Humor Archives - Page 2 of 5

communication, Personality, and Shame on Me

I find it really interesting how our personalities shine through in the various ways we communicate. Like really interesting.

For example, I’ve emailed back and forth with certain people for a number of months, made some assumptions about their personalities based on their communication style, met them in real life, and realized that my assumptions were 100% correct.

But let’s be honest. That shouldn’t come as a big surprise at all. For most people, their communication style is one way to showcase their personality. Intentionally or unintentionally.

Take this blog for instance. Most of my readers have never met me, but I guarantee that if they did, they would find that I am 100% the way they imagined me to be. Just by reading what I write on a weekly basis.

Now I know there are exceptions to this rule. However, I’m going to make a bold statement regardless. If you assessed ten people you know fairly well, you would see a very strong connection between their communication styles and their personalities. There’s just no way around it.

Then why didn’t I make that connection when I received the following text from my husband.

VISHNU: Babe…I have something really important to talk to you about today.

I wait a few minutes to see if he says anything else. When he doesn’t, I get a little worried and very curious. No smiley face, no exclamation point…nothing. So I text him back.

ME: What? You can’t leave it at that…

Another few minutes go by. I should mention that I’m out for a run when I get this text. I stop running and stand on the middle of a bridge waiting for another text to tell me what the heck is going on. Finally a response…

VISHNU: I’ll call you later. At lunch. But I absolutely love this program.

SERIOUSLY?! As happy as I was to hear that his interview went well, I couldn’t help but think, “Why didn’t he use a freaking smiley face or exclamation point in his initial text? How hard would that have been?” Here I am staring intently at my phone waiting for another text and/or a phone call because I think something’s wrong.

But I should have made the connection. Vishnu’s texts reflect his personality – direct, matter of fact and not super excitable. Of course nothing was wrong. Looking back, that first text was oozing with [Vishnu] excitement. After almost 10 years of knowing this guy, I didn’t put two and two together.

Shame on me.

If You Lived With Me

written by Parita 17 Comments

***I’m guessing Vishnu, my parents, my sister, and all my former roommates can relate to most if not all of these. Actually, I’m sure of it!

If you lived with me, you would…

…learn very quickly that I am 100% a morning person and 0% a night person.

…laugh a lot. Probably because I laugh a lot, often in the middle of telling a funny (to me) story.

…be forced to dance with me in the middle of our living room at 7:00 pm. Or be forced to watch me hop around. It’s better to join me!

…have a lot of different nick names. I just came up with my 500^th nickname for Vishnu this week.

…have to deal with me blogging about you every now and then…or all the time (sorry, Vishnu!).

…be forced to open about your emotions and other touchy feely things. I LOVE deep conversations.

…learn that I cry very easily. Just this weekend I burst into tears after finishing a book because the author killed off one of the main characters. Vishnu tried to console me but ended up laughing through his first awww.

…get a little freaked out because I sleep with my eyes open. Well, open enough to freak people out.

…be forced to try all the food I make, for better or for worse.

…be astonished by how much I really do love chocolate. I’m not exaggerating when I say that I’m obsessed with the stuff.

…see for yourself that I really am one of those psycho people that love to clean. Give me a vacuum and call me happy!

…see me in my ‘comfy clothes’ about 97% of the time.

…witness firsthand how much of a scaredy cat I am. Never mind, you don’t have to live with me to experience that.

…get a hug every time you saw me. I’m a hugger.

…be forced to watch Food Network and HGTV shows, in particular Chopped, Cupcake Wars, Property Brothers, and Love It or List It.

…LOVE EVERY MINUTE OF IT!!! Smile

If we were roomies, what are some things I would learn about you?

Prenatal Vitamins

written by Parita 18 Comments

This is not a birth announcement post. Quite the opposite actually.

Let me repeat – I am NOT pregnant.

It’s just that my trip to Costco this weekend reminded me of a funny Parita and Vishnu conversation. A conversation that took place next to a display of prenatal vitamins during our last visit there.

First a little context setting. Our last pit stop was the vitamin/supplement section of the store. Vishnu and I split up to find our go to multivitamin. During my search, a display of prenatal vitamins grabbed my attention. This particular kind was for women looking to get pregnant in the next 12-18 months. I am clueless when it comes to pregnancy related things, so I picked up a bottle to show Vishnu. And here’s how that went…

Vishnu: I found our vitamins. Let’s go.
Parita: Look what I found. These are prenatal vitamins for women looking to have a baby in the next year to year and a half.
Vishnu: [With sheer panic on his face.] Ummm…ok.
Parita: [Pretty much talking to myself]. Hmm..I wonder if I should buy a bottle. I mean I know we’re not looking to have a baby anytime soon, but it couldn’t hurt, right?
Vishnu: [As he took the bottle out of my hands]. Let’s just stick to our usual vitamins, Par. You can look into these later.
Parita: True. And I should probably do a little research before I just buy something, right?
Vishnu: [Already walking toward the checkout lines.]

