Indian culture Archives - My Inner Shakti

What’s in a [Middle] Name?

I’ve shared how hard it was for me and Vishnu to agree on a boy name. I had a 5 year old spreadsheet with about 10 names that I liked, and my husband vetoed every single one of them. And then he had the audacity to suggest the name Sawyer. Now don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with the name Sawyer, but Vishnu knew I would never agree. Crazy man!

Anyways, I digress. Once we agreed on the name Kaiden, I brought up the whole middle name thing. For some reason, Vishnu was okay with me selecting it, so we went with Shiv. I’ll explain more about why in a minute, but let me back up and explain how this whole middle name thing works for us.

In Gujarati tradition, when you get married, you take on your husband’s name for your middle name. All of your kids are also given your husband’s name as their middle names. So for example, my mom, sister and I all had my dad’s name as our middle name.

And on the other end of the spectrum, Vishnu doesn’t have a middle name. The whole name thing works a little differently for South Indians. I don’t want to misrepresent it, so I won’t go into details. Vishnu’s family isn’t very traditional in this sense, so it’s not all that complicated. But no middle name for him.

When we got married, I decided to make my maiden name my middle name, dropping my dad’s name. My sister kept her full birth name and tagged on her husband’s last name. To each her own!

When it came time to decide on Kaiden’s middle name, I picked Shiv because it’s the name of a Hindu god, and for some reason, that was important to me. Also, with Kaiden being a modern/non-Indian name and our last name being very long and traditional, I wanted something simple with an Indian feel. I also love the flow to his whole name when said together – it just works!

Even though I didn’t get my top boy name pick (or my 10th!), I’m glad Vishnu let me select K’s middle name. Otherwise, we would’ve ended up with Sawyer for sure!

Your turn – does your culture or family follow a certain naming convention? Is there a story behind your name – first or middle?

Working Mom + Momprenuer – Avani Sarkar from Modi Toys

written by Parita Leave a Comment

I’m super excited about today’s post, so I’m just going to get right to it. I connected with Avani Sarkar on Instagram after seeing so many people I follow talk about the Modi Toys Baby Ganesh. I loved this idea and can’t wait to get one for K (currently on the waiting list!).

What intrigued me even more though is the fact that Avani is a working mama AND a momprenuer of TWO companies. After letting this sink in, I definitely thought about how I don’t have room to make any excuses for myself. She has the same number of hours in her day that I do. So inspiring!

With that, here’s Avani to tell her story…

I am fortunate enough to have a job with some flexibility, where I get to work from home twice a week. My daughter goes to daycare for a few hours those days, but my mom and in-laws are the primary caretakers during working hours. Since my mom stays with me a couple of days a week, she’ll meal prep for me. But since my husband isn’t vegetarian like me, I’ll make chicken for him once a week, along with some side veggie dishes. I try to spend as little time in the kitchen as possible because it’s usually for the best! But when I am feeling rather adventurous, my go to is The Chutney Life for easy to follow recipes. My daughter has major FOMO so she usually doesn’t go to sleep until I go to sleep, which either means I fall sleep early sometimes or she’s up way past her bedtime. I try to squeeze in Modi Toys work somewhere in the midst of all of this throughout the day: as I’m commuting to work on the train, as I’m walking home, once my daughter is asleep, etc. If all else fails, I give her an iPad so I can work uninterrupted at times. Mom guilt is at an all time high when I do this, but I try to make up for it by spending time outdoors with her and going on trips (near and far).

Passion doesn’t come with a switch that I can just turn on and of unfortunately. I wish I could say that when I’m at the office, all I think about is work. Or that when I’m with my daughter, all I think about is her. My mind has a million tabs open at any given time so I’m always thinking and being inspired and planning ahead.

