motherhood Archives - My Inner Shakti

Authenticity in Motherhood (Blogging)

Authenticity in motherhood – what a heavy topic. But this is something that’s been on my mind for a while, so let’s just delve right in.

While I don’t share every single aspect of my life via this blog or on Instagram, whatever I do share is 100% real and 100% me. Good, bad, whatever – you get what you see on MIS!

Now, I have no way of knowing whether or not other people operate with the same mindset. Maybe there are people out there who truly live the perfectly curated lives they depict. Or maybe some people only choose to share the good stuff, which doesn’t mean the bad doesn’t exist.

Whatever the case may be, you do you, boo! I’m not here to judge. We all have the right to tell our story however we please.

However, what I do take issue with is people creating fake online personas. I’ve read countless articles about moms renting houses to capture the perfect picture or having their kids pose by the pool only to pack up and leave immediately afterwards. One article I read even talked about how some moms create the ‘perfect mess’ to showcase.

People have time to actually create messes!?

Again, you do you, boo. But at least be honest about it.

I am no longer influenced by pictures of perfect moms with their perfect bodies and their perfect homes and their perfect kids. I’m only half joking here! What I’m trying to say is that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that no one’s life is perfect despite what we may see online.

But I think a lot more people are influenced by this so-called perfection than they let on. Otherwise, how could mommy blogging be something like an $11 million industry?!

No perfection here. Just a mama and her baby sitting in the lobby of their building because baby didn’t want to be in the apartment!

This is again one of those babbling posts, but the point I’m trying to make is this. I wish, with my whole heart, that alongside some of those beautiful pictures, more people shared the whole truth – bloggers or not. The truth about how motherhood is one of the most beautiful and raw journeys you will ever go on, and this means you are riding big waves for the rest of your life. Some days/moments, you’ll be that experienced surfer who owns the wave she’s about the ride, and some days/moments, you’ll crash and go under. But you’ll always rise, no matter what. Because that’s how powerful motherhood is!

I think if we can get to a place of true authenticity, where we talk about the ups AND the downs and share our real homes and real messes (!!), more people (both moms and dads) will feel comfortable sharing their stories. And if nothing else, less parents will feel alone.

Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think in the comments below or via IG or email (myinnershakti@gmail.com). Clearly, this is a topic I’m super passionate about!

Starting a Family in Your 30s

written by Parita 2 Comments

I want to start this post by saying one thing. There is no right or wrong answer when it comes to starting a family. These are purely my thoughts, as my husband and I did choose to start in our 30s.

Ok, first things first. I didn’t always want to start in my 30s. In fact, I had a very detailed plan when I was 17 that was all about how I would be done having babies by the time I was 30. HA!

But then I met Vishnu, went to grad school, started a job that had me moving around the country for two years, got married, and supported my husband on his medical school and residency (and soon-to-be fellowship) journey. In all fairness, there was no way we could’ve juggled a kid with all that we had going on for the first 4-5 years of our marriage.

I like to think that while I once wanted kids in my 20s, Kaiden came to us at the perfect time. I was 33 when I had K, and Vishnu was 32.

And when I say right time, I don’t just mean age. I mean financially, I mean in terms of my career and Vishnu’s, I mean in terms of who we are as people now vs. in our 20s, etc.

With that being said, I do think there are some benefits to starting earlier if you want and your situation allows it. You have more energy in your 20s (and trust me kids require lots of energy). You also have time if there are complications in getting pregnant. There are probably more pros for this that I’m not thinking of.

But personally, since we started in our 30s, I can look back and be comforted by the fact that (FOR US!) it’s a good thing we had K when we did. I’m so much more patient now than I was a decade ago. I also have more control over my career and am making more money than I was in my 20s (which is helpful because daycare costs in Chicago are astronomical!). I also feel like with Vishnu’s career being more final in a way (with med school being over and done with), it’s one thing we don’t have to think about too much. This helps us keep the focus on K versus other career-related worries. Vishnu and I are also much more grounded in our relationship now than ever before. And I didn’t know it until we had Kaiden, but this is so important when you have kids.

