Parenthood Archives - Page 4 of 9

The Realization That’s Made My Marriage Stronger

I posted a fun throwback picture on Instagram of me and Vishnu at a wedding we attended in LA back in May 2018. I hesitate when positing these kinds of pics because I feel like they can be misleading sometimes. First of all, we don’t always look like that. In fact, I don’t like that 99% of the time. Second of all, I feel like these kinds of pictures unintentionally portray a ‘perfect’ marriage. And I don’t believe in perfect anything!

My mission [in life] is to be as real and authentic as I can and help others do the same! So with that being said, let me tell you about where Vishnu and I were late last year and how we got to where we are now (a MUCH better/stronger place).

I’ve been pretty vocal about how the first 12 months of motherhood were hard for me. I just wasn’t myself, and everything overwhelmed me. While I think I was better after K turned one, I honestly think the biggest turning point came for me at the beginning of this year…with regards to most aspects of my life, including my marriage.

In October last year, Vishnu and I realized we were on two very different pages about almost everything. We just weren’t connecting the way we usually did. It probably wasn’t as dramatic as I’m making it out to be, but I can tell you this, something needed to change and we both knew it.

After some open and courageous conversations (and tears on my part!), as well as a lot of individual self-reflection, we made progress. Slowly but surely. We also came to the understanding that we’re different now as parents. We have this super important priority named Kaiden who inevitably changed our dynamic and will continue to do so as he gets older. But instead of looking at it as a bad thing, we are now choosing to really listen, ask the right questions, and be more forthcoming. At the end of the day, our marriage will shape Kaiden’s views about relationships for the rest of his life!

Additionally, something Vishnu said to me during this time really put things in perspective. He said, “I love you more than anything in this world, so you have to believe me when I tell you that nothing I say or do is meant to hurt you. I know it can and will hurt you, but that’s never my intention.” This realization changed everything for me, including how I respond in different situations. Now (for the most part), I come at it from a “let me try to understand first” perspective versus a “oh hell nawwwww” one! When I changed how I responded to him, Vishnu changed too. It’s incredible!

It’s funny to me how ultimately everything comes down to communication. If you don’t talk about it, you’ll definitely shout about it! <- (I hope that made you giggle just a little!)

And before I let you get on with your Friday, remember this…perfection doesn’t exist. Everyone, and I mean everyone, has their shit. That’s life. Don’t let the internet or what people portray fool you.

With that, happy weekend!

State of Our Household [Month 18]

written by Parita Leave a Comment

When you really look at it, motherhood is one big cliche after another. Like where does time go and how is my baby 18 months old?!

If I recall correctly, my last update was when K turned a year old, and so much has changed since then. It’s insane! For one, our little guy is now running around everywhere. He’s also grasping certain concepts that make life a little more challenging and a lot more fun. Personally, I think this age is one of my favorites (so far)…but don’t listen to me because I’ve been saying this every month for the past 18 months!

With that, let’s get to the State of Our Household updates…

STATE OF KAIDEN

I don’t even know where to start with Mr. Kaiden. He has such a little personality. One that truly shines when he’s comfortable, like with our families. Every night for the past 12 or so days (while in Atlanta), he’s been our source of entertainment as we watch him play, imitate us, and run around. SO MUCH FUN!

In terms of some of the basics, he’s pretty much sleeping through the night (7:30 pm to ~6 am (give or take)) with a few hiccups here and there. I always say, it could be worse! In terms of food, he’ll pretty much eat anything when he’s not distracted, but the minute his attention is pulled elsewhere, it’s game over. He does really well at daycare apparently, so I try not to stress out too much, but if I had to pick the one thing that worries me the most, it’s his eating habits. Like I’ve shared before, I can’t help but think about if he’s getting all the nutrients he needs, etc. I’m trying to be chill about going forward because his pediatrician always reminds me that as long as he’s growing we’re ok.

He’s definitely growing with his gross motor skills and physical and mental development. Like I said before, he’s pretty much running/walking really really fast now. He’s also starting to climb on to furniture, which is proving to be challenging to manage because he finds it so fun, and I find it very heart attack inducing. He’s also able to identify quite a few body parts as well as pictures in his books. I love quizzing him!

Another big thing around this time is language development. Kaiden has a handful of words in his vocabulary including mama, dada, nana (which can be my dad or a banana), all done, one more, more, hello, wow, ball, and a lot of other words/phrases that sound like things but may or may not be! My sister told me that in the next six months, his vocabulary will grow to about 200 words, and I can’t wait! His little voice is my favorite.

