Parita - 2/168 - My Inner Shakti

Diary of a Working Mom – Q&A with Ami Shah

Happy FriYAY! I’m back with yet another ‘Diary of a Working Mom’ Q&A! Like all the others, today’s interview is full of insights and ‘yessss…me too!’ moments.

Ami and I know each other via her cousin Monica, who is one of my good friends from college. I really loved Ami’s fun loving personality the couple of times we’ve met, and through the magic of social media, I’ve been able to keep up with her motherhood journey.

Enough of my rambling…here’s Ami!

1. Tell me a little more about your family – number of kids, names, ages.
We have the boss of the family, Alina (3), her trusty sidekick/little brother, Dilan (1), and, and of course, my husband Jay and me (Ami) – who are just along for the ride.

2. Tell me more about your line of work, role, responsibilities, etc.
I work in public relations (PR) for a New York City PR agency, but I work from home full-time since moving to NC. I currently manage two NYC-based teams and help clients with all their PR needs (campaigns, events, social media content, media interviews, press releases, celeb relationships, etc.)

3. Walk me through a day in your life.
With two toddlers, no day is the same – but most weekdays, we try to follow:

6:30 am: Jay leaves for work
6:45 am: Dilan (and, I, by default) wake up, brush teeth, change clothes, have a morning cup of milk and play
7:45 am: Alina joins us and so begins our morning of negotiations – brush teeth and (hopefully) eat breakfast
8:30 am: Our Nanny arrives (while I’m still negotiating/begging Alina to eat; Dilan is usually on breakfast #2 by now); our Nanny watches Dilan while I usually help Alina pick out her outfit and do her hair
9:00 am: I sneak into my home office to start a full day of conference calls and hopefully some work; the kids are off to their morning activity (library, kids museum, etc.)
2:00 pm: The kids come home and pop in to the office for a quick “Hi Mommy!” (usually during a conference call)
5:30 pm: The nanny leaves, and I try to bribe the kids with something while I wrap up a conference call
6:15 pm: Jay’s home, the kids are (hopefully) starting dinner, while I whip up something for us
7:00 pm: Jay and I will try to squeeze in dinner with the kids while we Facetime Dada, Dadi, and Dada; followed by family play time (the best time!)
7:45 pm: Baths are done and it’s time for storytime (Goodnight Moon, Goodnight Numbers and princess books are the current favorites)
8:15 pm: Divide and conquer bedtime
9:30 pm – midnight: Adulting – dishes, pick up toys, finish up any work, showers, and hopefully sneak in a little TV and dessert (current rotation: Top Chef and chocolate chip cookies)
Too late: Go to bed promising the next day, I’ll go to sleep earlier

4. How has becoming a mom influenced your role at work?
I’ve always had high standards (for myself and for my teams) and can be tough on myself and my teams. I think being a Mom has made me a little more of softie – after all, everyone is someone’s bab

5. What is your favorite tip on how to integrate work and life?
It’s the same thing I have to remind myself everyday – be flexible. Every day isn’t going to go to plan. Some days will be perfect – they’ll eat every bite, nap and be full of smiles. Some days the dishes will pile up, the toys will take over, and the work never ends. At the end of the day, we are all happy and healthy and it all works out.

6. How do you handle mom guilt?
If I’m being honest, I have lots of guilt. I have wife guilt. I have friend guilt (if you’re reading this – I saw your text, I love you, and I will text you back in approximately 5 years). I have daughter guilt, but I don’t have mom guilt.

I know from the deepest place in my heart that I everything I do, I do for Alina and Dilan. I work so Alina knows that she can be whatever she wants too and it’s possible to be a mom and have your identity too. I sneak a date night with Jay so the kids see Jay and I are a united front, and we do actually like each other. I know I try my best every day, and hopefully, when they are old enough to understand, they will see it too.