And not that it matters what everyone else is doing, but the majority of my friends started their families in their 30s. Some sooner, some later, but because they put their educations and careers first, it just worked out this way. It’s kind of cool because now our kids are all around the same age. In fact, four of my close girlfriends and I had kids with 6-8 months of each other.

I should also share that I have a lot of friends whose siblings had kids into their early 40s. I know this isn’t possible for everyone, but if you’re not quite there yet with the whole idea of having kids, if you’re still trying, if you’re having trouble, please know that not all is lost at 35 like some people like to remind you.

I know this is sort of a rambling post, but I wanted to share because I think it’s important to talk about these kinds of things. It’s easy to think that you’re the only one experiencing something or the only one who doesn’t have everything figured out, but trust me, you’re not!

The decision to have kids is a HUGE one (at any age!), and while it’s true that no time is the perfect time, I think it’s totally ok to start when you and your partner feel ready.

Stepping off my soap box! Have a great day.

P.S. Trust me, I know that some people want to start in their 20s, but because of complications and infertility aren’t able to. My heart goes out to those people, and please know I’m not in any way downplaying that. Again, just sharing my experiences with the hope that by doing so I’m helping someone.

10 True Things About the Second Year of Motherhood

written by Parita Leave a Comment

The second year of mother is quite different than year 1. For one, you have a mobile baby who can get from point A to point B in literally 5 seconds flat. If that’s not enough of a game changer, now you’re baby eats real food way more regularly, starts talking up a storm, and is also developing emotionally. I think they call the output of that tantrums… 🙂

Anyways, personally, I found the second year of motherhood a tad bit easier than year 1. This had less to do with K than it had to do with me and the kind of person I am.

Regardless, there are some (universal…at least to me) truths about the second year of motherhood I wanted to share.

In no particular order…

As your baby grows, so does your love. You’ll never know exactly how, but day by day, you’ll love this little person more than you ever thought possible.

You’re not as uncertain as you were during year 1, but that ‘what am I doing?’ feeling still lingers.

When you look back, you’ll be shocked by how fast year 2 goes.

You realize you’ll never completely feel like your old self and that’s ok. When you had your baby, a new you emerged, and she’s cooler than pre-baby you! At least that’s what I tell myself.

Sleep, or good consistent sleep, may still elude you. Those regressions are something! Also, I still wake up a few times a night because I think I hear Kaiden crying.

Hearing your kid’s voice on the daily, actually saying words, never gets old!

You will have lots and lots of days where the countdown to bedtime starts at 10 am.

You’ll learn to pick your battles a lot sooner and quicker. Otherwise, everything will turn into a battle!

As much as you try, mom guilt won’t totally escape you. It may look a little different from year 1, and if you’re lucky, it’ll be a bit more infrequent, but it’s still there. And that’s ok. The way I look at it, mom guilt just means you care!

You get so many unsolicited kisses and hugs. They are undoubtedly the best things ever!

It’ll be an interesting transition from 2 to 3. I hear it’s just as intense, if not more, because they learn how to negotiate. We shall see!

Tips/Tricks for Flying with a Two-Year-Old

written by Parita 1 Comment

Flying with Kaiden up until now has been fairly easy. I say fairly because of course we’ve had our shares of ups and down. But this is how it usually went– get on plane, let him crawl around and play with whatever, K passes out in my arms as soon as plane takes off. See, fairly easy.

So you can imagine how nervous I was flying with him for the first time since he turned two. Why nervous? Because after kids turn two, they get their own seat. And my Kaiden isn’t one to sit for prolonged periods of time.

Thankfully, the flight time from Chicago to Atlanta is only about 1.5 hours. A good testing ground I suppose.

Given this was my first time flying with a two-year-old, I’m certainly no expert. But here are a few tricks/tips that worked for me.

