motherhood Archives - My Inner Shakti

Diary of a Working Mom – Q&A with Varsha Chawla

I’m back with another ‘Diary of a Working Mom’ post! Today’s post is with someone who I truly admire yet haven’t spent that much time with (it’s a long story, but we have a lot of mutual friends and follow e/o on social media). Varsha is a mama to two adorable boys and married to an entrepreneur husband.

When I think of the ultimate working mom, Varsha definitely comes to mind. I think you guys will truly enjoy her responses and find a lot of value in what she has to say.

Enough from me and more from Varsha…

1. Tell me a little more about your family – number of kids, names, ages.
We have two wonderful and VERY energetic boys: Dilan (6) and Asher (almost 4).

2. Tell me more about your line of work, role, responsibilities, etc.
I’m a systems engineer and travel about 40% of the time. My role is heavily male dominated, but this doesn’t bother me. I work quite well with men and have gotten used to being the only girl in the room many times. Anil (my husband) is the founder and CEO of his company. Like most other working parents, we go about a million miles an hour at all times. We both love what we do and somehow make things work. After six years of being a working mom, I finally feel like we’ve got a pretty well oiled machine. 🙂

3. Walk me through a day in your life.
I work out a few days a week and wake up at 4:15 am to make that work. On regular days, I’m up around 5:30 to get myself and breakfast going. I like to be completely ready before the kids are up (usually around 6:45), but this doesn’t always happen :-). We get the kids dressed, do breakfast and are out the door around 8 am since Dilan’s school starts at 8:30. On efficient days, we get the dishwasher unloaded and the kitchen is clean (I hate clutter, so it’s always a goal of mine to have clear counters), but when socks and shoes take forever, this doesn’t happen. Ah well, as long as we all get to work and school safely. I drop off and pick up both kids and we’re usually home around 5:30. I start dinner at 6 and Anil usually joins later. I have a solid rotation of meals that we choose from. Tuesdays are Taco Tuesdays and Chipotle is a regular take-out meal for us as well. Anil usually does bath time around 6:45, followed by books (all of us reading in one bed) and then lights go off at 7:30 pm. We then prep lunches for the next day, do some errands and house work and go to sleep. We rarely watch TV during the week, but it’s my goal this year to get through at least one book!

4. How has becoming a mom influenced your role at work?
I feel like I’ve gotten pretty efficient at work. We don’t have family or a nanny around to help when one of our kids gets sick or we need an extra hand. I definitely don’t have a “village” of people who can watch our kids, which means that whatever I do at work needs to be efficient and excellent, just in case I need to fulfill any unexpected mom duties. It’s awesome to work with people who are family oriented. They get it when I need to pick up a sick child or have to work from home. It’s the best part about my role.

5. What is your favorite tip on how to integrate work and life?
Keep on smiling and swimming. Also: lists and calendar invites. I have a list for everything from the last time the boys got haircuts to when I last washed their sheets. I keep this in Notes on my iPhone and it keeps all of us organized.

6. How do you handle mom guilt?
Exercise, chocolate, and a good old fashioned. Also, venting to Anil and people at work!

7. What is the most surprising part of being a working mom? And the most rewarding?
There’s always a curve ball coming your way. It’s the most rewarding to be able to deal with those curve balls without losing your $hit! 🙂

8. How do you carve out ‘me’ time? What does ‘me’ time look like for you? On that same note, what’s your guilty pleasure?
I exercise to relieve stress. It helps clear my mind and I like that I’m 36 and in the best shape of my life. It’s very rewarding. As I mentioned, a good old fashioned goes a long way as well! 🙂

9. What’s your mama mantra?
Work as hard as you love. Love fuels my days 🙂

10. What’s the best piece of advice you received when returning back to work after having your baby?
Someone handed me a list of airports with pumping rooms. I nursed Asher for 17 months straight, so it was so helpful to get that. These days, you can find nursing pods and rooms everywhere, but a few years ago, you couldn’t. Someone also gave me a handmade curtain to put over the one window strip looking into my office. I could pump at my desk every day and it made all the difference.