7. What is the most surprising part of being a working mom? And the most rewarding?
The most surprising is by far, how hard it is. Don’t get me wrong – I knew it was hard, but it is like REALLY, REALLY HARD. So kudos to all of you – my Mom, my sister in law, my friends and to all of you reading this right now – for making it look so easy and tricking us all into have kids and working.

The most rewarding is how pure and unconditionally they love me. For everything I did or didn’t accomplish that day, they don’t care. They love me just the same.

8. How do you carve out ‘me’ time? What does ‘me’ time look like for you? On that same note, what’s your guilty pleasure?
Jay and I just aren’t in a season of life where there is as much opportunity for “me time” as we would like, but small wonders – like a long, hot shower – go far. Also, I travel decently often to work (to great cities with great restaurants) and I take full advantage of my kid-free time (while my sweet husband holds down the fort).

My guilty pleasure list is longer than it should be – but dessert, a cold Cherry Coke, hanging out with Jay, and mindless TV often top the list.

9. What’s your mama mantra?
Say it with me Mommies: “This too shall pass.”

The good and the “bad.” There will be a day where Alina will pee somewhere other than my hardwood floors, but there will also be a day where she doesn’t yell “MOMMY IS MY BEST FRIEND” at the top of her lungs. There will be a day where Dilan will not wake up at an ungodly hour, but also a day where he won’t want to spend every waking moment with his Mommy. I just try to soak it up and remind myself every day, one day I will miss this.

10. What’s the best piece of advice you received when returning back to work after having your baby?
My Mom unexpectedly passed away three weeks before I had Dilan. She was my best friend, my go-to source for everything Mom-related, and, like Parita mentioned in a recent post, my safe place. She gave me lots of unsolicited, but usually correct, advice – and in honor of her, I’ll tell you what she basically told me every day: “You can do it.”

There were so many days, especially after I had Alina, that I just felt overwhelmed and like I couldn’t handle it all. But the truth is my Mom, like many women before her, did the whole Mom thing before iPads and Amazon, working 12 hours a day, with her Mom a half a world away, and without swaddling expertise of my husband. If she can do it and thrive, then, I can certainly survive, right?

11. What advice would you give to mamas-to-be about returning back to work?
As my mom would say if she was here, “You can do it!” Just remember, a new routine is an adjustment for everyone. It may take a little time, but you’ll hit your stride and find a schedule that will work for everyone. If you’re happy and healthy, you’re doing something right.

Ami, thank you for taking the time to share your heartfelt responses! Your little crew is very lucky to have a mama and wife like you.

The State of My Skin + Drunk Elephant A-Passioni Retinol Cream

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It’s been a little over two months since I’ve shared a skin update. I’ve been a little silent about the whole situation because I wanted to see how things panned out with my ‘less sugar + dairy’ experiment. Also, I wanted to wait at least a few weeks before sharing my thoughts on Drunk Elephant’s A-Passioni Retinol Cream.

So here we are…

State of my skin

In terms of an overall skin update, I’m happier with the state of my face (ha!) than I’ve been in a long time. Don’t get me wrong, I still have lots of scarring that’s probably going to take a long time to fade. But from a skin condition point of view, it’s a lot smoother and even in terms of tone. I can always tell how my skin’s doing based on how my makeup goes on, and so far we’re doing ok! The dry and crazy Chicago weather is something else, but that’s out of my control!

The less dairy + sugar experiment is still going, but I did hop off the train a few times in the last couple of months. Most recently being Italy! I mean, I can’t go all the way there without eating all the delicious things, right?!

I’m not sure what’s going on, but despite eating a bit more dairy and sugar recently, my skin is generally behaving. I’m going to take us on a tangent for a second and share that I think it’s because food in Europe is so different than the food in the US. There’s less chemicals and processed stuff in Europe. Even the veggies in Italy tasted fresher.

Ok, back to skincare. Other than the above, I should mention that I have had a small breakout here and there, but nothing as extreme as last year. No puss and pain. Just a bump or two that disappear more quickly than ever.

