My Inner Shakti

finding strength in everyday things

Christmas Present Categories – Want, Need, Wear, Read, and Do

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As I’ve been sharing on all my social channels and this blog, Vishnu and I are SUPER excited about Christmas this year. More than anything, we really want to make it a special time for Kaiden. He’ll be just about 4.5 on Christmas this year and hasn’t had an amped up at home celebration yet.

Personally, this holiday is all about family, reflection and gratitude. Sure, when I was younger, presents were the main focus, and they’re great and all, but I want to instill these three things in Kaiden much sooner. It’s so easy to get carried away at his age with gifts and giving him all the things, but Vishnu and I are hyper focused on making sure that doesn’t happen.

To help us stay focused on what matters, we’re following a category approach for this year’s presents. Kaiden will get something he WANTS, something he NEEDS, something to WEAR, something to READ, and something to DO. That means, he’ll get five presents from us, which I think is plenty. I already have or have ordered the need, read, and do presents. Now I just need to find out what he really wants and get him something to wear (I think this will be easy because he LOVES superheroes right now).

We’ll also ensure our family understands our parameters and doesn’t get things he doesn’t really need. Kaiden is the kind of kid who would rather play with the box a toy came in versus the toy itself. I absolutely love that about him, but it does make presents a bit harder!

Anyways, I thought I’d share our approach in case it helps someone else who’s struggling with keeping their kid grounded this holiday season while getting them some fun things.

Wednesday Thoughts and Things

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I first typed “Friday Thought and Things” and then thought, “Wait. That doesn’t sound right.” This alone should tell you how our days are going…fast and slow depending on what’s going on at the moment.

It’s crazy to me how so much happens in a day but then when you look back, you’re like what did I even do! Right now, my goals are to make sure Kaiden is ok emotionally, Mila is fed and sleeping somewhat regularly, Vishnu and I check in with each other every day, I get my pumping sessions in, and I TRY and sleep when I can (not very successful with this one). Everything else can wait! Oh and there’s also bottle washing and laundry. With regards to the latter, we’re usually pulling washed clothes out of the basket or dryer for days before things get folded and put away. Such is life right now!

Life isn’t as routine as I’m making it sound. In fact, I’d say we don’t have a true routine down just yet. Vishnu and I feel like we’re getting close though. Let’s take this morning for example, Vishnu started work at 7 (from home). I woke up at 6:50 (despite setting an alarm for 6:15). Kaiden woke up as soon as I started heading downstairs. As I was getting his breakfast ready, Mila woke up crying. Long story short – it was chaos between feeding Mila, getting her back down, getting Kaiden to school, etc. Needless to say, I was thankful for Mr. Television!

Life also isn’t as stressful as I make it sound sometimes (on here and on IG), but we’re definitely feeling some stress around the viruses that are circulating right now. At the same time, we feel ok with some of the measures we’re taking. For example, we’re only seeing people who are healthy and vaccinated (and thankfully, most of our family and friends have gotten their booster shot as well). For example, we’re going to a Friendsgiving dinner this week and taking Kaiden. I don’t feel super stressed about that. Mila will stay home. And for actual Thanksgiving, we’re getting together with both of our families, but we’ll have Kaiden wear a mask and so will we. And if anyone wants to hold or get close to MIla, we’re going to ask they put on a mask too. While earlier on in the pandemic, we said no to pretty much anything that had us about and about with people, we’re now taking a different approach where we weight out risks and benefits and go forward from there. Feels a bit more freeing to us too given that Covid is probably going to be a part of our lives for the foreseeable future.

Ok, enough about that. Let’s talk Christmas. We put our tree up last weekend, and my mom was like aren’t you supposed to do that after Thanksgiving. I told her we don’t care because we’ve waited a long time to put up our own tree, and we want Kaiden to enjoy it for as long as he can. It’s his first tree too! We’ve always been in Atlanta for the holidays, but this year we’re obviously staying put. AND we’ll be together as a family, whereas in the past, it was pretty likely Vishnu wouldn’t be able to join us or only for a short time.

AND this year we have Mila!!! It’s her very first Christmas and we want to go big!

AND Vishnu and I are pretty much big kids right now. We’ve bought so many ornaments, matching family PJs, hot chocolate, etc. We’re ready baby!