On a not so fun note, Kaiden can throw a tantrum like no other. Luckily, he gets over it pretty quickly, but man, you can’t always tell when it’s coming. The one thing that really ticks him off is when we say no in a stern voice and/or take something away from him. DRAMA KING, I tell you!

Other than that, Kaiden is such a fun loving boy. He loves to laugh and make other people laugh, and for that, we feel so blessed!

STATE OF MAMA

2017 and 2018 were not easy for me. Motherhood, on the one hand, has been so much fun, but it hasn’t come without its challenges. Most of my challenges revolved around sleep deprivation, Kaiden’s sicknesses, and my own thoughts that often got in the way of my happiness and/or stressed me out to no end. I probably won’t be cured of any of this in the coming year, but I hope to conquer my own mind and ‘come home’ to myself. Forever a work in progress, but progress is the goal.

Other than that, I feel much better and more balanced in general but specifically with work and home responsibilities. I think a lot of this has to do with Kaiden getting older, my ‘getting used’ to motherhood, and letting go of some of type A tendencies. Again, I’m a work in progress, but baby steps are the only way to go.

I plan to share more about my journey and growth along with my ups and downs in 2019. Expect much more unfiltered posts from me!

STATE OF DADA

Like almost all of my other updates, Vishnu’s still rocking fatherhood. Kaiden loves goofing around, wrestling, and causing general mischief with him.

The only thing that gets in the way of all the fun is residency. Ha! The past few months have been challenging with Vishnu’s call schedule and stint in DC, and the next six months will be full of board studying. Vishnu assures me we won’t feel the pain of that too much, but I’m setting my expectations very low because this isn’t my first time around the study block.

I’m hoping Vishnu’s study schedule will force us to be more intentional with the free time we do have. More to come!

2018 was THE fastest year of my life. I can’t believe how much Kaiden has grown in the last 12 months. It’s also hard to believe that in another short six months, he’ll be two!! Here’s to another great month and year!

Raising a Kid with Doctor Dad

written by Parita 3 Comments

I like to joke that medicine is Vishnu’s mistress. A mistress that I’ve come to accept and befriend. Ha! She’s been a part of our lives since we starting dating almost 14 years ago. And she’ll be around until Vishnu retires. Who am I kidding? She’ll be around forever.

When it was just us, it was easier to work with and around Vishnu’s med school journey (studying, boards, residency application/matching process, etc.). Now that we have Kaiden, it’s a whole different ball game. But we’re learning to navigate this path just like we have all the others.

Before I share more, let me set some context…

When we had Kaiden, Vishnu had just started his 2^nd year of Radiology residency (overall year 3 if you count intern year). He’s now in his 3^rd year, and we have one more to go. After he finishes residency, he’ll complete one year of fellowship because he wants to specialize in a particular area of Radiology. Once he’s done with all of this training, he start working as an attending. Phew!

I’m not going to lie. From a significant other’s perspective, this journey has been exciting, challenging, frustrating, etc. I mean, I knew what I was getting into when we started dating and later married, but nothing can really prepare you for the ups and downs.

Vishnu wanted me to share that we do use bed sheets and a comforter. They were being washed at the time this picture was taken.

I will caveat this by saying I know we have it better than a lot of other people out there. My heart specifically goes out to the military families who deal with deployments, uncertainty, and long periods of time without seeing each other.

Something that often dictates how we schedule our time and how our days/evenings run is Vishnu’s schedule. And it changes by the month and every now and then even by the week. This means that sometimes he has to be at the hospital by 7:00 and sometimes not until 7:30. If it’s the latter, he’s able to drop Kaiden off at daycare. If not, it’s all me! I don’t mind the variances when they’re limited to daytime hours. Nights are something else altogether! When Vishnu’s on nights, he leaves the house at 6:30 pm and comes back the next morning around 8 am. His shifts run Sunday night through the following Saturday morning. The reason I truly dislike nights is because they eat up our weekends, since Vishnu needs to fit in rest at some point. Another game changer is call. For Vishnu’s hospital, these are the Saturday/Sunday shifts they do. Saturdays are usually 24 hour (7 am – 8 am) and Sundays are 12 hour (8 am – 7 pm). I hate 24 hour Saturdays. HATE! And I don’t think I need to explain why!

Other than the weekly/monthly variances, we also deal with holiday shifts. The past two years were rough, especially around the holidays. But oh well! What can you do? I’m hoping the final year of residency (next year) is as chill as they say it is. Fingers crossed!

