On our long drive back from St. Louis to Chicago, my sister and I discussed a very important topic – thank you cards!
My opinion on thank you cards is based on two things – 1. the agony of writing 200 or so messages (minus the 5 that Vishnu wrote :P) after our wedding and 2. what I do with the thank you cards I receive in the mail (I don’t have a box filled with them anywhere).
Aekta’s perspective stems from knowing that she has hundreds of thank you cards to write in the coming weeks. And the hand cramps that come with task!
As you can probably tell, we border on the ‘nay’ side of the debate…kind of. We both agreed that saying thank you is an absolute must. However, is a snail mail thank you card the answer? We don’t think so. There are so many more personal, environmentally friendly, and time saving options out there – phone calls and emails being two of them. Tangible thank you cards just feel outdated.
I mean think about it. You get married, settle into a new home, have a million important things to do, etc. Oh and don’t forget, you have to write a bajillion thank you cards. Or think about this. You have a baby, you come home to absolute chaos, etc. Oh and don’t forget, you have to write a bajillion thank you cards. Ummm…does anyone else see something wrong with this?
In both of those situations, imagine how much easier it would have been to sit down, pound out 10-20 personalized emails, attach a fun picture or two, and hit send. And don’t forget, emails can last forever, AND they can start a conversation (thank you cards = one way communication)!
As far as phone calls are concerned, calling all 200+ guests/families doesn’t make much sense (especially if you’re trying to save time), but imagine how nice it would be to call and personally thank your very closest friends and relatives. Super nice!
I know my mom will likely disagree with mine and Aekta’s perspective. She still values the handwritten thank you card, as I’m sure a lot of people do. And I see where she’s coming from, but given that most thank you notes are automatically disposed of, I just don’t see the point.
I’m curious – what do you think? Thank you cards – yay or nay?
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I’ve sent so many gifts that have gone unthanked and I’m a huge fan of a thank you. I personally do send cards via snail mail but I wouldn’t be upset if my gesture was acknowledged by phone, email or even text! It’s more about the acknowledgement rather than how it comes.
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I agree that acknowledgement is absolutely key regardless of how it’s given. Not saying thank you is just not acceptable!
Fun topic!!! IMHO….
Thank you cards ARE a pain but I still think they are worthwhile since the giver was generous with their money and/or time and it takes 5 min MAX to write a card. They just might come a ffew months late 🙂
I never understood thank you cards after condolence gifts though. I always feel a little queasy when I send flowers or a donation when someone passes away, and I get a thank you card back in retur . That in my opinion is NOT something the grieving should be worried about, especially compared to happily married or happily babied (ideally before the baby comes for the shower gifts) people.
I totally see your point! I’ve received some wonderful thank you messages. I just don’t think it has to be a physical card. 🙂 Email and phone calls are just as great in my mind!
And I totally agree that condolence gifts don’t require individual thank yous (unless the person wants to).
I say “nay”…now. So much has changed in terms of wedding etiquette since when I started planning my wedding (7 years ago), to when I got married (5 years ago) to now. I mean, you and I both got married before Pinterest was a thing, and everything is different in now in terms of how you ask someone to be a bridesmaid, to how you do place cards (if you do them at all), to thank you cards. I did write thank you cards, but I waited until the last possible minute to do it. I think some cards sent to the elders in my family (who aren’t down with the 4-1-1 of social media) appreciated it (especially those who flew in from India), but if I could do it all over again, I’d probably stick to email, a phone call, etc.
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I’m with you! It’s more about the sentiment than the actual form it comes in. 🙂
And I would do so many things differently if I could go back and replan my wedding!
I’m a yay for thank you cards. I think it’s a regional and cultural thing. If I sent an email as a thank you after any sort of party where gifts are given, family and friends would be very upset. I still see hand written thank you cards as being personal and thoughtful. Oh and most of my family and friends don’t really utilize emails outside of business so I don’t even have most people’s email addresses.
That’s a fair point – not every has access to email. I didn’t even think about that!
I am still on the ‘yay’ side but that’s just because sending snail mail. But I do not expect the same from others. A Thank you is a thank you which ever say someone decides to say it 🙂
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Absolutely agree – a thank you IS a thank you! I love snail mail in general, just not in the form of thank you cards.
I’m a bit of a traditionalist, and although I am all for the “tech age”, it’s nice to receive a personalized “thank you” card in the mail. It means the couple took the time to acknowledge your attendance at their wedding and appreciate the gift you gave them, even if it is a bit late, I still think it’s a nice gesture!
By the way Parita, I LOVE your blog! I look forward to your weekly updates! Keep up the great work!
That’s a fair point, Bina! It does show that the couple took time to reflect on your attendance at their wedding. I still don’t think that it has to be in the form of a physical card!
And thank you so much for reading and commenting. I really appreciate it!
I will have to disagree with you here….and I am sure part of my perspective comes from my mom making us write them since we could write. For everything. Birthday presents, Christmas presents, etc.
The way I think of it is that someone went out of their way to buy you something or in the case of a wedding they went out of their way to attend, buy you something, travel, etc. If someone did all of that to make you feel special, then spending the time to sit down and hand write a card (2-3 minutes each) is the least you can do to thank them. I think a card is more personal than an email…and who doesn’t love to get mail.
And to be perfectly honest, because of the time I have spent writing thank you cards over the years I know everyone that has not written me a thank you card (most of these people did nothing to thank me in any form…so that is a grain of salt there) and I have not bought them a gift since. I am not going out of my way if you can’t spend the few minutes to thank me. And I agree that the phone call would be the most personal….but that is a lot more time then the 2-3 minutes a card takes. 🙂
So my vote is for thank you cards! I think it makes people feel that their gift was special, even if they throw away (or hopefully recycle) your card right after they read it.
Thanks for sharing, Katherine! I definitely believe saying thank you in a heartfelt way is an absolute must. I just don’t think it has to come in the form of a card. Although, we’ve received some amazing cards in the past (and saved one of them – it was super personalized with pictures of us with the couple)!
Thank you cards are PAIN if you think that way but it is very much appreciated by any one. However one can decide to send an email to friends and other guests that they might think be ok with email notes. But for wedding I believe you have everyone that came to celebrate your BIG day with you because they love and care (most of them). And since you have spent so much energy, time and money to plan the big day, why not spend little extra time to reminisce and go back in beautiful moments at the same time to write a short and sweet messages. Don’t need to be finish in one sitting, this might be a positive therapy in current busy stressful daily routine for the couple right?! .
Make it a fun activity and it will be a WIN WIN 🙂
always LOVE you all more than anything!!!!!
Good point, momma! I think taking time to say thank you is VERY important. I just think that cards are a little outdated. 🙂
LOVE YOU!
i’m glad you wrote this post!! Thanks for your opinions, everyone. I will go work on my thank you notes now 🙂