11. What advice would you give to mamas-to-be about returning back to work?
Those first few years with a baby are the hardest you’ll ever work, but don’t let that discourage you. The most challenging year of my life was the one with a young toddler and newborn, but if you can just make it through that, you can do anything life throws at you. 🙂

Thank you for your insights, Varsha! Those boys of yours are lucky to have you!

Diary of a Working Mom – Q&A with Dr. Bindiya Gandhi

written by Parita Leave a Comment

I love Instagram! It makes connecting with others and sharing your thoughts and ideas so simple. Personally, I’ve connected with so many moms over the past year or so about everything from fed is best to toddler tantrums.

Speaking of which, Bindiya is one of the moms I connected with a few months ago. After following her for a bit, I knew she’d be perfect for my ‘Diary of a Working Mom’ series. She’s a physician with her own practice, and she has an almost one year old!

I don’t want to steal Bindiya’s thunder, so let’s get into her Q&A…

1. Tell me a little more about your family – number of kids, names, ages.

My daughter Soryaya is 11 months. She turns one on February 2nd. I also have a three year old cockapoo, Pyrite Gandhi. My husband and I have been married almost four years. We’ve been together over 13 years (we dated eight years long distance and got married nine years into our relationship).

2. Tell me more about your line of work, role, responsibilities, etc.

I’m a physician and own my own Integrative & Functionary Medicine practice. I opened it in December 2018. I should also mention I was eight months pregnant at the time!

3. Walk me through a day in your life.

My life is atypical right now. I’m still nursing, and I try to squeeze in a meditation session based on how much time I have. So essentially, I wake up, nurse my daughter, and get ready for work. I usually work an eight hour day and try to work out four days/week. Before heading to work, I feed my dog and take him outside. I usually get to the office at 8 am and eat breakfast at work. I see patients from 8-5 pm, pick up my daughter from Montessori school, and get home around 6ish. Dad drops her off in the morning. I also pump at work 3 times – 10 am, 1 pm, and on my way home from work in the car.

4. How has becoming a mom influenced your role at work?

I have more patience than I did before. I can relate to my patients’ lifestyle better than before. Being a working mom makes me want to work harder at work so I can enjoy my time away from work and truly enjoy my daughter.

5. What is your favorite tip on how to integrate work and life?

You have to find a balance. I know it’s hard, but it’s also very necessary. You can’t neglect any parts of your life.

6. How do you handle mom guilt?

It’s real, but you have to do the best you can with what you have. Ask and accept help because you can’t do it all on your own.

7. What is the most surprising part of being a working mom? And the most rewarding?

Surprising – I honestly thought it was going to be easier being a mom, but it’s the hardest job. And on top of that, add on being a working mom. It’s been a truly eye opening year. Rewarding – I realize I do everything for my daughter, and she’s my pride and joy.

8. How do you carve out ‘me’ time? What does ‘me’ time look like for you? On that same note, what’s your guilty pleasure?

My me time is meditation and working out. I will squeeze that in 4 times a week. I also get a massage once a month as well.

9. What’s your mama mantra?

Something is better than nothing. For example, it’s better to move for five minutes than not do anything at all…it’s better to meditate for five minutes than not to meditate at all.

10. What advice would you give to mamas-to-be about returning back to work?

Take it one day at time. There’s a lot to get used to and a lot of adjustment. I remember freaking out when I was close to going back to work, but some how it all works out. Be patient with yourself because mom guilt it real and hard but remember why you work. That in and of itself will make it all worth it.

Thank you so much for sharing your life and thoughts, Bindiya! And I could not agree more on the patience thing. I’m not completely there yet in every aspect of my life, but Kaiden is truly teaching me the meaning of that word!

Diary of a Working Mom – Q&A with Sonia Amin Thomas

written by Parita Leave a Comment

I’m so excited to kick off 2019 with another set of awesome ‘Diary of a Working Mom’ stories and interviews. I have some some awesome mamas lined up – some who work outside the home, some who work from home, some who have a side hustle, some you turned their side hustle into their hustle hustle, etc.!

