Baby Archives - My Inner Shakti

7 Surprising Things About Being a Boy Mom

I previously shared that leading up to our gender reveal I was very certain we were having a girl. In fact, I pretty much had Vishnu convinced and excited about that possibility. I was kind of shocked when we cut into those cupcakes and saw blue icing. BOY MOM! My gut instinct was wrong!

I think a huge part of me was nervous about having a boy. I even asked Vishnu later that night, “Do you think I’ll know how to be a good mom to a boy?” Thankfully, he didn’t laugh at me because I was legit concerned!

The minute I saw Kaiden’s face for the first time, every fear I had about being a boy mom dissipated. I just knew this little boy was given to me for a reason. I was meant to be HIS mom!

With that being said, there were and continue to be a few things that surprise me about being a so-called boy mom. I’m sure there are more surprises to come, but here are 7 that never crossed my mind before Kaiden came into our world…

ONE – I knew our bond would be strong, but I never thought it would be this strong. Kaiden is a mama’s boy all the way, but it’s more than that. I feel like I truly get him, and in some ways, he gets me at a much deeper level. Annnnnd other times we’re at odds over what I’m serving for dinner…haha!

TWO – Boy names are hard to come up with. I’ve had a girl name (that Vishnu also likes) picked out for ages. But after we found out we were having a boy, we essentially spent my entire pregnancy going back and forth with names. Vishnu basically vetoed every name on my list, so it was back to the drawing board many, many times. Thank goodness Kaiden came to me when it did!

THREE– Flying pee is a thing. I read about this before going into labor, and what they say is true. A little baby boy’s anatomy lends itself to some crazy pee antics. Pretty much everyone who’s changed K’s diaper in those early days has been a victim to that flying stream. To this day, I’m super cautious during diaper changes because you never know!

FOUR – Boy energy is…A LOT! If we let him, Kaiden can go from whenever he wakes up (the 5 o’clock hour) to bedtime (7:30ish). He never stops moving! When we try to cuddle with him or keep in him in one place for too long, he thinks it’s a game and gets even more revved up! Crazy boy!

FIVE – Clothes shopping for a boy is the easiest thing ever. Tops and bottoms and shoes – that’s all you have to think about. 90% of K’s clothes are from Target, and because he’s in daycare M-F, I don’t get super nice things because they are covered in food by the end of the day.

SIX – There’s no need for expensive toys. At least not for K because he loves playing with my old containers and balls. He’s happiest with Vishnu’s old soccer ball, my Barre3 ball, and a $4 Target bouncy ball I bought a year ago. The more ‘expensive’ toys we own are stored away in his storage lockers. They get air time when we bring them out, and even then, the balls soon take over! I’m sure the era of expensive toys is coming soon, but I truly hope to instill a love for simple things in Kaiden…we shall see!

SEVEN – I LOVE being a boy mom. For someone who was super nervous a little over 21 months ago, I settled into this role much more smoothly than I thought I would. I love all the roughhousing, the sweet mama and Kaiden cuddles, the crazy amount of energy, ALL the ball playing, etc. SO MUCH FUN! Like I said, I wouldn’t change a single thing! Kaiden was meant to be ours!

Honestly, it doesn’t matter if you’re a girl mom or a boy mom. The love is just as strong. And that’s all that matters! 🙂

But I am keeping it real with the flying pee…that’s totally a thing!

The Great Pacifier Disappearance + a Positive Unintended Consequence

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If you follow me on Instagram, you know that we FINALLY got rid of Kaiden’s pacifiers. What I thought would be this long drawn our process ended up being something we did in a day, and just like Vishnu said, K adjusted just fine!

You might be thinking, “How hard can this be? Just stop giving your kid a pacifier.”

Well, on one hand, you’re absolutely right. It should be that simple. Except in our kid’s case. He was obsessed with those things. To illustrate my point, imagine this. Kaiden needed 3 pacis at all times. One for his mouth and one in each hand. If the one from his hand slipped through the rails of his crib and fell out, he would wake up screaming. Never mind the fact that the one in his mouth was still there. Oh man! It got to the point where Vishnu and I had to put together a plan and set a date. And then Vishnu aborted the mission and just took the pacis away while I was at a Soul Cycle class. I came home and was a little upset with him because no paci equaled no nap that day.