Drunk Elephant’s A-Passioni Retinol Cream

Ok, so here’s my honest review. I’m so glad I added to this my skincare lineup, and I do believe that in the long term I will see amazing benefits from doing so. However, I don’t really notice much of a difference yet, and it’s been three months since I started using it. Maybe this is what’s keeping my skin calm and smooth, but I can’t say with 100% certainty.

Here’s what I do know. If you plan to use this product, GO SLOW! I started using it every other night from the get go and experienced quite a bit of peeling and pain. This is strong stuff, people! I learned that the hard way. After researching a bit more, I turned the dial waaay down, and only used A-Passioni once a week for about a month. Then I slowly transitioned to twice a week and now I’m about three times a week. My goal is to use this every other night, but now I understand that my skin needs to build tolerance for it first.

How do I use this exactly? Well, you guys know, I switched to a 100% Drunk Elephant skincare routine. So I apply a pea size amount of A-Passioni + a pump of B-Hydra (hydrating serum)+ a pump of Lala Retro (moisturizer) all over my face. On the other nights, I apply a pump of TLC Framboos (a glycolic night serum) + a pump of B-Hydra + 3-4 drops of Marula Oil (facial oil). So far so good!

Also, I should probably share a little bit about what retinol does. I’m no expert on the science, but from what I’ve read, it helps even skin tone and texture from within the deep layers of the skin (re: lots of cell turnover). It’s also great for anti-aging stuff. Drunk Elephant’s retinol is vegan and is made without the suspicious six ingredients. It also contains nourishing oils to help decrease irritation.

You guys, I can’t tell you how much Drunk Elephant has changed the skincare game for me. From what I’ve read about other people’s experiences, my results have been slower to come, and that’s probably because I had/have a long way to go, but the amount of patience I’ve had to show has been worth it. I can’t tell you how amazing it is to wash my face and not feel any bumps. As someone who’s dealt with acne most of her life, I highly recommend trying Drunk Elephant to see if it works for you. Like I always say, it’s expensive but 110% worth it.

Adult acne is the worst! If you feel alone or stuck, feel free to send me an email. More than happy to share more of my experience(s).

My Takeaways from ‘No Bad Kids’

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Janet Lansbury’s book No Bad Kids didn’t necessarily change how I view toddler discipline and interaction, but it did provide me with some tools and ideas for how to better manage myself in tantrum situations. I think this book is a great one for those who want to discipline in a respectful way that doesn’t bring guilt. If nothing else, I promise you’ll walk away with a few tricks up your sleeve.

In terms of the key messages that stood out to me, here are a few I found worth mentioning…

Be the CEO your kid needs. When you think of how you want to be led, I’m sure the words calm, confident and guiding come to mind. Well, be that kind of leader for your kids. In my short 20 months of parenting, I’ve seen how Kaiden really is a mirror to what Vishnu and I are feeling and how we’re acting.
Speak in the first person. This one is hard for me. For example, instead of saying, “Give that to mama,” you should say, “Give that to me.” I always say mama and not me or I! But I get where she’s coming from with this. Direct and clear communication is the best way to go.
Treat your kids like the mini adults that they are. Talk to them like you would a friend, your spouse, your parents, etc. Janet is not about that baby talk life. She thinks parents need to speak to their kids like they do everyone else. This allows them to feel equal and like everyone else.
In that same vein, parents should acknowledge their kid’s feels and point of view. This makes total sense to me. When I’m angry, I don’t want someone to assume that they know what I’m feeling or ignore me or try to tell me I should feel differently. So why would we do that to our kids. And acknowledging doesn’t equal accepting. It just means that, even if you disagree with the why, you still understand that your little person has a point of view.
On a related note, you have to let your kid feel what he/she is feeling without intervening. This one is hard for me. Sometimes because I don’t want K to cry, sometimes because it’s annoying. But I’ve personally seen how quickly the tantrum decelerates when we let him get his feelings out versus interject with our own thoughts.
No matter how frustrating for the parent, tantrums are a call for help. Your kid is trying to tell you something, and unfortunately, throwing a tantrum is the only way they know how to communicate. Instead of fighting it, try to figure out where it’s coming from.
Be matter a fact and unwavering in how you communicate. Kids are smarter than we think. When we get emotional, they get emotional. When we say yes one day and no another, that signals that we can be worn down. It’s certainly no easy, but this gives your kids the structure they need to navigate boundaries, explore, and test limits.

