Parita - My Inner Shakti

Our Trip to Vail, Colorado – All That It Was and Wasn’t + Lessons

I can’t even believe it! The trip we’d been looking forward to and planning for months is behind us.

Vishnu’s cousin got married in Vail, Colorado this past week, and instead of just going for the wedding, we (V, K, me, my MIL, FIL, and BIL) decided to add a couple of days to the front end and make a mini vacay out of it.

All good in theory! But something I didn’t consider is how unpredictable something like travel can be with a 13 month old. I’ll get to that in a minute.

Because I really do believe in focusing on the positive, let’s look at what everything our trip was…

More than anything, this time away in Vail allowed for some real family time. My MIL didn’t have to spend hours in the kitchen, we didn’t have to worry about cleaning, etc. I absolutely loved the quality family time we got. My favorite moments were sitting around the dining room table chatting about random stuff and laughing…a lot!

The trip also allowed for us (me, V, and my BIL) to experience and see Vail via a “moderate” hike. While the terrain wasn’t hard to navigate, the elevation factor definitely made us more tired than we anticipated. Holy headaches!

Vishnu’s extended family is amazing and so much fun. Even though our time with them was limited, it was great seeing everyone and catching up when possible! It was also super fun to see Kaiden interact with everyone. With the exception of a few people, he was meeting everyone for the first time. One of V’s uncles mentioned making this a yearly thing (a reunion not a wedding!), so Vishnu’s taking it into his own hands to make it happen. I hope he succeeds because so much love for this family!

And last but certainly not least, the wedding! It was all so beautiful. Vishnu’s cousin Tara and her new hubby radiated pure joy. There’s something about witnessing two people who are meant to be take the next step in life! Speaking of the next step, Vishnu gave an awesome speech at the reception about just that. Instead of going down the usual route of telling stories, etc., he shared 10 pieces of advice about marriage and married life. While I didn’t get to see him deliver it in person (I stayed home with K instead of going to the reception), I heard it was awesome and one of the best speeches of the night!

In terms of what this trip wasn’t…it wasn’t relaxing! Not that I was expecting much relaxation with K being the most active he’s ever been. However, by the time Wednesday rolled around, K had a fever. And it didn’t go away. To make a long story short, K ended up experiencing his first ER visit (more precautionary because of a high temperature).

In the spirit of focusing on the positive, I don’t want to fixate on what didn’t go as expected. Instead, I want to focus on what I learned from our time in Vail. For one, I love my family. Obviously, this isn’t a new feeling, but man did I marry into a great family! Everyone was all hands in with K and ready to give me a break whenever possible. And beyond that, I love seeing K bond with his grandparents and uncle. So many special memories! On a more philosophical level, I learned that in this season of life (maybe all seasons…?) I really just have to go with the flow and take it one moment at a time. If I look at our time in Vail overall, it’s hard to see all the fun we had, but when I break it down day by day, moment by moment, I see nothing but fun. Perspective is everything. And finally, once again, I learned a lesson about gratitude. The grateful life is the best life because regardless of what’s going on when you focus on all the good in your life (and there’s always something) you’ll always be grounded in what truly matters.

And now we’re back home and slowly moving into our regular rhythm and flow. Here’s to a healthy and happy week ahead (longer if possible)!

Recently + Good Reads

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My blogging mojo has been off for the past week or so. I have lots I want to share but 0 energy when it comes time to sit down and type. That’s life I suppose!

Kaiden’s been a little off the past few weeks, which threw me for a loop. I know I shouldn’t let it, but it’s hard. For example, he’s had a fever every week for the past three weeks. It comes, sometimes stays for a few days, and then goes. One of those fevers led us to discover his first ear infection. Poor bubs! The next one lasted a day. Like I said, he’s been all over the place. The doctor said it’s likely due to daycare. More than anything, I’m thankful it’s nothing serious, but it just throws me off when he has to stay home from school, we go back to multiple wake ups throughout the night, etc. Understandably, everything is either put on hold or straight up ignored until he feels better. Such is life with a baby!

Apparently, he’s also in the middle of a LEAP week. When I told Vishnu about this concept and what it means, he said the whole thing doesn’t make sense. I feel like the signs/symptoms match up to a tee, so I’m on team LEAP!