TIP/TRICK 1 – Now that Kaiden understands what we’re saying, I tried my best to hype up our ‘airplane’ trip a few days before we left. That excitement helped us get through security, to the gate, and on to the plane.

TIP/TRICK 2 – One word – snacks…and lots of them. I brought so many snacks, including apples, a PB&J sandwich, cereal, freeze dried fruits and veggies, etc. He didn’t eat much of it, but I did have peace of mind knowing I was prepared.

TIP/TRICK 3 – Don’t be afraid to ask for and/or accept help. For example, when we were standing in line to board, the man in front of me asked if I wanted him to carry our stroller on to the jet bridge. He carried it out for me as well. I could’ve easily said no and looked like a crazy woman trying to wrangle her toddler, carry two bags and a stroller. No thanks! Example number two happened when Kaiden wouldn’t sit in his seat. I quietly asked the kind man sitting next to me to tell K to sit down and put on the seatbelt. At first, he was like, “You want me to tell him that?” And I said, “Yes, please.” He did it and guess what…K sat down and let me put his belt on!

TIP/TRICK 4 – The things that saved me this time around in terms of toys/activities were the Crayola Color Wonder Markers and Paper. This kept Kaiden entertained in some form or fashion for longer spurts. And because these markers only work on the special paper, they didn’t transfer on to the seats, our skin, our clothes, etc.

I also brought two brand new little trucks and a pack of stickers for K as ‘surprise, be good now!’ treats. They entertained him for a little bit. Ha!

TIP/TRICK 5 – Forget about everyone else and do what you have to do. Flying, in my mind, is grounds for going into survival mode. Anything and everything goes.

That’s all I have in terms of tips/tricks. I’m hoping to build my toolkit as we travel more with K. We have our trip back home to Chicago on Sunday, as well as a trip to Cabo and the Bahamas coming up. Cross your fingers for us!

I will say that Kaiden did relatively well for most of the flight, excluding the last 20 minutes. He was pretty much over it at that point and wanted to sit in my lap. I sang him songs and distracted him as much as I could, but boy, those 20 minutes felt like 2 hours!

Please share your best tips/tricks for travelling with kids!

Why We Chose to Send Our Son to Daycare

written by Parita 3 Comments

Since starting Kaiden in daycare at 6 months old, I’ve gotten a lot of questions about why we went down that path, why we didn’t go with a nanny, how we survived the daycare germs, etc.

It’s been 1.5 years since that time, so I thought I’d share our experience and insights for anyone who also ‘struggled’ with the question of which childcare option to choose.

NOTE: I’m starting and ending this post with the same sentiment – this is not a daycare vs. all other childcare options post. This is simply about our experiences to date!

The Beginning

When Vishnu and I moved to Chicago in June 2016, we weren’t pregnant, and although we were trying, childcare honestly wasn’t something we were thinking about at the time. So when it came time to choose a place to live, we picked the building we did for lots of different reasons but not because there was a good daycare nearby.

Fast forward to three months into my pregnancy. We went to visit my friend Erin and her new baby at the time. Vishnu and her husband were chatting when Shahan asked V about our childcare plans. He mentioned that the city daycares have waiting lists (sometimes a year or longer). On our way home, Vishnu told me about this convo and how we needed to get on it quickly.

Within a week, we had appointments at all the daycares in area. Luckily, the one we absolutely loved had an opening for January 2018 in the young infant room. AND it ended up being the closest option in terms of proximity to our apartment.

Why Not a Nanny

So K’s school is four blocks from where we live. It’s on the way to both the train for Vishnu and downtown for me. We are VERY lucky that we can just walk him there so easily.

We honestly didn’t consider a nanny because (at the time) we didn’t feel comfortable leaving K home with someone who would essentially be a total stranger. Of course, we know get that you interview people and all that, but at the time, it wasn’t something we wanted to do given the school was so close to us. Vishnu was also really adamant about daycare for the social aspect. We wanted K to be around other kids from a younger age. K’s school also does music class, yoga and lots of other fun learning activities. Not all nanny’s are former educators, so we definitely took this into consideration. We also loved the fact that K could attend the same school all the way to pre-K if needed.

