Self Archives - My Inner Shakti

This is 36 and These are the 6 Biggest Lessons I’ve Learned

It’s my birthday today! To be very honest, I’m not a huge birthday person. I love celebrating other people’s birthdays. But my own? Don’t care all that much. To me, today is more about my parents. It’s the day their lives changed completely 36 years ago. To that point, Kaiden’s birthday is a HUGE deal to me for that very reason. It’s the day I became a mom!

Anyways, enough of that! Despite not really wanting to make a big deal out of it, my sister made me a cake (she’s the sweetest!), her and my BIL are watching K tonight, and Vishnu’s taking me out to dinner. Now that I think about, I can get behind this kind of celebrating!

Something I do find myself doing a lot around this time every year is reflecting on who I was, who I am, and who I will be. I also love thinking about all the lessons I’ve learned over the years. Things I try and beat into anyone who’s younger than me!

This is 36. Where family selfies are taken by your toddler!

With that, I thought I’d share 6 of the biggest lessons I’ve learned in the past 36 years. Let’s do this…birthday style!

It’s so so cliché yet so so true. Love yourself completely. The good, the ‘bad,’ the things you want to change, you mind, your body. All of it. After years of feeling like I wasn’t good enough, pretty enough, skinny enough, smart enough, etc., I can tell you without a doubt that if you start to look at yourself in the best possible light and remain gentle going forward, everything will change. Loving yourself isn’t selfish. It’s an investment into the wellbeing and joy of everyone around you. While you’ll reap most of the benefits, they’ll be the recipients of the dividends from your newfound happiness.
Travel. Whenever you can. Wherever you can. Make it a habit. This is something I had done more with my friends and Vishnu. I mean, we’ve travelled to some cool places, but I have no doubt we could’ve done more. There are so many benefits to stepping outside your comfort zone and into another culture and way of living. Just do it!
If there’s something in your heart you want to try, DO IT! You only have now. There are no promises for what tomorrow brings. Stop overthinking it and take a small step. And then do it again and again and again, until you’ve done the damn thing!
People come and people go. That’s ok. Not everyone is meant to stay in your life forever. Also, you can’t be everything to everyone. Try and keep those around who you feel the most you with.
There’s no such thing as perfect. It’s all in the eye of the beholder. So, don’t strive for perfection because it’s impossible. Strive to be a little different every day. We’re all works in progress. Take it one day at a time!
Don’t sweat the small stuff. None of it really matters in the long run. Learn to spend your energy on the things and people who truly matter to you. Think about it this way. The amount of energy you get every day is finite. If you spend the majority of it on the little things, you won’t have any left for the big things you want to accomplish, the people who need a bit of your energy, and most importantly…you! Remember to save a little for yourself every day! Stay focused on what’s really important!

That’s all she wrote! Thanks for reading. 😊

My 2020 Word – Intentional

written by Parita Leave a Comment

If you follow me on Instagram, you may have happened to catch that I shared my 2020 word of the year. At the time, it was surrender. After much thought, I came to the conclusion that surrender didn’t meet my goals for the year. For how I wanted to speak, act, think, relate, etc. But intentional, as broad of a word as it is, definitely does.

A little context

Let me back up a little. I love everything about the new year. The clean slate. The opportunity to set goals and hopefully achieve them over the next 12 months. January is also my birthday month so there’s that too!

With that being said, I found that the resolutions I made every year were really just micro goals. What I wanted was a guiding principle. Something I could remind myself with when I got off track or needed a little kick in the butt. That’s when I decided to declare a word of the year every January. That word would fit my goals and overall desire for the year. The one that comes to mind from previous years is patience. That should probably be my word every year. Haha!

Why intentional?

Ok, so why intentional? Well, I want to be more purposeful/purpose driven in 2020. Whether it’s about what I’m eating, how I’m working out, how much time I’m spending on my phone, and most important, how I’m spending my time with Vishnu and Kaiden. I want the majority of my thoughts, words, and actions to be intentional and purposeful.