In the midst of fever land, we spent some time with family this past week. My aunt (mom’s youngest sister), uncle, and cousin visited from Arizona and stayed with us Wednesday through Saturday. This was their first time in Chicago, and they LOVED it. Because Vishnu and I had to work Wednesday and Thursday, they went out and explored on their own. On Friday, we walked to Millennium Park, the Bean, and Grant Park. We also made our way to Lincoln Park to see my sister and Adarsh. We ended our night with a fun little quiet (sleeping baby!) game night at our place. So much fun! I wish all my favorite people lived in a 1/2 mile radius from me and not hundreds, if not thousands, of miles from me. Wouldn’t that be nice?!

Other than that, we’re gearing up for our week long trip to Vail. We leave next Monday! Vishnu’s cousin’s getting married, and we’re so excited for the family reunion. I’m hoping Kaiden’s sociable side makes an appearance versus his ‘I’m going to cling to my mom for dear life’ side.

And finally, is anyone else in denial about summer coming to an end in like a month? Chicago starts to cool down in September, so we really only have a month or so left of warm/hot summer temps. I’m hoping we get a bit of an extension this year (FINGERS CROSSED!).

Good reads

Whenever I read an interesting article/blog post, I think about sharing it on MIS but then forget. With that, here are all of my forgotten but good reads from the past few weeks…

Goodbye Dr. Spock

Your Best Parenting Advice: From Meddling Parents To Poop Management

Motherhood in the Age of Fear

In Which I Lost My Wedding Ring (the comments are gold!)

The Joy of Missing Out

How to Trust The Division of Responsibility Model for Feeding Kids

And with that, I hope you have a wonderful start to your week!

Six Questions to Help Change the Story I Tell Myself

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I shared a pretty vulnerable post on Instagram the other day. It all started with a Super Soul podcast episode I listened to with guest Brene Brown. I had a major a-ha moment while listening. I realized I’m an internalizer. I’ve always known this about myself, but I now have a word to associate with my thinking/behavior.

Before I go on, I should share that I’m not proud of being an internalizer. It’s something I’m trying really hard to change.

For those of you who don’t follow me on IG, an internalizer is someone who takes anything/everything people say/do and internalizes it. A very negative story follows – how you need to change, be different/better, etc. All because of someone else’s behavior.

Pretty silly, huh?

While I wish I could just turn off my internalizer tendencies, it’s not that easy. However, changing the story I tell myself is proving easier to do. Easier being a relative term here!

After I made this connection to the podcast episode, I talked to someone about it, and she shared a series of questions I found super helpful. In fact, I’ve already gone through them in my head on several occasions. And I kid you not, the story I told myself definitely changed. In the past, things would often take a very dramatic and unnecessary turn, but this time, I calmed myself down and took a much more practical approach.

Anyways, these questions are awesome, so I thought I’d share. I know I’m not the only one who tells myself some pretty crazy stories sometimes!

Is there substantial evidence for my thought?
Is there evidence contrary to my thought?
Am I attempting to interpret this situation without all the evidence?
What would a friend thing of this situation and my thoughts about it?
If I look at the situation more positively, how is it different?
Will this matter a year from now? How about five years from now?

The core element to consider here is that our thoughts elicit an emotional response which then triggers our behavior. It’s a cycle that can only be broken by changing our thoughts!

In the past, I would’ve read a post like this and been like “oh cool.” In one ear and out the other. But this time around, I’m making an extra effort to analyze my thoughts before acting out my emotions, and I see a HUGE difference already. It’s definitely one of those things you have to practice over and over again until it become second nature…totally worth it though. More than anything, I’m able to get out of my own head and stay calm.

Changing my world one story at a time!

Diary of a Working Mom – Q&A with Monica Bhatt

written by Parita 2 Comments

Happy Friday! I have another awesome ‘Diary of a Working Mom’ post for you. Today’s Q&A is with my friend Monica Bhatt. Monica is one smart lady who just happens to be my ‘almost’ neighbor. Our hope is Kaiden and her little girl Reyna, born about a month apart, become besties!