Another aspect of all of this is the uncertainty that comes with the residency and fellowship matching process. It’s not a given that you’ll end up where you want to be in terms of city. For us, Kaiden wasn’t here when we matched in Chicago for residency. But now that we’re on to the fellowship process, he’s definitely something we’re taking into consideration, since he’ll be three at the start of it.

With all of this being said, we are always trying to be more aware of how we spend our time, especially on the weekends. In the past, we’ve always let med school/residency/etc. take precedence over all else. Now that we have Kaiden, we recognize that if we don’t bring intention to everything we do, these first few years of his life will fly by, and we’ll have big regrets later. For us, this looks like visiting the museum, going out to eat as a family, taking trips (definitely need to get better about this one!), etc. Vishnu’s committed not to let board studying (pretty much the first half of 2019) be his only priority. As is the case with everything, it’s a work in progress, but we’re trying!

The other side of all of this is accepting and acknowledging that this is all short term (although it doesn’t always feel like it). We’ll be settled somewhere in a few years, and I’m pretty sure we’ll miss pieces of the residency/fellowship journey.

Another aspect, for me at least, is accepting a few things and being ok with them (most of the time). For us, this means that I’m pretty much the primary parent. I’m also the one who schedules doctor’s appointments, activities, home stuff, etc. Some days I’m filled with gratitude and more than happy to take it all on, and some days…well, I’m not. Positive self-talk really does wonders. I have to remind myself that Vishnu’s not out having fun…he’s at work, studying, etc. And truth be told, Vishnu actually does a lot more than I would be able to do if the roles were reversed. He does a great job balancing everything, especially fatherhood and husbandhood. In fact, he’s the one who’s constantly thinking of new things for us to do and try, new places to take Kaiden, etc.

Many people think the doctor life is glamorous and easy, especially for the significant other, but I’m here to tell you it’s not. I have lots of friends who are doctors and/or are married to one, and glamor is so far from the reality of this journey. It takes a lot of dedication, compromise, resiliency, and faith to get to the end of training, and I imagine those same things continue to carry you forward well after.

So yeah, we’re 17 months in and pretty much agree that Kaiden should not go into medicine. HA! Jussssstttt kidddddinggggg! At least I am. Vishnu’s determined to guide him down a different path. We shall see!

My Thoughts on ‘The Maternal Grandparent Advantage’

written by Parita 4 Comments

I didn’t know ‘the maternal grandparent advantage’ even existed until I read this article back in April. It makes sense on so many levels. However, a lot depends on your family dynamic, your relationship with your parents and in-laws, their relationship with each other, etc.

Before I share my thoughts, let’s review what this advantage is exactly…

According to the articles I read, the advantage stems from the fact that daughters tend to have a closer relationship with their own parents which leaders to a warmer relationship between the kids and their maternal grandparents. Paternal grandparents, on the other hand, have to tread carefully.

Another element to this is that women are still responsible for ‘kinkeeping.’ This includes planning, calls, visits, sharing news and updates, holidays, etc. The wife is the gatekeeper to not only her own family but her husband’s as well.

Like I said, a lot of variables are at play here.

So here’s what I can relate to…

I do have more frequent contact with my parents, specifically my mom (we talk 1-2x/day). She’s my emotional support, my advice giver, etc. My go-to on a day to day basis essentially! We also have a family chat between my mom, dad, sister and I making it easy to just check-in and say hi.

While I have the best in-laws in the whole world (no bias here!), the bond I have with my parents is just unique and can’t be replicated. For example, my in-laws have treated me like a daughter since before Vishnu and I were married. No daughter-in-law business. That said, I’m still there daughter-in-law, and there’s a level of formality that will always be there versus the comfort I have with my own family.

There’s also this element, I think, of Vishnu’s parents having two boys versus my parents who have two girls. It basically boils down to different expectations and relationship dynamics.

That said, I am also the gatekeeper/kinkeeper in our family. If you know Vishnu at all, this will make total sense! Ha!

So yes, I see how the maternal grandparent advantage exists in some ways.

But here’s what I can’t relate to…

Regardless of your relationship with your in-laws, keeping your kids from them is wrong. The only exception being if they don’t treat them well. The way I see it, Kaiden is as much my parents’ grandson as he is my in-laws, and he should have a strong relationship with everyone.