My first foray into entrepreneurship was actually with a passion project I started in 2012 called Ever After Proposals. Just as couples hire wedding planners to help them with their wedding, guys would hire me as a Marriage Proposal Planner to help them pop the question. My motto for the company always has been: for the hopeless and the romantic. My goal was to simply help steer guys in the right direction to ensure they “think like a woman, and plan like a boss.” In the past six years, I’ve planned proposals everywhere from Florida, Puerto Rico, San Diego to NYC. I still try to squeeze in proposals, but as you can imagine, this falls to the bottom of the priority list these days.

That said, entrepreneurship always excited me, but Modi Toys happened more organically. My brother and I didn’t sit in a conference room to brainstorm business ideas we could launch. We naturally stumbled on an idea, which happened to check a lot of the boxes that you would want in a product: it’s unique, it provides immense value and it has a mass appeal.

My brother and I both became first time parents at the same time (our daughters are born a week apart). During this time, we were naturally being inundated with toys and other gifts for them. And it was almost like a passing thought: why aren’t there any toys that are inspired by our culture? If there are stuffed animals that can sing the alphabet or random nursery rhymes, why aren’t there toys that are more meaningful? Truth be told, this idea was compounded by our mom, who would always be harping on the fact we shouldn’t lose our “sanskar.” Her point was valid and it became the backbone of our company: if we don’t retain the values/teachings of our culture, then how can we expect our children — and their children — to?

To be perfectly honest, my brother has the “doer” role in our entrepreneurial journey. He was the one that contacted manufacturers and spoke to lawyers and recording artists. He is the operations guy who put the idea into action. If it weren’t for him getting the product into production mode, I wouldn’t have anything to market. But that said, we make a really great team. I manage all of the creative aspects of the brand – from developing the logo, website, social media, partnerships, campaigns, etc. It also helps that my masters and professional background has been in marketing, whereas his has been in consulting. We both just naturally assumed our roles in the company.

Since Ganesh is the symbol of new beginnings, we decided to launch a plush Baby Ganesh first. We figured, we’ll see how it does, if there’s any demand for it, and take it from there. Surprisingly, our daughters weren’t the only ones who loved it once we received the first prototypes from the manufacturer. Hundreds of moms we asked in mommy groups also loved the idea…enough to give us the confidence boost to do an official production run.

Being a “Mom plus anything” is tough – be it a working mom, entrepreneur, athlete, etc. To feel like you’re being the “best” mom you can be requires you to give kids your undivided attention at all times. And when you have other priorities and other passions in your life, it’s hard to feel like you’re giving any of these roles your 100%. But that said, eventually your kids will grow up and become more independent. While they’ll still need you, the capacity in which they do, will be different. I keep telling myself that if I hustle hard now, I can enjoy the fruits of my labor with my family down the road.

So rather than wait until “the time is right until your kids are older,” I encourage people to leverage their skills while they’re still young. I’m in my 30s and I’m younger today than I will be tomorrow so no time to waste! Nothing irritates me more than people who have ideas without a plan. Ideas come easy but you know what else comes easy? Excuses. And frankly, where there’s a will there’s a way.

Thank you for sharing your story, Avani! I’m positive you’ve inspired so many people to take a step towards their dreams…me included!

6 Simple Ways to Keep the Indian Culture Alive

written by Parita 6 Comments

My parents came to the US in December 1982, and in January 1984, I was born. By no means were they settled and completely ready for a baby, but they wanted one and knew the rest would fall into place. And so it did!

Vishnu and I, on the other hand, thought long and hard about exactly when we wanted to have a baby. We went for it when we decided we were ready. Thankfully, things fell into place, and now we have Mr. Kaiden!

In terms of surrounding my sister and I with elements of the Indian culture, my parents definitely had the upper hand. First of all, they’re both the same kind of Indian, which believe it or not, makes things a lot easier. They also lived within a few miles of quite of few family members. And finally, my grandparents lived with us (on and off) throughout my childhood. All of these things led both me and my sister to speak Gujarati, watch Bollywood movies and perform dances, learn Bharatnatayam, and have tons of Indian friends.

