My Inner Shakti

finding strength in everyday things

Friday Stuff [#10]

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Hellooooo Friday! I’ve said this before, but I don’t like being the kind of person who only looks forward to weekends (as easy as that can be!). That being said, I am looking forward to this weekend because we’re celebrating Father’s Day early since we fly out next Sunday (can you believe it?!). There will be brunch, gifts, and family time! I can’t wait.

Other than that, I plan to continue my decluttering efforts. My goal is to donate/giveaway/throw away stuff in Chicago, so we don’t have to sort through it all and go through the same process in Atlanta. Wish me luck!

With that, let’s talk about some Friday stuff…

Reflection time

I attended a leadership session with an HBS professor this week who talked about the importance of including ample reflection time in our days – to ask questions, to think through what went well, what could have gone better, etc. He was talking about this from a work perspective, but this is beneficial to everyone. It’s about giving our brains some time to catch up with our bodies. Otherwise, it’s all about running from here to there, putting out fires, etc.

After hearing him speak, I definitely want to build in more time for intentional reflection. I’m thinking journaling would work well for me, but like he said, you need to make this a habit that works for you. Whatever it looks like, just get it done!

Ilia

Ilia isn’t a new brand, but it’s new to me! I just bought the Skin Serum foundation (shade Catalina SF7) after consulting with a few beauty bloggers and reading reviews. I’ve used it 5-6 times now, and I LOVE it! It doesn’t have that heavy foundation feel despite giving medium coverage, and it’s so easy to apply with your fingertips. The most impressive thing is that I wore it out on HOT days (for 3-4 hours each), and it didn’t budge or leave streaks on my face. I’m a fan!

I want to try the Super Serum Skin Tint (I did the color match via the website and was told to get shade Morgan ST11.5) as well, but I’m going to wait until later in the year. I don’t need it right now, so it feels like an unnecessary purchase, but once baby is here, I’m going to need a simplified morning routine, and I can definitely see this product being part of that. Have you tried this? If yes, let me know you’re thoughts!

Professional Troublemaker

I’m currently reading Professional Troublemaker by Luvie Ajayi Jones, and I freaking love it so far (a little under half way through). It’s the kick in the pants we will need to go out there, speak our truths, and be awesome. I think her writing style is perfectly matched to the message she’s trying to deliver. Love love love!

Good reads

Chrissy Teigen’s fall from grace – I knew there was some controversy around CT in May of this yea but honestly hadn’t looked into it too much. I used to love how direct, unabashed, honest she is, but some of the stuff she’s directed at people in the past definitely crosses a line. I don’t care what your intentions are. When you say things like that, you have to know the impact is going to be pretty bad. Would love to hear your thoughts!

12 Products to Use for Glowing, Summer Skin Without Foundation – More product recs for glowy summer skin! And the Ilia Skin Tint is on this list!

With that, I hope you have an awesome Friday and weekend ahead!

S*** Show of a Morning

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Before anyone thinks Vishnu and I are operating in a calm, collected, ‘everything goes as we need/want’ household, let me set the record straight.

This morning was a great example of how things can go wrong very quickly.

Let’s review.

5:45 am – Vishnu and I wake up and start getting ready for our respective days.
6:15 am – I start prepping breakfast while Vishnu gets everything else together for him and K.
6:30 am – I wake Kaiden up (he usually sleeps until 7:15) because I have a call starting at 6:45. The plan is to have Vishnu drop K off at school by 7:30, so he can get to work by 8.
6:35 am – I tell K the plan and he’s fine with it.
6:40 am – Kaiden decides he wants eggs for breakfast, so I quickly scramble and cook two eggs. Kaiden gets upset because he wanted to scramble the eggs.
6:45 am – I head into our bedroom for my call. But not without a loud good-bye. Kaiden starts crying and screaming because he wants me to take my call after I drop him off at school. I have no choice but to lock myself in my room. Vishnu takes over.
6:45-7:45 am – I’m on my call with Kaiden at the door trying to break in, screaming, crying…the whole enchilada. I hear everything from “Don’t look at me” to “Move your body.” Oh boy!
8:00 am – Vishnu and K finally leave for school. Vishnu’s late for work. However, my call went well, so there’s that!