I met Monica B. through our mutual friend Monica Shah years ago. I’ve always been impressed with her drive and work ethic, and now that she’s a mama, I’m that much more in awe of how she integrates her important role at work with her role as a mama to an almost one year old.

But enough from me, here’s Monica…

1. Tell me a little more about your family – number of kids, names, ages.
We’re a family of three – me, Monica Bhatt, aged 34, my husband Srinu Kusuma, aged 36, and Reyna Bhatt Kusuma, aged 11 months. 🙂

2. Tell me more about your line of work, role, responsibilities, etc.
I’m the Research Director of the Crime and Education Labs at the University of Chicago where I oversee a portfolio of research projects aimed at reducing violence and improving educational outcomes for young people in the City of Chicago. As part of our model, we generate questions in close partnership with the City of Chicago, including Chicago Public Schools, the Chicago Police Department, the Department of Family Support Services, the Mayor’s Office, and community based organizations. Then we try to develop evidence using rigorous methods like randomized controlled trials (which are not often used in the social sciences) to find out what some promising interventions might be to address pressing and persistent policy problems that disproportionately affect residents in high violence neighborhoods.

I love my job – it is an incredible privilege to use my training as a social scientist to help improve the quality of services available to our city’s most vulnerable residents. But it does get busy!

3. Walk me through a day in your life.
I’m usually the one to wake up with our daughter anywhere between 5-7 a.m. depending on the month/week/day. The inconsistency is maddening! I feed and hang out with Reyna while I get ready in the mornings until our nanny shows up at 8 a.m. This is my protected time. I’ve blocked my calendar until 9 a.m. most days so I don’t feel stressed about getting to work and can enjoy a leisurely 20-minute walk to the office, always stopping to get a coffee (Pret if I’m pressed for time; Sawada Matcha or Cafe Umbria if I want to treat myself). Then I’m usually in anywhere from 10-15 meetings a day from 9- 5 p.m., without a break for lunch most days. I told you it’s busy. Around 5 pm, I do my rounds with staff and try to triage anything I’ve missed over e-mail, developing my to-do list for the evening and answering anything urgent. I usually either walk home around 5:45 to be home by 6:00 p.m. to relieve the nanny or I have an after-work engagement and get home anywhere from 6-7 to put Reyna to bed. If I’m home by 6, we go for a family walk or play inside until the bedtime routine starts, usually around 7:00 p.m. Srinu and I like to do it all together, including bath time, making her a bottle, reading stories, and putting her to bed. She’s in bed and asleep by 7:45 p.m. most nights, after which we eat dinner and catch up for about a half hour to an hour. Around 8:30 p.m. I get back online until I go to bed around 10:45, saving a few minutes to read before I go to sleep, only to start it all over again in the morning!

4. How has becoming a mom influenced your role at work?
It is not normal to have young people be subject to trauma and violence in the way some children are in Chicago. These children are born into communities that have suffered systematic disinvestment over many years. Even before I had Reyna, I felt like we were doing a disservice if we didn’t try to provide for all kids what we would for our own. After having Reyna, I think about the difference in her upbringing versus some of her peers’ constantly, and if anything, I feel even more committed to doing this work. That being said, I don’t think my role has changed per say, which is part of the problem – being a mom has definitely decreased the amount of time I have to do this work as now I have the same busy job as before plus a kid! It’s motivated me to figure out how to prioritize what to work on. At first (and maybe even now), I was trying to just do it all and cram in extra hours in the evenings or on the weekends as part of the “second shift.” But increasingly I’m realizing I just cannot do the volume of work I used to before when my strategy would be to just work longer. Instead, I need to figure out how to work smarter, and that likely means trying to do more intellectual work like reading and writing during the work day instead of shafting those things to the evening. And that requires fewer meetings, somehow. Granted, I haven’t quite figured out how to do this, but it’s something I strive for!

5. What is your favorite tip on how to integrate work and life?
Favorite tip on how to integrate work and life? Er, yikes. I’m not sure I have one! Maybe I should read MIS for tips. 🙂 The only real stipulation I’ve imposed on my job is that I don’t start my day before 9 a.m. if I can help it with respect to meetings. That means I have my mornings to wake up and spend time with Reyna without feeling rushed, including a leisurely (ish) walk to work and stopping to get a coffee. I’m very much about finding “little pockets of joy” wherever I can – whether it’s a favorite little treat, an extra few blocks of walking in the sunshine, taking the extra time to take a long shower and blow dry my hair straight, reading a novel instead of a report before bed, etc.