And finally, from a logistical standpoint, we live in a small apartment, where my ‘office’ is a small corner between the kitchen and the living area. I work from home a lot. If we had a nanny, I would have to go to the office every day or find another workspace. Vishnu’s schedule also varies sometimes. So given the lack of consistency, daycare felt like a good choice for us.

Surviving the Daycare Germs

When I talk to friends who are considering putting their kid in daycare, the first question that inevitably comes up is, “Are the germs that bad?” I’m here to tell you that they are in fact HORRIBLE!

Not to scare anyone, but within the first week of Kaiden starting school, he had a nasty stomach bug that literally took me and Vishnu down too.

Let’s put it this way. 2018 was hell in terms of K being sick. We (sometimes it really was the collective we) experienced everything from colds to stomach bugs to hand foot mouth to Roseola to ear infections to random fevers.

BUT…the plus side to all of that is K’s immune systems is definitely stronger now. 2019 has been pretty good to us so far. He’s only had two random fevers that went away in a couple of days. He’s also had a runny nose here and there but that too goes away fairly quickly.

From what I’ve been told (by other daycare parents) is that while the first 12-18 months are rough, your kids are so much less likely to get sick when they enter pre-K and beyond. FINGERS CROSSED!

The bottom line is if you put your kid in daycare expect them to be sick for a while. And once you’re past that, relish in it!

Daycare Costs

Daycare, especially where we send K, is expensive. It’s essentially rent 2.0 for us. However, this is the place we wanted, so we sucked it up.

In terms of the comparison between a nanny and daycare, daycare still works out to be cheaper in Chicago, even when using the lowest hourly rate.

What I Would Have Done Differently Knowing What I Know Now

Well, for starters, I wish I could’ve taken off a whole year to be with K. But that wasn’t possible. I got 16 weeks of maternity leave and then my dad came to watch K for a couple of months to close the gap. My dad did offer to stay with us until Kaiden turned one, but we told him it was ok. I didn’t want to take him away from my mom for so long!

I don’t know what Vishnu would say, but in all honesty, I wish we had waited until K was one to start daycare. Looking back, six months feels a little too young. But we did what we did with the information and knowledge we had on hand at the time. #noregrets

How Kaiden is Doing in Daycare Now

Kaiden adjusted quite well to daycare from the beginning. The only time he has trouble is when he transitions to a new classroom. Other than that, he loves school. Right now, I think yoga Tuesday is his favorite.

I think you’ll hear this from a lot of daycare parents, but kids are so different when they’re there versus at home. K eats the majority of his food at school (even things he won’t touch at home). He naps for the full two hours, which as you guys know, is hit or miss at home. It’s honestly great!

Well, I think that covers the question of why we chose to send K to daycare. Like I said, this was not meant to be a daycare vs. all other options type of posts. I do think it gets a bad rep sometimes, so I want to give parents-to-be and new parents some sense of relief that you’re not bad parents for sending your kid to daycare! Any option that works for you and your child is a GREAT ONE!

If I missed anything or if you have any additional questions, leave a comment below or send me an email!

Life Lately on the Fitness Front

written by Parita 2 Comments

I used to blog regularly and in tons of detail about my workouts. Everything from about 2011 to 2016 is on MIS. Jillian Michaels, half marathon training, T25, Tough Mudder training, Barre3. It’s all on MIS!

I haven’t talked much about my fitness endeavors as of late because they don’t feel all that monumental. I’m honestly just trying hard to listen to my body and work out appropriately when I can. There’s not much more to it. The one thing that has changed are my workouts themselves.

Let me back up…

In March, I joined the gym across the street from where we lived. Not because I was itching to, but because Vishnu realized that despite his best efforts, he wasn’t going to be able to go as much as he wanted/needed to. We didn’t want to pay the cancellation fee, so we essentially worked with the gym to transfer his membership over to me.

