My Inner Shakti

finding strength in everyday things

What’s Yours Is Mine and What’s Mine Is Yours

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The husband wife relationship is one that truly embodies the “what’s yours is mine and what’s mine is yours” philosophy. At least in our experience.

Before we got married, Vishnu and I didn’t share much. Not that we didn’t want to, but we lived in different states for the better part of the last four years of our relationship.

Almost immediately upon saying “I do” it became quite apparent that marriage is all about sharing. Case in point…we went from living independently to now sharing a 650 sq. ft. apartment, a tiny closet, a bathroom, a car, bank accounts, medical insurance, friends, household responsibilities, and yes, sometimes even a razor (shhh don’t tell Vishnu!).

None of this was a surprise to us. We actually planned for all of it.

However, the thing that sometimes comes as a surprise is what I like to call “shared stress.” Let me illustrate with a recent example.

A few weeks ago, Vishnu received a letter in the mail stating that he was being summoned for jury duty at the beginning of March. I put a note in my calendar to remind him to call the courthouse and confirm his participation.

Last Friday, I reminded Vishnu to call the courthouse. When he saw there was an online option to check-in, he opted for that. All was good and we proceeded to enjoy our weekend.

On Monday morning, Vishnu gets up at 6:45 so that he can be out the door at 7:15 to walk over to the courthouse. He walks over to my side of the bed and gives me a kiss. Immediately upon waking up I tell him I’ll make breakfast and ask if he needs to bring his lunch. He says that he didn’t see anything on the website but that he’ll check before leaving.

I get out of bed at 7:00, brush my teeth, and go in to the kitchen to make us breakfast. As I’m pulling things out of the fridge, I hear Vishnu say that he needs to bring his lunch with him and that he needs to be dressed in business casual clothes. Neither of which he planned for. I look at the clock…it’s 7:09.

I immediately start making a sandwich. I then wash a bunch of grapes and find the one remaining trail mix packet in our pantry.

As I’m frantically pulling everything together, I yell, “I don’t like this shared stress!!!” To which Vishnu responds, “You married me!!!” Touché, husband, touché!

Vishnu appears in the kitchen looking quite relaxed at about 7:20. I ask him why he isn’t rushing, and he says he’ll just take the train. Say what?!

As I stand there shaking my head, he drinks his protein shake, throws his lunch in his backpack, kisses me goodbye, and heads out the door at 7:30.

So yes, marriage really is all about “what’s yours is mine and what’s mine is yours.” Even stress.

He’s lucky he’s cute!

communication, Personality, and Shame on Me

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I find it really interesting how our personalities shine through in the various ways we communicate.  Like really interesting.

For example, I’ve emailed back and forth with certain people for a number of months, made some assumptions about their personalities based on their communication style, met them in real life, and realized that my assumptions were 100% correct.

But let’s be honest.  That shouldn’t come as a big surprise at all.  For most people, their communication style is one way to showcase their personality. Intentionally or unintentionally.

Take this blog for instance.  Most of my readers have never met me, but I guarantee that if they did, they would find that I am 100% the way they imagined me to be.  Just by reading what I write on a weekly basis.

Now I know there are exceptions to this rule.  However, I’m going to make a bold statement regardless.  If you assessed ten people you know fairly well, you would see a very strong connection between their communication styles and their personalities.  There’s just no way around it.

Then why didn’t I make that connection when I received the following text from my husband.

VISHNU: Babe…I have something really important to talk to you about today.

I wait a few minutes to see if he says anything else.  When he doesn’t, I get a little worried and very curious.  No smiley face, no exclamation point…nothing.  So I text him back.

ME: What?  You can’t leave it at that…

Another few minutes go by.  I should mention that I’m out for a run when I get this text.  I stop running and stand on the middle of a bridge waiting for another text to tell me what the heck is going on.  Finally a response…

VISHNU: I’ll call you later. At lunch.  But I absolutely love this program.