Speaking of Vishnu, he isn’t working any major holidays until 4th of July 2022! Woo hoo! As much as I complained about residency life, attending life isn’t so bad. There are still some downsides, but the upsides far outweigh everything else.

In other personal happy news, I found the PERFECT postpartum holiday dress. It’s comfy, affordable, and comes in multiple colors and prints. I wore it for our family pics and immediate bought one more because I loved it that much!

Let’s go back and talk about Thanksgiving for a minute. What’s on your menu? For Friendsgiving, I’m bringing mashed potatoes and cranberry sauce. For our family Thanksgiving, my in laws are ordering Indian food, but we are doing traditional desserts. I’m bringing pecan pie brownies. Can’t wait!

Ok, that’s enough thoughts and things from me! Have a great Wednesday!

Mom Guilt and Obtrusive Thoughts

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I feel pretty naive. I thought I had conquered the whole mom guilt thing and was over it for the most part. Not true at all. Guilt has a way of finding its way through any crevice it can find. The secret is to know how you best combat these emotions.

Let’s take two big areas of guilt that have crept up for me lately…

…feeling like I’m off loading too much on Vishnu (late night feedings in particular) because I have to pump.

…feeling triggered when Kaiden has big emotions, particularly when he cries and whines for what I believe is not a good reason.

I’m trying to combat the first one by changing my self-talk. Feedings are a great opportunity for Vishnu to bond with Mila and feel like he’s making an important contribution. And pumping means my baby gets my milk, which is important to me right now. The second point is a little tricker for me. I’ve read all the things about button pushing and triggers and logically understand how this stuff works, but when I try to put it into practice, I fall short. I plan on bringing this up with my therapist soon so we can discuss the why and how behind my triggers.

With Kaiden, I often let my guilt get the best of me. It went from a surface level thought to a deeply obtrusive one. Now, I feel like I’m able to talk about my feelings more easily with Vishnu and/or my sister and find constructive ways to deal with the guilt.

I’ve had other extreme obtrusive thoughts lately too but am working on reverse engineering them and making them completely illogical.

Other than that, right now, I’m focusing on being a ‘good enough’ mom. Doing what I can when I can however I can. Helps keep the guilt and obtrusive thoughts at bay in so many ways.

Day in the Life – 3.5 weeks

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We are 3.5 weeks into life with Ms. Mila, and things are…well, they’re still a little all over the place. We have no routine in place yet, but experience reassures me that we’ll get there in a few months. Until then, I’m just trying to enjoy the newborn phase – the cuddles, the cute random faces, etc.

That being said, I wanted to document a day in the life type post so I don’t forget the beautiful chaos of this time.

So here was how my day unfolded on November 11, 2021…

4:45 am – I wake up to feed Mila. Vishnu took the last two feeds, which was so sweet of him, but I told him not to do that because this meant I hadn’t pumped in like 7 hours. No bueno!

5:25-6:10 am – Power pumping session. Went too long between sessions. Got a lot of milk but don’t want to make this a habit.

6:30 am – Make and eat breakfast (protein shake) in peace – no kids/husband needing me. Just me, the dark, and some silence.

7:15-8:30 am – Kaiden wakes up, eats breakfast, and eventually, we’re out the door for school. While I’m handling K, Vishnu is feeding Mila and eventually puts her back down. Teamwork makes the dream work!

8:30-9:00 – I drop K off at school, make a pit stop at CVS, and also at Dunkin for some coffee per VIshnu’s request. He was super tired this morning.

9:20-9:50 – Time to pump again. Wish I could’ve gotten to this sooner, but ahh…that’s life! I had to start and stop a couple of times because Mila was a little unsettled and fussy. Finally got it done…that’s what matters, right?

9:50 am – 12:00 pm- Mila starts stirring. I go get her and bring her downstairs to eat. Apparently, she’s more interested in sleeping in my arms than eating! Yes, this went on for over two hours! I just let her sleep. Eventually, I put her down in her room…until the next feed that’s probably in 30 minutes. Haha!

12:00-12:20 pm – I heat up leftovers from when my mom was here earlier in the week and eat those quickly (you never know when you’re sleeping baby will wake up wailing!). So good and so thankful I had that food ready to go!