BUT, to my husband’s credit, everything worked out just fine. That night, while Vishnu was giving K a bath, I literally threw away every pacifier I could find (fingers crossed I found them all!). When it was time for Kaiden to go to sleep, we walked around the kitchen and showed him they were gone and gave him his Curious George doll to hold instead. Because he was so exhausted, he fell asleep right away. He slept through the night but woke up at 4:30 am. A similar pattern occurred the rest of the week. He would go to sleep just fine but wake up between 4-5 am. I. Was. So. Tired.

He’s still waking up in the 5 o’clock hour, but we’re trying a few things to push that back a bit. We’ll see if we’re successful. If not, I’m just going to chalk it up to the fact that Kaiden, unfortunately, got my early bird genes!

One note – while we went with the cold turkey approach, a lot of parents end up cutting the tip of the pacifier little by little until it becomes useless OR they poke holes in the tip until it stops doing its job. We went with cold turkey because of the whole paci in each hand thing. And Kaiden really is an out of sight out of mind kind of boy.

As far as the unintended consequence from this whole thing goes, I think getting rid of his pacifiers has made him a tiny bit more independent and less needy. Instead of asking me to hold him all day, he actually plays on his own and entertains himself 10x better than he did before. I have no idea if these things are related, but both Vishnu and I feel that the pacifiers enabled more whiny behaviors. Now that he can’t attach those things to his mouth all day long, he’s breaking other attachments too. But don’t worry, I still force my kisses on him!

If you’re at a point where you feel like the pacis need to go, just go for it! It might be painful for up to a week, but kids adjust so quickly. I was telling Vishnu how I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders now that we just did it. He told me to thank him! HA!

Let’s Talk about Evening Routines

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Routine is key in our household. If we stray a little too far to the right or left, everyone feels it! But in all seriousness, after having Kaiden, I’ve become a full fledged believer in the power of routines for children. They thrive when they know what’s coming. I’m not saying a little spontaneity shouldn’t be added to the mix every now and then, but I do think having a pretty predictable evening routine whenever possible sets the foundation for good sleep. Welllll….maybe, maybe not. We’re still working on that sleep thing!

Anyways, I thought I’d share our evening routine, not because it’s perfect or the way everyone should do things, but because I’ve gotten a few requests to share things like this more. I’ll admit that I also love reading about the behind the scenes of people’s lives. It’s the little nosy person in all of us coming out!

So here’s a breakdown of our weekday evenings from start to finish…

4:30 pm – Vishnu or I pick up Kaiden at daycare. If Vishnu goes, I use that time to clean up around the house, fold laundry, and/or start dinner prep.

5:00 pm – We arrive home, drink some milk (Kaiden), and start to pull out all our toys (also Kaiden).

5:30 pm – I begin/continue prepping dinner. If Vishnu’s not home, this is a hit or miss for me because when K doesn’t have my full attention he basically attaches himself to my leg. I’m still trying to figure out the best way to pay attention to him and get stuff done. Work in progress!

Anyways, the main entree is usually done for the most part, so this is mainly roasting/chopping veggies. After I’m doing that, we continue playing some more until dinner time.

6:15 pm – Time to eat! I’ll be honest, dinnertime still gives me some anxiety. It’s hit or miss in terms of how much he eats. But I’m trying to trust the process in that K will eat however much K needs to eat. I do find a lot of relief in the fact that he eats a lot at daycare. So he’s definitely not starving!

6:45 pm – Bath time! This is one of my favorite parts of our evening routine. Kaiden loves the water and splashing around, so it’s a great time to let loose and have a little fun.

7:00 pm – Kaiden is usually in his PJs ready for story time. We turn off all the lights and settle in on the couch to read at least 10 books (some all the way through, but most only partially because K gets bored!).

Right before we sit down, I also quickly set up his room for bedtime – humidifier on, air purifier on, lavender oil dabbed all over his crib, etc.

7:25 pm – Time to brush K’s teeth! He doesn’t love this but he tolerates it because he likes the toothpaste. Ha!

7:30 pm – Kaiden’s down for the night. 9/10 this is a pretty easy process. I put lotion on K’s face and some Badger Balm on his nose and neck. Then I hold him in rocking position, sing “You are My Sunshine” a couple of times, ask him if he wants to be put down (he nods yes) and that’s that! Very rarely he’ll put up a fight which requires more rocking, shushing, etc.

8:00 pm – Vishnu’s usually home by this time (he’s been staying at work to study until about 7:30 most weeknights). The kitchen is clean and everything else is usually in order (i.e. K’s toys!). We sit down to catch up, do work, watch TV, etc.

9:30 pm – I brush my teeth, go through my skincare routine, and get into bed to read for 15 minutes.