6. How do you handle mom guilt?
To be honest, I don’t really have mom guilt. This was the most surprising thing about being a working parent, since I had read so much about how hard it is and how guilty you feel all the time. I love my job and I love my kid, and while sometimes it’s all a bit much, I don’t feel guilty for being away from Reyna (yet at least). In my mind, I’m a better parent than I would be if I spent all my time with her because I’m happy doing what I love and she’s happy being with someone who enjoys being around babies all day.

7. What is the most surprising part of being a working mom? And the most rewarding?
See above re: lack of guilt. I expected it to feel stressful all the time. Granted, there are reasons why I am able to enjoy this time more than most – I have a supportive partner who splits childcare duties in a truly 50/50 manner; we both have well-paying jobs that provide fulfillment and some degree of flexibility autonomy; we have resources to counterbalance the fact that we have little out-of-work time; etc. But still, I thought it would be harder. While there are moments when it feels relentless or overwhelming, the majority of the time I feel happy and not guilty about having to “balance it all.” I still do fun things. I still have a social life, I still read for fun. I just have a lot less time to do those things, is all. And if there are things I no longer do (read: working out!) I can only say it’s because I don’t prioritize it enough to figure out a way to make it work, not because I technically don’t have time.

The most rewarding thing is definitely having many more moments where I am away from my phone or e-mail and just enjoying some baby laughter or playing or seeing the world through Reyna’s eyes. I never did this enough before and now when I come home I’m offline until Reyna goes to bed and enjoying family time and same in the morning before I go to work. Some mornings, Reyna will pull down the blanket on our couch, which I know is the signal for “Let’s read books!” She’ll sit on the couch while I grab a basket of books and squeals with delight when I bring them to her and then we read them ALL. It’s the best.

8. How do you carve out ‘me’ time? What does ‘me’ time look like for you? On that same note, what’s your guilty pleasure?
If ‘me’ time is time away from work or Reyna, I would have to say I tend to fill it with spending time with friends. This means I don’t often get alone or down time, but I’m just not willing to forego already diminished time to nurture friendships, which really are important to me! The other thing I haven’t given up is season tickets to The Goodman Theater. I love watching plays – anything, really – and this is something I break for no matter how busy things are at work or life. As far as my guilty pleasure…rom coms. Definitely rom coms! The cheesier the better.

9. What’s the best piece of advice you received when returning back to work after having your baby?
The best piece of advice I received was from another new-mom friend who reminded me that even if some days I felt I wasn’t as good at my job as B.B. (Before Baby), my operating at less than 100% was still above and beyond what most people would contribute for the role. That made me feel much better about letting a few things slide from time to time!

10. What advice would you give to mamas-to-be about returning back to work?
Play the long game and keep it simple. People will give you lots and lots (and lots and lots) of advice, but remember, at the end of the day, all your baby needs is a safe, nurturing environment and for you to love him/her. Everything else is just details.

Thanks, Monica! You are a rock star, and Reyna (and the City of Chicago) is so lucky to have you as her mama and role model. 🙂

Swim Class Updates + A Question to Ease Mom Guilt

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Swim Class Updates

First of all, thank you to everyone who commented and/or messaged me about my swim class concerns. Y’all are the best! It turns out I can do it! I managed to get both myself and Kaiden out the door, to class, and back home in one piece. One very tired piece, but hey, we made it!

I decided to pack a little differently this time. I basically used one duffel bag for all of our dry stuff and the bag we got from the swim school for our wet stuff. I also said a little prayer so K would sit still for 10 seconds before attempting to change. It worked!

Swim class itself was a lot of fun too. Towards the end, the teacher had every baby go down a makeshift slide into their parents arms. Kaiden LOVED it! Still not a huge fan of water on his head/face, but we’re working on it.

A Question to Erase Mom Guilt

My mama friends and I talk about mom guilt all the time. Even though we logically understand there’s nothing to feel guilty about as long as our babies are loved and well taken care of, it still manages to linger around.