No one’s life is perfect and these types of situations happen. They used to stress me out, but I’ve realized the best way to get through them is to stay calm and flow. Kids are going to be kids (esp the stubborn ones!), and life has to go on…we have to go to work, be on calls, get things done, etc.

So the next time you’re dealing with something hard, just remember…it happens to EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US and there’s at least a million of us experiencing it alongside you at any given point!

2021 Books To Date

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I set a reading goal of 21 minutes in 2021, and while I haven’t ticked it off every single day, I have gotten through some really good books. I’m now also lowering the bar to ‘however many minutes in 2021.’ HA!

With that, here are my 2021 books to date…with my personal rating (as you can see, I’ve made some good selections so far)!

  1. A Promised Land – Barack Obama – 10/10
  2. Untamed – Glennon Doyle – 10/10
  3. The Nightingale – Kristin Hannah – 9/10
  4. Untold – Brown Girl Magazine and Modern Marigold Press – 10/10
  5. Anxious People – Frederik Backman – 9/10
  6. The Four Winds – Kristin Hannah – 8/10
  7. Life’s Too Short – Abby Jimenez – 8/10
  8. One to Watch – Kate Stayman-London – 7/10
  9. Professional Troublemaker – Luvie Ajayi Jones – currently reading
  10. People We Meet on Vacation – Emily Henry – reading next
  11. What a Happy Family – Saumya Dave – reading next

Now tell me – what do I need to add to the list for the second half of the year?

Friday Stuff [#9]

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The weeks are really flying by around here. I can’t believe we only have two full weekends left in Chicago…and just as the weather is getting better too!

I had a master list of places I wanted to visit, people I wanted to see, restaurants I wanted to eat at, etc. all before we move, and I’m pretty sure I lost that list a while a go. Instead of fretting about all of that, I’m just going to try and enjoy the moments as they come. We’ll be back here in no time to visit is what I keep telling myself.

We do have a couple of fun dinners/events over the next two weeks – Gaijin with my sister, Ever with Vishnu, my sister, and my BIL, and Vishnu’s fellowship graduation dinner. Looking forward to each and every one!

Anyways, enough about the move. Let’s talk about some super random Friday stuff…

Morning routines

We used to have a pretty solid morning routine and were able to to get out the door in under an hour from the time K woke up to the time he walked into school. But now? Now it’s kind of messy. We get through most of what we need to – changing clothes, breakfast…and then everything breaks apart. He wants to stay and play, he doesn’t want to brush his teeth, he wants to draw his teacher a picture, etc. I’m not sure what happened but I’m sure my stress of meetings, calls, and work doesn’t help.

I’m telling myself it’s a phase because most things seem to be with kids, so hopefully he stops with the full on tears at some point.

I swear…it’s the minute he hears ‘no’ and his world falls apart. It’s all age appropriate, I get that, but man…it’s hard to communicate with an emotional child, especially once the tears start.

I do think that by working on my emotions during his emotional moments will help. Vishnu and I talked about a few things earlier this week that I need to just put in place and try. Wish me luck!

Meditation

I’ve written about meditation a few times before, and to be honest, my ‘practice,’ if we can call it that, has never stuck. I think I put too much pressure on myself, and I put it off until the end of the day when I’m super tired and just want to go to bed.

This time around, there’s no pressure, but a real desire to give it a try. I’m trying to get 10 minutes in for the next 30 days in a row. Just me, my timer, and my deep breaths (and a lot of unwanted thoughts as of right now!). We’ll see, I’ll share more later because I do seem to be more motivated this time around…let’s see if that sticks!

Pregnancy wardrobe

When I was pregnant with K, I was going into the office quite a bit. So I decided to buy a few neutral pieces (pregnancy jeans, black pants, and a few tops) and rent everything else from Le Tote. Great choice for that time!

This time around, I’m working from home 100% of the time, so I don’t feel justified in renting clothes. BUT, at the same time, I’m going to be super pregnant while living through the Georgia heat, so my current winter wardrobe won’t suffice the way it has in Chicago (so far!).

I’m trying not to go overboard because…two and through if you know what I mean! Essentially I’ve invested in a couple of more tops, 4-5 dresses and a pair of jean shorts. I figure if I need more, it’s all within a fingers tap…hopefully it’s enough to get me to the finish line.

What are your pregnancy wardrobe must haves? Any favorite places to shop?