This summary does the book no justice whatsoever, but as you can see, there’s a lot to unpack. Let me know if you decide to read it. Would love to hear what others took away, and more importantly, what tips really worked for you!

Sejal Shah – Founder of Bolo Bolo Baby and Soon-to-Be Mom of FIVE!

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My passion around sharing my fellow mamas’ stories is only growing! Moms seriously amaze me. It’s incredible what they can accomplish in 24 hours, only to do it again the next day.

Today’s guest blogger, Sejal Shah, is someone who continues to amaze me with her creativity and patience, her ability to connect with her children, her children’s grasp of the Gujarati language, etc. Oh and did I mention she recently started her own company and is soon-to-be a mama of FIVE!

SUPPPPERRRR MOOOMMMM!

With that, I’m going to let Sejal tell you all about her motherhood journey and what life looks like right now…

When I started this journey of blogging and social media, I was a mom who recently quit her corporate career to raise a little boy. At the time, I was passionate about sharing my journey of motherhood; little did I know then that I was actually sharing the very essence of who I am and what is important to me which I was passing down to my child – my Indian-ness. Today, I am a mom to four very Gujarati kids (soon to be 5 – it still sounds so surreal, ahh!) , Insta-blogger @sage_ness and the Founder of Bolo Bolo Baby. The journey of motherhood led me to pursuing my passion.

Instead of telling you the WHAT about my business, I’m going to share the HOW because the number one question I get on a daily basis is, “how do you do it?” How do I raise four kids (five, five, five), launch a small business, find time to pass on Gujarati/Hindi language & culture to my kids, share all that I do on a daily basis on Instagram and manage to make homemade meals! Honestly, I never know how to answer that question, nor is there a simple answer. Instead, I keep sharing with you, my fellow moms! I share anything that helps me be more productive and efficient with my time in order to be better to myself personally and professionally, to my family and to the community. We all are juggling and hustling in different ways and knowing we can all support one another in this virtual world is part of the modern day “village”.

So for those of you still reading, my fellow moms, my village – this is what keeps me going and this is how I pursue my passion while being a mom. I am grateful to be surrounded by other women and entrepreneurs who inspire me to keep at it! (Saving the best for last – so keep reading, or skip my ramblings and go to the bottom).

Also, please note the following does not account for the endless cups of Chaa/Chai that are consumed throughout the day, the countless hours of sleep sacrificed and all the deep breaths!!!

ROUTINE: With the kids especially, I need a routine so I can have predictability in my day. This is the only way I am able to make time for everything else I want to do. More importantly, the kids THRIVE knowing what to expect. Children are creatures of process and order, so when they know what to expect, it makes for smoother days (read: less nagging and tantrums)! Our routine revolves around two main things FOOD & SLEEP. This includes four key time slots: lunch time, nap time, dinner time and bedtimes. The exact time of these will vary every now and then, but the order never really changes! So for example, they know that as soon as lunch is done, they have a little time to play before we go up for naps!

KEEP IT SIMPLE: Some days we eat the same thing for lunch and dinner. Many weeks we pick our laundry from the basket instead of folding it. Most days the kitchen gets cleaned at the end of the day and not after every meal (if you show up during the middle of the day – judge me all you want). And some of our staple foods are made in bulk to simplify our days like the much requested homemade & healthy pancakes .