An example

I know it won’t be possible for every single thing I do, but 80% of the time, I want to have a clear intention behind why I’m choosing to do something or why I’m not choosing to do something. The best example of this comes with food. I often just eat because I like to or because something is available. Cookie? Sure. Cheese plate? Would love to? Wine? Duh. I know it sounds silly, but I’m not someone who gives a lot of thought to how much I’m eating or how mindfully I’m eating. And while it hasn’t caused any complications just yet, I did see how that mindlessness manifested itself over the past month or two. I want to have clear intentions for why I’m choosing to eat something, how much I’m choosing to eat, etc. I want to be a more intuitive eater, and I think having a very clear intention when it comes to food will help.

Like I said, the best and most clear cut example I have is in regards to food, but intentionality applies to everything.

I truly believe when it comes to our day-to-day life, we either run it or it runs us. And when you’re intentional about your thoughts, words, and actions, YOU are leading your life in the direction you want to take it and not vice versa.

One of the reasons I went with a Passion Planner this year is to help me stay intentional and plan my time out accordingly. It all makes sense now!

Tell me – do you do the whole resolution thing or do you opt for a word to help guide you? Please share regardless!

No portion of this post is sponsored. However, affiliate links are included. There is no extra cost to you, but I do receive a small commission on anything you buy through my links. Thank you for reading and supporting My Inner Shakti!

Daily Habits to Build Personal and Professional Resilience

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Every now and then, new corporate buzz words will pop up. Some are here to stay and actually have some substance, while others fade with time.

Personally, I think resilience is one of those concepts, and I definitely think it’s here to stay. It’s not something that can just fade way, especially given the way we live our lives now.

I learned more about what resilience means in terms of personal and professional development during the conference I attended in London back in October. One of the speakers for my team’s session was a resilience expert who talked to us about what it is, why it’s important, and how to create more of it on a daily basis. Since then, I’ve been keen to learn more. From what I know, resilience is one of those things that is the result of mindful habits/living.

Ok, first thing’s first. What is resilience? Well according to Alexia Michiels (the speaker) in her book, The Resilience Drive, it’s the range of skills that enable us to bounce back when faced with adversity. It helps us lead a successful and fulfilling life. “Resilient people demonstrate rapid bounce, courage, and creativity; they cultivate healthy connections with themselves, others, and the environment.”

I read The Resilience Drive on the way to London just last week. It’s not so much a true book as it is a pocket guide with over 100 ideas for how to cultivate resilience in our daily lives.

There are five sections based on different areas of self and life. And under each, there are ideas for how to be more resilient.

So, being the nerd that I am, I took notes while reading this on the plane. I wrote down the ideas under each of the five sections that I thought would work for me and/or things that I want to implement in 2020.

Stay calm and rejuvenate
1. Exhale – 4 seconds in and 6 seconds out
2. Close your eyes every now and then
3. Get in child’s pose a few times a day
4. Walk slower (been on my to-do list since I was like 1…ha!)
5. Disconnect from screens and limit screen time
6. Relax before bed (happy to note that I’m starting this in 2019…started meditating using the Head Space app!)

Stimulate your vitality
1. Stretch in the AM – right when you wake up
2. Adjust your posture throughout the day
3. Practice balancing exercises while doing everyday tasks/chores around the house (i.e. folding laundry)
4. Take real lunch breaks (without your laptop and/or phone)
5. Eat slowly
6. Create a sleep routine

Engage your emotions
1. Listen more actively
2. Think about and list out WWW (what went well) every day
3. Actively participate in discussions
4. Find and/or create quick wins for yourself every day

Train the mind
1. Set a daily/weekly intention
2. Schedule email breaks (only check email during specific times of the day)
3. Monotask
4. Keep things simple (stupid) – KISS!

Spirit in action
1. Do one random act of kindness a day
2. Be open to different opinions
3. Meditate (check!)

The book explains more about each of these daily resilience habits. If you’re interested, send me an email or buy the Kindle version off Amazon. It’s a great reference book to have, especially on those tough days where you feel anything but resilient!

