My Inner Shakti

finding strength in everyday things

State of Our Household [2.5 Years]

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First of all, I can’t believe Kaiden is 2.5. I know it’s the most cliche thing to say, but time really does fly when you have a little human in your life. Zoom zoom!

Overall, 2.5 feels like such a turning point. I’ve seen such a change in K in small ways and big over the past six months. Putting aside the fact that I’m his mom, it’s been so amazing to witness. Like how did my little mush of a baby turn into such a big boy?!

With that, let’s dive right in…

State of Kaiden

Let’s kick this off on a positive note. Kaiden is an incredibly sweet and kind child. While he’s not super outgoing, he thrives when he’s around people. You can just see his eyes light up when he’s with loved ones! One of my favorite things about him is that he is empathetic. Ok fine, maybe not fully, but I can tell that he feels for others by his actions and words.

Kaiden is also still very much a mama’s boy! And I can’t lie…I love it. We’ll be sitting on the couch together, and he’ll randomly look at me and say, “HUG!” So I have to put down whatever I’m holding and hug him! My heart! My favorite thing to do with him is just cuddle and hold him super tight…and cover him with kisses! Not looking forward to the day when he doesn’t want to do that anymore…

Personality wise…the other thing about him that stands out for me is his sense of humor. He’s a funny guy! While he’s not exactly cracking jokes just yet, he definitely has some really good comedic timing. I don’t quite get how a 2.5 year old can say things at the perfect time, but this guy…he’s full of surprises! Hand in hand with this, he loves to laugh. And trust me when I say, his laugh is contagious!

In terms of food and sleep, we’re doing great with one and ok with the other. Can you guess which is which? He loves food and will try most things. It’s still hard to get him to focus on eating sometimes, but we’re working on it. He still loves Indian food, pasta, and almost all fruits and veggies. Now don’t get me wrong, we still have days/nights where a picky little monster comes out, but most days, he’s good.

In terms of sleep, we were doing really well and then potty training (more on this next week) came along and all of that went out the window. We can usually put him down at 7:30 and expect him to wake up between 5:30-6. Nowadays, I’m in his room about 3x between 7:30-8 just to get him to fall asleep. He’s also up multiple times throughout the night and then he still wakes up at 5:30 most days. Man, oh, man! I thought sleep would be the least of our worries as he got older…I was wrong! I’m hoping as the potty becomes his new norm, we can ease back into more sleep. Fingers crossed!

Developmentally, my favorite thing over the past six months has been his language and cognitive development. I don’t know how many words he knows, but it’s a lot! He speaks in full sentences, asks questions, and even infers things from what we say. CRAZINESS! In terms of cognitive development, he really as a great memory and can remember things we’ve told him or that he’s seen/heard days later. I just love watching that little brain work!

Physically, he’s a little on the smaller side, but our pediatrician said that he comes from a smaller family so we can’t expect him to be huge. HAHA. But don’t let my skinny man fool you. He’s got energy for DAYS! He is always on the move. And I don’t like being that mom who brags, but I really do think we have a little soccer star on our hands. Even Vishnu thinks so! He’s great at handling the ball, and has a really strong kick. I’m so glad we enrolled him in soccer classes, only because they help him burn off some of his energy and do something he loves and is good at!

With that being said, Kaiden’s favorite things are still balls. Any and all balls! You guys, he’s obsessed. He’s also into legos and just random items…mostly things that he can knock down with…you guessed it…balls! I actually love that he’s not a toys kid. He can literally turn anything into something. #likehisdaddy

With ALL of that being said, there are a few things we are working on. First, when Kaiden gets upset (usually when we are upset with him), he gets mad. When he gets mad, he tries to hit us. And he also uses the phrase, ‘Go away!’ When he does this, I have to take him in his room and talk to him very calmly about why we don’t do and say those kinds of things. Now, randomly, he’ll say, “Don’t say go away.” As in, I’m not supposed to say that, right? We’re working on it!

If you follow me on Instagram, you know that we have embarked on our potty training journey. It’s…interesting. I have hope that we’ll get there in a couple of months, but like everyone who’s done this before says, you have to go at your kid’s pace.