My very first interview of the year is with Sonia Amin Thomas. Sonia is the sister of one of my college BFFs Sweeti. And while that’s how I thought of her for a quick second, I now consider her a friend as well. She’s one of the first people I think of when I hear the word ambitious. She’s a super accomplished professional and an amazing mama to cutie pie Leia. Not to mention a blogger as well. Personally, I love how Sonia integrates her life from spending time with her husband, to making time for friends, to indulging in self-care when possible.

With that, here’s Sonia’s Q&A…

1. Tell me a little more about your family – number of kids, names, ages.

I have one daughter, Leia Audrey Thomas, and she’s 3 months old.

2. Tell me more about your line of work, role, responsibilities, etc.

I’m an Associate Professor of Pharmacy Practice at a pharmacy school where I teach. As part of that job, you’re also supposed to have a clinical hospital site where you practice and take students on rotation, so I’m also a clinical oncology pharmacist specialist. My week is split between teaching at the school and being at the hospital with the oncologist education patients on chemotherapy. I also work one weekend a month at the hospital as a clinical pharmacist.

3. Walk me through a day in your life.

My day starts at 5:30-6 am (depending on when I have to leave for work). I workout for 30 mins at home, shower, wake Leia up and feed her between 7-7:30 am. I then eat breakfast and pump at home for 20 minutes, wash everything, and rush out to start my work day. The process from wake to when I leave the house takes 2.5 hours. We have a nanny Monday, Tuesday and Friday, my Mom is with Leia on Wednesday, and Jibin’s (my husband) mom is with her on Thursday. When I come home from work anywhere between 3-5 pm (depending on where I am and what’s going on), I heat dinner that has been pre-made (I have a notes section on my phone with dinners listed out for a month along with grocery lists, so anything I do during the week for dinner prep is 30 mins or less). I simultaneously entertain Leia, wash all the pump parts and sterilize with her bottles. We usually eat around 5:30-5:45 pm and then hang with Leia for 30 mins as well as let her play on her own for at least 30 mins. Her bedtime routine starts at 6:30 pm. Jibin usually finds her while I pump, and she’s usually asleep by 7:15. I then get things ready for the next day to make the morning easier, and Jibin and I hang out for a bit before I go to sleep at 9:30 pm. I also currently wake once at night to pump/feed.

4. How has becoming a mom influenced your role at work?

I’ve realized I want more time at home with my family. I was recently offered a position at work in which I could move up the ladder, but it would require longer and later hours and a lot more of my time overall. A great career move, but family life is more important to me right now!

5. What is your favorite tip on how to integrate work and life?

If you enjoy your work, this shouldn’t be an issue. I LOVE what I do. Oncology pharmacy is my heart for sure. My husband and I are both bloggers as well and we set aside “blog hour” on various evenings to get that done since we both love it. I also like to be very efficient at work and get things done quickly so I can be all work at work and all play once I’m home. I prefer to keep work and home life separate!

6. How do you handle mom guilt?

I am blessed with a great career and being efficient really minimizes my mom guilt. The guilt I felt was during sleep training. We’ve been using a method called 12 hours by 12 weeks, and I misinterpreted the book and felt bad for doing the training wrong. But I just told myself that as long as she’s getting as much food and sleep as she needs, she’s fine!

7. What is the most surprising part of being a working mom? And the most rewarding?

Surprising – no one understands how incorporating pumping into your day is a big challenge!

Rewarding – people definitely admire you and have a different kind of respect for you once you’re a mom!

8. How do you carve out ‘me’ time? What does ‘me’ time look like for you? On that same note, what’s your guilty pleasure?

I’m lucky in that I started putting Leia on a schedule very early on. So because her naps are at a set time, getting ‘me’ time was easier than I thought! Also, every Wednesday evening, my hubby has work meetings. Once Leia is down for the night, I have time to relax by watching TV, catching up with friends on the phone, reading a book or working on my blog. My guilty pleasure is binge eating on sweets!

9. What’s your mama mantra?

I can’t predict everything with Leia, but I can help by prepping and planning as much as possible in advance!