TRUST THE CHILD:

Our home is a Montessori inspired home. What exactly is this? Dr. Montessori said, “Education is a natural process carried out by the human individual, and is acquired not by listening to words, but by experiences in the environment.” The first environment for children is their very own home. This is where they experience the beginning of life! We encourage, invite and trust our children to participate in and be a part of our home. They have access to cooking, doing laundry, cleaning or just being. By cultural norms, we often associate these household chores as things we do for our child to create a home environment, which limits them from exploring these every day spaces. Dr. Montessori reminds us to “Never help a child with a task at which he feels he can succeed.” When they climb atop a stool to wash their own hands, cut their own fruit or simply eat their own meal, there is intrinsic joy. They are so PROUD of themselves for achieving these milestones on their own. They want to show us they can do it! Children seek independence as much as we do! It has been so apparent with all my kids that when they have equal access to the things we do, they are more inclined to “help” out and there is so much empowerment, confidence and happiness that is developing in the process. The best part is they don’t feel like they are helping – they are just doing what interests and excites them. To them this is play. BUT for me, as a mom, when they are able to do simple tasks like wash their own hands at the age of two, prepare and mix grains to make our popular #Khichdimix at three, eat on their own as babies so I can attend to other mommy duties and join me in sweeping the floor and cleaning up spills, it really is a few things off my plate! To me, trusting my child(ren) is a long-term investment in their own development, and it’s a huge asset to running a large household and getting stuff done (albeit at a MUCH slower pace for now).

GIVING BACK TO THE COMMUNITY: We all do this in different ways but ultimately, however it is and whatever it is, it is always something that makes you feel good and lifts your spirits! This contributes to my overall mental health and happiness! For me, it began with giving back what my parents gave to me – my Indian-ness! I started making cultural activities for my children to learn more about Indian festivals like Diwali, Holi , Ganesh Chaturthi etc. To further promote language and culture I took it upon myself to find ways to promote Gujarati and Hindi in our home through hands on activities and flashcards in Gujarati and Hindi for various Indian festivals. I shared these on my blog with our community for free as a way to provide a resource to our multi-cultural community. They were a hit! Being able to GIVE the gift of language and culture was my way of helping preserve what was given to me. It also inspired me to continue finding ways to preserve our Indian roots & pursue my passion with the launch of my very own company. Recognizing that I am the last generation getting language and culture from the roots (my parents), it is extremely important for me to pass this on to my children. I take responsibility for a lost culture and a lost language. The gift of Indian roots through language and culture is the biggest gift I think I can advocate for and give back to the next generation.

PURSUE YOUR PASSION: This is the KEY to my day! As a mom, it’s easy to get lost in the needs of everyone but yourself. I realized the days I spent a little bit of time doing things that excite me, it took my energy, happiness and over all well being to the next level for myself and those around me. When my oldest was about 3.5 years old I witnessed him fluently reading and attempting to write in Gujarati and Hindi. It was the most rewarding and fulfilling experience. I was touched by the power of hands-on and immersive learning. From the basics of speaking to my children in Gujarati to all the other efforts I put into bringing language and culture into our home, I was already seeing the results at such an early age. This is what motivated me and inspired me to take this passion of passing on Indian language and culture to the next level with the launch of Bolo Bolo Baby! My goal is to continue sparking the curiosity of Hindi and Gujarati language as well as Indian culture in every home by making it more accessible to our multicultural generation and most importantly keep it hands-on with our creative and detailed bilingual (Hindi and English OR Gujarati and English) product designs! Our products are designed keeping in mind that many of our generation did not learn to speak or read/write in Hindi and Gujarati, but I don’t want that to be a limitation! We are working hard to find creative ways to support this learning journey for our generation! I hope this passion of my mine ends up being a gift for generations to come!

So, if you followed my ramblings for this long then I must ask, what is YOUR passion? And more importantly, HOW are you pursuing it? Come share your journey or join mine because really…it takes a (virtual) village! I continue to share my Motherhood journey with an amazing tribe and my passion through the Bolo Bolo Baby Products. I can’t wait to cross paths with you and be a part of your tribe!