And of course, there are those toddler meltdowns and tantrums that often come of left field. I’m at a point now where I tell him that when’s done feeling his feelings mommy will talk to him.

Other than THAT, we’re all good over here. HAHA! #alwayssomething

State of Mama

You guys, this is probably the best I’ve felt in the past 2.5 years. Don’t get me wrong, it’s been a beautiful and magical time, but it’s also been hard. But now, I feel like I’m in my groove with being a mom (not saying I have all the answers, just that I feel like I can navigate the ups and downs with more confidence), Vishnu and I are solid, work is going really well, I have something really exciting happening in the background (more to come when I can share…promise!), I’ve found some great friends in Chicago, etc.

My mom shared with me that she sees a difference in how relaxed I am now versus before. She said that things don’t seem to stress me out as much now. I think a lot of that has to do with the kind of kid Kaiden is. He really is a lot of fun 90% of the time.

So year, overall, things are good. It’s always a juggle trying to balance work, home, family, friends, travel, etc., and it still stresses me out when things start to pile up, but I’m slowly learning that everything works out as it should. Stressing about it only makes the situation worse.

State of Dada

You guys, since we found out that Vishnu matched for fellowship AND that he passed his boards, he has been the most relaxed I’ve seen him in the past eight years. It’s like my old Vishnu is back! I’ll take him for as long as this lasts, as stress is kind of a given in medicine.

Most importantly, this means that Vishnu and Kaiden have been able to spend more time together in the past six months, which I know means the world to Vishnu. We were even able to celebrate our first Christmas as a family this year!

Vishnu still has other work responsibilities that take up his time and a few other things happening in the background, but overall, I think he’s doing well. He’s taking better care of his health too, which makes me so happy!

Next up, fellowship (another busy year!) and job hunting!

Can you believe that in less than 1.5 years, we’ll be moving again…and hopefully to our forever city! I can FINALLY see the light at the end of the tunnel!

Well, that’s all I have folks! If you got this far, thank you for reading and caring about my little family. 🙂

Until next time!

Thanksgiving Weekend 2019

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Better late than never right?!  I wrote this on my way to London, the Sunday after Thanksgiving.  I’m actually posting it a week after that. But I wrote it so I’m sharing it! Ha!

I’ve always loved this time of year – between November and December.  It just feels magical and cozy.  But now that we have K and he’s getting older; I think I’m going to love it more and more. 

Let’s talk about Thanksgiving weekend 2019, because while it had its ups and downs, I wouldn’t change a single thing (well, maybe one, but I’ll get to that in a minute).

Wednesday was technically the first day of our weekend because K was home from school, and I took the day off.  The first thing we did was go to the grocery store to pick up some Thanksgiving meal essentials.  It may have taken us 20 minutes to get out the door between my toddler wanting to put his shoes on all by himself on the wrong feet and then protesting his jacket, but we did it!  After that it was smooth sailing until we got home, and I had work to do.  I put on some PBS for K to watch so that I could get 30 uninterrupted minutes of work time, but of course, he wanted me to sit next to him.  I did that, but he couldn’t stay away from my laptop, so I moved back to the kitchen island.  That was a no go for K, so I finished up what I could with a whimpering toddler on my hip and one free hand. 

The rest of the day was honestly a bit of a blur.  All I vividly remember is K waking up from his nap feeling a little warm.  He didn’t have a fever, but something was up.  I asked Vishnu to pick up dinner from a place down the street.  When he got home, he took one look at Kaiden, and said that we needed to give him some Tylenol before bed. He was warm and very congested.

Thursday started off much like the way Wednesday ended.  K woke up warm but with no fever.  Just to be on the safe side, we continued with the Tylenol and Motrin, which in some ways was kind of nice because that helped Kaiden stay in a better mood. 

I ended up prepping our Thanksgiving dinner throughout the day when I could find time, and this turned out to be a good plan because by dinnertime everything was fresh and ready!  Of course, Kaiden ate lots of bread, some mac n’ cheese, some chicken and ice cream.  Ha!

The day also included Facetime with family and lots of running around.

