I finally cleaned out our closet and dresser this weekend. Best feeling ever. It was therapeutic in a way…for me at least. My poor husband did not enjoy the process at all, especially when I made him donate a bunch of his clothes. He’s such a pack rat! At one point, he said something along the lines of, “I can’t wait until we have a bigger closet. Then I’ll get to keep everything.” That’s what you think, Vishnu, that’s what you think. [Insert evil laugh!]
Anyways, during the massive cleanout, I uncovered my old journals that were tucked away in a corner of our closet. Good bedtime reading I tell you. Instead of just flipping through the pages, I actually took the time to read my words in more detail. Wowsers! Dramatic much?! The entries dated back to 1999 (my freshman year of high school) and covered various period of my life as recent as 2010.
There is so much I would tell my younger self. So much. However, it dawned on me that the most beneficial words would be “STOP WORRYING!”
I mean, I know journals are meant to be a sacred place where you bear your heart and soul and stuff, but 99% of my words were consumed with worry. In a way, reading through all of it made me sad. I spent so much time worrying about what if situations that never happened. So much wasted energy. Everything from whether I would stay friends with certain people (some I did, some I didn’t…as expected) to whether or not Vishnu and I would make it (we did…duh!) to how my career would unfold (I’m doing ok!).
December 2006. We made it!
Now, I know a lot of people are probably thinking – what’s the big deal, worrying is a normal part of adolescence and early adulthood, etc. And all of that is true. However, I am a huge believer in the fact that history repeats itself…if we don’t intervene.
Although a lot of my worrywart tendencies have subsided, I still find myself thinking and asking what if this or what if that. And while I don’t necessarily journal my thoughts on a regular basis, the pattern is the same as it was in 1999. What this means is that I pick an area of my life, I think about all the different scenarios that could possibly happen (i.e. the what ifs), and I worry.
Needless to say, this is dumb and counterproductive and a huge waste of time!
So while my younger self definitely needed to hear this, I’m realizing that the current and possibly (but hopefully not) future Parita need to as well…
Stop worrying, you crazy fool! Things have a strange way of working out. Maybe not the way you imagined, but the way they were meant to. As much as you want to plan every aspect of your life (and possibly everyone else’s), that’s not your job. Your job is to appreciate and live each day, each moment to the fullest extent possible. Let your life overflow with love, laughter, and happiness. It’s ok. That’s how life is meant to be lived. And yes, sometimes shitty things happen. Things that are out of your control…out of anyone’s control. Deal with them when if they happen. Hope and prepare yourself for the best…not the worst. And if the past is any indication of the future, the majority of the things that keep you up at night aren’t going to happen. And if they do, you’re going to have the strength to deal with them. Trust me on this!
Now I just have to repeat this a million times so it sticks. 🙂
Are you a worrywart? If you could go back and have a chat with your younger self, what would you say?
It’s ironic how easy it is for others to say ‘don’t worry’ but it’s much easier said that done- my mum is without a doubt the biggest worrier out there- legit, call her and she won’t even know you and you can say ‘I have an exam coming up’ or ‘a big work project’ and she’d worry on your behalf!
Strangely, parts of me wish I could turn back time and be like my younger self..carefree and not stressing over little things.
Arman @ thebigmansworld recently posted…Hunger- Embrace it, Don’t ignore it.
I’ve always been an old soul, so I’m hoping my worrisome nature reverses as I get older 🙂
Arman, I think I can relate to your mom since I am just like her, for instance so many times I’d ask parita and aekta to text me letting me know when their friend reaches home after visiting them. I could not fall asleep until i hear that they reach home safely.
I became like that after having children, my younger self was so carefree that didn’t even know the word STRESS.
I still have some parts of me wishing I could go back in time and be like my younger self, carefree and worry free..
love my pumkins so much…
Aww momma! Love you too 🙂
when i was home last October, I found my old journal from my junior year and oh boy…it was so silly and dramatic. I stress too much over every little things and its always been that way so don’t know if its ever going to change..i wish i could be more carefree and enjoy it moment sometimes..
Dixya @ Food, Pleasure, and Health recently posted…Vegetable Pancakes with Homemade Sriracha + Whole 30 Week 2
Dramatic is one way to describe my journals as well! Hopefully we loosen up with age, D!
I am SUCH a worry wart! Reading in old journals makes me sad, too, because I was always SO WORRIED. I still keep journals, and while I do write about times that I’m worried, I really make an effort to focus on the positive. That’s why I love “One Line a Day” so much!!
Colleen @ The Lunchbox Diaries recently posted…What I’m Loving Lately(ish)
I really love the One Line a Day Journal for that reason as well. There’s no room for the drama. 🙂
Um yes, worrywart is a good description of me. My motto for this month has been to RELAX. Everything can’t be planned out ahead of me and if unplanned stuff comes up, it’s okay to change plans. Or so I’m telling myself 🙂
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At the start of each work week, I write myself a reminder to relax, slow down, etc. It really helps!
I would tell myself to stop being so dramatic. Boy was I overly dramatic. Everything was the end of the world for me. My parents told me I couldn’t go out with my friends one night? I acted like I would never see them again. I guess I can blame the dramatics on teenage angst. 🙂
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I had a few of those episodes as well. It was like the end of the world was here any time things didn’t go my way!
It’s probably a good thing I don’t write journals otherwise the crazy thoughts that run through my head would be let loose with the possibility of the world to see…oh wait, I have a blog which is kind of the same thing?
Only recently have I found myself worrying less. This was a conscious effort on my part because I realized how much energy I was wasting by trying to control everything. So far so good!
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Good point, D. It’s about making a ‘conscious’ effort not to worry and waste energy on things that are out of our control. I like that!