Thank you, Sejal, for sharing your journey and experiences. I’m so glad to have you in my virtual tribe and can’t wait to ‘meet’ baby #5!

Toddler Sleep (16-20 months)

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Toddler sleep. What a loaded topic!

Before we get to the 16-20 month stage, let me share a little bit about Kaiden’s sleep habits over the past 20 months. Like all babies, he obviously didn’t sleep through the night until about 10 weeks which is when we started using the Baby Merlin Magic Sleep Suit. And then we hit the dreaded 4 month sleep regression. And it was rough…to say the least! At some point, we decided we couldn’t take it anymore and sleep trained K (we used the cry it out method). It worked until I went to Atlanta for Christmas and everything blew up in my face. That was a rough trip! We decided to sleep train him again at almost eight months, and luckily, it only took a couple of nights before he was sleeping through the night again. By no means was he sleeping 7p-7a, but he’d get a decent 10-10.5 hours every night, and wake ups ranged from 4-5:30a.

Also, this is not to say he never woke up in the middle of the night. He definitely did…

Ok, so let’s fast forward to 16 months when things went wonky again. Kaiden’s teeth came in a little late in the game, so I think a lot of his choppy sleep was due to that. But man, it was rough.

The middle of the night wake ups/very early morning wake ups continued until about 19.5 months. Until Vishnu put his foot down and asked if we could let K cry it out again to see what would happen. I’ll be honest, I didn’t always comply. It breaks my heart to hear him cry out like that. But what I learned from picking him up and trying to comfort him is that once he’s in my arms, I have no out. That’s just the kind of kid he is. Also, he equates middle of the night wake ups with playtime. I don’t. So after a week or so of bringing him into bed with us, I finally complied and let him cry it out both at night and in the morning until 6:00 am. And guess what? It took a couple of days, but he’s sleeping through the night again and waking up closer to 6 and sometimes even 6:30 (GASP!).

None of this was super surprising, as many of my experienced mama friends told me that sleep changes around 18 months. They weren’t kidding! These kiddos go through so many changes during this time. Physically, we think K’s grown a ton height wise (in our eyes!), and he’s truly blossoming in other ways too. It’s no wonder he wanted to get up and party so often!

Ok, so I’m not advocating that parents of toddlers should use the cry it out method. That’s a very personal decision and not one everyone is comfortable with it. What I am saying is that 1. you’re not alone and 2. it doesn’t last forever. You may have to try an intervention or two before you crack the code, but you’ll find a way.

ALSO, I want to share one more thing I’ve been doing that I think helps Kaiden relax before falling and staying asleep. Of course, I have no scientific proof that this contributes to any of the positive changes over the last month or so, and it all may be a coincidence, but I’m not stopping any time soon. Essentially, I put 2-3 small drops of lavender essential oil on a paper towel and rub it all over his crib rails. I also lightly dab it on his crib sheets. Lavender is known to be a soothing scent, and I think it’s working with our little guy. FINGERS CROSSED!

On to the next stage. I’ve heard 24-36 months get interesting with the transition to a toddler bed. Send help…and wine…and coffee!

Diary of a Working Mom – Q&A with Shraddha Patel

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You guys! I’m so excited to share this post with you today. Shraddha is not only my cousin, but she’s also one of my favorite people ever. I’ve looked up to her since I was eight years old, and as I’ve transitioned into different roles in life, she’s always been there with amazing advice and calming words.

Not only is Shraddha a working mama to two beautiful boys, but she’s also #marriedtomedicine! On top of all that, she’s a blogger/Instagrammer with the Chai Mommas. Talk about superwoman!

With that, here’s Shraddha with some must read insights!