SERIOUSLY?!  As happy as I was to hear that his interview went well, I couldn’t help but think, “Why didn’t he use a freaking smiley face or exclamation point in his initial text?  How hard would that have been?”  Here I am staring intently at my phone waiting for another text and/or a phone call because I think something’s wrong.

But I should have made the connection.  Vishnu’s texts reflect his personality – direct, matter of fact and not super excitable.  Of course nothing was wrong.  Looking back, that first text was oozing with [Vishnu] excitement.  After almost 10 years of knowing this guy, I didn’t put two and two together.

Shame on me.

Books, Nail Polish, and a Scary Story

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After a particularly deep and heavy post on Wednesday, I thought I would lighten things up around here.

These topics don’t warrant individual posts, so I’m lumping them all together in one and calling it…

…Books, Nail Polish, and a Scary [to me] Story.

Books

I came across this article about Amy Poehler quotes the other day and am now pumped to read her new book Yes Please. I love her no nonsense attitude and sense of humor. If you don’t watch Parks and Recreation, I highly recommend you binge watch the show. SO funny!

Yes Please

I took a mini break from my SLR camera this summer. And trust me, it’s not because I don’t love it or don’t want to use it. I absolutely love it and can’t wait to use it more. As a way of getting back into photography and more importantly learning about my camera, Vishnu suggested I read a few books. I took his advice and bought The Digital Photography Book: Part 1. I did quite a bit of research and this one was on every single list of photography books I came across.

The Digital Photography Book Part 1

If you’re looking for a step-by-step guide for how to use your camera and take pictures, this is not for you! What I recommend you do is take a class or two and then buy this book. It will make much more sense as it’s more of a ‘tips and tricks’ kind of read for how to capture specific shots.

Nail Polish

When I met my co-worker Thea, one of the first things I noticed were her impeccably painted nails. During my first week with the company, we got to talking about nail polish, and when she mentioned that she paints her own nails, I asked all kinds of questions. Before this, I’d never attempted to do my own nails for many reasons, one of which was pure laziness. Thea assured me that I could do it and do it well.

Ever since, I’ve been doing my nails at home (with a few exceptions for weddings and longer work trips). Thea advised that I buy the Seche Vite Top Coat to help my paint jobs last longer. We never got around to talking about base coats though. About a month ago, I took it upon myself to research which ones are the best because I wanted to get even more longevity out of my polish. I mean, if I’m going to put effort into doing my nails, they better last more than three days!

OPI base coat
I decided to buy the OPI Natural Nail Base Coat purely because of the rave reviews on a number of different sites. And I’m very happy I did. My last two nail jobs lasted a week (a week!!!) with very minimal chipping. In fact, any chipping that did occur was my own fault because I didn’t wear gloves when washing the dishes. Would it be obnoxious to bring my own base coat to the salon the next time I go in for a pedicure?!

A Scary [to me] Story

I’m just going to preface this story with a simple statement. I’m a huge scaredy cat!

Ok, so you know how I mentioned a few times that Vishnu’s rotation this month involves shift work? Well, on Wednesday afternoon when I came home for lunch, I asked him if his attending would let him off early. He said that it was unlikely and that he would be home around 1:30 am.

Fast forward to 11:00 pm when I’m getting ready for bed. I go through my routine – brush my teeth, wash my face, etc. – and jump into bed. About five minutes later, I hear the bathroom door close. My heart starts beating really fast as I pull the covers tightly over my face and start praying. I think about locking the bedroom door but convince myself it was nothing and stay put instead.

THEN about three minutes later, I hear someone open our bedroom door. I quickly sit up and scream (not knowing if it was him), “VISHNU!!!” And here’s what happened after that…

Vishnu: Par, it’s me!
Me: OMG!
Vishnu: What? Who did you think it was?
Me: Not you! You said you wouldn’t be home until 1:30, and I didn’t hear the front door open.
Vishnu: Who else would it be?
Me: Well, I heard the bathroom door close on its own and thought…there was a ghost in our apartment.
Vishnu: A ghost that wanted to use the bathroom?
Me: Whatever! You scared the crap out of me. I’m going to sleep now.
Vishnu: Just call me next time!
Me: How about you text me to let me know you’re coming home early!!!
Vishnu: Ok, fine.