10:00 pm – Lights out…time to SLEEEEEEEPPPPPP!

So tell me, what’s your favorite part of your evening routine?

Toddler Sleep (16-20 months)

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Toddler sleep. What a loaded topic!

Before we get to the 16-20 month stage, let me share a little bit about Kaiden’s sleep habits over the past 20 months. Like all babies, he obviously didn’t sleep through the night until about 10 weeks which is when we started using the Baby Merlin Magic Sleep Suit. And then we hit the dreaded 4 month sleep regression. And it was rough…to say the least! At some point, we decided we couldn’t take it anymore and sleep trained K (we used the cry it out method). It worked until I went to Atlanta for Christmas and everything blew up in my face. That was a rough trip! We decided to sleep train him again at almost eight months, and luckily, it only took a couple of nights before he was sleeping through the night again. By no means was he sleeping 7p-7a, but he’d get a decent 10-10.5 hours every night, and wake ups ranged from 4-5:30a.

Also, this is not to say he never woke up in the middle of the night. He definitely did…

Ok, so let’s fast forward to 16 months when things went wonky again. Kaiden’s teeth came in a little late in the game, so I think a lot of his choppy sleep was due to that. But man, it was rough.

The middle of the night wake ups/very early morning wake ups continued until about 19.5 months. Until Vishnu put his foot down and asked if we could let K cry it out again to see what would happen. I’ll be honest, I didn’t always comply. It breaks my heart to hear him cry out like that. But what I learned from picking him up and trying to comfort him is that once he’s in my arms, I have no out. That’s just the kind of kid he is. Also, he equates middle of the night wake ups with playtime. I don’t. So after a week or so of bringing him into bed with us, I finally complied and let him cry it out both at night and in the morning until 6:00 am. And guess what? It took a couple of days, but he’s sleeping through the night again and waking up closer to 6 and sometimes even 6:30 (GASP!).

None of this was super surprising, as many of my experienced mama friends told me that sleep changes around 18 months. They weren’t kidding! These kiddos go through so many changes during this time. Physically, we think K’s grown a ton height wise (in our eyes!), and he’s truly blossoming in other ways too. It’s no wonder he wanted to get up and party so often!

Ok, so I’m not advocating that parents of toddlers should use the cry it out method. That’s a very personal decision and not one everyone is comfortable with it. What I am saying is that 1. you’re not alone and 2. it doesn’t last forever. You may have to try an intervention or two before you crack the code, but you’ll find a way.

ALSO, I want to share one more thing I’ve been doing that I think helps Kaiden relax before falling and staying asleep. Of course, I have no scientific proof that this contributes to any of the positive changes over the last month or so, and it all may be a coincidence, but I’m not stopping any time soon. Essentially, I put 2-3 small drops of lavender essential oil on a paper towel and rub it all over his crib rails. I also lightly dab it on his crib sheets. Lavender is known to be a soothing scent, and I think it’s working with our little guy. FINGERS CROSSED!

On to the next stage. I’ve heard 24-36 months get interesting with the transition to a toddler bed. Send help…and wine…and coffee!

State of Our Household [Month 18]

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When you really look at it, motherhood is one big cliche after another. Like where does time go and how is my baby 18 months old?!

If I recall correctly, my last update was when K turned a year old, and so much has changed since then. It’s insane! For one, our little guy is now running around everywhere. He’s also grasping certain concepts that make life a little more challenging and a lot more fun. Personally, I think this age is one of my favorites (so far)…but don’t listen to me because I’ve been saying this every month for the past 18 months!

With that, let’s get to the State of Our Household updates…

STATE OF KAIDEN

I don’t even know where to start with Mr. Kaiden. He has such a little personality. One that truly shines when he’s comfortable, like with our families. Every night for the past 12 or so days (while in Atlanta), he’s been our source of entertainment as we watch him play, imitate us, and run around. SO MUCH FUN!

In terms of some of the basics, he’s pretty much sleeping through the night (7:30 pm to ~6 am (give or take)) with a few hiccups here and there. I always say, it could be worse! In terms of food, he’ll pretty much eat anything when he’s not distracted, but the minute his attention is pulled elsewhere, it’s game over. He does really well at daycare apparently, so I try not to stress out too much, but if I had to pick the one thing that worries me the most, it’s his eating habits. Like I’ve shared before, I can’t help but think about if he’s getting all the nutrients he needs, etc. I’m trying to be chill about going forward because his pediatrician always reminds me that as long as he’s growing we’re ok.