The other day, I got to thinking about my own mom and MIL and the emotions they likely felt when raising their kids. That train of thought made me think about how Vishnu and I view their lives and if we truly feel they are fulfilled and happy now.

I can’t speak for my MIL because I didn’t grow up with her, but as far as my mom is concerned, I know she put my sister and I above everything else. My parents pretty much rearranged their entire schedules to ensure someone was home with us at all times. And even though my sister and I know and appreciate this, my mom still felt guilt. I think her main source of guilt came from having to work. On the other hand, I only feel guilty about working when K’s sick.

Our guilt differs in other ways too. I feel a guilt when I mourn my freedom of being able to do whatever I want whenever I want. I don’t think my mom ever thought about losing her pre-baby freedom. I feel guilty when we opt to take a Kaiden free trip. Something my parents didn’t do until we were pretty much out of the house (and honestly, the thought probably never occurred to them). I feel guilty when I go out with friends and leave Vishnu and K at home. My mom didn’t go out with friends without us (she didn’t want to). You get my point.

So here’s the question that appeared from these thoughts…

What would future Kaiden want for me? Or in your case, what would future [insert child’s name] want for me?

We get so caught up in the here and now that we fail to see how interconnected our happiness and well-being is to our children’s.

I know from personal experience that my mom’s happiness, mood, and well-being had a huge impact on the rest of us. And even now at the age of 34, I wish her and my dad went on date nights (without us…ha!), I wish she took the time to make one or two close girlfriends and spent solo time with them, etc.

Understanding how I think about these things as an adult is helping me release my mom guilt. Because I know when I take time to refuel my tank regularly and consistently, I’m a much better mom. Not only am I happier on the outside, but I truly feel it on the inside. And even though he doesn’t know it yet, present day and future Kaiden both want a mom who takes care of herself and loves life because of it!

The next time mom guilt creeps up on you, think about how you want the future version of your kid to think about you and how you live/lived your life.

That alone should help get you out of the house doing whatever fills your tank!

Motherhood Musings – BTS, Mental Load, and More

written by Parita 6 Comments

*BTS = behind the scenes. For anyone who, like me, had no clue what that acronym stood for.

**Also, all pics in this post are random because I don’t have any that fit the ‘motherhood musings’ theme!

As I sometimes do, I recently took inventory of my blog posts from the past month or so as well as my Instagram pics and captions. It dawned on me that I’ve been painting a pretty rosy picture. And that’s not to say it hasn’t been great. June was, in fact, a great month – K’s birthday celebration x 2, a trip home to Atlanta, K’s actual 1st birthday, mine and Vishnu’s wedding anniversary, Father’s Day, relatively sickness free (knocking on all the wood), etc.

A pretty great month overall.

But that’s not to say I didn’t have other not so great things/feelings going on BTS. Nothing major, but my point is most people don’t share the darker shades of life on the internet. You can’t see feelings, insecurities, arguments, sadness, worry, anxiety, doubt, etc. Most importantly, you don’t know what’s happening on the inside. You only see the outside. A filtered sliver at that.

While I have no qualms about sharing my ups and downs on both my blog and Instagram account, I haven’t shared much of the downs lately. You haven’t seen my extreme sadness over what’s happening at our southern border and around the world in general. You haven’t seen my anxiety over K refusing to drink whole milk now that we’ve transitioned. You haven’t seen my constant battle between wanting to give my all at work and at home…and often feeling like I’m failing all over the board. And the list goes on…***

I don’t need or want anyone’s pity. That’s not why I’m sharing this. I’m sharing because I know how it feels to look at someone’s highlight reel and think, “Wow. Look at her life. She’s got it all together.” NO ONE HAS IT ALL TOGETHER. NO ONE. My hope is everyone experiences moments of profound joy and peace. But no one’s life is perfect.

The next time you find yourself comparing your life to someone else’s call a trusted friend or family member and talk. Like really talk. Open up, ask questions, etc. I guarantee even five minutes of conversation will give you a new perspective. Everyone has their stuff. The reality is for the majority of people this stuff doesn’t show up online.

Ok, stepping off that soapbox!