Mindful Meditation Mama – Tejal V. Patel

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You guys! I’m SO excited to share today’s post with you. If you’ve questioned your life purpose, thought about your mission, or wanted to change career paths, today’s post is for you.

This one is from Tejal V. Patel, a kids mindfulness expert/a mindful parenting coach/a mama meditation mentor/an Ayurveda + yoga specialist…and so much more! Tejal is such a beautiful person and soul. We’re never met face-to-face, but I just get such a great feeling when reading her posts, watching her videos, and chatting with her via IG DM! Her message is powerful and impactful, and it will change the way we parent, the way mamas feel about themselves, and the world. You heard it here first!

With that, let me hand it over to Tejal to walk us through her journey…

Wait you’re a divorce attorney who turned into a mindfulness advocate for moms and kids?

I’ve learned the follow-up question people ask me is a clear indicator of where they are on their spiritual journey…

Wait, what do you do?

Wowza, That’s soooo awesome!

Why the heck would you leave a career where you make alootttt of money?

OMG I wanna leave my career to pursue my passion too – tell me everything!

And the classic — what did your parents say when you left your career to pursue your “hobby”?

Hobby? What the… no, my friend, this is my life purpose.

My dharma. The reason I was put on this earth. And the way I’m currently being called to serve.

It’s why at 13 I didn’t tremble when I spoke in front of 200+ people.

It’s why when I meditated for the first time at the age of 6 I can still remember the message that came through to me.

It’s why a shy, super, sensitive and empathic child, who could feel spirits and had an intense intuition was given these gifts.

So I can walk this path of spiritual teacher… mindfulness coach and motivational speaker. And hopefully someday a published author (fingers crossed).

Most people are surprised when I say I didn’t get much resistance from my parents when I told them I was leaving my law career to become a kids yoga teacher.

Mainly because they had many signs and inclinations throughout my 29 years that I was an out-of-the-box, beat to my own dream, free-spirited soul.

Of course, it was not easy to gather the confidence to sit your parents down and tell the people who sacrificed their whole life, saved for so many years and paid an exorbitant amount of money on an education you’re going to renounce.

But I think it’s harder for people who don’t know me as well to understand why I decided to take the path less traveled. Like my in-laws. “Attorney” is an easy way to define what I did. It brings prestige with it. A lot of money. It gives people an image that I’m intelligent.

But a yoga, mindfulness and meditation educator? How do you even describe that?

And worst…what will people think?

In a society where the most widely accepted belief is that happiness, success and worthiness is determined by your grades, degree, how much you make and what others think, saying you are going to break the norm from the trifecta of the “safe” doctor, engineer or lawyer mode is hard for some to understand.

As a recovering perfectionist and people-pleaser, I’ve learned through experience that the things we feel insecure about, others will naturally match that energy and our uncertainty is reflected back to us in the form of people asking judgmental questions or confronting statements that mirror our fears.

Over time when I unapologetically owned my path and was confident about my choice, I noticed that fewer people would bring the “Why the heck would you do that”attitude and I was attracting more supporters, more people who were trying to fulfill their own life purpose and more clients who wanted to work with me.

As for the naysayers that do occasionally show up, I can authentically speak my truth, proudly own my journey and not feel concerned about their opinions of me.

I think one of the biggest misconceptions we have about our life purpose is that our job, our 9-5 or what we do most hours of the day, is our life purpose.

Yes we spend most of our waking hours at our jobs whether you go to work, work from home or motherhood is your full-time gig.

But here is the thing.

Our life purpose isn’t about what we do. It’s about who we want to BE in this life.

Work is only a small part of our life purpose.

Our life purpose is how we choose to show upin the world.

Ask yourself “How do you want others to feel in your presence?” And go BE that person.

For me, my life purpose is to be authentic and vulnerable. I want others to feel inspired, empowered and to feel their own inner light when I shine mine.