Good reads

The Best Beach Reads for Summer – So many are headed to the beach this summer, and you can’t go without a book in hand. This is a great list for anyone who’s looking for a good book or two!

3 Lies They Tell You in School That Hurt You in Business – LOVED this!

Naomi Osaka Shows That Prioritizing Yourself Over A Job Is Still A Radical Act – Didn’t think about Naomi Osaka’s decision in this way, but it’s so true. Nothing is worth our health and sanity! Great read.

Happy Friday! I’m solo parenting most of the weekend since Vishnu’s on call Friday-Monday (last shifts!). We have a few playdates/meet ups and a birthday party on the agenda. Wish me luck!

Married to Medicine – Nearing the End

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Over the course of our marriage, I’ve written several posts about being married to someone in medicine – medical school, intern year, residency, fellowship. It’s all well documented here.

But now, we’re finally finally finally coming to end of this very long journey. We’re a month away from Vishnu finishing fellowship and being done with training! WOO FREAKING HOO! I can’t wait!

Now that we’re this.close to the end, I have a slightly different perspective about the past 10 years than I did while we were in the thick of them.

Vishnu’s med school graduation in 2015

With that, here are a few of my key lessons learned…

Before getting married, talk to your s/o about what the next few years will look like. You obviously won’t be able to anticipate everything that’s going to happen, but don’t go in blind or without talking to others who have been in your shoes.

Your s/o may change as they go along on this journey. Medicine is no joke. The amount of stress trainees face is intense – exams, applications, rotations, boards, actual training, finding a job. It’s A LOT and it would change anyone. There are times when I look at Vishnu and I’m like, “This isn’t the same exact person I met 16 years ago, but this is a man who’s been through his fair of challenges and has come out on top.” It’s important to communicate and check in whenever possible. The question “how are you doing today?” will go a long way.

Independence is the name of the game. Find your own hobbies and things that bring you joy because I can pretty much guarantee that your s/o will not be around nearly as much as you think they will. Even with they are at home, they’ll likely be reading, prepping for the next day, prepping for a conference, etc. Being able to do your own thing will only serve you. And honestly, don’t feel bad about it. Think of this as a unique opportunity to develop and find things you love.

If you have kids, you may end up being the primary parent. This one took me a while to wrap my head around. Not because we want it to be this way but because it has to be. I’m not going to sugarcoat it. It’s tiring and overwhelming, and at times, it doesn’t feel fair, especially when you have your own career to think about. However, being in medicine, it’s highly unlikely your s/o will be able to drop what they’re doing at a moment’s notice to tend to your kid. Know that it will be like this for a little bit and deal with it.

Enjoy the process without being too attached to the different milestones. Even though it’s a stressful time, it’s also a beautiful time in your life. My advice would be to enjoy the ride without really focusing too much on specific milestones, dates, etc. You’ll get to the end one way or another, and it’s important to stay flexible and agile throughout.

Don’t dismiss your journey as the support person. This is an important one. My FIL always acknowledges and validates my role in this whole journey, and it’s SO appreciated. While Vishnu’s away doing shifts and taking exams, I’m at home with Kaiden, running a household, and working a FT job. I’m also everyone’s contact person, a planner, a cook, and coordinator. It’s not easy so don’t dismiss the very important role you play and your thoughts and emotions on this journey.

Embrace the uncertain – Plans may change, you may not know when your s/o is coming home, you may have to spend holidays alone, etc. It’s just the name of the game, so be ready for it. Not always fun (and I certainly didn’t always handle it in stride), but like with everything else, know that the uncertainty (for the most part depending on what specialty your s/o is in) will come to an end.

Sometimes it just plain sucks, and it’s ok to feel that way. Don’t feel guilty about not loving this journey. It’s not always fun. In fact, it’s hardly ever fun! And while it’s important to be grateful and all that, it’s also ok to just sit in the suckiness for a bit. Just know that…

As cliche as it sounds, it all goes so much faster than you can imagine. While it can suck sometimes, it really does fly by. I’ve been waiting for this exact moment for so long, and it’s finally here. I can hardly believe it. So when I say enjoy it for what it is and make the most of the training years. Travel when you can. Meet new people. Do what you need to do…all while knowing it will come to an end. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.

While being #marriedtomedcine isn’t easy, whenever I think of our journey, my mind always goes to military families who not only deal with all of the above but on a much larger and deeper scale. So yes, acknowledge where you are but keep a grateful heart always. That’s always helped me!