I know it sounds ludicrous to think there was a ghost in our apartment. But when you’re not expecting your husband until 1:30 am and you hear a door tightly close, it totally makes sense!

And with that, Happy Halloween and HAPPY FRIDAY!!!

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“Co-owning” a Calendar With Your Spouse

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I recently discovered [for myself] the magical [free] tool that is Google Calendar.  You guys!  I freaking love it.  In fact, I’m a little obsessed at the moment, especially with color coding everything.

So the back story (because there always is one!) goes a little something like this.  When I first got my iPhone over two years ago, Vishnu convinced me to download and use the Gmail app.  And at the time, it was all the rage.  So for the past two years I was solely using that.  And don’t get me wrong, it’s a great app.  But it doesn’t have a calendar feature.  Even that wasn’t an issue because I used my work Outlook calendar as my personal calendar as well.

Then earlier this month it dawned on me – I wanted to share a calendar with Vishnu so that we could map out his shifts at the hospital as well as his upcoming interviews and all of our upcoming travel.  And I couldn’t do that with my Outlook calendar.  I turned to my trusty friend Google for a solution.  And of course, Google told me about it’s very own tool!

I got really excited and started reading guides on how to to ensure your Google calendar syncs with the calendar on your phone.  After deleting the Gmail app and tinkering with a few different settings, it worked!  Everything was showing up just as I wanted on my phone.

The next step was to invite Vishnu to “co-own” this calendar with me.  And because I couldn’t contain my excitement, I shared it with him that very day.  I also named our calendar “ParVish.”  Creativity is my middle name…what can I say!?

When we saw each other later that night, I told him all about what I had done.  Let’s just say he wasn’t as excited about this discovery as I was.  NBD because I was excited enough for the two of us.  In fact, when he mentioned something about one of his interviews, I told him to put it on the ParVish calendar.  This wasn’t enough to generate action…just a head shake.

Well, this past Saturday Vishnu experienced the beauty of having a joint Google calendar with his wife.  He was on his laptop, when all of a sudden he turns to me with a confused look on his face.

Vishnu: Why did I just get an alert about this volunteer event that starts in 30 minutes?
Me: Oh that’s my thing.  You’re seeing it because of our joint calendar!  Cool, huh?
Vishnu: I don’t really want to see all of your things.  Is there a filter?
Me: Absolutely not!  That’s the whole point.  Just ignore it if it doesn’t apply to you!
Vishnu: Well, at least put all my stuff in one color, so I know what’s for me and what’s for you.
Me:  Ok, will do.

image

Fast forward to earlier this week…

Me: Oh, just FYI…I color coded our calendar so that all of your stuff is in bright red!
Vishnu: Bright red?  Red signifies danger.
Me: [Silence]

I can’t win.  But at least he’s kind of on board with the idea!

Words of Marital Wisdom – Part 2

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About six months before my wedding, I emailed a number of my female friends/family members and asked them to send me their best marital advice.  And then I shared all of their thoughts in this post.

I loved and appreciated (and still do) all the wisdom they imparted on me!

Now two plus years later, I have a few of my own words of marital wisdom.  I’m a marriage expert after all.  Jusssssssst kidding!  An expert I am not but I do have a few things to share that go beyond the obvious (trust, love, be honest, etc.).