12:45 pm – Time to pump again. Praying Mila doesn’t wake up from her nap until I’m done!

Timing is a little hazy after this point, but here’s a quick rundown of what happened next…

  • Mila wakes up and I feed her.
  • My mom comes over – we give Mila a bath, I get to take shower…
  • I pump yet again.
  • My dad and I pick Kaiden up from school and take him to PT.
  • We eat dinner when we get home (mom made her famous green enchiladas!).
  • Vishnu eats and then gives K a bath, my mom feeds Mila, and I pump.
  • Kids are down, mom and dad go home, I pack K’s lunch, wash bottles, clean up in the kitchen, finish up this post…
  • …and then…you guessed it…I pump…

AND THE CYCLE REPEATS ITSELF!

Not an exciting day by any means, but one I want to remember for sure. I just read somewhere that ‘time is a thief…’ ain’t that the truth!

Happy Friday! Hope y’all have a great weekend.

My Journey with Exclusive Pumping the Second Time Around

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Ok, so I have so much to say about this topic, but first and foremost, let me share how I got to exclusively pumping with Mila.

I had every intention of breastfeeding this time around, and for the first couple of days after she was born, it felt like we were going in the right direction. She fed beautifully on day 1 (and thankfully my colostrum was in full force) and even during the day on day 2. Things changed on night two with her cluster feeding more. She would latch and then unlatch. The unlatching would make her angry and she’d be inconsolable. At that point it was impossible to even get her back on the breast.

Vishnu and I called the nurse in to help us, and she really tried her best too. We just could not get M to latch and suck. That’s when Vishnu and I decided to try a bottle (the nurse actually encouraged us to do so as well).

Side note – with Kaiden, we had what felt like zero support from the nurses at the hospital. Instead of reading the situation (re: he couldn’t latch at all and I had no idea what I was doing), they would just push him on to me as if that was going to solve the problem. And then they encouraged SNS which is one of the most stressful feeding techniques ever. Vishnu and I vowed to not go down that path with Mila.

So yeah, we ended up giving her bottles that night as well as a pacifier. We figured her health and our sanity was worth.

For the next 2+ weeks, I continued to put her on the breast first when it came time to feed. Sometimes she’d stay on for a minute or two and sometimes she’d go full on frantic on us. Needless to say, M got used to the bottle pretty quickly.

I called a lactation consultant to come and help us, and she suggested a few things that were helpful but didn’t solve our issue of why M wouldn’t latch and stay latched.

The consultant did as me an important question though that ultimately helped me be ok with exclusive pumping. She asked, “Is your goal to get your baby latch or to feed her your breastmilk?” GAME CHANGING QUESTION!

My goal is to give Mila my milk for as long as I can, however I can. Sure, I really wanted to breastfeed this time around, and sure, it felt like we were on a good path for a bit there, but I’m truly not upset about being on the EP path again.

With Kaiden, I think I made the experience miserable for myself. This time I’m doing things a little differently…