10. What’s the best piece of advice you received when returning back to work after having your baby?

Leave work at work and cherish your time with Leia when you come home. Also, when she smiles, it’ll make the worst day worth it.

11. What advice would you give to mamas-to-be about returning back to work?

Take as many photos and videos as you can when you’re home with your baby. It’s fun to look at them at work when you’re having a rough day or even taking a break. Also, set a schedule, prep in advance and sleep train!

Thank you, Sonia, for taking the time to share your thoughts and life with MIS readers! Loved what you said about prepping in advance…it’s a life saver for sure!

State of Our Household [Month 18]

written by Parita Leave a Comment

When you really look at it, motherhood is one big cliche after another. Like where does time go and how is my baby 18 months old?!

If I recall correctly, my last update was when K turned a year old, and so much has changed since then. It’s insane! For one, our little guy is now running around everywhere. He’s also grasping certain concepts that make life a little more challenging and a lot more fun. Personally, I think this age is one of my favorites (so far)…but don’t listen to me because I’ve been saying this every month for the past 18 months!

With that, let’s get to the State of Our Household updates…

STATE OF KAIDEN

I don’t even know where to start with Mr. Kaiden. He has such a little personality. One that truly shines when he’s comfortable, like with our families. Every night for the past 12 or so days (while in Atlanta), he’s been our source of entertainment as we watch him play, imitate us, and run around. SO MUCH FUN!

In terms of some of the basics, he’s pretty much sleeping through the night (7:30 pm to ~6 am (give or take)) with a few hiccups here and there. I always say, it could be worse! In terms of food, he’ll pretty much eat anything when he’s not distracted, but the minute his attention is pulled elsewhere, it’s game over. He does really well at daycare apparently, so I try not to stress out too much, but if I had to pick the one thing that worries me the most, it’s his eating habits. Like I’ve shared before, I can’t help but think about if he’s getting all the nutrients he needs, etc. I’m trying to be chill about going forward because his pediatrician always reminds me that as long as he’s growing we’re ok.

He’s definitely growing with his gross motor skills and physical and mental development. Like I said before, he’s pretty much running/walking really really fast now. He’s also starting to climb on to furniture, which is proving to be challenging to manage because he finds it so fun, and I find it very heart attack inducing. He’s also able to identify quite a few body parts as well as pictures in his books. I love quizzing him!

Another big thing around this time is language development. Kaiden has a handful of words in his vocabulary including mama, dada, nana (which can be my dad or a banana), all done, one more, more, hello, wow, ball, and a lot of other words/phrases that sound like things but may or may not be! My sister told me that in the next six months, his vocabulary will grow to about 200 words, and I can’t wait! His little voice is my favorite.

On a not so fun note, Kaiden can throw a tantrum like no other. Luckily, he gets over it pretty quickly, but man, you can’t always tell when it’s coming. The one thing that really ticks him off is when we say no in a stern voice and/or take something away from him. DRAMA KING, I tell you!

Other than that, Kaiden is such a fun loving boy. He loves to laugh and make other people laugh, and for that, we feel so blessed!

STATE OF MAMA

2017 and 2018 were not easy for me. Motherhood, on the one hand, has been so much fun, but it hasn’t come without its challenges. Most of my challenges revolved around sleep deprivation, Kaiden’s sicknesses, and my own thoughts that often got in the way of my happiness and/or stressed me out to no end. I probably won’t be cured of any of this in the coming year, but I hope to conquer my own mind and ‘come home’ to myself. Forever a work in progress, but progress is the goal.

Other than that, I feel much better and more balanced in general but specifically with work and home responsibilities. I think a lot of this has to do with Kaiden getting older, my ‘getting used’ to motherhood, and letting go of some of type A tendencies. Again, I’m a work in progress, but baby steps are the only way to go.

I plan to share more about my journey and growth along with my ups and downs in 2019. Expect much more unfiltered posts from me!

STATE OF DADA

Like almost all of my other updates, Vishnu’s still rocking fatherhood. Kaiden loves goofing around, wrestling, and causing general mischief with him.