1. Tell me a little more about your family – number of kids, names, ages.
I’m married to medicine! Parita, you know all too well what that’s like and the impact which is secondary to the family and our lives, BUT with that said, I’m lucky to be married to a man who is very active in the lives of his boys and from the very beginning at that. And it’s not like he wants some special recognition for it. He firmly believes in 50/50 and adjusting that percentage plus ebbing and flowing as needed in our lives…both as parents and spouses. I truly 100% feel supported and know we are IN this together. Family is everything to us and OUR little unit comes first. We’ve been through our fair share of scares leading up to and into parenthood and it’s only made our commitment to each other and our boys stronger. While we are far from perfect and don’t have it all figured out, I simply love us.

My two little guys are Jai (7) and Shailen (5).

2. Tell me more about your line of work, role, responsibilities, etc.
I work in HR and specifically in talent management. I’m a senior manager which means I’m responsible for my team and the clients we serve within Health Sciences at the University of California, Irvine, in addition to leading C-Suite recruitment. In my role, I feel like I can’t truly shut off. And part of that is being so accessible (via email, text, phone) all the time. Even as I write this, (it’s Saturday morning 8:30 am) I’m being reached out to regarding a directorship position. This sometimes becomes a point of contention between my husband and I, especially during the times when he is completely free and has committed to being 100% present with us yet I’m still replying to emails. We (me) are working on this daily.

3. Walk me through a day in your life.

5:30 am – wake up, stretch, go downstairs to start lunches; eat breakfast while sipping on warm lemon + turmeric water; then shower, get ready, etc. Boys are up by 7 am. Help get them ready, fed and out the door to school by 7:30 am.

After school drop offs, I head to work by 8:45-9 am. Work, work, work. I also try to eat lunch at my desk. In fact, I bring my lunch 95% of the time. Sunday meal prepping helps me get really organized with what we are all eating. It’s really the only way I feel sane to be honest. I leave work by 4 pm at the latest, pick up the boys and head straight (usually) to one of their after school activities. Right now, we are booked with something every single day except Sunday. Either basketball, Kumon, Tae Kwon Do or piano, and times two since they both do everything. This means sometimes dinner is on the way to one of these activities or as soon as we get home. Then it’s a little homework, bath, a lot of snuggles and bedtime. My hubby and I eat after they go to bed around 7:45. It’s too late if you ask me, but we really need the alone time and it’s really the only point in the day where can connect and catch up over a meal. I look forward to this part of our day. But I try to wrap it up by 8:15 and then I intermittent fast until noon the next day.

4. How has becoming a mom influenced your role at work?
Honestly, it’s been a challenge. I haven’t moved up as quickly as I know I have the potential and ability to, but I wouldn’t change anything. I’m finally where I want to be professionally and I feel good. I’ll always value my decision to balance and go with the flow, taking the opportunities only when they reflect my mantra of family first.

5. What is your favorite tip on how to integrate work and life?
Let go of the guilt. It’s a struggle to balance it all. I’m still learning, 6 years later. Just go with the flow, shift, and adjust was needed. Forget about a magical formula. There isn’t one. Only you know what works, so go with that.

6. How do you handle mom guilt?
It’s hard. But as I’ve gotten older/wiser (haha), I’ve realized that most of the time just me. No one else is thinking about it as much or for as long as me. They’re over it (whether it’s work or the kids or the hubby) and so I just need to keep that in mind. Deep breaths help too.

7. What is the most surprising part of being a working mom? And the most rewarding?
For me, it’s been how much I need it. How I actually crave going into work and making a difference. I thought I’d want to be a stay at home mom when I first got married. I’m still surprised by my decision to work and keep working after kids.

The rewards are endless. I do love what I do, so that’s a big one. But I do think long term, that it’s going to be impactful for the boys to have seen their momma work and still be there for them and our family. Sure I sacrifice a lot, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Another reward has been being able to connect with so many other working moms along the way. Each of my sister-in-laws work and it’s yet another way we just “get” each other and ultimately feel closer because of that. I also like to “get ready” each morning. It just makes me feel more life myself, and sometimes if I’m lucky, I get a little me time, albeit sometimes a little frenzied, each morning because of that.