IMG_3480

  • No matter what, spend a few minutes each day laughing together.  From what I can tell, this whole marriage thing is supposed to be fun.
  • Say “I love you” as much as possible and say it like you mean it.  Even when you’re angry.  Especially when you’re angry.
  • Don’t say “I’m fine” when you’re not.  Just don’t!
  • If something is bothering you, bring it up…but be nice about it and/or inject a little humor into the conversation.
  • You can’t change your significant other, so don’t bother trying.  People only change when they themselves want to.  Instead, love, support, and appreciate.  You can’t go wrong doing those things!
  • Put your phone away whenever possible, and spend your time wisely.  Remember, your phone isn’t going anywhere.
  • Date nights are important.  Make them a priority.
  • Maintain your own hobbies, interests, etc.  Being married doesn’t mean you have to be joined at the hip for the next 50 years.
  • Don’t put romance on the back burner.  This isn’t to say that every moment has to be a romantic one but work hard to keep it alive as much as possible.
  • Compliment each other at least once everyday.  And to all my fellow women who have a hard time accepting compliments, just say thanks.
  • Two important words – thank you…say them often!
  • You’re not perfect, your significant other isn’t perfect…basically, perfection does not exist in marriage.  Always remember that!

Annnnd…that’s where my wisdom ends.  I’ll be back with more tid bits in another two years! Haha.

iPhone pics 2 008

And because I love quotes, here is one about marriage that I LOVE!

“The difference between an ordinary marriage and an extraordinary marriage is in giving just a little ‘extra’ every day, as often as possible, for as long as we both shall live.”
— Fawn Weaver

What’s the best piece of relationship advice you’ve received?

Written on Related:Marriage

Quick Update + The Liebster Award

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While things have ramped down a little bit around here, I feel like they’re going to pick back up just like that.  Between mine and Vishnu’s travel schedules for the rest of the year, things are going to be nuts!  In the last week alone, I’ve booked four separate trips…and that’s just the beginning.  Oy vey!  More on all that to come later.

Vishnu and I finally got around to “celebrating” our 2nd wedding anniversary and 9th dating anniversary this week.  Our original plan was to go out to a fancy shmancy restaurant for a meal that would have cost more than we’ve ever paid for food before.  But luckily we came to our senses and decided to keep it low key and opted for Shake Shack instead.  It was honestly what we both needed and wanted.  He was exhausted from studying, and I had a busy day at work.  All we wanted to do was eat decent food and talk…and Shake Shack delivered!

Shake Shack Miami
Vishnu got the Smokehouse burger and a B&W milkshake, while I ordered the Portobello burger and a PB + chocolate shake…with a side of fries to share of course.

Like I said, just what we needed!

P&V4
An elevator selfie to remember the night!

After we got home, I sat down on the couch and didn’t get up for another hour or so.  Why?  Oh because I’m binge watching another show…New Girl.  I have problems!  But at least they’re fun problems!  I am almost done with Season 1 and just now really beginning to love all the characters.  I’m hoping I can stretch this show out until the new season premieres in September.  We’ll see…I don’t exactly have the best record with this stuff!

On to the second part of this post!

Selena from Nom Nom Crunch nominated me for the Liebster Award,  and she came up with 10 questions for me to answer.  So here we go!!

What are your top 5 workout playlist songs?
I usually listen to podcasts when I workout and therefore haven’t updated my playlist in a VERY long time.  But the five songs that always pump me up no matter what are…

1. Culo – Pitbull
2. Desi Girl (a Bollywood song)
3. Gasolina – Daddy Yankee
4. Give Me Everything – Pitbull
5. Wake Me Up – Avicii

I’m never in the know when it comes to music, so if you have any good recs, let me know!

What’s one food you wish you could learn to like?
Cilantro.  Unfortunately, I’m a member of the “cilantro tastes gross” club.  Event though I’m slowly coming around, it’s not something I would choose to eat given the option.

Your biggest pet peeve.
It’s hard to pick just one!  Haha.  But if I had to choose, I would say it’s when people are knowingly inconsiderate.

Your go-to snack.
It changes by the week, but recently it’s been Greek yogurt mixed together with a little bit of PB and honey.  YUM. 