So it doesn’t matter if I’m coaching, speaking in front of crowd, at the gas station, doing an Instagram story or in the trenches of motherhood, I fulfill my life purpose when I embody those intentions.

Even if you don’t love your job, you can still fulfill your life purpose. Trust you are exactly where you need to be in this moment and you can always make the choice to spread light in any place you are.

So even before I left my career I started to BE the teacher I desired to be.

You see, I didn’t leave my law career overnight. It was gradual. It started with teaching kids yoga and mindfulness at the pre-schools we own a few days a week. Then to writing articles. Making Youtube Videos to publishing articles on bigger sites and eventually having a few go viral. That’s how organically my coaching career began.

That’s when I left my career.

But there was faith. Trust. There were no guarantees. It required surrender. It was a daily commitment to show up and be a blessing in the life of another. And an unwavering belief that we all have a mission, gift and purpose only we can bring into the world.

When you tap into the energy of who you want to be, the Universe realizes you mean business and will meet you where you are. New opportunities pop up and you are guided on a path to help more people.

Many people think life purpose and our mission is the same thing.

I believe our mission is a constantly evolving way of showing up in the greatest way possible to help us fulfill our larger life purpose.

And we don’t have one mission in our life. As we enter different phases in our life, our mission changes.

This “aha” moment came to me when I was watching the Best Exotic Marigold Hotel when a British retiree travels to India to live at a newly restored hotel, only to take charge and run it. Even in the last phase of her life, she found a new mission.

So don’t let age, resources, environment, location or money ever prevent you from believing you have a powerful mission in this world.

Look at Marianne Williamson who is a spiritual teacher who spent most of her career as an author and spiritual teacher who is now trying to run for president.

Or Oprah who went from news anchor to having her own talk show to doing spiritual shows like Super Soul Sunday.

In my decade of being an entrepreneur my mission has shifted countless times.

Starting as an attorney with my own law practice to creating my own kids yoga company to running large group coaching programs online to creating my own mindfulness curriculum I share with teachers and educators in schools and universities—my path is consistently changing and evolving.

My current mission?

Help moms build stress resilience and empower them to raise the first generation of mindful children and next generation of peace leaders.

But my most important mission at the moment…

Being a mom raising two emotionally balanced and mindful young boys, who help me hone my craft of being a present, patient and peaceful person everyday.

Above all leading by example.

So mama, let me leave you with this.

Never in a million years could my parents every have dreamed when I was a child that I would grow up to be a kids mindfulness teacher, a mindful parenting expert, and an Ayurveda and yoga teacher.

As we raise the next generation, let’s set the intention that we don’t ask our children to become who we dream of them to be. Let’s give them the freedom to discover their gifts, find their own life purpose and do work that we could have never dreamed of them doing.

If mindful parenting, building stress resilience, achieving mind-body balance through Ayurveda or finding inner peace through meditation is something that calls to your heart, join my #ModZenMama tribe and start your mindful mama journey with me at www.TejalVPatel.com. I’d be so honored to connect with you!

THANK YOU, TEJAL! Your post brought tears to my eyes. I love your philosophy and you! Thank you for all that you do. Can’t wait to see where the Universe takes you next.

The Promise of a New Year

written by Parita Leave a Comment

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I’m one of those walking cliches who loves the New Year. I’m all about January 1. If nothing else, it’s the promise it brings that excites me. January is also my birthday month, and there’s something about turning a year older at the start of the year that puts you in a ‘get my shit together’ mode!

If I’m being honest, I also love Mondays and the 1st of any month. The whole idea of a clean slate gets me every time!

I shared on Instagram a few posts back that my intention for 2019 is to take care of myself better, chose myself every day, and ultimately, ‘come home.’

In terms of the how, I plan to be better about managing my time so I have more time for me – to read, to write, to cook more complicated meals, to connect with Vishnu and friends/family, etc. I’ve lacked focus in the last year or so, and I plan to work on that so I can do the things that bring me joy. I’ll share more as I refocus (lol!) myself.