  1. Invest in a good quality pump – I have the Spectra S2 which is a hospital grade pump that a lot of my friends used. Personally, I love the suctioning power as well as the fact that there are less parts to clean. A great option in my opinion!
  2. Invest in good quality pumping bras – WIth Kaiden, I had no idea what I was doing. In the chaos of his delivery and bringing him home, I didn’t even think to buy real pumping bras. Instead, I made my own. And while it was a great idea, if I do say so myself, it was very cheap and silly of me. This time around, I got these bras, and LOVE them. Perfect for the exclusive pumper and a breastfeeder/pumper.
  3. Length of pumping sessions – With Kaiden, I thought my pumping sessions had to be 30-45 minutes long to be the most effective. The lactation consultant I saw ensured me that 20-25 minutes was plenty if I’m also massaging my breasts while pumping. Hallelujah!
  4. Missed/shorter sessions – As a mom of two, I’m here to tell you your pumping schedule may not always go to plan. Mine hasn’t…not once! But I’m not going to stress about it. I’m going to do the best I can with the time and resources I have. And you should too!
  5. Power pumping – I was hoping I wouldn’t have to power pump this time around, but lo and behold, I’m still doing it! PP is a great thing to do when baby is going through a growth spurt – 2 weeks, 4 weeks, 6 weeks, 8 weeks, etc. Basically, it looks like this – pump for 20, 10 minute break, pump for 10, 10 minute break, pump for 10. Yes, it’s an hour, but I try to do these sessions when the kiddos are asleep – late at night or in the wee hours of the morning. And I’ll admit that PP does help increase supply overall, so I guess it’s worth it!
  6. Water, oats, and fenugreek – These are the things I used last time to help with my supply and they’re doing their thing this time too. Also, I had a friend tell me extra protein helped her supply. Also, it’s important to put aside any weight loss goals at this time. You have to eat and eat regularly. Pumping burns about 20 calories an ounce so let’s say you pump an average of 30 ounces a day, that’s 600 calories you’re burning through. Think of it this way – your body needs fuel to make fuel.
  7. Pump time = YOU time! – I wasn’t very good about making the most of my pumping time with K. I would just sit there and think about how much it sucked that I had to pump while someone else got to feed my baby. This time around, I’m taking full advantage of all the 20 minute blocks of time I have. I’m reading, listening to podcast, connecting with Kaiden, calling friends and family members, blogging, etc. I wouldn’t exactly call it self-care, but this time around, I’m realizing my attitude about pumping is what will make or break it for me. And because I want to do this for at least six months, I need to have a good attitude.
  8. Mindset – Going along with the above, your mindset is everything. You’re not going to be pumping for the rest of your life or even for years to come. I basically tell myself to make it through the day…and rinse and repeat. No need to look months into the future and lament on how you have to pump so much. One day at a time…nothing lasts forever.
  9. Communication – For me, exclusive pumping wouldn’t work without Vishnu’s support. So my biggest suggestion here is to have an open and honest conversation with your partner about what you’ll need to make this a success for your family. Vishnu really wants Mila to have my breastmilk for as long as she can, so he’s fully on board to help me. He does the two middle of the night feedings so I can pump. And on weekends, he’s game to watch both kids so I can get my sessions in. This is really about teamwork!
  10. FED IS BEST – I have and always believe this. Breastfeeding, pumping, formula – ALL good options to feed a baby. If you have to pump and supplement at some point, do it! Formula is not the devil. Remember that the goal is to have a healthy baby…whatever that takes. With Kaiden, we transitioned to formula after six months of EP because my mental health was in question and I couldn’t do it anymore. And guess what…he’s THRIVING! A healthy baby is important but so is a healthy mama.  Do what is best or your family and ignore the noise!

If you are also pumping or debating on EP, please don’t hesitate to contact me. Happy to help in whatever way I can!

Also, if you want to read more about my journey with Kaiden, check out these posts – My breastfeeding and pumping journey and Exclusive Pumping – an Emotional Journey.

Weekend Recap – Diwali, Netflix, and Family Pics

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First and foremost, I’m really really hoping to bring back old school blogging on this space. I used to share here so frequently with updates, life happenings, more topical posts, etc. But with how much blogging has changed over the years, I didn’t think that was really what people wanted to read. Welllll…I’ve decided that if people don’t want to read those kinds of posts, they won’t click over. If I want to keep MIS the blog alive, I need to write about the things that interest me.

With that, here’s a little rundown of our weekend…

Friday

Friday was Vishnu’s last day of paternity leave. Oh man! I have so many emotions about this. I told him I wish he got 16 weeks like me and made him laugh. As much as he’s enjoyed being home for the past few weeks, I think he’s really looking forward to going back and using his brain in a different way.

I wish I could say we did something special to celebrate his time at home and return to work, but we didn’t. With Mila on an every 2.5-3 hour feeding schedule, time just flies by. It’s like we go from 7 am to 12 pm in a matter of minutes.

While we didn’t celebrate during the day, we did go to my parents’ house for a family Diwali dinner on Friday night. It was so much fun hanging out with everyone, catching up, and eating some delicious food. My mom was the hostess with the mostess – her decor was beautiful and so welcoming. We ended our time there by reading some of Kaiden’s favorite Diwali books (the adults loved this too!).

When we got home, Vishnu put Mila down and then we watched Sex Education on Netflix (such a great show by the way) while I pumped.

Saturday

Saturday was a slow day overall. We ‘slept in’ until about 8/9 am because Kaiden spent the night at my parents’ house, so we could go back to sleep after Mila’s morning feed. Felt so good! But I missed my older guy a lot.

