*BTS = behind the scenes.  For anyone who, like me, had no clue what that acronym stood for. 

**Also, all pics in this post are random because I don’t have any that fit the ‘motherhood musings’ theme!

As I sometimes do, I recently took inventory of my blog posts from the past month or so as well as my Instagram pics and captions.  It dawned on me that I’ve been painting a pretty rosy picture.  And that’s not to say it hasn’t been great.  June was, in fact, a great month – K’s birthday celebration x 2, a trip home to Atlanta, K’s actual 1st birthday, mine and Vishnu’s wedding anniversary, Father’s Day, relatively sickness free (knocking on all the wood), etc.

baby and his dad at the playground chicago

A pretty great month overall.

But that’s not to say I didn’t have other not so great things/feelings going on BTS.  Nothing major, but my point is most people don’t share the darker shades of life on the internet.  You can’t see feelings, insecurities, arguments, sadness, worry, anxiety, doubt, etc.  Most importantly, you don’t know what’s happening on the inside.  You only see the outside.  A filtered sliver at that.

While I have no qualms about sharing my ups and downs on both my blog and Instagram account, I haven’t shared much of the downs lately.  You haven’t seen my extreme sadness over what’s happening at our southern border and around the world in general.  You haven’t seen my anxiety over K refusing to drink whole milk now that we’ve transitioned.  You haven’t seen my constant battle between wanting to give my all at work and at home…and often feeling like I’m failing all over the board.  And the list goes on…***

I don’t need or want anyone’s pity.  That’s not why I’m sharing this.  I’m sharing because I know how it feels to look at someone’s highlight reel and think, “Wow.  Look at her life.  She’s got it all together.”  NO ONE HAS IT ALL TOGETHER.  NO ONE.  My hope is everyone experiences moments of profound joy and peace.  But no one’s life is perfect.

baby boy 12 months

The next time you find yourself comparing your life to someone else’s call a trusted friend or family member and talk.  Like really talk.  Open up, ask questions, etc.  I guarantee even five minutes of conversation will give you a new perspective.  Everyone has their stuff.  The reality is for the majority of people this stuff doesn’t show up online.

Ok, stepping off that soapbox!

Next up, the mental load.  This is something I think about all the time now that I’m a mom.  So much of what I carry isn’t something people can see (aside from K…haaaaa!!!).  Seriously though, I wish I could share a snapshot of all the stuff racing through my mind at any given moment and see something similar for other mamas.  While I still own a paper planner and a notebook dedicated to all my mom/wife notes, I’m so thankful to be doing this in the electronic age.  My Outlook calendar reminders keep the late fees away for things like rent, daycare payments, etc.

Something else I find interesting about the mental load is that dads don’t carry it the same way.  Not all dads of course, but for the most part, I think most of my friends and fellow mamas would agree.  For example, if I’m being honest, I probably carry the majority of the mental load in my relationship.  And not because Vishnu doesn’t want to.  It’s honestly because we’re wired differently.  I don’t mind carrying the mental load of remembering key tasks like paying rent.  I truly enjoy holding down the fort with things like that.  For me, It’s the mental load of worry and anxiety over things that haven’t/may never happen.  When my mind goes down those rabbit holes, I can easily go into “how would I handle X, Y, or Z” mode.  Not healthy!

What helps me is talking out my thoughts with Vishnu, my mom, my sister, or a close friend.  One of these fine folks can usually bring me back to reality.  Other times, I let myself feel whatever it is I’m feeling (as I can usually trace my worry back to something), and then I talk myself back to reality.

Again, no pity needed/wanted.  Just want to share my experiences with something that I know is far too common for mamas everywhere.

Again, what weighs us down is usually the unseen and the unspoken.  I really want to help change this in my own small ways.  One thing I hope to do more of and encourage others to do more is share the unseen and the unspoken.  Make it seen and spoken [about].  This is such a critical part of the human experience, and I fear we’re moving farther and farther away.

Ok, stepping off soapbox #2!

baby sleeping in crib

Is there anything cuter than a sleeping baby?!

Let’s move on to some other topics I’ve been thinking about…

Is it just me or should parents stop saying their kid’s age by months after year 2?  I think it’s fine to say, “Oh, he just turned 2.  He’s 2 1/2.  He’s a little over 2 1/2.”  I mean how old is 29 months really??

Speaking of sharing your kid’s age, I was totally that mom who lost count of the weeks after a while.  I literally asked Google “How many weeks is my baby if he was born on June 29.”  Thank goodness we’re at months now.  I can remember months!

You guys, Kaiden spiked a fever exactly one week after getting his MMR vaccine.  10% of babies get fevers, and ours was one of them!  Poor bubs.  It all started this past Friday when his school called to give me a heads up (talk about a freak out moment when I saw his school name pop up on my phone).  And while it’s pretty low-grade for the most part, it’s really no fun seeing your little one all flushed and uncomfortable.  But I’m VERY thankful because the fever is his only symptom.  Apparently 5% of babies also get an accompanying rash.

baby in crib

Caught touching something he’s not supposed to!

I have to take Kaiden to his second swim class on Saturday…all by myself.  I don’t know why, but this makes me nervous.  Vishnu was in the water with him this past Saturday and it went as well as it could’ve.  Kaiden did great until the instructor poured water over his head.  But honestly, it’s not the water part that makes me nervous, it’s the whole after class logistical piece.  I can’t wrap my head around how I’m going to get both Kaiden and myself into dry clothes.  I know, I’m a weirdo.  Who worries about things like that?  I never said I was normal!

And that about takes care of all the motherhood musings I wanted to share today!  As always, THANK YOU for reading.

***I know a lot of people would pay to have my worries/anxieties.  I know I’m VERY lucky in the grand scheme of things.  Trust me, I’m very grateful for this life of mine.  But that’s not the point.  The point is it’s important to remember everyone deals with something and nothing is as perfect as it seems, online or in real life.  


By Parita

6 thoughts on “Motherhood Musings – BTS, Mental Load, and More”
  1. So much truth! But about swim lessons, I did the second alone too, and trust me when I say it gets better! Now she’s so excited the minute we walk in the door. We just moved back to Chicago, so a whole new swim school and she was thrilled to be back and in the water!

  2. Omg yes…I totally get the worrying about how to get out of wet clothes and other similar dilemmas. We are currently potty training and so many articles talk about readiness etc but none actually talk about what gear you need when out of the house, how to clean up after an accident (does she need a bath every time?!?) etc. Even in the internet age, I still needed a mom friend to tell me how she handled those finer points!!!

    1. Without fail, I always go to Google and then follow-up with my gfs. Nothing beats real life advice from people who know you!

  3. I share your same concerns about swim class!! It’s a logistical nightmare with one person and a wiggly baby! I say, wear something super simple like a shift dress and flops to minimize the hassle!

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