After Kaiden went down for the night, our friends came over for dessert and game night.  This turned out to be ice cream, Codenames Pictures, and some deep discussion about gun control in this country.  #adulting

Friday was a good day, and to be honest, I don’t remember much, except that Kaiden woke up with a slight fever.  Poor bubs!  But you wouldn’t really have been able to tell given how much energy he had.  We were supposed to go to my friend’s place for dinner, but I nixed that because I didn’t want her entire household catching whatever Kaiden had.  I also went to Target and Trader Joe’s
per usual.  At Target, I found a couple of good deals on clothing for all three of us.  And that was pretty much the end of my Black Friday shopping. We also watched Frozen at some point on Friday, which Kaiden liked and Vishnu and I loved.  Funny how that works!

Saturday was a better day because Kaiden didn’t wake up warm and his snottyness was more manageable.  We met Vishnu’s cousin and his family for breakfast at a place off Michigan Avenue.  Even though it was kind of cold outside, we decided to walk, and I think Kaiden really appreciated the fresh air.  After breakfast, we walked home and relaxed for a bit.

The rest of the day included packing, cleaning meal prep, and Coco.  Oh and lots of cuddling (well, as much as he would let me) with my baby!

I was creeping on K from the airport, and I happened to see my other love on the floor next to his crib. Can you spot him!? LOL!

And now it’s Sunday.  I’m on my flight to London, where I’ll be for the next four nights.  We have a full team meeting this week which includes planning for next year.  Should be a good one!

I hope you had a nice Thanksgiving holiday filled with the people and foods that you love!

Diary of a Working Mom – Q&A with Rashmi Patel

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It’s been a minute since I’ve shared a Diary of a Working Mom Q&A post, and I’m so excited for today’s. Rashmi (of @rushmehome) is someone I connected with on Instagram. On her page, she shares home decor inspiration, products, tips, tricks, etc. She’s super creative (and sweet!), and it shows!

But of course, there’s another very important side to her as well…MOM! She’s the mom of two adorable kiddos, and I love seeing how she balances that role with her full-time Marketing job as well as her side hustle…not to mention the million other hats she wears.

Anyways, I’ll let Rashmi tell her story…

1. Tell me a little more about your family – number of kids, names, ages.
My name is Rashmi and I’ve been married to my husband Chirag for almost 9 years now (together for almost 13 years). We have two toddlers. A 4.5 year old boy and 3 year old girl. I call them my almost twins! They def keep us on our toes.

2. Tell me more about your line of work, role, responsibilities, etc.
I’m a Digital Marketer for a tech company, and my work involves personalization for our website. I manage a team of four that are offshore. I’m responsible for various project implementations for our B2B (Business to Business) customers. When I’m not at my 9 to 5, I run my blog at RushMeHome.com. I’m a company of one employee so far, me! I try my best to plan my content, but it’s not always easy when you’re a full time working mom. I try my best though! RushMeHome is a passion project of mine, so for me, it doesn’t feel like work. It’s something I love to do. 

3. Walk me through a day in your life.
Gosh! This is a hard question. For us, it’s different every day. I wake up around 6:30 and get the kids ready for school (breakfast, lunches, etc.). I get to work around 8:45 am and typically leave around 4:30-5:00. My mom duties start the minute I get home. I prep dinner, get the kids to eat, etc. After that, my husband typically washes the dishes while I clean up. We play with the kids, watch some TV with them as well and then my husband and I trade off putting the kids to bed every day. One day I’ll put one to bed and he puts the other and the next night we switch. That way we both get time with each kid. It works out pretty nicely for us.  

4. How has becoming a mom influenced your role at work?
I feel like becoming a mom has made me more patient at work and also more productive because I know once I get home I want to be with them instead of thinking about work. It’s hard sometimes, but I try my best. I think it’s also helped me want to do more and show them that you have to work hard for what you want.  

5. What is your favorite tip on how to integrate work and life?
To be quite honest, I don’t know if I have the best tip. I will say to try and separate the two when you get home. It’s easier said than done because we know in reality something may have gone wrong at work and you sometimes bring home those feelings. I think it’s trying your best to evolve and know that work will always be there. And when it’s family time, it’s family time.  