Again, the day passed by in 3 hour increments with some Sex Ed. mixed in here and there along with a few pumping sessions. Before we knew it, my parents were dropping K back off because we had a family photo session in the morning.

Vishnu and I finished Sex Ed. that night. Good news…season 4 is coming soon…yay!

Sunday

Sunday morning was probably the most hectic of all. Convincing Kaiden to put his sweater on took 30 minutes! Then I had to get ready – iron my dress, straighten my hair, and put on my makeup. Thankfully, we were all ready by 10 am which is when our photographer arrived.

Don’t let this picture fool you! Was literally sweating during our photo session…and was just a little frazzled!

The session itself was so much fun! Kaiden kept everyone on their toes with his silly expressions and movements, but I’m positive we got a few frame worthy shots!

The rest of the day involved coloring and some time outside (66 degrees!).

A few notes

Taking care of one kid versus two is much much easier (duh!), but you don’t realize how much easier until your parents take one off your hands for a night. I missed Kaiden so much…he keeps things interesting around here and can be a bundle of fun (90% of the time). But he had a really fun time with my parents. In fact, he didn’t want to come home at all. If we didn’t have pictures, I would’ve let him stay another night.

Sleep is critical. Always. But especially when you have young kids. The irony here is that when you have young kids, sleep is hard to come by. I definitely need to find a way to squeeze in a couple of more hours because 4-5 hours of broken sleep a night isn’t cutting it.

Most people may already know this, but it took me by surprise so I’m sharing – if you’re seeing a therapist and you end up rehashing a lot of what’s been going on for you lately, those emotions will all be front and center all day. I had a session last Thursday and felt off the rest of the day emotionally. I think it’s because we talked at length about my second hospital stay, overall emotional state, etc. Also, while I believe in the power of acknowledging and validating, I don’t always hear those things from many people in my life. So to hear my therapist A/V me a ton, it just meant so much.

Well, that’s all I have for today! Hope y’all had a great weekend.

Must Have Baby Products We Use Everyday

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When it comes to baby products, brands are going to try and sell you things you absolutely don’t need. Or maybe don’t need for your particular baby. It’s so easy to get overwhelmed and buy all the things or think you need to buy all the things. With Kaiden, we definitely took a very minimalistic route because we didn’t have too much space or money. Thankfully, he was easy in that way. He’s four now and thriving so there’s that! With Ms. Mila, we took a slightly different approach. My best friend gave us a lot of things she used with her daughter + as we got to learn Mila’s preferences, we definitely bought a few extra things we didn’t with Kaiden.

Parenting is all trial and error, my friends!

We have a pretty good sense of what really works for us at this point, so I thought I’d share our list of must have baby products we use everyday, mainly for anyone like me who felt overwhelmed when thinking about this and just wanted a list of things to buy!

Feeding

My Breast Friend Pillow – great for breastfeeding and feeding in general. Really helps you relax and get the baby into a comfortable feeding position.

Earth Mama Organic Nipple Butter – when you’re breastfeeding and/or pumping, this stuff is gold! It really helps keep your nipples from cracking or getting too dry, which helps ease the BFing/pumping process.

Bottles – We had great success with the Avent bottles with K and are trying those out with Mila too. I’ve also heard good things about Dr. Browns and bought this newborn set on Amazon. And finally, a lactation consultant in the hospital told us about the Evenflow nipples which are apparently great for babies who need to transition between breast and bottle. Again…trial and error!

Drying rack – I know the green grass drying rack (don’t recall the brand) is super popular, but I read that it’s a breeding ground for mold, so I bought this one instead, and so far so good!

Bottle brush – LOVE this brush by Dr. Browns (works with all bottles).

Dapple soap – Again, used this soap with Kaiden, and we’re still loving it. Love how clean it is.

Medela Steam Bags – We haven’t used these yet, but I know they’ll be great for when we go to the grandparents house or on vacation (some day!).

Burp clothes – I know this is a given, but you have no idea how many burp clothes we go through in a day! I bought these recently and love how soft they are.

Pump – I got the Spectra S2 through my insurance and like it so far. I am officially an exclusive pumper again (more on this later) and am finding that it does a good job getting out as much milk as possible. And it doesn’t sound as annoying as the Medela pump I used with Kaiden.

