Monday is here again! I’m hoping the next couple of weeks fly by because I’m expecting a special visitor soon. But more on that when the time comes!
So, in the past week, I’ve had two separate conversations with two different friends that have got me thinking. Both friends and I somehow got on the topic of drawing conclusions about other people’s lives based on very little information and our own perspectives.
By very little information, I’m mostly referring to Facebook. Facebook has changed the world we live in, but in my opinion, not all of that change is positive. My friend told that she read an article the other day citing that a significant percentage of the US population is ‘Facebook depressed.’
People draw conclusions about other people’s lives based on pictures, status messages, relationship statuses, etc. When you really think about it though, these things tell us nothing about someone’s life. I mean, yes, people do post things about their lives, but does any of that truly reflect what someone is feeling or going through at the moment. I would say that 9 times of 10 it does not.
I used to be one of those girls who would cringe every time I saw one of my “friends” change their Facebook relationship status to engaged. And then I would question my own relationship, get emotional, and pick a fight with Vishnu. It was a stupid cycle that I broke well before we actually got engaged, but it wasn’t easy. I had to constantly remind myself that just because people were getting engaged, posting happy pictures, and constantly updating their statuses to reflect where they were in the planning process, didn’t necessarily mean their lives were perfect. “Life isn’t perfect for anyone, Parita,” I constantly reminded myself.
I know people who have cancelled their Facebook accounts because it was truly making them sad seeing other people have babies when they couldn’t conceive, seeing other people get engaged when they just went through a rough breakup, seeing other people get new jobs when they just lost theirs, etc. My friend told me that some of her single friends have a hard time being happy for their friends because they aren’t where the other person is in life. All because of what they see on Facebook!!!
Like I said before, I refuse to let Facebook not allow me to be happy for others, doubt what I have, and take away my happiness. And this coming from an avid Facebook user. It’s just that over time, I came to realize that it give us a very filtered view of life. And you can’t draw accurate conclusions based on a filter.
And the other conversation I had (with my friend Monica) was related to drawing conclusions about other people’s lives based on our limited perspective and our experiences. It’s so easy to assume and to judge, but those assessments really mean nothing because no matter how hard you try, you can’t put yourself in a person’s shoes and feel what he/she feels and think what he/she thinks.
This conversation was important for me because there are so many times when I draw conclusions about a person’s life based on the decisions they make, the material goods they own, the trips they take, etc. But like Monica said, “you really never know what someone is going through and because of that it’s not fair to judge.” And that’s so true because even if people were to look at my life from the outside in, they would never see the negative emotions, the worries, and the fears that sometimes creep into my mind, regardless of everything I’m blessed with.
So, even though some would say it’s natural to do so, I’ve decided to stop drawing conclusions, assuming, judging, whatever you want to call it because for every conclusion I draw, I’m not defining anyone but myself, and that’s not the kind of person I want to be.
What are you thoughts on ‘Facebook depression?’ Do you often find yourself drawing conclusions based on very little information?
interesting topic. i’ve definitely known people who’ve gone through this! i’m kinda over facebook. more of a twitter girl now 🙂
I like Twitter a lot too, but I think the same concept applies in a weird way…especially with regards to blogging!
Great post, P and one I for sure can relate to. Along with Facebook, I feel like blogging also opens the doors to plenty of judging and assuming! For the most part, I think it all comes down to individual self-esteem: by tearing others down, you (not you per say ;)) feel somewhat better about your own life…which is pretty pathetic! My mom always brought us up with the notion to never base our happiness on others–>someone else’s fortunes or downfall should impact on who we are as individuals.
I actually never viewed Facebook, however, as a source of sadness or jealousy until now. I guess the main thing we have to remember is that nothing we see (whether online or in person) is the whole picture at all! I was actually discussing this with my sister the other day and we were saying how some women we know are married to men who are filthy rich and on the surface they look so happy. At the same time, it is no secret that their husbands are cheating on them- it just goes to say that although one path of someone’s life is going well, that does not hold true for others.