Raising Privileged Kids

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My organization runs a learning program for senior leaders that’s led by Harvard Business School. This year, I’m able to attend because our first module is virtual. Today was the first day of the four week program, and the session was about strategy and a few other things.

As I was listening, a lot of my core Finance and MBA knowledge was coming back to me, but my ears really perked up when the professor started talking about human capital, recruiting, and strategizing about the kind of people you want to work for you.

He told a story about a friend of friend whose daughter applied to a widely known and respected consulting firm. After her second interview, she was told she didn’t qualify. When she told her dad, he basically went on a mission to find out why she was rejected. He happened to be engaging with this firm in his own job, so he approached the lead partner and asked him if he had any insights into what happened with his daughter. Mind you, this is a huge organization. The partner couldn’t give specifics about his daughter, but he did offer to look at her resume. He also asked her dad what she did for fun, what her hobbies were, etc. After the dad rambled on and on about the prestigious private school she attended for college, the international traveller she was, etc., the partner stopped him and said I think I know what’s going on but let me take a look at her resume.

One glance at her resume, and he said this, “She has privilege written all over this and her. We’re looking for candidates that went to state schools, got good grades, and worked at the library at night to pay for tuition. And maybe they got a few scholarships along the way too. Kids who have grit and perseverance and know how to face a challenge in its face.”

This part of the session made me stop and think about how I grew up and how Kaiden is (and is going to) grow up. I was that firm’s ideal candidate. I went to a state school, I got good grades, and I worked at the student center my sophomore through my senior year. I even worked during business school for the Department of Organizational Effectiveness. Will Kaiden be? Hard to tell since he’s going to grow up with parents who are financially more secure, who grew up in this country, and have access to things that my parents didn’t.

I think about the concept of privilege a lot, especially as a mom. And I think it’s amazing to want and be able to give your kids more than what you had (our parents did it!), but where do we draw the line? I, for one, would not be opposed to Kaiden working in HS and college. Just because he has a 529 in his name doesn’t mean he can’t save some of his own money for the things he wants to do.

I also believe the concept of privilege is something that’s established well before college. It’s about the conversations you have with your kids, the things you buy them, the people you surround yourself with, etc. Vishnu and I are trying to raise a good human, who may be a little privileged, but hopefully one who understands that what he’s been given should be used for the greater good in some way.

Ay ay ay…parenting…the wheels never stop turning!

What Will Be Bill Gates’ Legacy?

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Bill and Melinda Gates recently announced that they were getting divorced. I must admit I was a little shocked when I saw that headline. Of course, I have no insight into what happens behind the scenes of anyone’s marriage, but I just figured they were all good since they’re such do gooders! Wrong assumption to make, I guess.

Anyways, when I first read the headline, I didn’t think twice about it. Then I read a follow-up article that said Bill goes on annual intellectual retreats with his ex-girlfriend. I told Vishnu about that, and we both agreed it sounded fishy. But if he’d been doing it for years, why get divorced now?

The the articles about asking women out to dinner and Bill’s friendship with Jeffrey Epstein came out, and everything made more sense. It seemed that this has all been brewing since 2019.

In the grand scheme of things, this is really no one’s business but there’s IMO, however, it all does make you stop and pause…

What is Bill Gates’ legacy going to be?

Will he be remembered as the man who gave millions and millions to people around the world who needed it the most (and saved lives while he was at it)? Will he be remembered as an innovative genius who revolutionized the way we use technology? Will he be remembered for his foundation?

Or will he be remembered for the recent turn of events?

Vishnu definitely believes it’s the former and passionately believes it should be that way. If I’m being honest, I’m a little torn. While I do think he’s singlehandedly done so much amazing work, recent news points to his very human flaws. I think I just feel like he’s not as moral and straightforward as he came across, and that’s just disappointing.

But that begs the point…no one…absolutely no one…is infallible.

P.S. I told Vishnu that if we one day learn Barack Obama did something shady to Michelle, I would go hide under a rock for two weeks. That would be some MAJOR disappointment right there!

P.P.S. I fully know and understand that there are waaaaay more important things happening in the world right now. This was just something Vishnu and I discussed at length the other night, so I wanted to share.

What do you think? What will and should Bill Gates’ legacy be?

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