Pumping bras – With Kaiden, I made my own bootleg pumping bras out of old sports bras. This time…I know better and got these based on a friend’s rec. Love them!

Bottle warmer – this isn’t a must have product for everyone, but it’s saving us with Mila because when she’s hungry, she’s hungry. And with the current set up of our home, we’re able to keep the bottle warmer upstairs so we don’t have to go back and forth. I also love that this device warms the milk to the perfect temperature. We didn’t have a bottle warmer with Kaiden (felt silly and a little bougie at the time), but for us know, it’s definitely a must have item!

Mini fridge – Ok, so before you LOL at us, listen! We keep this tiny fridge in Mila’s room along with the bottle warmer so we don’t have to go up and down the stairs at 1, 3, 5 am in the morning, and it’s been amazing! I prep her bottles the night before, put them in the fridge, and we’re good to go. This way, if Vishnu’s feeding her, he can just grab, warm, and go. I mentioned to Vishnu how a few friends of ours got mini fridges, and he jumped on it and got us this one right away. Life and time saver!

Sleep

Sound machine – We use Amazon Alexa as a sound machine in both kids rooms and our room. Vishnu did all the set up, so if you have questions, let me know and maybe I can get him to do a little tutorial.

Halo bassinet – My best friend let us borrow her Halo and I love it. With Kaiden we had a Graco bassinet that started caving towards the end of it’s life and I didn’t find it very comfortable looking. The Halo (while expensive I know if you were to buy) is fully mesh around the sides, it swivels, and it’s very roomy. So far so good with Mila but she’s a very sleepy baby so time will tell!

Halo sheets – Vishnu bought these extra sheets because the bassinet only comes with one. Trust me, you’ll need multiple! Babies spit up, pee, and poop A LOT! [Microfiber version | Jersey Knit version]

Eco Classica Baby Mattress – We got and loved this mattress with Kaiden and ended up getting Mila a brand new one too. It has an infant side and a toddler side, so it grows with your kid. I don’t think you can really go wrong with whatever mattress you chose but wanted to share our pick because both kids have had zero complaints!

Diapers

Wipe warmer – Again, one of those bougie purchases we didn’t even consider with K (poor guy), but also, he didn’t mind getting his diaper changed or cold wipes. Ms. Mila, on the other hand, goes crazy the minute we open up her diaper and start wiping with a cold wipe. Vishnu got this after recognizing that pattern pretty quickly, and I will say, it’s made the diaper changing process 3x easier.

Diaper Genie – Yet another purchase we didn’t consider with Kaiden. We basically DIYed the solution then and really shouldn’t have! I know the Diaper Genie gets mixed reviews, but we love it. It really does make discarding dirty diapers so much easier, and the set up is also very easy. But most importantly, it keeps everything smelling ok (which our DIY solution didn’t do so well despite our best efforts!).

Nails

Electronic nail filer – No one tells you this, but cutting your newborn’s nails for the first few times is the most terrifying experience as a new parent. With Kaiden, I definitely ended up clipping his skin a little (worst feeling ever!). A nurse at the hospital told us about electronic nail filers for babies, and let me tell you, it’s been a game changer. Mila still doesn’t love it, but at least there’s no risk of her getting cut! A must have in my opinion – thank me later!

Other things we love

Glider – This is the one we got, and we love it! Again, didn’t have this when we had K…such a missed opportunity. Both Vishnu and I love feeding Mila in this chair – makes the experience really comfortable for all of us!

Hanging closet organizer – We use this product (x2) for each kid and love how it keeps there clothes organized and easy to access, especially great for when you don’t a ton of other space and/or when you’re using the dresser for other items (like us).

Dresser dividers – Love these for when babies are little and you need to keep things super organized.

Pack n’ play – a classic baby/toddler product! A must purchase item!

Baby Bjorn Bouncer – We don’t put her in this too much, but when we have she tolerates it and we get 10 minutes to eat or check email. I’ve heard older babies absolutely love this little gadget!

No portion of this post is sponsored.  However, affiliate links are included. There is no extra cost to you, but I do receive a small commission on anything you buy through my links.  Thank you for reading and supporting My Inner Shakti!

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