6. How do you handle mom guilt?
Mom guilt is hard. I remember when I first had my son and went through the baby blues. The first few months were hard. I didn’t want to leave the house because I felt like I was failing as a mom for other reasons such as not being able to breastfeed or the fact that somehow it was my fault he wouldn’t nap for more than 30 minutes at a time. But once I was out of that phase, I knew that for me to be away has helped me be a better mom. And since then, I’ve been better about mom guilt. I know that at the end of the day if I don’t get those breaks, it’s harder for me to be a happy mom to them. TAKE THE BREAK when needed.

7. What is the most surprising part of being a working mom?  And the most rewarding?
That it makes me a better mom honestly. I felt like because I was very maternal growing up that I would want to be a stay at home mom. And for me, that is actually not something I wanted to do. I realized I needed to be away at work and be my own person outside of being a mom. It’s a VERY personal decision for a mom to make whether or not she wants to work or stay at home. Both are hard no matter what. But for me, that was the most surprising. 

The most rewarding has been seeing little versions of me and my husband in them. The good and the bad, and that we have the ability to shape them to be the kind, caring humans beings I hope they become one day. 

8. How do you carve out ‘me’ time?  What does ‘me’ time look like for you?  On that same note, what’s your guilty pleasure?
My husband and I make sure we have “me” time, especially because I naturally have a more anxiety driven personality. Whether it’s time away at Target or getting my nails done, I always make sure I take time for me.

My guilty pleasure is to literally eat nachos and watch the bachelor/bachelorette. I’m an OG fan of the show. Ha!

9. What’s your mama mantra?
Everything will work out the way its supposed to. And sometimes you have to let things go.  

10. What’s the best piece of advice you received when returning back to work after having your baby?
The best advice I received was that it’s ok if things don’t always get done at home. If you’re expecting to cross everything off your to-do list then you are setting the wrong expectation. You will always have an ongoing list and THAT IS OK. You work through it one at a time and do your best.  

11. What advice would you give to mamas-to-be about returning back to work?
Honestly, I would say to take your time to ease back into it. Your whole world feels different, and it takes time to get back into a routine. Definitely give yourself some credit and take it one step at a time. You will figure out what works best for you and your family.

Thank you so much, Rashmi, for sharing your life and thoughts with us! You are a true inspiration, and I admire all that you’re doing – at home, at work, and with RushMeHome! What an example you are to your babies!

Authenticity in Motherhood (Blogging)

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Authenticity in motherhood – what a heavy topic.  But this is something that’s been on my mind for a while, so let’s just delve right in.

While I don’t share every single aspect of my life via this blog or on Instagram, whatever I do share is 100% real and 100% me.  Good, bad, whatever – you get what you see on MIS!

This is us.

Now, I have no way of knowing whether or not other people operate with the same mindset.  Maybe there are people out there who truly live the perfectly curated lives they depict.  Or maybe some people only choose to share the good stuff, which doesn’t mean the bad doesn’t exist. 

Whatever the case may be, you do you, boo!  I’m not here to judge.  We all have the right to tell our story however we please.

However, what I do take issue with is people creating fake online personas.  I’ve read countless articles about moms renting houses to capture the perfect picture or having their kids pose by the pool only to pack up and leave immediately afterwards.  One article I read even talked about how some moms create the ‘perfect mess’ to showcase. 

People have time to actually create messes!?

Again, you do you, boo.  But at least be honest about it.

I am no longer influenced by pictures of perfect moms with their perfect bodies and their perfect homes and their perfect kids.  I’m only half joking here!  What I’m trying to say is that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that no one’s life is perfect despite what we may see online. 

But I think a lot more people are influenced by this so-called perfection than they let on.  Otherwise, how could mommy blogging be something like an $11 million industry?! 

No perfection here. Just a mama and her baby sitting in the lobby of their building because baby didn’t want to be in the apartment!

This is again one of those babbling posts, but the point I’m trying to make is this.  I wish, with my whole heart, that alongside some of those beautiful pictures, more people shared the whole truth – bloggers or not.  The truth about how motherhood is one of the most beautiful and raw journeys you will ever go on, and this means you are riding big waves for the rest of your life.  Some days/moments, you’ll be that experienced surfer who owns the wave she’s about the ride, and some days/moments, you’ll crash and go under.  But you’ll always rise, no matter what.  Because that’s how powerful motherhood is!