Kaiden, on the other hand, has a Gujarati mom and a Malayalee dad…who doesn’t speak Malayalum. He lives near his masi and masa, who speak to him in English. We don’t really watch Bollywood movies. And the list goes on!

This isn’t to say we can’t or won’t try instilling and keeping the Indian culture alive for Kaiden. In fact, even though he’s still pretty young, I’ve added a few things to our daily routine to help create that sense of culture.

First and foremost, I’m trying to speak to K in Gujarati a little more. Even if it’s a word or two here and there. I used to feel guilty thinking he may speak a little Gujarati and not Malayalum, but I now realize how silly that is. It’s like us not wanting him to learn a different language in school because we don’t speak it ourselves. If the bottom line is rooting him in the Indian culture, it shouldn’t matter that he knows one language and not the other.
Before bed every night, I sing the Hanuman Chalisa to Kaiden. I learned this particular prayer when I was very young, and it’s always been a source of comfort for me. Each line is so full of meaning. I’m so thankful my parents and grandparents made us sit with them every night to recite it and hoping K feels the same one day. If nothing else, I hope it gives me the same degree of comfort it gives me. I have a few other prayers I loved as child that I also sing to him before bed. I know how to put on a show apparently!
We’re lucky we have a small temple within walking distance of our apartment. It’s simple and very quiet (unlike a lot of Indian temples!). But that’s precisely what draws me to it. Growing up, I didn’t love going to the temple because it just felt like one big crowded party where everyone was there to socialize. This temple, however, is quite the opposite. To be honest, we haven’t gone as regularly (1x/week) as I would like, but I’m hoping to change that ASAP. And I totally understand that going to the temple doesn’t just transfer culture, but I’m hoping it does open up a conversation with Kaiden where he feels comfortable to ask questions and explore (you know, when he starts talking!).
We haven’t done much of this yet, but I really want to teach Kaiden about our culture through our beautiful holidays – Diwali, Holi, Onam, Navaratri, etc. Not only do these celebrations instill values, but they’re grounded in stories, fun, and family. What better way to learn about being Indian!?
What better way to share culture than by making the food?! I may not be the best Indian cook, but my khichidi and chana are on point! But in all seriousness, I want Kaiden to love Indian food because it tells a story about where he’s from. And what a lucky guy – he’s 50% Gujarati and 50% Malayalee – SO MUCH GOOD FOOD and grandmas who cook it well!
There are so many cool companies focused on sharing bits and pieces of the Indian culture. For example, Jai Jai Hooray, Desi Babies, and Modi Toys just to name a few! These kinds of companies didn’t exist when my parents were raising us (the internet wasn’t really a big thing!), and they honestly didn’t need the help, but I think it’s awesome they exist now…because we need help! I highly recommend checking out these sites to see what they offer!

And that, my friends, is a glimpse into how I try to ensure Kaiden knows where he’s from and what it’s all about. It’s not perfect by any means, but hey, at least I’m trying! And the great part about my list of 5 things is they can apply to any culture. Language, prayer, companies promoting the culture, etc. exist for everyone, I’m sure! You just have to find a way and try. 🙂

Your turn – Tell me about your favorite cultural childhood experience! Mine was celebrating Navaratri every year and going to garba with all of my friends. So much fun!

Our Indian Baby Shower!

written by Parita 9 Comments

I’m back after almost a full week in Atlanta! More than any other trip home, I can truly say this one included ALL the things I love – my momma’s food, my favorite people, and pure relaxation. Sure, I worked from home a couple of days, but honestly, no one wanted me to run errands and do stuff (being a third trimester preggo will do that!), so aside from my workouts, I didn’t move around too much. While that’s not usually a good thing in my mind, I enjoyed not having to think about cooking dinner, washing dishes, doing the laundry, etc. Certainly a welcome break!