Next up, the mental load. This is something I think about all the time now that I’m a mom. So much of what I carry isn’t something people can see (aside from K…haaaaa!!!). Seriously though, I wish I could share a snapshot of all the stuff racing through my mind at any given moment and see something similar for other mamas. While I still own a paper planner and a notebook dedicated to all my mom/wife notes, I’m so thankful to be doing this in the electronic age. My Outlook calendar reminders keep the late fees away for things like rent, daycare payments, etc.

Something else I find interesting about the mental load is that dads don’t carry it the same way. Not all dads of course, but for the most part, I think most of my friends and fellow mamas would agree. For example, if I’m being honest, I probably carry the majority of the mental load in my relationship. And not because Vishnu doesn’t want to. It’s honestly because we’re wired differently. I don’t mind carrying the mental load of remembering key tasks like paying rent. I truly enjoy holding down the fort with things like that. For me, It’s the mental load of worry and anxiety over things that haven’t/may never happen. When my mind goes down those rabbit holes, I can easily go into “how would I handle X, Y, or Z” mode. Not healthy!

What helps me is talking out my thoughts with Vishnu, my mom, my sister, or a close friend. One of these fine folks can usually bring me back to reality. Other times, I let myself feel whatever it is I’m feeling (as I can usually trace my worry back to something), and then I talk myself back to reality.

Again, no pity needed/wanted. Just want to share my experiences with something that I know is far too common for mamas everywhere.

Again, what weighs us down is usually the unseen and the unspoken. I really want to help change this in my own small ways. One thing I hope to do more of and encourage others to do more is share the unseen and the unspoken. Make it seen and spoken [about]. This is such a critical part of the human experience, and I fear we’re moving farther and farther away.

Ok, stepping off soapbox #2!

Is there anything cuter than a sleeping baby?!

Let’s move on to some other topics I’ve been thinking about…

Is it just me or should parents stop saying their kid’s age by months after year 2? I think it’s fine to say, “Oh, he just turned 2. He’s 2 1/2. He’s a little over 2 1/2.” I mean how old is 29 months really??

Speaking of sharing your kid’s age, I was totally that mom who lost count of the weeks after a while. I literally asked Google “How many weeks is my baby if he was born on June 29.” Thank goodness we’re at months now. I can remember months!

You guys, Kaiden spiked a fever exactly one week after getting his MMR vaccine. 10% of babies get fevers, and ours was one of them! Poor bubs. It all started this past Friday when his school called to give me a heads up (talk about a freak out moment when I saw his school name pop up on my phone). And while it’s pretty low-grade for the most part, it’s really no fun seeing your little one all flushed and uncomfortable. But I’m VERY thankful because the fever is his only symptom. Apparently 5% of babies also get an accompanying rash.

Caught touching something he’s not supposed to!

I have to take Kaiden to his second swim class on Saturday…all by myself. I don’t know why, but this makes me nervous. Vishnu was in the water with him this past Saturday and it went as well as it could’ve. Kaiden did great until the instructor poured water over his head. But honestly, it’s not the water part that makes me nervous, it’s the whole after class logistical piece. I can’t wrap my head around how I’m going to get both Kaiden and myself into dry clothes. I know, I’m a weirdo. Who worries about things like that? I never said I was normal!

And that about takes care of all the motherhood musings I wanted to share today! As always, THANK YOU for reading.

***I know a lot of people would pay to have my worries/anxieties. I know I’m VERY lucky in the grand scheme of things. Trust me, I’m very grateful for this life of mine. But that’s not the point. The point is it’s important to remember everyone deals with something and nothing is as perfect as it seems, online or in real life.

Diary of a Working Mom – Q&A with Khusbu Banko

written by Parita 3 Comments

Happy Friday and welcome to another ‘Diary of a Working Mom’ Q&A post!

Today’s interview is with my good friend Khusbu. Khusbu and I have known each other for a very long time, as we met as freshman at the University of Georgia almost 16 years ago (wow!). Over the years, we kept in touch semi-regularly and through the powers of social media, but it wasn’t until I moved to Fort Lauderdale (where Khusbu lives) when we really reconnected. To take it a step further, we bonded even more when we were pregnant at the same time…lots of keeping it real moments were shared! And now, we’re in touch as ‘new’ mamas, and I definitely consider Khusbu a member of my mama tribe.