You’re absolutely right, someone else’s fortunes or downfalls don’t really impact us, but I think when it comes to things like FB and blogging, it’s so hard not to play the comparison game. I think the best thing to do is always remind yourself that no one of those things are giving us a complete picture. And material goods are NO way to judge anyone’s life – more isn’t always better.
This post came at a time where I have been going through a bit of a Facebook depression. I’ve been going through what you mentioned about experiencing with some of your friends… I recently had a break up and logging onto Facebook, seeing updates and photos of my Ex’s friends, family, etc. was difficult. I also didn’t want to “de-friend” all of those people as I felt was almost making things more dramatic than they needed to be. Seeing “happy” posts about weddings, engagements, relationships, etc. was hard as well. I’ve simply stopped logging onto Facebook to get myself a break from all of this while I manage my way through my relationship. I think Facebook depression is real!
I am so sorry, Katelyn. I can only imagine what you’re going through. I think taking a break from FB is probably the best idea right now. Just remember, those things you see on FB don’t define your life or happiness at all. Only you can define that.
Interesting concept… I can see where it could do that for some. It doesn’t really both me, but maybe it would if I was in a position to be getting engaged or married. LOL! 🙂
For me, it’s a great way to keep in touch with people – everyone is so busy it’s hard to make time to get together, but with FB you can keep up old friends more easily.
I don’t think it just applies to marriage though…people compare all aspects of their lives. And I agree, FB has made keeping in touch super easy – one of the reasons why I like it. 🙂
Good post. I have suffered from Facebook sadness ( i hate the word depression ). But i also realized, many times I was posting a status and was happy at that moment, but there were other times when i wasn’t so happy, but wasn’t about to go update my fb status. the reality is people wanna talk about their good times, but no one airs their dirty laundry on fb and everyone has issues to contend with. I log onto fb like once every 2 days.. and i pity people who feel the need to post every single day and talk about themselves – it’s so 5th grade. 🙂
Facebook sadness is a much better way of describing it! Thanks! And yes, I think most people have probably felt that to some degree at some point.
This is such a good post and totally poignant. Don’t you feel like this happens with blogging as well? I know I have gotten a little down reading about someone’s “perfect” life.
Thanks, Shanna! I 100% agree – blogging sadness is probably pretty common too. I think it’s important to remember that the filter applies with blogging as well. No one’s life is perfect, regardless of what they decide to show.
Such a great post!! It is so easy to judge based on what people want you to see. That’s why I try so hard to “keep it real”. Perfection annoys me! Thanks for talking about this, Parita. 🙂
Thanks! I try to “keep it real” too. 🙂
Wow – interesting topic. I haven’t felt depressed, but I have noticed the fear of missing out thing a couple times. Nothing much, but I guess I could see how it could affect others.
I like Shanna’s comment too about the filter over bloggers.
Yeah I think the degree to which it affects someone just depends on the person. And I agree, this applies to blogging as well.
I am a master at drawing conclusions…usually I am completely wrong too. It’s a terrible habit.
I love this post because if I were half as articulate as you are I would have written nearly the same thing.
Thank you, friend! 🙂
This makes me even happier than I never got into FB, though ppl love it, don’t they?
It’s funny isn’t it – we only get such a tiny glimpse into people’s lives through social media and blogs and we’re so quick to jump to conclusions and make judgements based on that fraction.
I get the facebook depression thing – I get that more when I see people who are on fabulous holidays while I’m stuck at my desk!!! 😀
Blogs are more complicated – the whole point of personal blogs is to share your life with others and I can see where the comparison traps and judging would come into play. But I think people forget that blogging again, people can choose what to post and not and so readers never really have the full picture anyways.
Great insight, Sig! I honestly feel really bad for kids growing up in today’s social media crazy world. A lot of the articles I read talked about how the generation growing up right now is going to be one of the most depressed because of what I addressed in my post. Makes me so sad!