What I think of my pregnant body. Whew, what a loaded title, huh?!
With that, I’m not going to hold back with this post. I’ve been formulating it in my head for a while now, and I figure it’s time to get my honest thoughts out there. Get ready for some realness, and please note that the following is 100% my story (because every pregnant woman and her pregnancy are different).
First and foremost, I want to start off by saying that I’m beyond grateful for my body and what it’s accomplished over the past 8.5 months. On the flip side, the changes that come with this territory haven’t always been easy to swallow. Oh, and we can’t forget about the hormones!
Let me explain…
Long time readers know I’ve had my fair share of ups and downs when it comes to body image issues. Let’s just say I haven’t always been so body positive with myself. Like a lot of women, I tend to scrutinize and criticize more than love. For the sake of this post, let’s say this mindset is my set-point.
The First Few Months
When I first learned I was pregnant, I was obviously over-the-moon. But pretty soon, the reality that my body was going to change (A LOT) set in. I’m not proud to admit it, but given my ever-evolving relationship with my body, I thought about the changes more than I should have. In fact, I had a few emotional breakdowns (my poor husband!) where I cried about my clothes not fitting, my thighs/arms/you name it getting bigger, etc. Don’t get me wrong. I wasn’t naive. I knew how lucky I was to even be pregnant, and I also knew that pregnancy equaled change. It was just a tough pill to swallow at first.
My dissatisfaction lasted through the first few weeks of my second trimester…until my belly really started to ‘pop.’ For some reason, seeing my stomach go from this roundish shape to an actual round pregnant belly turned on a switch in my head. It sounds so bizarre, but most every negative thought disappeared over time. Instead, I was filled with extreme gratitude for what my body, the one I’ve had a love/hate relationship with for so long, could do and was doing. Growing a freaking human! I finally realized what a miracle all of this was and haven’t looked back since.
I should also mention that I thought it would take Vishnu and I a lot longer to get pregnant than it did (for many reasons I won’t go into right now). I was prepared to have to wait and potentially use medical interventions to get us to the finish line. But God/the Universe had different plans for us…and here we are. Because of this, part of me feels very selfish for my preliminary focus and thoughts. But at the end of the day, I’m just glad I got to a positive space where I smile bigger than I ever have when I glance in the mirror.
So yes, while my thoughts have evolved with time, I can truly say that I’ve never been prouder of my body and happier with the way it looks.
In fact, when I now think about all the changes it’s gone through, I’m that much more excited about bringing our little guy into this world because it’s this very body that’s going to do so much of the necessary work it takes to raise a healthy baby. This body is going to feed (hopefully!), carry, play with, embrace, snuggle with, and most importantly, love [with every fiber of its being] our little guy.
Regardless of my past, I’ll always be thankful for the changes I’ve experienced and will likely continue experiencing because they serve as a reminder of this crazy miraculous nine month journey that I wouldn’t trade for the world. Let’s consider this my new (and improved!) set-point.
For anyone experiencing similar emotions and thoughts, please know you’re not alone. Pregnancy is an absolutely beautiful thing, but it’s also hard in so many ways. At the end of the day, you and your body are are miracle workers, and all of these changes will soon be worth their weight in gold (and so much more)!