I posted a fun throwback picture on Instagram of me and Vishnu at a wedding we attended in LA back in May 2018. I hesitate when positing these kinds of pics because I feel like they can be misleading sometimes. First of all, we don’t always look like that. In fact, I don’t like that 99% of the time. Second of all, I feel like these kinds of pictures unintentionally portray a ‘perfect’ marriage. And I don’t believe in perfect anything!
My mission [in life] is to be as real and authentic as I can and help others do the same! So with that being said, let me tell you about where Vishnu and I were late last year and how we got to where we are now (a MUCH better/stronger place).
I’ve been pretty vocal about how the first 12 months of motherhood were hard for me. I just wasn’t myself, and everything overwhelmed me. While I think I was better after K turned one, I honestly think the biggest turning point came for me at the beginning of this year…with regards to most aspects of my life, including my marriage.
In October last year, Vishnu and I realized we were on two very different pages about almost everything. We just weren’t connecting the way we usually did. It probably wasn’t as dramatic as I’m making it out to be, but I can tell you this, something needed to change and we both knew it.
After some open and courageous conversations (and tears on my part!), as well as a lot of individual self-reflection, we made progress. Slowly but surely. We also came to the understanding that we’re different now as parents. We have this super important priority named Kaiden who inevitably changed our dynamic and will continue to do so as he gets older. But instead of looking at it as a bad thing, we are now choosing to really listen, ask the right questions, and be more forthcoming. At the end of the day, our marriage will shape Kaiden’s views about relationships for the rest of his life!
Additionally, something Vishnu said to me during this time really put things in perspective. He said, “I love you more than anything in this world, so you have to believe me when I tell you that nothing I say or do is meant to hurt you. I know it can and will hurt you, but that’s never my intention.” This realization changed everything for me, including how I respond in different situations. Now (for the most part), I come at it from a “let me try to understand first” perspective versus a “oh hell nawwwww” one! When I changed how I responded to him, Vishnu changed too. It’s incredible!
It’s funny to me how ultimately everything comes down to communication. If you don’t talk about it, you’ll definitely shout about it! <- (I hope that made you giggle just a little!)
And before I let you get on with your Friday, remember this…perfection doesn’t exist. Everyone, and I mean everyone, has their shit. That’s life. Don’t let the internet or what people portray fool you.
With that, happy weekend!
This was beautiful Parita!! I feel the same way. Marriage goes through a real transition after kids and the perspective shift is soooo powerful! Xoxox
Thank you! It’s such a journey but when you’re with someone who also wants to do the work, it’s so worth it!
I love that you shared this! REB and I went through something very similar (and still going through some self-realizations of self-progress!) but I think the hardest part is being able to actually be up front and courageous enough to speak and communicate to your partner. It’s easier said than done and often times seems like common sense: like, duh, you should talk to your partner…but sometimes it’s not that simple. Sometimes our emotions are so strong and tangles that we don’t even know how to navigate or how to even *begin* to approach such an idea. No marriage is perfect but you can make it work for you! And we don’t have kids! So he and I are always reminding each other “It’s just us – let’s figure this out!”. It’s going to be a learning experience and ongoing forever, I know that, but I’m so glad we’re willing to do that together! <3 and I'm so thankful for you for having the courage to share something like this with all your readers!! You and V are so amazing together and your relationship will shape K for the better <3 xoxox you're doing amazing, Par. Never underestimate or downplay all you're doing and all the two of you are doing together for him 🙂 Happy weekend, love!
Thank you for sharing your experiences! When writing this, I did think about how I SHOULD see Vishnu’s intentions as pure, but when you’re in the moment, it’s so hard bc you’re feeling what you’re feeling. I love that we’re both with people who want to work just as hard at our relationships…makes it worth the ups and downs!
Love this post!
It’s hard to remember in the heat of the moment but was definitely a game changer for us! Arguments and less frequent as we approach our communication differently now and when we do argue, it’s diffused more quickly 🙂
Yes, exactly! When you really consider who your s/o is and what his/her intentions are, it changes everything.
I can’t tell you how much I relate to this right now. We just had this conversation yesterday. Makes me feel so weird to be saying all this a complete stranger but everything including the part where your husband asks you to believe him when he says he doesn’t mean to hurt you. Maybe it’s just postpartum and the changes that I’m going through but it’s been oh so very crazy and I’ve never felt this disconnected or distant.
I’m so glad this was relatable! And I know the feeling, trust me. You don’t feel like yourself or connected to the one person you want to be connected to. It’s hard but it does get better!