Yesterday was my ba’s birthday. Ba (pronounced just as it’s spelled) is Gujarati for grandmother.
I called to wish her a very happy birthday before heading to bed. I talk to my grandparents maybe once every couple of weeks, and see them every couple of years (they live in India). Regardless, I’m very close to them. They lived with us for quite a few years while my sister and I were growing up. And I’ll admit, when I was younger, I didn’t appreciate them as much as I probably should have. But now, I wish they lived five minutes away, so I could visit them whenever I wanted.
Anyway, I asked ba what dada (Gujarati for grandfather) had planned for her 77th birthday. She laughed and reminded me that birthdays aren’t something she celebrates. However, my dada being the great man that he is, did wish her first thing in the morning.
This conversation got me thinking about the differences between my life and my ba’s. It’s kind of crazy but despite all of the differences, she’s still one of my closest friends.
So in honor of my ba’s birthday, I’m going to share my thoughts from last night.
BA: She grew up in Ahmedabad, India, a large city in the state of Gujarat. She’s the second oldest of six and had to take on the responsibility of raising her younger siblings at an early age. Ba did graduate high school, which is quite an accomplishment for those times, but couldn’t attend college because of said responsibilities.
PARITA: I grew up in Pawtucket, RI in a quaint four bedroom, two bathroom house. I have a younger sister, and I personally took on the responsibility to teach her all about life…or least reading, math, riding a bike, shopping, etc. Unlike my ba, I graduated high school, went on to college, and eventually wrapped it all up with an MBA (degrees I know ba is so proud of).
BA: She got married at 24 and had her first child, my mom, at 26. She lived with my dada’s family and took on the responsibility of not only raising and taking care of her own children but also my dada’s nieces and nephews. And from talking to her about this experience, I know she had to put up with a lot of things during this time.
PARITA: As you all know, I’m getting married in June. I’m not 24. I’m 28. Also, I met Vishnu in college all on my own. We weren’t introduced like my grandparents. And after the wedding, we plan on living on our own. As far as I know, his brother is not moving in with us!
BA: She raised four very strong women. My mom and my aunts are some of the most capable people I know. At that time in India, you were looked down upon if you didn’t have a son because there was no one there to carry on the family name. I’m pretty sure my ba endured a lot while raising her daughters, but she never let anyone get to her. Her strength always amazes me even to this day.
PARITA: So, I don’t have any experience in raising children yet, but I know one thing for sure. When the time comes, I plan on doing it with that same sense of strength.
Now on to some silly things…
BA: She’s never worn a pair of pants. Every time she visits, my sister and I try to convince her to put some on, but she won’t. Did I mention that my ba is stubborn?!
PARITA: I can’t put on a sari without getting tangled up in it, while she’s an expert.
BA: She doesn’t know how to drive a car. And I’m pretty sure she’s never even tried. Not that there was ever really a need for her to learn.
PARITA: I was itching to turn 16, get my license, and roam the freeways with my friends. While ba has never owned a car, I’ve “owned” (I use that term loosely because technically my parents were the owners) three.
BA: She’s not a fan of cheese. In fact, melted, stringy cheese makes her nauseous. I think it’s because Indian cuisine doesn’t really require cheese of any kind, and despite her numerous visits to the US, she never acquired a taste for it.
PARITA: I could live off of cheese alone. I still remember making lasagna with my parents and being given the job of shredding the block of cheese. Let’s just say I ate my fair share before dinner was even served…still do!
Even though there are quite a few years and an entire generation separating us, my ba is still one of my inspirations. I love her sense of humor and her independent nature. And I am SO happy that both her and my dada will be able to join us for the wedding in June. I couldn’t imagine getting married without them by my side!
Happy Birthday, ba!!! See you soon!
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this is so sweet 🙂 happy birthday to your ba!
THANK YOU! I’ll be sure to pass on the wishes 🙂
This was such a fun post- love comparisons like this! I actually live with my grandmother and was extremely close to my grandfather when he was alive! I won’t lie that sometimes the generation gap kills me due to lack of understanding but at the same time, I couldn’t imagine it any other way! My grandmother lived in London for about 15 years and regularly goes back so she is somewhat modern! And she has an undying love for cheese…and french fries, bread (white) and apple pie! Despite my daily persuasion for her to eat breakfast, she claims it will make her feel sick haha…oh grandparents- u gotta love them!
What a cool conversation. I have a couple with my grandfather on tape that I love to watch. It’s so interesting to hear these tidbits like… like never having worn pants!
Parita, you are such a sweet person! The fact that you call your grandparents every 2 weeks is so nice, because not many kids do that especially when there is so much distance. Unfortunately all my grandparents passed away, but I did spend 2.5 years with my “naniji” before she passed. She lived with us in the US. I found her as annoying as my mother (in a good way), but man she really went over and beyond for us. You look so pretty in that picture. If you’re EVER in the NYC/NJ area, please let me know, would love to meet you.
Thanks! And yes, I would never visit NYC and not contact you! I want to dine at one of those fun restaurants you blog about or better yet, at your home…maybe some of those guacamole sliders! 😉
What a lovely tribute. 🙂 My grandmother’s Alzheimers has started to get the best of her, but over Thanksgiving we tried to ask questions about when she was young. It was wonderful to hear her talking about my grandfather and their courtship and to take advantage of the fact that she still has long-term memories.
I’m sorry to hear that, Sarah. I’m glad you get to tap into some of those memories…how special!
It’s an interesting post, I do wonder sometimes how life will be like – when I reach that time. Your conversation with the elders is fantastic and that you continue to engage with them is means the world for both sides.
I guess if you share love you receive it too, and your example is just that.
I think it’s important to ask the questions so you can pass along stories to the next generation. 🙂
Wow I love this post…I would say that my grandmas sound pretty similiar to yours hahaha. It’s really great learning about how different the generations are.
The sad part is that I can’t say that I have driven a car yet! At this rate I think I’ll be 77 when I get to take the wheel. And yes everyone makes fun of me for this.
Thank you! You don’t drive?! Once you get used to it, it’s no longer scary and more liberating than anything else. 🙂
Happy Birthday, Ba 🙂
Such adorable post yaar, it melts my heart — so cheesy, but you love it, na? 😀
Thanks, K! I can be a cheeseball but I love my ba!
Wow, Parita, I absolutely LOVE this post! It’s so sweet and super cute!
My grandmother is very much like yours! She is also the second oldest of six, has never driven, has never worn pants and is not a fan of cheese! We see my grandparents every couple years (they come here or we go there) but I talk on the phone with them every week sometimes every day (especially those nights that I’m up late studying!) Grandparents are awesome!
Happy Birthday to your Ba!
Thank you! Our grandmothers are pretty much twins! I love that you talk to them often. I’m sure that means a lot to them as well.