He’s definitely growing with his gross motor skills and physical and mental development. Like I said before, he’s pretty much running/walking really really fast now. He’s also starting to climb on to furniture, which is proving to be challenging to manage because he finds it so fun, and I find it very heart attack inducing. He’s also able to identify quite a few body parts as well as pictures in his books. I love quizzing him!

Another big thing around this time is language development. Kaiden has a handful of words in his vocabulary including mama, dada, nana (which can be my dad or a banana), all done, one more, more, hello, wow, ball, and a lot of other words/phrases that sound like things but may or may not be! My sister told me that in the next six months, his vocabulary will grow to about 200 words, and I can’t wait! His little voice is my favorite.

On a not so fun note, Kaiden can throw a tantrum like no other. Luckily, he gets over it pretty quickly, but man, you can’t always tell when it’s coming. The one thing that really ticks him off is when we say no in a stern voice and/or take something away from him. DRAMA KING, I tell you!

Other than that, Kaiden is such a fun loving boy. He loves to laugh and make other people laugh, and for that, we feel so blessed!

STATE OF MAMA

2017 and 2018 were not easy for me. Motherhood, on the one hand, has been so much fun, but it hasn’t come without its challenges. Most of my challenges revolved around sleep deprivation, Kaiden’s sicknesses, and my own thoughts that often got in the way of my happiness and/or stressed me out to no end. I probably won’t be cured of any of this in the coming year, but I hope to conquer my own mind and ‘come home’ to myself. Forever a work in progress, but progress is the goal.

Other than that, I feel much better and more balanced in general but specifically with work and home responsibilities. I think a lot of this has to do with Kaiden getting older, my ‘getting used’ to motherhood, and letting go of some of type A tendencies. Again, I’m a work in progress, but baby steps are the only way to go.

I plan to share more about my journey and growth along with my ups and downs in 2019. Expect much more unfiltered posts from me!

STATE OF DADA

Like almost all of my other updates, Vishnu’s still rocking fatherhood. Kaiden loves goofing around, wrestling, and causing general mischief with him.

The only thing that gets in the way of all the fun is residency. Ha! The past few months have been challenging with Vishnu’s call schedule and stint in DC, and the next six months will be full of board studying. Vishnu assures me we won’t feel the pain of that too much, but I’m setting my expectations very low because this isn’t my first time around the study block.

I’m hoping Vishnu’s study schedule will force us to be more intentional with the free time we do have. More to come!

2018 was THE fastest year of my life. I can’t believe how much Kaiden has grown in the last 12 months. It’s also hard to believe that in another short six months, he’ll be two!! Here’s to another great month and year!

December 2018 – The One Where Kaiden Took Out the Whole Family

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Oh December 2018, I can’t say I’m going to miss you. Sure, you brought some fun memories, like Vancouver and the holidays, but man has it been a rough ride, especially for our family.

This month will forever be embedded in my mind as the one where Kaiden took out the whole family. Let me start from the beginning…

Two and a half weeks ago Kaiden had a fever which lasted over 6 days and morphed into an ear infection. I was in Vancouver for most of that time, but my sister, Vishnu and dad were around Kaiden quite a bit. And all three of them caught whatever he had. Think cold + cough + fever.

Fast forward to the following week. Everyone was still sick (minus K), and now Adarsh (my BIL) wasn’t feeling too great. I was the last man standing at this point and so thankful for it.

Fast forward again to this past Thursday. The day Kaiden and I left for Atlanta. Kaiden woke up at 6:30 am, which was such a pleasant surprise. I went in to pick him up and noticed his pajamas felt a little damp and crusty. I immediately thought he had diarrhea and woke Vishnu up so we could manage the situation. Vishnu went in to K’s room and yelled out that he had vomited and that we needed to give him a bath immediately. So we did all that and everything seemed ok.

Then right before we were heading out for the airport, Adarsh was getting K ready (putting his socks, shoes, and jacket on) when he vomited again all over our couch.

Again, we cleaned everything and everyone up and headed out the door.

I prayed all the way to the airport that Kaiden wouldn’t get sick on the plane, and thankfully he didn’t. In fact, he slept for most of the flight.

Everything was fine until the next day. And then K had diarrhea. Because we’re experienced with stomach bugs, I did my very best with hand washing and sanitizing. I did not want to catch whatever he had. I told my parents to do the same as well.

Well, no dice because I experienced the same symptoms starting Friday night well into Saturday morning. And. It. Was. Miserable.

