Have you ever worked for someone who is more of a friend than a boss?  Well, my boss is that person for me.  She’s incredibly wise and open.  She’s a strong, intelligent woman but at the same time she’s spiritual and has an enormous amount of self-awareness.  In a few short months, she’s left quite an impression on me.  Since she travels a lot, I haven’t spent a lot of face to face time with her – our communication runs the gamut of email, telephone, and instant messenger.  However, when she is in the office, we talk about a lot of different “life” things.  I can tell that she loves sharing the knowledge gained from years of personal “life” experiences.  In fact, she wants me to start a young women’s professional group in the Miami area.  She even volunteered to be a sponsor!  We’ll see…

Anyway, we were talking about bad relationships the other day, and she shared a story about one of her friends from years ago.  This friend would go through a rollercoaster of emotion every other day over the guy she was dating – one day she was happy, one day she was sad, one day she was upset.  Basically, she didn’t know how she felt and what to do about it. 

My boss, being the honest person that she is, didn’t tell her friend that it would be ok, nor did she tell her to breakup with the guy.  Instead, she told her to create a 90-day calendar (because important decisions can only be made over an extended period of time).  And going forward, for every morning where she felt truly happy to be in the relationship, she was to mark that day with a huge red circle.  And for every morning where she felt any other conflicting emotion, she was to mark the day with a big black X.  After 90 days, depending on whether her calendar was filled with more circles or X’s, she had a clear idea of what her emotions were telling her. 

When my boss finished telling the story, I excitedly thought about how the concept could be applied to any situation in life where you are uncertain – a relationship, a career, etc.  From personal experience I know that my thoughts/emotions about certain things vary based on the week.  Some weeks are awesome while others are filled with doubt.  Luckily for me, the good weeks outnumber the bad, and even during the bad, I’m able to eventually focus on the positive.  However, I do remember the times when I had to make big decisions about going back to school, accepting a job that would require me to move around for two years, etc.  If only I had this “tool” back then to help me!

I wanted to share this because I’m assuming there are a lot of people out there that are conflicted about a relationship, a job, a major life decision, etc.  And those kinds of thoughts/emotions can’t be sorted out in one day, week, or even month.  Sometimes it takes time and a 90-day calendar to really put things in perspective. 

P.S. Today’s my sister’s birthday!  Just wanted to say happy birthday and I love you so much, Aek!!!

What helps you make major decisions/sort out your emotions or thoughts around important things?

By Parita

13 thoughts on “90 Days”
  1. Thats a really great concept! Not all days are suppose to be perfect but if there’s more bad than good then it’s not worth it. I know a lot of people that could use this advice when it comes to career limbo right now.

  2. This is a really good idea! I usually follow my gut when making decisions. Usually, it works out, but I know that sometimes it’s a temporary emotion driving me and I should take more time to think. Thanks for this!

  3. I love this- such a great approach. Your boss sounds like a very wise woman. Sometimes we need someone who won’t sugarcoat a situation, but instead lay it out for what it is!

    Wishing your sister a very happy birthday…she and Gandhi share birthdays 🙂

    1. Hi Khushboo, reading your comment, i remember that the Dr. wanted to name her Gandhi. He was from Sri Lanka and while doing a c-section he asked my husband if we are going to name him Gandhi, cause he was so sure that this was going to be a Boy…LOL…he was wrong cause the baby happened to be my beautiful smart girl .. Aek Princess!!!

  4. That’s an awesome idea – i think it would give people that perspective when the day to day gets too close for them to step back and assess it. Happy birthday to your sis as well 😀

  5. This is exactly what I needed to hear right now! I have a lot on my mind to think about, and sometimes it’s hard to trust your gut to know that you are making the right decisions…but I would have to agree that 90 days is enough time, that if something is not making you happy you need to move forward!

    1. I’m glad this helped you! And that last quote says it all for me. It really does take time to know if your feelings are temporary or if they are saying something more.

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