So, yeah. Not pregnant. Not even close.

But at least I know how to get my husband’s attention and keep it for all of 30 seconds!

Happy Monday, friends!

What I Wish I Could Say

written by Parita 10 Comments

I am not a health and/or fitness expert by any means. However, I do try to live my life as healthily as possible. And I try to ensure that Vishnu does the same. I educate myself by reading books/articles/blogs, watching documentaries, and talking to people who are professionals in the fields.

If I had to boil it down to a simple statement, I would say that we limit how much processed stuff we eat, and we try to move our bodies as much as possible.

For some reason, my family and friends think that I’m some sort of health freak that exercises for a living and eats oatmeal and broccoli for every meal. Ok, maybe I’m exaggerating just a little. But I do get a lot of questions about our healthy(ish) lifestyle. Some are genuine inquiries, while others are asked to push my buttons. I try to maintain a sense of humor when it comes to this part of my life because I know that now everyone understands or even agrees with it. That’s fine. Honestly, it is. But there have been times where I’ve had to bite my tongue when answering to avoid getting in trouble and/or to avoid sounding preachy.

Well, I’m not biting my tongue any longer. With this post, everything changes, and I’m laying it all out there – haha!

With that being said, here are the questions I frequently get asked and the answers I wish I could give.

Q: Are you on a diet?
A: NO! I don’t believe in diets. In fact, I hate the word diet…with a vengeance. And I actually love chocolate and cheese and eat those things quite frequently. So no, I don’t diet!!!!

Q: Does Vishnu miss normal food?
A: First of all, that’s a question for Vishnu. But let me take a stab at this…just for kicks. Vishnu is a very, very honest person. If he likes something, I know it. If he doesn’t like something, I know it. He doesn’t hold back. So while his diet has changed a little since getting married, he has a lot of say so in what we eat. I honestly don’t plop salads in front of him and say, “YOU MUST EAT THIS!!!” And really, what does “normal” mean? How would you define normal? Burgers, pizza, ice cream? I’m sorry, but that’s not normal either. Not that it’s anyone’s business, but our diets are actually pretty balanced. Thanks.

Q: Ewww!! You put spinach in your smoothies?!
A: Don’t knock it until you try it. And you absolutely positively can’t taste the spinach.

Q: Do you ever make unhealthy desserts at home?
A: The honest answer to this is no. And there’s a really, really simple answer as to why. When it comes to sweets, both Vishnu and I have no concept of portion control. If we know it’s there, we have to eat it. That’s why we leave the more unhealthy dessert indulgences for when we go out to eat.

Q: Do you healthify everything you make?
A: Not everything. But I do try to think through how I can make different foods healthier without altering the way they taste. If I think it’s possible, I try. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. Healthy doesn’t mean zero calories, zero fat, and zero taste. Healthy (to me) means more nutrition, more satiety, and more flavor.

Q: How much more weight are you trying to lose?
A: Not that it’s anyone’s business, but I’m not actively trying to lose weight. I exercise and try to eat right because it makes me feel good about myself, reduces stress, and is honestly something I’m passionate about.

Q: Will you judge me if I eat ____?!
A: No! I don’t judge people for their food choices, just like I don’t want people to judge me for mine. If I know for a fact that your behavior is harming you in some way, I will (nicely) say something. But for the most part, I’m not trying to be a one woman revolution!

Q: Why do you exercise so much?!
A: First, I don’t exercise so much! 30-45 minutes of movement 4-5 times a week is what’s recommended for most adults. And second, while I don’t necessarily enjoy the thought of having to get out of my comfortable bed in the morning, I do love the feeling of accomplishment after a good run/power walk, elliptical session, or strength training circuit. And it not only makes me feel physically empowered and strong, it helps keep me mentally sane. You should try it!

Phew! That felt good to get off my chest!

You may not know it from reading this little Q&A, but I actually love talking about “healthy stuff,” and I love it when people ask me questions. What I don’t love is when people judge me for my choices or imply that I’m starving my “poor husband.” Thanks for allowing me to vent!

Do you ever feel judged for the way you eat and/or your exercise preferences? How do you respond? How do you wish you could respond?