8. How do you carve out ‘me’ time? What does ‘me’ time look like for you? On that same note, what’s your guilty pleasure?
Me time is every Monday and Wednesday right now when I get to go home after I drop the boys off at basketball (daddy meets us there. I run home so I can get their dinner prepped. But I also get time to catch up with friends and family, and sometimes I get a good hot shower in. Basically, I get about an hour to do whatever.

Other times, it’s a morning yoga session (I love yoga with Adrienne on you tube) before everyone is awake. I also journal before bed.

Guilty pleasure…hmm, used to be an Anthropologie or Target run, but I’m on a no shopping challenge – I didn’t buy one thing in January! Let’s see…I love a good piece of dark chocolate or a matcha latte. And a good spicy margarita with salsa and chips!!

9. What’s your mama mantra?
Just breathe.

10. What’s the best piece of advice you received when returning back to work after having your baby?
Take it one day at a time. And don’t feel bad about taking scheduled time to pump, eat and refuel.

11. What advice would you give to mamas-to-be about returning back to work
Know nothing is permanent. Work isn’t forever. Kids won’t be as needy forever. If you go back to work and it’s not working out for you, it’s ok. If liking going to work makes you feel less motherly or guilty, don’t let it. Do what you need to. We are all different and going through different things. There’s no wrong or right here. Leave others’ opinions of what you should be doing at bay. Listen to that inner voice and let it always guide you to what is right for you and your family.

Thank you so much, Shraddha, for your sage advice. I love all of this and you! Those boys of yours are so lucky to have you!

The Realization That’s Made My Marriage Stronger

written by Parita 8 Comments

I posted a fun throwback picture on Instagram of me and Vishnu at a wedding we attended in LA back in May 2018. I hesitate when positing these kinds of pics because I feel like they can be misleading sometimes. First of all, we don’t always look like that. In fact, I don’t like that 99% of the time. Second of all, I feel like these kinds of pictures unintentionally portray a ‘perfect’ marriage. And I don’t believe in perfect anything!

My mission [in life] is to be as real and authentic as I can and help others do the same! So with that being said, let me tell you about where Vishnu and I were late last year and how we got to where we are now (a MUCH better/stronger place).

I’ve been pretty vocal about how the first 12 months of motherhood were hard for me. I just wasn’t myself, and everything overwhelmed me. While I think I was better after K turned one, I honestly think the biggest turning point came for me at the beginning of this year…with regards to most aspects of my life, including my marriage.

In October last year, Vishnu and I realized we were on two very different pages about almost everything. We just weren’t connecting the way we usually did. It probably wasn’t as dramatic as I’m making it out to be, but I can tell you this, something needed to change and we both knew it.

After some open and courageous conversations (and tears on my part!), as well as a lot of individual self-reflection, we made progress. Slowly but surely. We also came to the understanding that we’re different now as parents. We have this super important priority named Kaiden who inevitably changed our dynamic and will continue to do so as he gets older. But instead of looking at it as a bad thing, we are now choosing to really listen, ask the right questions, and be more forthcoming. At the end of the day, our marriage will shape Kaiden’s views about relationships for the rest of his life!

Additionally, something Vishnu said to me during this time really put things in perspective. He said, “I love you more than anything in this world, so you have to believe me when I tell you that nothing I say or do is meant to hurt you. I know it can and will hurt you, but that’s never my intention.” This realization changed everything for me, including how I respond in different situations. Now (for the most part), I come at it from a “let me try to understand first” perspective versus a “oh hell nawwwww” one! When I changed how I responded to him, Vishnu changed too. It’s incredible!

It’s funny to me how ultimately everything comes down to communication. If you don’t talk about it, you’ll definitely shout about it! <- (I hope that made you giggle just a little!)

And before I let you get on with your Friday, remember this…perfection doesn’t exist. Everyone, and I mean everyone, has their shit. That’s life. Don’t let the internet or what people portray fool you.

With that, happy weekend!