I think if we can get to a place of true authenticity, where we talk about the ups AND the downs and share our real homes and real messes (!!), more people (both moms and dads) will feel comfortable sharing their stories.  And if nothing else, less parents will feel alone. 

Thanks for reading!  Let me know what you think in the comments below or via IG or email (myinnershakti@gmail.com).  Clearly, this is a topic I’m super passionate about!

Starting a Family in Your 30s

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I want to start this post by saying one thing.  There is no right or wrong answer when it comes to starting a family.  These are purely my thoughts, as my husband and I did choose to start in our 30s.

Ok, first things first.  I didn’t always want to start in my 30s.  In fact, I had a very detailed plan when I was 17 that was all about how I would be done having babies by the time I was 30.  HA!

But then I met Vishnu, went to grad school, started a job that had me moving around the country for two years, got married, and supported my husband on his medical school and residency (and soon-to-be fellowship) journey.  In all fairness, there was no way we could’ve juggled a kid with all that we had going on for the first 4-5 years of our marriage. 

I like to think that while I once wanted kids in my 20s, Kaiden came to us at the perfect time.  I was 33 when I had K, and Vishnu was 32. 

And when I say right time, I don’t just mean age.  I mean financially, I mean in terms of my career and Vishnu’s, I mean in terms of who we are as people now vs. in our 20s, etc.

With that being said, I do think there are some benefits to starting earlier if you want and your situation allows it.  You have more energy in your 20s (and trust me kids require lots of energy).  You also have time if there are complications in getting pregnant.  There are probably more pros for this that I’m not thinking of.

But personally, since we started in our 30s, I can look back and be comforted by the fact that (FOR US!) it’s a good thing we had K when we did.  I’m so much more patient now than I was a decade ago.  I also have more control over my career and am making more money than I was in my 20s (which is helpful because daycare costs in Chicago are astronomical!).  I also feel like with Vishnu’s career being more final in a way (with med school being over and done with), it’s one thing we don’t have to think about too much.  This helps us keep the focus on K versus other career-related worries.  Vishnu and I are also much more grounded in our relationship now than ever before.  And I didn’t know it until we had Kaiden, but this is so important when you have kids. 

And not that it matters what everyone else is doing, but the majority of my friends started their families in their 30s.  Some sooner, some later, but because they put their educations and careers first, it just worked out this way.  It’s kind of cool because now our kids are all around the same age.  In fact, four of my close girlfriends and I had kids with 6-8 months of each other. 

I should also share that I have a lot of friends whose siblings had kids into their early 40s.  I know this isn’t possible for everyone, but if you’re not quite there yet with the whole idea of having kids, if you’re still trying, if you’re having trouble, please know that not all is lost at 35 like some people like to remind you. 

I know this is sort of a rambling post, but I wanted to share because I think it’s important to talk about these kinds of things.  It’s easy to think that you’re the only one experiencing something or the only one who doesn’t have everything figured out, but trust me, you’re not! 

The decision to have kids is a HUGE one (at any age!), and while it’s true that no time is the perfect time, I think it’s totally ok to start when you and your partner feel ready. 

Stepping off my soap box!  Have a great day.

P.S. Trust me, I know that some people want to start in their 20s, but because of complications and infertility aren’t able to. My heart goes out to those people, and please know I’m not in any way downplaying that. Again, just sharing my experiences with the hope that by doing so I’m helping someone.

10 True Things About the Second Year of Motherhood

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The second year of mother is quite different than year 1. For one, you have a mobile baby who can get from point A to point B in literally 5 seconds flat. If that’s not enough of a game changer, now you’re baby eats real food way more regularly, starts talking up a storm, and is also developing emotionally. I think they call the output of that tantrums… 🙂

Anyways, personally, I found the second year of motherhood a tad bit easier than year 1. This had less to do with K than it had to do with me and the kind of person I am.

Regardless, there are some (universal…at least to me) truths about the second year of motherhood I wanted to share.