Vishnu and I flew to Atlanta for our Indian baby shower. Overall, everything turned out perfectly – the food (#1!), the venue, the decor…everything. I’m so thankful for my amazing mom and mother-in-law. They put a lot of effort into planning the perfect shower, and it showed!

If you’re wondering how an ‘Indian’ baby shower differs from any other shower, let me tell you! Gujarati (Indians who are from the state of Gujarat are Gujarati) showers incorporate a few different religious and cultural rituals. For example, Vishnu’s cousin’s wife and I exchanged a coconut and rice seven times (for the seventh month of pregnancy). I looked up the significance of this, and from what I can tell, it essentially represents the exchange of blessings, strength, etc. from a mom to a mom-to-be.

Another ritual involved Vishnu’s younger brother putting red powder on my face (and me returning the favor!). I overheard someone explaining why this is done, and apparently, it’s because he will no longer be the baby in the family, and he’s not giving up his longstanding spot without a little teasing and fun.

Other than those types of things and some additional praying for the baby (and parents-to-be!), our shower was similar to most others. We had good [Indian] food, played games, and cut/ate cake!

Overall, we felt overwhelmed by the amount of love we were showered with this weekend! It was so fun sharing our excitement with our closest family members and friends, many of whom drove or flew quite a distance. I’m so thankful to everyone who made the effort to celebrate with us…each and every person’s presence was deeply appreciated!

While I’m not a huge center-of-attention person, I honestly can’t wait for my Chicago shower now! More than anything, I’m looking forward to relaxing and spending a few hours with good friends.

And finally, a heads up to those who read MIS regularly (hi, mom!) – my blogging schedule may be off a bit over the next few weeks. We have a lot going on from now through the middle/end of May, so I’m not sure how often I’ll be able to post. However, because I have lots to share and talk about, I’m hoping for at least twice a week. We shall see!

And with that, I hope you have a happy Tuesday!

Weekend Recap – One Final Post-Wedding Ritual

written by Parita 5 Comments

This weekend was nothing short of fun!

On Friday, we had dinner with Samir and Roshni (and her brother and sister-in-law). Even more than the delicious RPM food, we really loved spending a few hours with them talking and laughing (oh the laughing!).

On Saturday, we woke up bright and early to prepare for our short trip to St. Louis. Adarsh’s parents hosted a post-wedding ritual in the local temple and invited all of us to join them. In short, the drive down was quick and fun. Aek drove and I kept her company by keeping the conversation flowing. The boys slept for most of the car ride.

The religious ceremony was a little long but good. Dinner was delicious (as was every other meal we ate). The late night conversations and shenanigans were the best.

Before we knew it, it was Sunday and time for us to drive back to Chicago. I drove for a couple of hours before Adarsh took over. The drive up felt a lot longer than the drive down…probably because we were all exhausted!

Overall, our time in St. Louis was absolutely wonderful. It was so great to spend time with everyone, including my parents, Vishnu’s parents, and my cousin who lives/works in St. Louis.

So thankful for all these wonderful human beings! 🙂

Your turn – how was your weekend? Eat anything super delicious?

Aek and Adu SAID I Do!

written by Parita 8 Comments

You guys! My little sister is married…Aek and Adu SAID I do (the wedding hashtag was #aekandadusayido)!

Every single event, from the mehndi to the reception, was so much fun. Honestly, there’s no better word to describe it. This wedding had fun written all over it! There was good food, laughter, dancing, late nights, and lots of beautiful emotions.

Of course, my sister looked absolutely gorgeous. She was glowing with happiness every time I looked at her! And Adarsh looked very handsome and had a huge smile on his face at all times. It was just the best!

Some of my favorite moments include hanging out with my grandparents for a week before the wedding, doing garba with close friends and family, performing a dance with my sister that we choreographed in less than a week, waking Aekta up on her wedding day and yelling “it’s wedding time!,” walking my sister down the aisle with Vishnu, watching Adarsh literally carry Aek out of the wedding hall as everyone cheered them on, watching Aekta and Adarsh be introduced as husband and wife for the first time and seeing them break it down on the dance floor as they entered the reception hall…and the list goes on!

