I’ve moved a countless number of times over the last five years. With every move, I’ve met people who have become good friends, and on the flip side, I’ve met people who I just don’t jive with. It’s now easier for me to accept that not everyone will be a new friend, but that wasn’t always the case. In the past, I was so eager to please and be who the other person wanted me to be. Well, that was exhausting and probably the most inauthentic thing I could’ve done.
To remedy that behavior, I now think of every new relationship in this context – am I my authentic, real, genuine self around this person. If the answer is yes, I’ve found “my people.” If the answer is no, I have a new acquaintance…not a friend.
I recently found myself in a group situation where I was not acting like myself at all. It was so painfully uncomfortable for me, and I felt like I was robbing myself of something the whole time. It took the car ride home to figure out that I was only robbing and hurting myself.
With that being said, when someone isn’t “your people” that doesn’t mean they are mean or horrible in any way. To me it just boils down to this – do I really want to spend my limited time around someone I truly don’t mesh with. The answer to that is no because life is too short to spend your time in a way that leaves you feeling inauthentic. Period.
And trust me, I get it. There will be times where you have to be around people who aren’t “your people.” I’m not denying that. In those situations, I would say suck it up and make the most of it (not something I’m great at…yet).
I’m not one to say that my way of thinking is the surefire way, but in this case, I’m positive it is. My relationship with Vishnu is based on the fact that I’ve always felt like I could be myself around him – both when I’m at my best AND when I’m not so at my best – and still be loved (and vice versa). I’m pretty sure it’s what makes us the strong team that we are. I also think the same goes for my friendships. All of the people I consider close friends are truly “my people” because they get the real Parita.
Bottom line: When it comes to finding “your people,” know this – there should be no inhibition or over thinking…just authenticity, realness, and genuineness. And once you’ve found these people, hold on to them because they really are your gang!
Happy Friday!
so dang true..it happened recently to me when i went to a wedding where i did not know too many people and sat on a table with ‘people i did not get along with at all’…it sucked and it really was painful to sit through the whole thing..
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Hi Parita, I think this was a wonderful post and I couldn’t agree more. I had this incident at workinvolving a colleague who
I thgt was a friend but realized over time how wrong Id been. I’m starting to see signs now that this person wasn’t ‘my people’ to begin with. I think I relate to your post in that i felt like I needed t be a people pleaser. However I feel like as I’m getting older I’m learning alot more. Happy Friday! 😉
I thgt was a friend but realized over time how wrong Id been. I’m starting to see signs now that this person wasn’t ‘my people’ to begin with. I think I relate to your post in that i felt like I needed t be a people pleaser. However I feel like as I’m getting older I’m learning alot more. Happy Friday! 😉 (sorry about the double posts.. Accidentally hit publish before)
You are so right!! There comes a time when you have to know if you’re around people where you can be yourself and they are accepting of that, welcome that, and they themselves may also be like that. You’re also right that the folks you don’t mesh well with aren’t necessarily bad or mean people…but it’s not an energy you maybe want to surround yourself with and that feeling can be mutual! It’s taken me a long time to really, truly understand who “my people” are, but often times I get tripped up! I would have to say, though, Par,…if we ever meet up, I have a feeling we’d totally hit it off and become really good friends!
Soooo true! I actually have had a big struggle with finding “my people” since moving to DC. I may be a hard person to really connect with, I think, but once I do those relationships are always so amazing and I cherish them so much. I’ve really had to work on not being inauthentic around all the other not my people I interact with here, but I think I’m finally getting a handle of it.
Great post, Parita!
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YES. I’ve learnt this in the last year especially- Not to be a people pleaser, even forcefully. It becomes even more important when your ‘free time’ is limited to begin with so why waste it on those you don’t mesh with?
Speaking of which, we will hang out this year and be fake. and then uber home hating ourselves for it. then unfollowing off twitter.
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