The only thing that gets in the way of all the fun is residency. Ha! The past few months have been challenging with Vishnu’s call schedule and stint in DC, and the next six months will be full of board studying. Vishnu assures me we won’t feel the pain of that too much, but I’m setting my expectations very low because this isn’t my first time around the study block.

I’m hoping Vishnu’s study schedule will force us to be more intentional with the free time we do have. More to come!

2018 was THE fastest year of my life. I can’t believe how much Kaiden has grown in the last 12 months. It’s also hard to believe that in another short six months, he’ll be two!! Here’s to another great month and year!

Raising a Kid with Doctor Dad

written by Parita 3 Comments

I like to joke that medicine is Vishnu’s mistress. A mistress that I’ve come to accept and befriend. Ha! She’s been a part of our lives since we starting dating almost 14 years ago. And she’ll be around until Vishnu retires. Who am I kidding? She’ll be around forever.

When it was just us, it was easier to work with and around Vishnu’s med school journey (studying, boards, residency application/matching process, etc.). Now that we have Kaiden, it’s a whole different ball game. But we’re learning to navigate this path just like we have all the others.

Before I share more, let me set some context…

When we had Kaiden, Vishnu had just started his 2^nd year of Radiology residency (overall year 3 if you count intern year). He’s now in his 3^rd year, and we have one more to go. After he finishes residency, he’ll complete one year of fellowship because he wants to specialize in a particular area of Radiology. Once he’s done with all of this training, he start working as an attending. Phew!

I’m not going to lie. From a significant other’s perspective, this journey has been exciting, challenging, frustrating, etc. I mean, I knew what I was getting into when we started dating and later married, but nothing can really prepare you for the ups and downs.

Vishnu wanted me to share that we do use bed sheets and a comforter. They were being washed at the time this picture was taken.

I will caveat this by saying I know we have it better than a lot of other people out there. My heart specifically goes out to the military families who deal with deployments, uncertainty, and long periods of time without seeing each other.

Something that often dictates how we schedule our time and how our days/evenings run is Vishnu’s schedule. And it changes by the month and every now and then even by the week. This means that sometimes he has to be at the hospital by 7:00 and sometimes not until 7:30. If it’s the latter, he’s able to drop Kaiden off at daycare. If not, it’s all me! I don’t mind the variances when they’re limited to daytime hours. Nights are something else altogether! When Vishnu’s on nights, he leaves the house at 6:30 pm and comes back the next morning around 8 am. His shifts run Sunday night through the following Saturday morning. The reason I truly dislike nights is because they eat up our weekends, since Vishnu needs to fit in rest at some point. Another game changer is call. For Vishnu’s hospital, these are the Saturday/Sunday shifts they do. Saturdays are usually 24 hour (7 am – 8 am) and Sundays are 12 hour (8 am – 7 pm). I hate 24 hour Saturdays. HATE! And I don’t think I need to explain why!

Other than the weekly/monthly variances, we also deal with holiday shifts. The past two years were rough, especially around the holidays. But oh well! What can you do? I’m hoping the final year of residency (next year) is as chill as they say it is. Fingers crossed!

Another aspect of all of this is the uncertainty that comes with the residency and fellowship matching process. It’s not a given that you’ll end up where you want to be in terms of city. For us, Kaiden wasn’t here when we matched in Chicago for residency. But now that we’re on to the fellowship process, he’s definitely something we’re taking into consideration, since he’ll be three at the start of it.

With all of this being said, we are always trying to be more aware of how we spend our time, especially on the weekends. In the past, we’ve always let med school/residency/etc. take precedence over all else. Now that we have Kaiden, we recognize that if we don’t bring intention to everything we do, these first few years of his life will fly by, and we’ll have big regrets later. For us, this looks like visiting the museum, going out to eat as a family, taking trips (definitely need to get better about this one!), etc. Vishnu’s committed not to let board studying (pretty much the first half of 2019) be his only priority. As is the case with everything, it’s a work in progress, but we’re trying!