Your favorite quote.
“Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming “woo hoo – what a ride!”

What is one thing you try to do every day?
As cheesy as it sounds…I try to laugh as much as possible everyday.  Laughter really is exercise for the soul!

Name one TV show you feel guilty or embarrassed to admit you actually like.
The Bachelor/Bachelorette.  Well, that’s a half truth.  I’ve only ever watched one season all the way through, but I always try to tune in for the first episode and the last episode.

How and why did you pick your blog name?
I wanted to incorporate the Indian culture into my blog name, so that’s where the Shakti part comes from.  The original plan was to go with just Inner Shakti, but Vishnu thought the My added a little bit to it and I agreed.  Honestly, I wanted something that highlighted the fact that everything starts with us as individuals, especially what’s inside of us (not in the literal sense though).  Anyways, that’s how My Inner Shakti was named!

What is your favorite workout? (Running? Yoga? Crossfit? Kettlebells?)
Hands down – running!  It’s not always easy, but I find that it’s always worth it.  I’ve never come home from a run and regretted it.

Who inspires you?
My husband, parents, sister, and grandparents are my biggest inspirations.  But I try to find inspiration in everyone that I meet and connect with.  I find that when I really pay attention, everyone has something to offer.

Thanks for nominating me, Selena!  And have a great Friday everyone!

Grow Your Marriage by Focusing on the Small Things

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Marriage is work. You guys have read that on here before! But when you think about it, anything and everything worth having is work.

And while I strongly believe in love, communication, trust, honesty, etc, those are givens. You won’t happily survive the crazy adventure of marriage without these building blocks.

And even with these major elements present, there’s no guarantee your marriage will be full of growth – mental, emotional, and spiritual growth. It’s a little scary to be honest

So how do you grow your marriage and ensure that the two of you grow together as a couple?*

Well, some people live for the big marriage moments – the engagement, the wedding, the honeymoon, the baby, the first home, etc. Sounds a little nuts, but I know couples that are constantly looking forward to the next “big” thing…to the point that it’s all they talk about. The next big trip, the next car they’re going to buy, the next expensive restaurant they’re going to try. They seek growth in these things.

I’ll be the first to admit that it’s fun and exciting to talk about these big moments, dream about them even. I mean, Vishnu and I have our future children’s names picked out (well if we have girls that is). And we are definitely planning to eat our way through Italy next year.

However, while I am no marriage expert, I can say with 100% certainty that these big things do not bring growth. They bring excitement, they give you something to look forward to, they are milestones, but they will not help grow your marriage on a daily basis.

If you take a moment and pay attention, you’ll realize, much like I did, that the kind of growth that will sustain you and your significant other for the years to come is wrapped up in the small, every day, seemingly simple things.

These “things” most likely look and feel different depending on the couple. For us, I find that our marriage grows steadily when we laugh together about silly things, when we teach other something new, when we argue and then discuss our lessons learned, when we overcome obstacles as a team, etc. Call me cheesy but I also think growth also occurs in the silent moments – as you’re falling asleep next to the person you love, as you sit and watch your favorite TV show together, as walk hand in hand during a post-dinner walk, etc.

I think we can all agree that we live in a day and age where most people assume bigger is better. But when it comes to relationships, I truly believe that by thinking about, focusing/working on, and relishing in the seemingly small things, you not only grow your marriage but also the amount of love and happiness you feel on a daily basis.

And because I love finding quotes that capture my thoughts in a concise way, I have to share one that pretty much summarizes this entire blog post…

Maybe a marriage, like a life, isn’t only about the Big Moments, whether they be bad or good. Maybe it’s all the small things–like being guided slowly forward, surely, day after day– that stretch out to strengthen even the most tenuous bond.”
― Sarah Dessen, This Lullaby

*For the sake of this post, I wrote about marriage. However, I believe the idea of growth and focusing on the small things applies to all relationships!

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