The thing I love most about Khusbu is how she keeps it real no matter what because she believes in the power of authenticity and sharing your real self. In fact, when I messaged her to say that her Q&A would be going live this Friday, she said, “I hope it helps at least one person.”

That’s enough rambling from me. Here’s Khusbu…

1. Tell me a little more about your family – number of kids, names, ages.
On 9/13/17, my husband Adam and I became parents to our beautiful baby girl Reya who is now almost 10 month old! Life as we knew it before her has completely changed!

2. Tell me more about your line of work, role, responsibilities, etc.
I’m currently the Assistant Director of Pharmacy Services and the Residency Program Director for our PGY-1 Pharmacy Practice Residency at the Cleveland Clinic Florida. Both are very demanding roles! Some of my responsibilities include: operations, pharmacy informatics, finance, scheduling, staff development, protocol development and implementation, pharmacy & therapeutics committee, Cleveland Clinic enterprise clinical integration and operations committees, residency and preceptor development, etc. There’s a lot of oversight and responsibility included in the two roles.

3. Walk me through a day in your life.
First, a little background. Reya goes to daycare three days a week. I’m fortunate to have a flexible schedule where I can work from home one day a week. Adam also has a great schedule where he’s able to spend one day a week with Reya because he was adamant about weekly daddy-daughter days (I know right?! LOVE!). On days where I’m conference call heavy is when I’m home with Reya.

So as far as days when I’m home with Reya, this is what our day typically looks like. We wake up between 6-7 am, and I nurse her and get her up for the day. I start my conference call around 8 am (or whenever my first call is scheduled). During the call, a lot of times, I’m actively listening and providing input and sometimes I have to actively participate. This varies based on what the call is about. You can imagine how difficult that is with a baby, BUT to my surprise, because Reya’s so great, she lets me do my thing, most days that is. The days when she’s not feeling it and needs me around her at all times are the most challenging. So during the calls, I make sure to keep her on her feeding/nap schedule. If she’s fussy or irritated and I need to unmute the call, I occupy her with something and/or honestly let her cry! Then I step into the other room until I’m done. She’s crawling now so this is much tougher. To the point where I may not be able to sustain working at home with Reya. We shall see! Other than that, I do my thing: take calls, answer emails, feed Reya, feed myself (sometimes I forget), play with/read to Reya (during my breaks), etc. During her naps (if I’m lucky there are usually 2 and they last about an hour each at this stage but honestly luck is slowly running out), I save the work that requires more careful review, whether that’s protocols, excel spreadsheets, finance and productivity documents, etc. Once I’m officially “done” with work, Reya’s schedule continues: feed her, bathe her, read to her and put her to bed. Typically Adam picks up dinner (since he gets home late) or I throw together something quick and simple I may have prepped throughout my day at home. Once Adam gets home, we eat, chill, workout together (most days), and watch TV/read and go to bed by 10:30 pm at the latest.

Now for the days when Reya’s at daycare, our schedule looks like this. I usually have to be at work between 8-9 am depending on when my first meeting is. Timing is extremely crucial on days I drop Reya off at daycare. Adam usually preps everything the night before (puts together her bottles and solids). In the morning, Adam usually has breakfast ready for me (protein shake and fruit), so I don’t have to worry about that. But I wake up around 6:30 am (before Reya but sometimes sooner depending on if she wakes up before 7 am), nurse her, put her bag together for daycare, pump and eat while she plays, get my stuff ready, get myself ready while Reya is strapped in her chair near me, and head out the door between 7:45-8:15 am. I’m on the go as soon as my feet hit the ground! There’s no time for anything else but I do like to throw on a podcast while all of this is happening. I try to leave work and pick her up by 4:45 pm. She usually takes a power nap on our way home. I begin my nightly routine which consists of feeding her, giving her a bath, reading to her, and nursing her. She is usually asleep by 7-7:30 pm. At that point, I clean up her bottles and daycare stuff, try and get dinner ready (or Adam brings something home and we eat), chill, workout together (most days), and watch TV/read and go to bed by 10:30 pm.