I know it’s easy for me to say because I myself have a great relationship with Vishnu’s parents, our parents are close, etc. But even if I didn’t, I would find a way to put my feelings aside for Kaiden’s sake. Grandparents are such special people, and I wouldn’t want to take that away from him.

I would love to hear other thoughts on this topic because, like I said, it totally depends on your family dynamic. Leave a comment or email me if you’re more comfortable (myinnershakti@gmail.com).

State of Our Household [Month 12]

written by Parita Leave a Comment

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO KAIDEN!!!!

MONTH 12! Can you believe it? I certainly can’t. How is my baby one?!

I know I say this about pretty much everything, but this past year truly FLEW BY! I still remember every minute of June 29, 2017 like it happened yesterday.

With that being said, I’ve been very emo this week. Every time I think about my baby boy entering toddlerhood, I tear up. Every time I scroll through our Baby K album, I tear up. Every time I put him to sleep, I tear up. Lots of bittersweet tears!

Anyways, enough of that! Let me tell you all about how we fared as a family this month.

STATE OF KAIDEN

Kaiden experienced so much change this past month – physically and cognitively!

First and foremost, we officially have a tooth – the bottom left to be exact! Vishnu figured it out one day while feeding him (ha!). I’ve been trying to see if there are any more, but K won’t let me near his mouth. He literally seals his mouth shut!

K is also officially cruising now. He can easily move around while holding on to furniture or his walker. We’re just waiting for those independent steps…any day now (I think!).

Over the past month or so, Kaiden has started to understand simple things like – orange ball, go boom (when he throws the ball down on the ground), blue balloon, etc. He also understands ‘no thank you’ even though sometimes he’ll continue doing something he’s not supposed to. The other day, as I watched him play with his cups, he put one inside the other. This is huge because usually he just bangs them together or throws them on the ground. I think his fine motor skills are starting to develop at a rapid rate now.

In terms of words, he’s still saying dada. He also added ball and what we believe to be blue to his vocab. Mama was uttered twice…boo! Ha! K also repeats back sounds. For example, when I ask him what a doggie says and say ‘woof’ myself, he’ll (kind of) say it too. Or when I ask what a cow says, he’ll repeat ‘mooo’ and laugh! ‘Mooo’ cracks him up for some reason.

June was K’s first full month in the older infant classroom. His teachers say he’s making great progress in terms of being more social. And for the news I’m most proud of, he’s the best eater in his class!

Speaking of eating, K now eats pretty much whatever we eat. He loved the butternut squash (plus tofu) mac n’ cheese and veggie and bean quesadillas I made. Carbs + cheese = happy K! I’m excited to continue on this eating journey and making new things for him to try. *Knocking on all the wood!* He’s a really good eater, and I hope that continues as much as possible. I’m sure we’ll hit some bumps along the way, but I want to continue exposing him to different flavors and textures whenever possible.

We’re still dealing with separation anxiety though. Poor bubs cries every morning when we drop him off. And he still kind of freaks out when I’m not around him or holding him, even if Vishnu’s with him. It’s not always fun (like when I have to go to the bathroom), but most of the time, I don’t mind! I know it’s very short-term, so my focus is on soaking up all the ‘stuck on mama’ moments I can get.

The silver lining here is that he now interacts with people he’s not as familiar with – giggles, smiles, gives high fives. etc. So really, it’s all good until I leave the room!

K’s also the most affectionate and playful I’ve seen him. He loves to roughhouse with Vishnu, which is the best to watch! He loves it when we play silly games with him – peekaboo, ‘where’s Kaiden?,’ hide and seek, etc.

There have been several occasions this month where Vishnu and I looked at each other and acknowledged how freaking lucky we are. Kaiden is one of the happiest (well, most of the time), goofiest, fun to be around, cutest, smartest, and loving little boys ever. He brings SO MUCH joy to our lives. In fact, it truly feels like he’s been with us forever!

And while the emotions are very bittersweet right now, we have lots of fun stuff to look forward to – Chicago summer fun, swim classes, a family trip to Vail in August, etc.

STATE OF MAMA

While it’s been an emotional week leading up to today, it’s also been a very emotional couple of weeks with everything that’s been happening on our southern border. I feel sick to my stomach knowing thousands of children are still separated from their parents. The stories in the media are so horrific. If someone tried to take my son from me, I would hunt them down and make them pay. I told Vishnu I wish we were gajillionaires so we could house all the kids temporarily. I’m praying hard that each and every child is reunited with his/her parents as soon as possible.

