The other morning, I spent a few hours with my boss reviewing details about a talk she’s giving in a few weeks. As always, we started the conversation with more personal things. She’d just come back from a trip to China, and I was a little overwhelmed with apartment stuff. In fact, she knew exactly how overwhelmed because the week before she coached me about how to work with our realtor – from half way around the world!
When I told her about a particularly frustrating experience of being stood up for an appointment and then being shown units that didn’t fit our criteria at all (after listing everything we’re looking for), she just looked at me. And then she said, “I’m about to share a life lesson with you. Do you know what good looks like in this particular situation?” And I said, “Yeah. I want someone who is responsive, holds up to his/her end of the bargain, remembers our criteria, and coaches us a little through this process.” My boss then went on to say that if I know what good looks like and I’m not seeing it, I need to make a tough call and “fire” our current realtor.
[This did end up happening and probably deserves its own post. I’m not very good at having “crucial” conversations. I think I did ok though.]
The takeaway of the lesson is that when it comes to situations where we know exactly what we want and need, we have to define a vision of what “good” is and not settle for anything less.
After thinking about this “life lesson” for the rest of the day, I came to realize that by keeping quiet and not nipping situations in the bud (in a very nice way), everyone loses. It’s ok to know what you want and only expect results that match what “good looks like” for you…it’s called quality control. This doesn’t make you mean. It makes you real.
Happy Wednesday!
When was the last time you had to “fire” someone?
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Powerful lesson Parita! definitely something to keep in mind as we approach our day to day activities, the key though is to ensure we really know what is ‘good’ and not think that we know what is good.
Good luck on finding a realtor who meets your criteria.
Thanks, Gia! And you’re right, we have to know what our “good” is. A lot of times, people know what they’re looking for but still don’t say anything to express/clarify it. That’s when problems arise!
That’s really good advice! I’ve never really had to fire anyone before, but I’m not good at tough conversations either. It’s definitely something I’ve had to get better at, with work.
It’s so funny – I work in HR and I have the hardest time with this. In my last job, I had to have a number of “tough conversations” with employees, and let me tell you…it was NOT easy! And it doesn’t help that I tend to blabber when I’m nervous. You live and you learn I suppose!
I wish I could have fired our realtor. She was awful. At the very least, we gave her a horrible review as well as the real estate company and have told our friends, coworkers, anyone we know (including the Internet via Google and Yelp) NOT to use them or her! Sometimes you do have to stand back and figure out “What does good mean to you”. It’s OK to have standards, especially when it comes to something as important as your home! There are expectations you need to have because you’re trusting this person to help you find a home! I’m glad your boss offered you such sound advice!
P.S. Happy Holi to you and V! <3
I think it’s important to have standards for everything – realtor, friends, the people you work with! I’m much better about expressing my feelings with people I’m closer to – isn’t that strange!? When I finally talked to the realtor, I was blabbering and apologizing – it was a mess of a conversation, but I’m glad I had it.
Ah this post has an awesome message behind and you’re so right- why SHOULD we have to settle in life! Like you I don’t deal well with confrontation but if something bothers me, I tend to make more of an attempt at speaking up….although I somehow almost always end up feeling like the ‘bad guy’.
I still feel like the “bad guy” when I speak up but I’m learning to deal with it! Confrontation is not easy but more often than not (kind) confrontation is worth it!
This is so true! And it’s very hard for me to have those crucial conversations too. I remember having to tell a guy my SIL set me up with I couldn’t see him anymore. I thought I was going to die. I didn’t though 🙂
This reminds me of The Big Bang episode where Raj’s date crawls out of the bathroom window. Glad you handled it the right way!
I love all these stories that involve your boss. She sounds like a truly amazing role model and person! I recently had to “fire” a friend and it’s been kinda hard, but I ultimately realized that she wasn’t and never had been a good friend to me and made me feel really bad about myself. It was especially difficult because I don’t have a million friends or make new ones easily but it wasn’t a healthy relationship and giving my all with nothing in return wasn’t what I deserved!
I’ll be sure to let my boss know. She really is great! When I wrote this post, I was trying to make a bigger connection – thanks for catching that! I can only imagine how hard it was to have that conversation. But when you know it’s for the better, you have to do it. Glad you were able to do what was right for you, Lauren!
I had the same exact problem with my first realtor, and while I absolutely suck at confrontations, I’m really glad that I managed to work up some nerve and fire her. I hate the idea of settling for less than I want, but I still find it really hard to stick up for myself because I don’t like making people uncomfortable. On the other hand, I really don’t like feeling like I got taken advantage of, so I’m going to have to get the “it doesn’t make you mean – it makes you real” bit through my head.
It’s not easy to “fire” someone from your life – whether that be a realtor or anyone else. I always have to remind myself that it’s for the best – for both parties!
I am so glad you were able to fire her – I have had to do that only few times and it was extremely difficult because I work with much older people and I sometimes don’t know how to approach it. One thing I have learned and remember always is – dont settle for less – find out whats your definition of good 🙂
Glad you agree, D!
Great lesson Parita. Last time I fired someone was this girl who was working on my blog, April Showers, I don’t even care man, she was so annoying. She kept standing me up and saying she’s working on it and never delivered. And then I asked her for a refund and that was the end of it. It took her 3 whole months and she delivered like 2 things. I ended up working with a different group to design my blog. If you’re paying for service, you better get good service.
Even when it’s over the internet, it’s so hard to “let people go.” And I also believe in getting what you pay for!
Awesome! Totally inspired Parita!
Yay!