As you guys know, I’m a home workout kind of person. I absolutely don’t mind doing Barre3 online at home or using YouTube videos or even going to our apartment gym. It’s what I’ve been doing for years. But when Vishnu raved about the group fitness classes at this gym, I said, “Why not?!”

Guess what…

Vishnu was right! I LOVE the classes and the instructors. And lucky for me, there are quite a few good ones that fall around my lunchtime, making it extra convenient on the days I work from home.

In terms of the workouts themselves, I take a class called TAP, a Barre Cardio class, and a Cycling class.

TAP
TAP stands for Total Athletic Performance. It’s kind of like a low-key version of CrossFit from what I gather. The gym offers two versions – a conditioning class and a strength class. Depending on the week, I’ll take one or both. The conditioning one is more cardio – running, rowing, ropes, ball slams, body weight exercises, kettle ball swings, etc. Lots of aerobic stuff mixed with a bit of strength. The strength class is the opposite. Lots of strength moves with barbells, hand weights, kettle balls, etc. and very little cardio. Both great options! Both leave me drenched in sweat at the end.

Barre Cardio
The Barre Cardio class is exactly what it sounds like. Barre with a mix of cardio in the form of jump squats and just faster moves to get your heart rate up.

Cycling
The Cycling class is a typical gym cycling class, but I love the instructor so that’s why I try to go once a week. She mixes in a little bit of arm work too, which I love. It’s no Soul Cycle, but it’s a good workout.

Other than that, I still do Barre3 Online at home, especially on the weekends. I’ve done BBG on days where I couldn’t make it to the gym. And I still very much love my treadmill walks and run/walks.

So with that being said, here’s what a typical week of workouts looks like for me.

Sunday – usually a rest day, but if I’m engaging in anything truly active, it’s usually a treadmill walk
Monday – TAP (conditioning)
Tuesday – If I’m working from home, I’ll head down to our apartment gym for a treadmill run/walk. If I’m in the office, then my walk to and from work counts as my workout!
Wednesday – TAP (conditioning)
Thursday – TAP (strength). If I’m in the office, then my walk to and from work counts as my workout!
Friday – Barre Cardio
Saturday – Cycling

Like I said, this is a typical week but it’s not an exact science. A lot depends on when I’m in the office vs. at home and how I’m physically feeling. The TAP classes are really challenging and I don’t push myself to do two in a row unless I really feel like I can handle it.

I’m also a huge believer in everyday activity serving as exercise, so on those days where I don’t make it to the gym, I just try to stay off my butt as much as possible. Having a very active toddler definitely helps!

And that’s where I’m currently at. Trying to challenge myself a bit more with the classes, but also listening to my body and getting rest when I need it. Not rocket science, but thought I would share since I’m in a different season of life.

State of Our Household – 2 YEARS OLD!

written by Parita 2 Comments

I honestly can’t believe we have a two-year-old! When I think back to right before Kaiden was born, it honestly feels like yesterday. I remember it all so clearly.

With that being said, for us, year two literally zoomed by when compared to the first year. Vishnu and I were talking about that the other day. It feels like Kaiden went from turning one to two…just like that!

Two is a lot of fun. And it isn’t all terrible like they say. But in all honesty, it’s more tiring than anything else with plenty of terrific moments to keep you going.

But overall, our little guy is super sweet and very loving, with a side of stubborn and clingy! HA!

Let’s take a look at how each of us is doing at this point in time.

STATE OF KAIDEN

State of Kaiden…where to start? I’ll start with the basics.

Knock on all the wood, but K is a great nighttime sleeper. He goes down around 7:30 and wakes up between 5:30 and 6. We did hit a two year sleep regression a month or so ago where he would wake up every so often throughout the night screaming. We opted to let him cry it out after the first few nights, and he’d generally go back to sleep after 5 minutes or so. Naps are also better than before. At school, he’s napping for 2 hours, but at home, we’ll usually get anywhere from 45 minutes-2 hours. It really just depends. On what? I have no idea!