Other than being a ball of emotions, I’m doing ok. Physically, I’m pretty exhausted because Vishnu’s been on nights the past two weeks, which means I’m on my own with K in the [early] mornings. But it comes with the territory, and I’m pretty lucky K’s a morning person like his mama!

My Best of Both Words podcast episode went live this month. If you haven’t listened yet, give it a go, and let me know what you think.

Finally, I’m looking forward to the month of July because Vishnu’s on an easier rotation and only has to work one Saturday and one Sunday. Also, it’s SUMMER IN CHICAGO, and we’re around every weekend! This means more time outdoors exploring and having fun with K!

STATE OF DADDY

Work-wise things have been a little nuts for Vishnu, but like I said, it’ll calm down in July and August, so there’s that. PHEW!

I think Vishnu’s really enjoying this age because it’s so interactive, and K’s essentially a little sponge just soaking everything up. So fun! And with work ‘slowing down’ (so to speak), he’ll be able to spend more time with K. I’m hoping this means mama can sneak away for a little bit every now and then!

Other than that, V and I will be celebrating our 6th wedding anniversary tomorrow with…a wine, cheese, and movie night of course! I can’t wait!!

Ok, year two, we’ve got our eyes on you! Let’s make it a GREAT one! 🙂

Baby K’s 1st Birthday Party in Chicago

written by Parita 3 Comments

Kaiden’s a very lucky little guy. I mean, don’t we all wish we could celebrate our birthdays twice?!

Our closest Chicago family (well, my sister and BIL) and friends joined us this Saturday to celebrate Kaiden’s first birthday. This celebration was super special for me and Vishnu because many of these people were by our side through the pregnancy journey as well as K’s first year. #blessed

I need to thank Mother Nature for not only cooperating with the weather but truly exceeding all my expectations. I couldn’t have conjured up a better day for a park party if I tried. Simply beautiful – not too hot or humid + lots of sun!

The party started around noon and wrapped up around 2:30 pm. Again, I wanted to keep it super simple…hence having it at a park near our apartment.

For the food, we ordered a couple of pizzas from Lou Malnati’s and a bunch of kati roll type wraps from Bombay Wraps. DELISH! I also ordered a smash cake + cupcakes from Sweet Mandy B’s (my favorite bakery in Chicago!).

My favorite memory will forever be K apprehensively picking at his smash cake and eventually going in full force. Everyone cheered when he took his first bite (fistful) of cake, and he looked so proud of himself. THE CUTEST! Thankfully, my BIL got it all on video.

Other than that, the adults mingled, and the kiddos kind of played with each other. Ha!

I’m just so thankful to have had most of our Chicago family together in one place. So much love!

As lucky as K is, I truly believe Vishnu and I are equally so!

Highlights from Father’s Day Weekend 2018

written by Parita Leave a Comment

Father’s Day weekend 2018 was quite special! Nothing fancy but lots of fun, simple moments. Just how we like it!

In terms of the ins and outs, here are a few highlights…

We had professional family photos taken on Saturday morning. I’m SO excited to see how they turned out!
Kaiden and I took Vishnu out for lunch on Saturday at a new-to-us restaurant called Pink Taco. The ambiance was awesome – great music, cool decor, etc. The food was so-so. We loved the cheese dip and our drinks, however V’s fish tacos and my salad were just mediocre. Regardless, we had a blast hanging out with K!
Kaiden said ‘mama!’ Or something that sounded pretty darn close!
Kaiden FINALLY cut his first tooth!
Kaiden gave Vishnu a nice card on Sunday. In the card, I wrote, “While I may be a mama’s boy right now, your turn is coming soon. Don’t you worry.” Vishnu read turn as ‘twin’ (because my handwriting is pretty horrible and it did kinda look like twin…oops!) and asked me if I was pregnant. In a very panicked voice! I was so confused until I closely inspected my message. Ha!
My sister and Adarsh came over on Sunday afternoon. We hung out, played with K, ate dinner, etc.

And that, my friends, was Father’s Day 2018 in a nutshell. I hope Vishnu felt loved and celebrated because he truly deserves every bit of it. Not only is he an incredible dad, but he’s my rock. I wouldn’t be half the mom I am if it wasn’t for him and his support! Love you, babe!

The Realization That’s Made My Marriage Stronger

State of Our Household [Month 18]

Raising a Kid with Doctor Dad

My Thoughts on ‘The Maternal Grandparent Advantage’

State of Our Household [Month 12]

Baby K’s 1st Birthday Party in Chicago

Highlights from Father’s Day Weekend 2018

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