I finally cleaned out our closet and dresser this weekend. Best feeling ever. It was therapeutic in a way…for me at least. My poor husband did not enjoy the process at all, especially when I made him donate a bunch of his clothes. He’s such a pack rat! At one point, he said something along the lines of, “I can’t wait until we have a bigger closet. Then I’ll get to keep everything.” That’s what you think, Vishnu, that’s what you think. [Insert evil laugh!]
Anyways, during the massive cleanout, I uncovered my old journals that were tucked away in a corner of our closet. Good bedtime reading I tell you. Instead of just flipping through the pages, I actually took the time to read my words in more detail. Wowsers! Dramatic much?! The entries dated back to 1999 (my freshman year of high school) and covered various period of my life as recent as 2010.
There is so much I would tell my younger self. So much. However, it dawned on me that the most beneficial words would be “STOP WORRYING!”
I mean, I know journals are meant to be a sacred place where you bear your heart and soul and stuff, but 99% of my words were consumed with worry. In a way, reading through all of it made me sad. I spent so much time worrying about what if situations that never happened. So much wasted energy. Everything from whether I would stay friends with certain people (some I did, some I didn’t…as expected) to whether or not Vishnu and I would make it (we did…duh!) to how my career would unfold (I’m doing ok!).
Now, I know a lot of people are probably thinking – what’s the big deal, worrying is a normal part of adolescence and early adulthood, etc. And all of that is true. However, I am a huge believer in the fact that history repeats itself…if we don’t intervene.
Although a lot of my worrywart tendencies have subsided, I still find myself thinking and asking what if this or what if that. And while I don’t necessarily journal my thoughts on a regular basis, the pattern is the same as it was in 1999. What this means is that I pick an area of my life, I think about all the different scenarios that could possibly happen (i.e. the what ifs), and I worry.
Needless to say, this is dumb and counterproductive and a huge waste of time!
So while my younger self definitely needed to hear this, I’m realizing that the current and possibly (but hopefully not) future Parita need to as well…
Stop worrying, you crazy fool! Things have a strange way of working out. Maybe not the way you imagined, but the way they were meant to. As much as you want to plan every aspect of your life (and possibly everyone else’s), that’s not your job. Your job is to appreciate and live each day, each moment to the fullest extent possible. Let your life overflow with love, laughter, and happiness. It’s ok. That’s how life is meant to be lived. And yes, sometimes shitty things happen. Things that are out of your control…out of anyone’s control. Deal with them
when if they happen. Hope and prepare yourself for the best…not the worst. And if the past is any indication of the future, the majority of the things that keep you up at night aren’t going to happen. And if they do, you’re going to have the strength to deal with them. Trust me on this!
Now I just have to repeat this a million times so it sticks. 🙂
Are you a worrywart? If you could go back and have a chat with your younger self, what would you say?