In terms of goals (because, yes, I set those too!), I have a few that I want to work on throughout the year (see below). These are more so focused on daily habits and intentions. And then for bigger projects, I’m setting monthly goals. For example, in January, I’d like to tackle our file folder box thingy. It’s overflowing and filled with very old files and paperwork. Need to get that thing in order!

Ok, so as far as my daily goals/habits are concerned, here they are…

Drink ~80 oz of water every day.
No technology 30 minutes before bed and within 30 minutes of waking.
Go to bed by 10 pm every night and wake up before Kaiden (weekends are the exception).
Decrease sugar and dairy consumption (consider ‘worth it’ moments). More to come on this one very soon!
Speak and think as positively as possible. Good things are happening (even when you can’t ‘see’ them) and challenges are temporary. Look for the silver lining.

I think all of these are pretty doable. I’ll share more throughout the year on my progress.

And finally, I have a few goals in terms of this blog and my MIS Instagram page. Honestly, the biggest thing I want to accomplish is sharing other people’s stories. I’m one person with a limited view, and there are so many other inspiring and amazing people out there with meaningful life stories. And I want to share those! Be on the lookout.

Other than that, I plan to continue to share with as much authenticity as possible. I love following and connecting with others who are raw and open, so in 2019, I want to bring more of that to my platforms. Life’s too short to only share the pretty slices of pie!

From the very bottom of my heart, thank you for reading and following MIS! Let’s make 2019 a great year!

Let’s Talk About Mental Health

written by Parita 3 Comments

I’m going to preface this post by emphasizing that I’m not a mental health professional. Just someone who thinks about this kind of stuff all the time. If you feel like you need professional help, please please please don’t hesitate and go seek it out. As you’ll continue to read, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with taking care of your mind. The stigma that there is needs to be stripped down and thrown out.

So I’m going to be real and say that this time of year overwhelms me. Not only does it get dark at like 4 pm, but the whole holiday hoopla just stresses me out. I’m not the best gift giver (i.e. I leave it all to the last minute), and with all the travel we do at the end of the year, it’s a bit much.

But putting aside the time of year, overwhelm can come at any time. And so can other not so fun feelings and emotions. And oftentimes, people walk around with a cloud hanging over their head all year round.

Don’t get me wrong. I’ve read a ton of stories recently about people seeking help after years of dealing with anxiety and/or depression. Therapy, meds, whatever it takes. I truly admire people who find the courage to say, “Something doesn’t feel right to me. I need help.” And I wish our society at large encouraged this type of thinking. Because right now, I personally feel like instead of encouragement there’s a whole lot of shame weaved into the messaging we hear.

Maybe it’s me, but I feel like we hire personal trainers and get gym memberships for our physical health, but when it comes to mental health and doing what you need to do, it’s very hush hush. In the same vein, when you have high cholesterol, diabetes, heart disease, etc., you go to the doctor and take medications. But when the most complex organ in the human body is telling you something is off, there’s resistance against seeking professional help.

And don’t get me started on social media and how that contributes to all of this. This is precisely why I’m an advocate for sharing the good AND the not so good. In doing so, I’ve connected with some amazing people who relate to my struggles and lows. Courageous, vulnerable, real stories build emotional connection. Period. And even though connection alone isn’t going to fix everyone’s mental health challenges, it does open your eyes to the fact that you’re not the only one who feels or thinks X, Y, and Z.

My personal story is that I have to monitor my thoughts very carefully. It’s easy for me to go from ok to Debbie downer. When I feel myself falling down the rabbit hole of doom, I have to change the story I’m telling myself and focus more on gratitude. Having fun things on the horizon also puts a pep in my step, so I have to be proactive about scheduling lunches/meetups/events with Kaiden, especially in the winter when it’s not easy to just go out for a quick walk. I also have to disconnect and let my mind clear a little.

I know what I ‘suffer’ from (as noted above) pales in comparison to what others go through on a day-to-day basis. But that’s why I’m sharing this post. Regardless of where you fall in terms of severity, it’s important to recognize your emotions and take the best next steps. Like I said before, we do it for our physical health, so why not our mental…?