Our weekdays typically follow this pattern. They don’t change. There are obviously days when things may be off with Reya, but I’m strict about her schedule, especially her bedtime because that’s when Adam and I get to spend time together. The schedule of course fluctuates based on her age and needs at the time.

4. How has becoming a mom influenced your role at work?
I think it’s influenced me tremendously! I think I’m more patient, more understanding, more nurturing, etc. My residents tell me I’m their work mom and that Reya’s not my only child. Really, it seems like all of my employees are like my children! I have to praise and discipline them, etc. In a lot of ways, my responsibilities at work influenced me as a mom well before Reya was even born. In a different way, of course, because I can’t fire/suspend Reya!

5. What is your favorite tip on how to integrate work and life?
My favorite tip focuses on the concept of trial and error. It’s the best way to go! It took Adam and I a lot of coordinating and foresight to ‘perfect’ the schedule we have now with work/life integration. It was a bumpy road and not perfect by any means, but we switched up what we could if something wasn’t working or if one of us was getting overwhelmed. Bottom line – keep at it and do what works for you!

6. How do you handle mom guilt?
In the beginning and occasionally still, I struggle with wanting “me time,’ wanting alone time with Adam, grappling with the realities of daycare, etc. All of these thoughts made me feel guilty about wanting these things, and on top of that, feeling like I was “abandoning” her at daycare. But I started to realize that it’s ok! For my own sanity, I need alone time, I need husband time, etc. And sending her to daycare meant she was interacting and learning in a safe environment. In fact, I now see how much she loves it! Also, I didn’t go to school for so long and work hard to be in the position I’m in to give up anytime soon. Essentially, a lot of positive self-talk helps me cope with mom guilt.

7. What is the most surprising part of being a working mom? And the most rewarding?
No offense whatsoever to stay at home moms because I feel like their job is even tougher in certain ways, but the most surprising part of being a working mom is how accomplished I feel in my day-to-day life. Like man, I can really do this! And lately I’ve had more days of “I can do this” then not, so I’ll take that as a win! The most rewarding part is my daughter seeing and experiencing how a woman can have a career AND raise a family. Call it what you want, but it gives her a sense of empowerment. I like to think I’m a strong role model for her and she can totally be a #BOSSBABY!

8. How do you carve out ‘me’ time? What does ‘me’ time look like for you? On that same note, what’s your guilty pleasure?
One of my biggest challenges is carving out “me” time. To be honest, this is always going to be a work in progress. Recently though, Reya’s sleep pattern is getting better, so I’m less tired. When she naps, I can do what I need if Adam’s at work. And in the evenings, once she is asleep, Adam and I use that as “us” time.

“Me” time usually consists of reading, meditating, and sometimes watching TV while browsing social media (a habit I’m trying to get away from). Lately though, I’ve been getting back to reading and loving it!

Right now my guilty pleasure is watching Bravo! Adam is pretty adamant on me “not watching this crap around my daughter” Haha! I still sometimes watch it when he isn’t home and when Reya is asleep. But I do get his point!

9. What’s the best piece of advice you received when returning back to work after having your baby?
I’ve received countless pieces of advice from those who have done it before me. But my sister-in-law, Harshal, gave me advice on the logistics of pumping at work – washing pump parts and ways to ensure my supply kept up since your body knows you are away from your baby! Mainly she just helped eliminate some of my fears about this whole process. I would say, find a mommy mentor (or two) who you trust and admire and use them as your sounding board as you transition back to work.

10. What advice would you give to mamas-to-be about returning back to work?
My advice would be to try and go with the flow a little bit so you don’t drive yourself, your husband, and even your baby crazy! BUT also try to maintain a schedule and stick to it! Routine is key for babies. They need it, and it helps us mama’s stay sane and gives us some structure during a chaotic time. But to keep it real, there are days where it is going to suck and you’re going to be exhausted and everyone is going to get on your last damn nerve. Try to think about it this way though – no matter how crazy life gets or what’s going on at work, when that baby looks up at you and smiles…nothing else really matters! Take in all the moments, even the bad ones!

Thanks for all of your insight, Khusbu. I think you’ll accomplish your goal of helping at least one person by sharing your story and very likely many more! And with you as her role model, Reya is definitely going to be a #BOSSBABY!

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