A few months ago, before Kaiden was born, I decided I wasn’t going to let mom guilt infiltrate my life.  Looking back, this was a little silly on my part because I’ve never fully been able to let go of guilt in other parts of my life.  My type A/people pleaser personality doesn’t allow me to live completely guilt-free.  It’s something I’ve been working on for a while and probably will for the rest of my life.Mom guilt

While this post is geared toward my new role as a mama, I think the idea of releasing guilt is one that applies to most everyone.

So yeah.  I was a little naive a few months ago.  I figured I knew and understood how to embrace and/or circumvent the changes, feelings, etc. that were coming.  Boy was I wrong.  I was certainly spot on about all the positive emotions and changes, but the more challenging ones…not so much. Instead of navigating around them, I ran right into them, especially the feeling of guilt.

Some small part of me felt/sometimes still feels (I’m a work in progress!) guilty for all the things – both big and small… having to supplement with a little formula, not having a stash of breast milk in my freezer yet, sleeping through a middle of the night pumping session (sometimes on purpose, sometimes not), not helping my mom with household chores more, not owning a big house for Kaiden to grow up in, napping in the middle of the day (sometimes twice a day), Kaiden peeing on himself in the middle of a diaper change, not being as on top of keeping the apartment clean, going back to work in October and sending Kaiden to daycare, and the list goes on…

From an outside perspective, I’m sure you’re thinking, “Parita, you just had a baby.  That’s a major life change.  Don’t be so hard on yourself.”  To which I would reply, “Easier said than done, my friend!”

Well, I’ve realized this whole mom guilt thing is something I’ll continue to face as Kaiden gets older…more so as he gets older I’m guessing.

Instead of fighting the guilt or thinking I can avoid it altogether, I have a better idea.  Multiple mom friends have shared their stories with me over the past 9+ months, and here’s the biggest takeaway from each and every one…

If you’re doing the best you can with the resources you have (time, energy, money, etc.), release the guilt.  LET IT GO!

Let it go because all your baby needs is you.  And more than that, he/she just needs your love.  Everything else takes a backseat.  A happy mama equals a happy baby.  And isn’t that what we want?

When I finally realized how much truth there is to this, I tried that much harder to let go of this newfound mom guilt and embrace this way of thinking.  And I continue to do so because let’s face it, I’m a work in progress, and we all know guilt is one emotion that doesn’t disappear overnight!

By Parita

5 thoughts on “Release the [Mom] Guilt”
  1. I think it’s great you’re repeating this mantra to yourself. So many of my friends are feeling this way, too! Right now most of them are in the “I-have-to-go-back-to-work… why-don’t-I-stay-at-home-with-baby-instead..” guilt. I will pass your post link to them. I think it could help them too! <3 For what it's worth, you ARE doing great. Your mom is there to help and she's more than happy to do it and spend time with all of you. Let her help. Remember to let go of the guilt and allow others to help you and take some of that stress away! <3 xoxo

    1. Thank you so much! Your comments always make me feel better 🙂

      Having my mom here has really helped in more ways than one. It’s just that I have such an independent personality (I can do it myself!) that it was hard in the beginning to accept…the guilt definitely crept in!

      Let me know when you’re in Chicago next!

  2. You’re doing an amazing job! Be proud of yourself, mama! It took me forever to let go of things like housework, not pumping on time, napping when baby napped. Being a new mom is life changing but it’s also hard. It’s also really hard to allow ourselves to just survive without being perfect. I felt the same way (and often still do!). And let me also say, you’re still blogging! That’s amazing! I couldn’t and still can’t get that aspect of my life together 😂

  3. I could not follow this with my first born but I did implement this with my daughter; every time a negative emotion or guilt overwhelmed me, I made a conscious effort to ask myself, does this really matter in the grand scheme of things? If your answer is no…just let it go! Again this advice may be stupid for a first time mama because we are wired differently but try.
    Also you are an amazing mum, because these niggling doubts and emotions are signs that you realize what is good and bad for your baby!

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