As far as eating is concerned, he still eats great at daycare. Like one of the best in his class. At home, it just depends on his mood. Some days he amazes us and some days I can’t wait until daycare because I know he’ll eat there. He loves Indian food, with khichdi being his favorite. He also usually loves pasta with pesto or red sauce. In terms of other foods, his favorites include yogurt, bananas, apples, broccoli (roasted), cauliflower (roasted), peanut butter, toast.

Kaiden has also now mastered climbing up and down stairs (while holding the railing). He’s also amazing at throwing balls. His aim is pretty good. Dancing is also one of his favorite pastimes, and he’s got some moves!

What else? He’s still obsessed with balls. In fact, he sleeps with two different footballs. Elmo is his absolute favorite. He also loves Curious George (Georgie!). Daniel Tiger is up there but I think it’s a little too much talking for him at this age. Kaiden is also newly obsessed with boats. Our balcony overlooks the Chicago river where all the architecture boats tours come through, and every day (multiple times a day), without skipping a beat, he says, “Mama, BIG BOATTTTTT.” It’s the cutest thing! Trucks are also becoming a favorite, as are dogs.

His language skills are getting better and better by the day, but I’m pretty sure Vishnu and I are the only ones who really understand him! We’re trying our best to not give in when he just points to stuff and instead ask him what he wants and to name it. I can’t wait to see where he is in 6 months time!

In terms of his demeanor and personality, Kaiden is very sweet and really funny. Once he sees that something he did made us laugh, he revels in it and does it even more! He loves giving kisses, imitating us…what we say and the voices we say them in, cuddling with mama, reading books, and counting to 10.

On the flip side, he can be stubborn and go from 0-60 without any warning. It’s insane how something as simple as a question, saying his name or even me whistling can set him off. Sometimes Vishnu and I look at each other and laugh…other times, not so much!

I’m honestly looking forward to this year and watching K grow and develop even more, although I do miss my little baby!

STATE OF MAMA

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, motherhood definitely turned my world upside down for the first 18 months or so. It was more wonderful than I ever imagined and A LOT harder. But the past few months have been really good. Not without trying moments and days but good. I feel comfortable in this role, and honestly, I also feel less alone now that Vishnu’s home more.

Kaiden and I have a very special relationship, and I love that too. He’s my little boy, and he makes sure everyone knows it. When anyone else gives me a hug, he says ‘noooooooo…mineeeeeeeeee.’ HA! Still trying to get him to understand the concept of sharing!

Other than the day to day of being K’s mama, I’m doing really well. I love the gym I joined back in March. I go to group classes a few times a week and am starting to see real results. More than anything, it makes me feel mentally strong…like I can do anything.

Work is still the same old. I may have some travel to London coming up towards the end of the year. I’m ok with a little travel here and there, but after our trip to Anguilla, I realized a job with extensive travel is just not for me.

Other than that, I’m just trying to get out and enjoy the Chicago summer (all two months of it…HA!).

STATE OF DADA

Now that Vishnu is officially a fourth year Radiology resident, life gets easier for all of us in some ways. No more boards to worry about, no more excessive (in my opinion) call shifts, etc. We’ve had him home with us and very present the past couple of weekends, and it feels so nice…and a little strange! We’re super excited to explore Chicago a little more as a family, given we only have a couple of summers left here.

On the downside, with Vishnu having been busy and away from home the past 6-12 months, Kaiden is not always as nice as he should be. Like I said earlier, he’s still going through a mama phase, which leaves little to no room for dada. I’m trying my best to disappear every now and then so V and K can bond, so let’s see how that goes!

Other than that, Kaiden loves to go straight to our bed in the morning and say hello to dada and give him kisses. He’s also all about dada when Vishnu’s not home. Crazy kid!