Look, I’m not going to list all the ways you can work on your mental health. Because there’s no one size fits all solution here, and because I’m not a mental health professional. Just like everyone else, I’m trying to get through the day as sanely as possible! But I do recognize that I want to be a good role model for my son, and I want to continue to have strong relationships with my husband, family, and friends. And for me, that means making my mental health a priority. Regardless of how taboo a topic it might be (especially in the South Asian community).

So FOR PARITA, this looks like prioritizing sleep (and sleeping in when my little monster lets me!), reading books that speak to my soul, eating well 80% of the time and indulging when delicious opportunities present themselves, moving my body in a way that feels good to me and not in a way that works for everyone else, talking to someone (usually Vishnu or my sister) when I do feel a little funky (ha!), watching my favorite TV shows and not feeling guiling for vegging out on the couch, staying in touch with people who life me up and inspire me, not trying to be supermom/superwife and recognizing that some days being ‘good enough’ is good enough, etc.

NOTE: I have days where none of the above happens. I have days where some of it happens. And then there are the in between days. There’s no perfect formula, but as I get older, I’m working that much harder on what works for me and what doesn’t.

And to be quite honest, if I needed help beyond this, I would seek it out. THERE’S NO SHAME IN THAT! My child depends on me to take care of my mind, body, and soul, and you better believe I’m going to do just that no matter how hard I have to work!

And my final thought on this topic is to reach out to your family, friend, coworkers and ask them how they’re doing. But don’t just ask…support them as well! Share your stories and let them know you’re there for them.

Six Questions to Help Change the Story I Tell Myself

written by Parita Leave a Comment

I shared a pretty vulnerable post on Instagram the other day. It all started with a Super Soul podcast episode I listened to with guest Brene Brown. I had a major a-ha moment while listening. I realized I’m an internalizer. I’ve always known this about myself, but I now have a word to associate with my thinking/behavior.

Before I go on, I should share that I’m not proud of being an internalizer. It’s something I’m trying really hard to change.

For those of you who don’t follow me on IG, an internalizer is someone who takes anything/everything people say/do and internalizes it. A very negative story follows – how you need to change, be different/better, etc. All because of someone else’s behavior.

Pretty silly, huh?

While I wish I could just turn off my internalizer tendencies, it’s not that easy. However, changing the story I tell myself is proving easier to do. Easier being a relative term here!

After I made this connection to the podcast episode, I talked to someone about it, and she shared a series of questions I found super helpful. In fact, I’ve already gone through them in my head on several occasions. And I kid you not, the story I told myself definitely changed. In the past, things would often take a very dramatic and unnecessary turn, but this time, I calmed myself down and took a much more practical approach.

Anyways, these questions are awesome, so I thought I’d share. I know I’m not the only one who tells myself some pretty crazy stories sometimes!

Is there substantial evidence for my thought?
Is there evidence contrary to my thought?
Am I attempting to interpret this situation without all the evidence?
What would a friend thing of this situation and my thoughts about it?
If I look at the situation more positively, how is it different?
Will this matter a year from now? How about five years from now?

The core element to consider here is that our thoughts elicit an emotional response which then triggers our behavior. It’s a cycle that can only be broken by changing our thoughts!

In the past, I would’ve read a post like this and been like “oh cool.” In one ear and out the other. But this time around, I’m making an extra effort to analyze my thoughts before acting out my emotions, and I see a HUGE difference already. It’s definitely one of those things you have to practice over and over again until it become second nature…totally worth it though. More than anything, I’m able to get out of my own head and stay calm.

Changing my world one story at a time!

This is 36 and These are the 6 Biggest Lessons I’ve Learned

My 2020 Word – Intentional

A little context

Why intentional?

An example

Daily Habits to Build Personal and Professional Resilience

Mindful Meditation Mama – Tejal V. Patel

The Promise of a New Year

Let’s Talk About Mental Health

Six Questions to Help Change the Story I Tell Myself

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