In no particular order…

  • As your baby grows, so does your love.  You’ll never know exactly how, but day by day, you’ll love this little person more than you ever thought possible.
  • You’re not as uncertain as you were during year 1, but that ‘what am I doing?’ feeling still lingers.
  • When you look back, you’ll be shocked by how fast year 2 goes.
  • You realize you’ll never completely feel like your old self and that’s ok.  When you had your baby, a new you emerged, and she’s cooler than pre-baby you!  At least that’s what I tell myself.
  • Sleep, or good consistent sleep, may still elude you.  Those regressions are something!  Also, I still wake up a few times a night because I think I hear Kaiden crying. 
  • Hearing your kid’s voice on the daily, actually saying words, never gets old!
  • You will have lots and lots of days where the countdown to bedtime starts at 10 am.
  • You’ll learn to pick your battles a lot sooner and quicker.  Otherwise, everything will turn into a battle!
  • As much as you try, mom guilt won’t totally escape you. It may look a little different from year 1, and if you’re lucky, it’ll be a bit more infrequent, but it’s still there.  And that’s ok. The way I look at it, mom guilt just means you care! 
  • You get so many unsolicited kisses and hugs.  They are undoubtedly the best things ever!

It’ll be an interesting transition from 2 to 3. I hear it’s just as intense, if not more, because they learn how to negotiate. We shall see!

Tips/Tricks for Flying with a Two-Year-Old

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Flying with Kaiden up until now has been fairly easy.  I say fairly because of course we’ve had our shares of ups and down.  But this is how it usually went– get on plane, let him crawl around and play with whatever, K passes out in my arms as soon as plane takes off.  See, fairly easy.

So you can imagine how nervous I was flying with him for the first time since he turned two.  Why nervous?  Because after kids turn two, they get their own seat.  And my Kaiden isn’t one to sit for prolonged periods of time.

Thankfully, the flight time from Chicago to Atlanta is only about 1.5 hours.  A good testing ground I suppose.

Given this was my first time flying with a two-year-old, I’m certainly no expert.  But here are a few tricks/tips that worked for me. 

TIP/TRICK  1 – Now that Kaiden understands what we’re saying, I tried my best to hype up our ‘airplane’ trip a few days before we left.  That excitement helped us get through security, to the gate, and on to the plane. 

TIP/TRICK 2 – One word – snacks
and lots of them.  I brought so many snacks, including apples, a PB&J sandwich, cereal, freeze dried fruits and veggies, etc.  He didn’t eat much of it, but I did have peace of mind knowing I was prepared.

TIP/TRICK 3 – Don’t be afraid to ask for and/or accept help.  For example, when we were standing in line to board, the man in front of me asked if I wanted him to carry our stroller on to the jet bridge.  He carried it out for me as well.  I could’ve easily said no and looked like a crazy woman trying to wrangle her toddler, carry two bags and a stroller. No thanks!  Example number two happened when Kaiden wouldn’t sit in his seat.  I quietly asked the kind man sitting next to me to tell K to sit down and put on the seatbelt.  At first, he was like, “You want me to tell him that?”  And I said, “Yes, please.”  He did it and guess what
K sat down and let me put his belt on!  

TIP/TRICK 4 – The things that saved me this time around in terms of toys/activities were the Crayola Color Wonder Markers and Paper.  This kept Kaiden entertained in some form or fashion for longer spurts.  And because these markers only work on the special paper, they didn’t transfer on to the seats, our skin, our clothes, etc. 

I also brought two brand new little trucks and a pack of stickers for K as ‘surprise, be good now!’ treats.  They entertained him for a little bit.  Ha!

TIP/TRICK 5 – Forget about everyone else and do what you have to do.  Flying, in my mind, is grounds for going into survival mode.   Anything and everything goes.

That’s all I have in terms of tips/tricks.  I’m hoping to build my toolkit as we travel more with K.  We have our trip back home to Chicago on Sunday, as well as a trip to Cabo and the Bahamas coming up.  Cross your fingers for us!

I will say that Kaiden did relatively well for most of the flight, excluding the last 20 minutes.  He was pretty much over it at that point and wanted to sit in my lap.  I sang him songs and distracted him as much as I could, but boy, those 20 minutes felt like 2 hours!

Please share your best tips/tricks for travelling with kids!

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