I always tell Vishnu the hardest thing about entering parenthood was and continues to be prioritizing our relationship. I just didn’t expect it to be this hard. But all good things in life are worth working hard for so there is that!
Pre-baby Vishnu and Par made time to cook dinner together, watch movies, explore the neighborhood, grab a bite to eat, meet up with friends, go out for a drink, etc. Post-baby Vishnu and Par have all the right intentions, but their execution is a little off. Ha!
Pre-baby us!
I had great post-baby pictures of both me and Vishnu passed out from sheer exhaustion, but they’re no longer on my phone. Darn!
The reason I’m even sharing this is because I don’t think we’re alone. Once you become a parent, you realize there are certain things no one talks about, including how much harder you have to work on your relationship. I’m sure there are some people who will claim everything is better now that baby’s here, and I’ll admit some things did get better. I 110% love Vishnu more now because of the amazing father (and husband) he is. But that doesn’t mean everything is great. We work really hard to ensure our strengths as a couple only get stronger, but we work even harder to address our weaknesses and areas of opportunity. We don’t always get it right, but we always try.
I wholeheartedly believe happy mama = happy baby. But now, I equally believe happy parents = happy baby. It’s really important to me and Vishnu that we model a healthy relationship for Kaiden. And healthy by no means equals perfect. A healthy relationship is one that above all else embodies respect, communication, trust, honesty, and love. It’s also one where the parents aren’t afraid to put themselves first every now and then.
With that being said, a month or so ago, we sat down to talk about how to keep our relationship fresh and still feel like us. Vishnu came up with the brilliant idea of creating a 2018 bucket list of all the things we want to do together. So we took the next day to brainstorm separately, and then we came back together to share our ideas and narrow them down to our 10 favorites.
Post-Baby Couple’s Bucket List
- Wine and cheese night once a month
- Book club for 2 (we’re starting Dark Places in a few days!)
- Weekend getaway (close by)
- When we sit down to watch ‘our’ shows, no technology allowed and we have to hold hands
- Try one new restaurant every month (with or without baby)
- Go out to the movies a few times a year (keeping the bar low I guess!)
- Make a new-to-us recipe together once a month
- Run a race together
- Administer a no technology policy one day a month
- Take rock climbing classes
- Go on a family picnic a few times in the spring/summer
- Go bowling a few times a year
- Make it a mission to go to one of every type of Chicago sports game – football, hockey, baseball, basketball
- Go to a concert (just one!)
- Attend a local event (at a museum for example)
- Take golf lessons (this was all V!)
- Go to a BYOB painting event
New and/or seasoned parents – do you feel like you had/have to work harder on your relationship now that babies/kids are in the picture?
while im not in your situation, it makes me happy to read that you guys are such role model couple and parents for me…and you keep things so real, which is why love you 120% 🙂
Thanks, D! Real is all we got! 🙂
I loved the idea of Bucket list after baby. I so agree with you… Definitely doing this with my husband for sure.
Thank you! Let me know if you guys come up with any fun ideas 🙂
I am not a parent but thoroughly enjoyed your post. The ‘BYOB painting’ idea sounds so much fun 🙂
Thank you! I’ve only done it once, but it was super fun. 🙂
Two kids here , 5 yrs and 8 months , and we both work 55 plus hours a week . We miss our pre baby selves occasionally but have never really thought purposefully about making more time for “us” things. We are first trying to incorporate some “me” things into our routine- we both recently managed to make into the gym 2-3 times a week which is huge for us and it took us 8 months after the baby’s birth to carve out time for this . We find lunch dates easier to orchestrate and do plan those a few times a year, sounds awful I know !We are so behind on our fav shows – think half of season 1 of This is Us, as we often prefer to cuddle on the couch and just talk after the kids are in bed rather than cry ours eyes out watching the show . Our baby’s not yet sleep trained and we have recently taken to co sleeping which is another huge challenge. Despite all this we don’t really feel disconnected though.We got together when we were 19 and 20 respectively and now 13 years later we can say that we have really grown together . In fact in our case there is barely anything we don’t know about each other’s lives at any moment, we just make the time we get together really count . We text through the day – what we ate for lunch , interactions at work,updates on projects we were working on , cute kid stuff, nanny issues . I do like some things on your list though – holding hands while watching our shows , new restaurants , no devices , are all things that we can easily incorporate. It gets easier after the years and time together becomes more organic .
So funny, Vishnu and I have been together for the same amount of time! Anyways, I digress! I’m so glad you and your husband have found ways to connect that work for you. I guess for me and Vishnu it’s more about doing things together outside the home because our tendency is to be homebodies and stick to what we are comfortable with.