Honestly, there’s no way to adequately describe how amazing it all was, so I’m going to stop typing and let some of the pictures speak for themselves!

And with that, it’s time to start packing! Wish us luck!

Pink by Ruchi – Bombay Dreams

written by Parita 2 Comments

Ruchi’s back, and this month she’s sharing about her trip to Bombay (Mumbai)! Thanks for stopping by, Ruch – happy to read that you had a blast with your sister and the kiddos!

* * * * *

Malad & Ghatkopar – that’s pretty much the extent of my Bombay trips. It’s been the case since I was a little girl visiting India during summer breaks.

One of my Masis (Mom’s sister) lives in Malad and the other in Ghatkopar. It was always easy for the entire family to get together in one place, eat meals together, shop in that area and spend time with my grandparents rather than going back and forth in the crazy traffic.

Both married into pretty religious families, so temple and Saint visits happen quite often when I’m there, especially when my grandfather is around.

Now that I’m living in India, Bombay doesn’t happen as often as I’d like, but this year, my sister really wanted her kids to spend time with the rest of the extended family. As important as it is for them to spend time with Jai and me, it’s equally important for them to interact with their great-grandfather, grand-masis, cousin mamas (maternal uncle) and masis and last but not least their second cousins.

Rickshaw selfie with the kiddos!

So, before I get into this, keep in mind, when I go to Bombay, I’m pretty much stuck in a one-mile radius of either of the suburbs I mentioned above – there’s not much of the Taj Gateway or Marine Drive happening around here!

Well, I did end up at the new international airport to receive my mom, sister and the kids – it’s beautiful!

In a way, it’s nice though – we now have our little, local shops we visit, the owners know us (moreso my Mom than us, but still), we can walk around a lot more (which is rare for me in Kolkata), we get to enjoy short and quick auto rickshaw rides (again, a rarity in my world) and I get the occasional American fix (with Bombay being about 10 years ahead of Kolkata, a lot of the chains have already popped up and are quite close to both of the areas I stay in).

Local shopping – the best!

You bet I did!

Woohoo!

I do wish I was a bit gutsier – you’d think after living here for 5 years I would be, but I still don’t really venture out on my own in Bombay – it’s super intimidating, and even though I can confidently speak Hindi now, I just seem to close-up a bit when I’m there. I guess I feel like my cousins and masis will handle it all and take care of me (which they do – I’m totally spoiled!) 🙂

Some examples of how I’m spoiled – traditional Gujarati food (some of my favorites), pure, homemade butter, and I guess an Indian vegetarian version of sloppy joes?! YUM!

One thing I have noticed though, I have no issues bargaining and speaking up when someone asks me where I’m from. Dude, I know I have ‘I’m not originally from here’ stamped across my head, but I love the fact that I can now say, ‘I am from here, I live in Kolkata, so don’t try to tell me I don’t know the prices of things!’ What a liberating feeling! I love it! (insert evil laugh – he he he).

I had a list of the most random things I wanted to buy during this trip, and believe it or not, I managed to find them all – crazy how a city you visit for one week allows you to purchase a mixed list of items while the city you live in makes you feel like you’ve created a never ending wish list! I do suppose something about vacation versus work and life has something to do with it 😉

The week went by in a flash, and I guess the common saying stands true once again – time flies when you’re having fun! Bombay never disappoints, and I do hope to explore more of the city next time I go. If you plan on being in Malad or Ghatkopar anytime soon, I’m happy to pass on all my spots!

As always, thanks for stopping by!!

Have you ever traveled to India? I’ve been several times but have yet to explore Bombay for more than a few hours. It’s now officially on my to visit list thanks to Ruchi!