I posted a fun throwback picture on Instagram of me and Vishnu at a wedding we attended in LA back in May 2018. I hesitate when positing these kinds of pics because I feel like they can be misleading sometimes. First of all, we don’t always look like that. In fact, I don’t like that 99% of the time. Second of all, I feel like these kinds of pictures unintentionally portray a ‘perfect’ marriage. And I don’t believe in perfect anything!
My mission [in life] is to be as real and authentic as I can and help others do the same! So with that being said, let me tell you about where Vishnu and I were late last year and how we got to where we are now (a MUCH better/stronger place).
I’ve been pretty vocal about how the first 12 months of motherhood were hard for me. I just wasn’t myself, and everything overwhelmed me. While I think I was better after K turned one, I honestly think the biggest turning point came for me at the beginning of this year…with regards to most aspects of my life, including my marriage.
In October last year, Vishnu and I realized we were on two very different pages about almost everything. We just weren’t connecting the way we usually did. It probably wasn’t as dramatic as I’m making it out to be, but I can tell you this, something needed to change and we both knew it.
After some open and courageous conversations (and tears on my part!), as well as a lot of individual self-reflection, we made progress. Slowly but surely. We also came to the understanding that we’re different now as parents. We have this super important priority named Kaiden who inevitably changed our dynamic and will continue to do so as he gets older. But instead of looking at it as a bad thing, we are now choosing to really listen, ask the right questions, and be more forthcoming. At the end of the day, our marriage will shape Kaiden’s views about relationships for the rest of his life!
Additionally, something Vishnu said to me during this time really put things in perspective. He said, “I love you more than anything in this world, so you have to believe me when I tell you that nothing I say or do is meant to hurt you. I know it can and will hurt you, but that’s never my intention.” This realization changed everything for me, including how I respond in different situations. Now (for the most part), I come at it from a “let me try to understand first” perspective versus a “oh hell nawwwww” one! When I changed how I responded to him, Vishnu changed too. It’s incredible!
It’s funny to me how ultimately everything comes down to communication. If you don’t talk about it, you’ll definitely shout about it! <- (I hope that made you giggle just a little!)
And before I let you get on with your Friday, remember this…perfection doesn’t exist. Everyone, and I mean everyone, has their shit. That’s life. Don’t let the internet or what people portray fool you.
With that, happy weekend!