The other side of all of this is accepting and acknowledging that this is all short term (although it doesn’t always feel like it). We’ll be settled somewhere in a few years, and I’m pretty sure we’ll miss pieces of the residency/fellowship journey.

Another aspect, for me at least, is accepting a few things and being ok with them (most of the time). For us, this means that I’m pretty much the primary parent. I’m also the one who schedules doctor’s appointments, activities, home stuff, etc. Some days I’m filled with gratitude and more than happy to take it all on, and some days…well, I’m not. Positive self-talk really does wonders. I have to remind myself that Vishnu’s not out having fun…he’s at work, studying, etc. And truth be told, Vishnu actually does a lot more than I would be able to do if the roles were reversed. He does a great job balancing everything, especially fatherhood and husbandhood. In fact, he’s the one who’s constantly thinking of new things for us to do and try, new places to take Kaiden, etc.

Many people think the doctor life is glamorous and easy, especially for the significant other, but I’m here to tell you it’s not. I have lots of friends who are doctors and/or are married to one, and glamor is so far from the reality of this journey. It takes a lot of dedication, compromise, resiliency, and faith to get to the end of training, and I imagine those same things continue to carry you forward well after.

So yeah, we’re 17 months in and pretty much agree that Kaiden should not go into medicine. HA! Jussssstttt kidddddinggggg! At least I am. Vishnu’s determined to guide him down a different path. We shall see!

Bringing Back Barre3 + Why I ‘Quit’ BBG

written by Parita 8 Comments

As a mom, getting into an exercise groove is much harder than I anticipated it would be. I used to be one of those early morning workout people. Up before the sun, ready to go! While I can’t say that’s me anymore, I hope to get back to AM workouts one day (when K regularly sleeps in until at least 6 am!). Currently, I’m in a season of life where it’s all about collective movement and fitting in what I can when I can. And not beating myself up when I can’t (this is key!).

With that being said, I am trying to be more intentional about the kind of workouts I do. With exercise being my ‘me time’ and an opportunity for me to destress, I want what I do to reflect how I feel. And that is why I’m bringing back Barre3 online workouts. After having Kaiden (and being cleared to work out again), Barre3 was the only thing that got me out of bed. It was the only workout that left me feeling good not only physically but also mentally and emotionally. I also love how it incorporates functional movements as well as cardio, strength, and stretching. I’m only a few days into it and already sore…those shakes and quakes are something I tell you!

If you’re interested in trying out Barre3 online, here’s a give $10, get $10 code. And if you want to read more about why I love it so much, check out these posts – 7 Reasons Why Barre3 Online is a Great Option for Moms and 5 Reasons to Try Barre3 Online.

Ok, now on to why I ‘quit’ BBG (for now at least)…

BBG is a great workout system. There’s no doubt about that. If you commit, you will see results. I certainly felt stronger and saw more definition in my legs, arms, and stomach area (I just can’t call it abs…because I’m so far from that!). The first time around, I got to week 5 (out of 12). The second time around (I started all over again), I got to week 9.

When I think back on my BBG workouts, the things I stopped enjoying included always working out by myself, the intensity of the workouts, and how monotonous they got to be after a while. So here’s the thing, I get that it’s only 28 minutes (in theory), they’re meant to be intense (that’s the whole point), and you’re supposed to build your strength from week 1 to 12. I get it all, but for me at this point in my life, BBG just isn’t working. So instead of doing it for the sake of doing it and finishing, I decided to ‘quit’ and say goodbye for now. I may pick it back up again at some point, but for now it’s Barre3, some wogging (walking + jogging), and Soul Cycle (still once a week when possible). Oh and lots of good old movement, which Kaiden ensures I get on the daily!

Overall, if I had to share one piece of insight I’ve learned in my own journey, I’d say this – do what makes you feel good because that’s what you’ll stick with through all of the ups and downs of…well, life! Don’t do something just because someone else is doing it. Do it for you! If you enjoy Barre, do that. If you like HIIT workouts, give BBG a try. If you’re a runner, stick with that. It’s good to try new things (all about that!), but at the end of the day, go with what you love. And remember, every little bit of movement adds up!