One of My Most Embarrassing Moments

written by Parita 10 Comments

Currently, I’m sitting on my couch watching game 7 of the NBA Eastern Conference finals. I’m not really a huge basketball fan, but I figured I should tune in and cheer the Heat on a little bit.

As I sit here and watch, I’m reminded of my short stint as a basketball player. Yes, I played basketball in my younger years…for half a season. You see, I was more of a baseball girl growing up and played for eight years in an all girls league. Over the years, baseball was something that I eventually became pretty good at. Basketball was something I signed up for because all my friends were playing. In my silly head, I thought baseball skills = basketball skills. Umm…not so much.

I think a couple of things led to my ultimate defeat.

My coach was mean. He wanted a winning team. I did absolutely nothing to help him achieve his goal. And his lackluster coaching efforts did nothing to turn me into a basketball player.
I was slow. Running back and forth over and over again was not my thing.
Basketball requires a kind of aggression I just didn’t have in me. Literally clawing the ball away from other girls was not my idea of fun.
I’m short. If I remember correctly, the other girls had a 3+ inch advantage over me
My aim sucked. I couldn’t do a layup. And my middle name may as well have been “air ball.”

I really should have thought the whole basketball thing through. Well, five games later, I realized the obvious. Basketball was not my thing.

I remember the moment quite clearly. My friend Meagan had the ball. Two players from the other team had her covered. I looked her way, and before I knew it, she passed the ball to me. I panicked. I did the only thing that made sense to me. I faced the basket and tossed the ball towards it. Swish. I scored!

You’re probably wondering how this turned into one of my most embarrassing moments ever. Just wait…

After I made that shot, EVERYONE cheered. My team and our spectators. The other team and their spectators. EVERYONE. No one expected me to actually score. And did I mention that I grew up in a really small town?! My 13 year old self was humiliated.

And then I did something I’m not proud to admit…I quit. Yep, that was my last game. In all fairness, I think my coach and teammates were happy with my decision. Ha! But in my defense, at least I tried!

You live and you learn, and when you realize it just ain’t happening, you quit. Smile with tongue out

What’s your most embarrassing moment?!

Semi Sleepless Nights Make for Humorous Mornings

written by Parita 9 Comments

It’s story time on my inner shakti!

This one has to do with marriage. Ah, marriage. It’s wonderful the majority of the time, but there are those rare moments where I literally scream and/or cry.

First some background information. Vishnu and I have been on different sleep schedules for the past two months (ish). While my bedtime is anywhere between 10:30 and 11:00 pm, Vishnu is up until 1:30 am studying. This means that I’m in deep sleep when he finally gets into bed.

Haha!

While not ideal, our little routine has been working out just fine. Until now…

About three nights ago, I was fast asleep when all of a sudden I felt Vishnu’s arm smack down on my back. Ouch! I literally shouted owwww. Vishnu mumbled that he was sorry. A little while later I felt his fist on my head. No joke. He was literally all over the place that night. This time I yelled a little more loudly. Vishnu just turned his back on me (the nerve!). A little while later (yes, there was one more “episode”), I felt his arm, plop over my stomach. That was it. I sat up and yelled, “Stop it!!!” Vishnu also got up and said, “Don’t get mad at me. I didn’t do it on purpose.” We both turned our backs on each other and went back to sleep (one of us slept better than the other). While we were both a little irritated (Vishnu was mad that I was mad!) throughout the night, we had a good laugh in the morning when Vishnu reenacted the whole thing.

So that was the screaming I eluded to earlier. Now on to the crying.

Last night, as Vishnu was getting into bed, our bedroom door slammed shut. I gasped and started crying. I kid you not, there were tears streaming down my face. Vishnu tried to calm me down by asking why I was crying. In between sobs, I managed to say, “YOU ARE SO LOUD!!!” And this time, I turned my back on him. He softly told me to go back to sleep. So I did. Ha! And yet again, we had a good laugh in the morning when Vishnu asked if I remembered crying.

Thank goodness we adore more than we irritate! And I love to laugh…that definitely works in Vishnu’s favor. Ha!

Funny Finds

written by Parita 16 Comments

It’s FRIDAY! Woo hoo!

Don’t mind my high energy levels. After a super long work week, I am ready to unwind and enjoy the weekend. Well, half the weekend. On Sunday morning, I’ll be heading to Orlando for a few days with my boss for a conference. A conference at Disney? Sign me up!

Anyway, I thought I’d share some funny finds from this week to help start the weekend off right!