I felt ok Saturday evening, and Kaiden seemed to be on the mend too, so we thought all was good.

Kaiden feeling good enough to roll around and make a mess while the rest of us stuffer…lol!

Again, no dice. My mom felt sick Saturday night and went through exactly what I did well into Sunday.

Here’s the kicker. My poor dad, who already got sick in Chicago, got sick again last night with the same symptoms as my mom and I.

I’m hoping we get better before we head to my in-laws’ house on Friday. Fingers and toes crossed!

And that’s why I, along with the rest of my family, am ready to say goodbye to December 2018.

I See You, New Mama

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It’s taken 15 months, but I can now see and admit that I often felt lost and alone those first few (6!) months after giving birth to Kaiden. I had tons of support from family and friends, but I was in my own head a lot. Am I doing ok? Is Kaiden big enough? Is he meeting his milestones? What if something happens to Kaiden? To Vishnu? To me? Simply put, I was overwhelmed, exhausted, and constantly questioning everything.

I now know this is very normal. I mean, think about the before, during, and after of new motherhood. It’s intense…to say the least!

Also since giving birth to K, I’ve thought a lot about what I would say to other news moms to [even slightly] reduce their anxiousness around the journey they’re about to start. It’s hard because every journey, every mom, and every baby is so different. That’s the beauty of it, but nonetheless, I would want my new mama friends to know that I see them.

So this one’s for you, new mamas…

I see you, new mama…walking around like a zombie. Ugh, sleep deprivation! Trust me it will get easier. While you may never sleep as deeply again (you know, the whole heart walking around outside of you thing!), your new family will find its own rhythm. And I know it’s annoying when everyone and their mom says this, but try to sleep when the baby sleeps (at least a few times a week).

I see you, new mama…struggling to feed your baby. Anxious if your baby is getting enough milk if you’re breastfeeding. Anxious about pumping and feeling like a human cow. Anxious about offering formula. I see you, and I want you to know it will be ok. You will figure it out one way or another. And take it from me, fed is best. Formula is not the devil. Do what’s best for you and your baby.

I see you, new mama…struggling to connect with your significant other. Vishnu and I have a pretty strong relationship, but it’s definitely changed a lot since Kaiden was born. Pre-baby, we had all the time we wanted/needed to hang out, talk, and do things to strengthen our connection. Now all of that takes a bit more work and energy. In the early days, we were definitely a good team. But there are no practice sessions when it comes to parenthood. You literally jump into the game and play your heart out for the rest of your life. So with that being said, it took a while to figure out what works for us. When to pass the ball, when to run…you get it! Our playbook changes every now and then, but we’re more agile than before. It takes time, my friend. The one thing I can say is communicate, communicate, communicate. Neither one of you is a mind reader, and this new third wheel may throw things off for a bit. But keep talking and acknowledging each other.

I see you, new mama…worrying about the future. This is probably the #1 thing I struggled with on a day-to-day basis. The unknown future. It’s so scary to think about, especially when the most precious thing in your life is a little human who depends on you completely. But I promise, it will be ok. As I like to say now, the future you doesn’t exist yet, but the present you does, so take care of her so she can take care of her baby. And everything will happen as it should in due course. Don’t give away your present joys for the unknown. Take it from me…it’s not worth it.

I see you, new mama…feeling vulnerable. Not only do you now have a new baby, but you also gained a new body and a new mind/brain. Everything is different now, so I don’t blame you for feeling vulnerable. I did and still do to this day. But again, please cut yourself some slack. You grew a human inside of you for 9+ months. You created a freaking miracle. It will and should take 9+ months to get back to you. A new you, I should say. Even though the feeling of vulnerability won’t just go away, you are a lot stronger than you think you are you. You were meant to be your baby’s mama, and you are just who he/she needs. Don’t forget that!

I see you, new mama…trying to be supermom/wife/everything. PLEASE try your hardest to remove this label off your back. I’m not saying you’re not super, because you are. I want you to take that pressure off because you’re human. You will make mistakes, and you’ll learn from them. You will let people down, and you’ll learn to be ok with that (and so will they). You will need to rest, and you’ll learn to ask for help. But only if you remember that you too, like the rest of your family and friends, are a human being. And if this just doesn’t resonate, remember that your kid needs a happy mama, not a perfect one. It’s absolutely a must to throw away the superXXX label and take care of yourself. I can’t stress this enough.

Above all else, new mama, I hope you know you’ve got this! It won’t be easy, but there’s no one better for the job.