*Stepping off soap box…*

So tell me, what’s your preferred workout? What do you always go back to?

I See You, New Mama

written by Parita 2 Comments

It’s taken 15 months, but I can now see and admit that I often felt lost and alone those first few (6!) months after giving birth to Kaiden. I had tons of support from family and friends, but I was in my own head a lot. Am I doing ok? Is Kaiden big enough? Is he meeting his milestones? What if something happens to Kaiden? To Vishnu? To me? Simply put, I was overwhelmed, exhausted, and constantly questioning everything.

I now know this is very normal. I mean, think about the before, during, and after of new motherhood. It’s intense…to say the least!

Also since giving birth to K, I’ve thought a lot about what I would say to other news moms to [even slightly] reduce their anxiousness around the journey they’re about to start. It’s hard because every journey, every mom, and every baby is so different. That’s the beauty of it, but nonetheless, I would want my new mama friends to know that I see them.

So this one’s for you, new mamas…

I see you, new mama…walking around like a zombie. Ugh, sleep deprivation! Trust me it will get easier. While you may never sleep as deeply again (you know, the whole heart walking around outside of you thing!), your new family will find its own rhythm. And I know it’s annoying when everyone and their mom says this, but try to sleep when the baby sleeps (at least a few times a week).

I see you, new mama…struggling to feed your baby. Anxious if your baby is getting enough milk if you’re breastfeeding. Anxious about pumping and feeling like a human cow. Anxious about offering formula. I see you, and I want you to know it will be ok. You will figure it out one way or another. And take it from me, fed is best. Formula is not the devil. Do what’s best for you and your baby.

I see you, new mama…struggling to connect with your significant other. Vishnu and I have a pretty strong relationship, but it’s definitely changed a lot since Kaiden was born. Pre-baby, we had all the time we wanted/needed to hang out, talk, and do things to strengthen our connection. Now all of that takes a bit more work and energy. In the early days, we were definitely a good team. But there are no practice sessions when it comes to parenthood. You literally jump into the game and play your heart out for the rest of your life. So with that being said, it took a while to figure out what works for us. When to pass the ball, when to run…you get it! Our playbook changes every now and then, but we’re more agile than before. It takes time, my friend. The one thing I can say is communicate, communicate, communicate. Neither one of you is a mind reader, and this new third wheel may throw things off for a bit. But keep talking and acknowledging each other.

I see you, new mama…worrying about the future. This is probably the #1 thing I struggled with on a day-to-day basis. The unknown future. It’s so scary to think about, especially when the most precious thing in your life is a little human who depends on you completely. But I promise, it will be ok. As I like to say now, the future you doesn’t exist yet, but the present you does, so take care of her so she can take care of her baby. And everything will happen as it should in due course. Don’t give away your present joys for the unknown. Take it from me…it’s not worth it.

I see you, new mama…feeling vulnerable. Not only do you now have a new baby, but you also gained a new body and a new mind/brain. Everything is different now, so I don’t blame you for feeling vulnerable. I did and still do to this day. But again, please cut yourself some slack. You grew a human inside of you for 9+ months. You created a freaking miracle. It will and should take 9+ months to get back to you. A new you, I should say. Even though the feeling of vulnerability won’t just go away, you are a lot stronger than you think you are you. You were meant to be your baby’s mama, and you are just who he/she needs. Don’t forget that!

I see you, new mama…trying to be supermom/wife/everything. PLEASE try your hardest to remove this label off your back. I’m not saying you’re not super, because you are. I want you to take that pressure off because you’re human. You will make mistakes, and you’ll learn from them. You will let people down, and you’ll learn to be ok with that (and so will they). You will need to rest, and you’ll learn to ask for help. But only if you remember that you too, like the rest of your family and friends, are a human being. And if this just doesn’t resonate, remember that your kid needs a happy mama, not a perfect one. It’s absolutely a must to throw away the superXXX label and take care of yourself. I can’t stress this enough.

Above all else, new mama, I hope you know you’ve got this! It won’t be easy, but there’s no one better for the job.