day or a week but for months and maybe even years to come.

Look, I get it. It’s easier to buy material goods because these are things you can see and even return if you later decide to. Investing in yourself takes courage, and it also requires you to put in some work/effort.

I also know that there’s no better time to put yourself high up on your priority list. No one is going to do that for you. It’s been a hell of a couple of years. AND YOU DESERVE IT! You deserve to try something new. You deserve to work on your mindset. You deserve to find systems and tools to help you in your life. You deserve to be healthier – mind, body, and soul.

Say it with me – I deserve to invest in myself! I deserve to have an overflowing cup!

Keep you cup full by investing in YOURSELF!

Ok, now that we got that out of the way, here are a few ways you can do this. Obviously, this is not an exhaustive list, but play around with these ideas, think about them some more, and pick a couple of things you want to invest your $$$ in this coming year (or maybe even next Friday!).

And remember, investing in yourself also means investing in your relationship, your family, and your future.

COACHING

  • One-on-one professional coaching – If you’re ready to put in the reflection and action, this is one of the best ways to invest in yourself. Not only will you walk away with ideas to implement in your life to feel fulfilled, but you’ll also walk away with a different mindset, one that leaves you feeling more confident and empowered. Check out the Awarify Coaching website if you want to work with me. Amy is also a fantastic coach who works with working moms!
  • The Momsanity FREE Live Event: Celebrating All of Us – This is one of those events that you’ll definitely walk away with feeling less alone. It’s going to be casual but impactful. Amy and I have crafted an agenda that is truly a celebration of all of us, and we hope you make time in your schedule to join us. It’s 100% free, and more importantly, you deserve it!
  • Momsanity Group Coaching Program – The cat’s out of the bag! Amy and I will be running a three month group coaching program starting in January 2023. We know it’s going to empower already ambitious moms who want more out of life – more joy, more fun, more fulfillment, etc. We’re going to be running a Black Friday sale, so be on the lookout for more information next week!

READING

  • Audible membership – There are so many tools out there to get us to read more. Audible is a GREAT option for those who are on the go and/or those who like to listen to their books. It all counts! And reading/listening of any sort is an investment in your soul!
  • Personal development books – Gift yourself some really good books to dive into this coming holiday season/year. Some of my favorites are – Think Like a Monk, Essentialism, Maybe You Should Talk to Someone, anything by Brene Brown.
  • A book club – And by this I mean, you could start a book club with some of your friends! This is a great way to invest in yourself and your relationships.

HEALTH

  • Gym membership – Join a gym. Join Orangetheory. Join a barre studio. Invest in your health in a way that feels fun for you.
  • Hire a trainer – To take things to the next level, work with a trainer who can create a plan for you and help you achieve your goals. I have friends whose trainers come to their house. Make it work for you!
  • Hire a health coach/nutritionist – Looking to get your health back on track and figure out a system that you can stick to for life? Work with a professional to help you do just that.

TRAVEL

  • Plan a trip with your significant other – Experiences are often the best kinds of investments, and travel definitely tops the list in my opinion. Take some time and plan a trip or two with your partner. Investing in your relationship pays dividends for years to come and creates a stronger family dynamic too!
  • Plan a trip with your friends – Get your best friends on a group chat and plan a trip for y’all to celebrate your friendship! It’s rejuvenating and life giving, AND you’ll carry those memories with you for a long time. And if you think about it, as you get older, these friendships become over more important. Invest in your friends!

Like I said, this isn’t an all inclusive list, but it’s a conversation starter about how we need to fill our cups FIRST! The overflow of our cup is what we can give to others.

What would you add to this list?

On Slowing Down

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In the past few weeks alone, I’ve had more than one person tell me I’m a fast mover.

“That baby girl is just slowing you down. But not by much.”
“Girl, you are a fast preggo.”

I’ve always been this way. I walk fast, I talk fast, I eat fast, I type fast. And I get irritated when others are slow in any way, especially when it comes to walking. Some may even say I lack patience sometimes!

But these comments lately have made me laugh and pause because I’m finding that I want to slow down more. I’m clearly having a hard time.

I was talking to my colleague and friend Ros about this a few weeks ago, and we both said that slowing down makes us feel less productive. However, we both acknowledge that not every task requires us to finish in record time. The extra five minute won’t kill us! It’s more about intentionally deciding what needs to be done quickly because of deadlines, others being involved, etc. and what can be done more slowly.

I’m trying my hardest to apply this logic to my daily tasks…and it’s HARD! I’m so programmed to be quick that slowing down literally takes me talking to myself while doing most things as a reminder to not rush through.

Part of me is also very aware that this stage of life is one I’ve been looking forward to for a long time. To be home, around family and friends. To raise beautiful and kind humans with someone I love and adore. I want to look back and say that I lived these years slowly and purposefully. I want to recall details. I want those around me to feel my presence.

This is going to require a lot of work. As I’ve shared, I’m trying to build a simple daily meditation practice. I’m telling myself to slow down all the time. And I’m also sharing this public post in the hopes that those who know me IRL keep me accountable to this important goal.

With that, I’m about to go through my skincare routine very slowly, enjoying the process. And then it’s time to hit the sack! Good sleep seems to be an important part of this too!

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