The other night, Vishnu called me a hypocrite. And I hate to admit it, but he’s right. Let me explain.
As we were going to sleep on Sunday, he put his arm around my waist. I pushed it away and turned the other way. He asked if everything was ok. Silence. He asked again, and that’s when it all came out. I told him that I didn’t want him touching my fat. He told me I was being ridiculous. We went back and forth for a while, before I burst into tears and said, “I hate my body! I hate it!” I honestly think I stunned my husband…and myself.
Of course this led to a lot of questions but unfortunately no answers. Vishnu asked me to think about what I said from a different perspective. He said, “What if your sister, your mom, or your best friend said what you just did? What would you say to them? Because whatever you would say to them is what you need to say to yourself.” Well for one, I would never tell anyone to hate their body. So yes, I am a hypocrite.
I’ve been thinking about it for the past few days, and I still don’t know why, in that moment, I said I hate my body. I honestly thought I was over this kind of thinking. Hate is such a strong word, and I know I’m better than that.
Vishnu and I ended our conversation with him telling me that I need to change the way I think about myself. And he’s right. This is all part of a mental game I play. And while I’ve come a long way from where I used to be, I still have a lot of work to do. You see, I live a healthy lifestyle – nutritious meals (most of the time) + a variety of workouts. However, the thoughts that sometimes occupy my headspace are not always healthy and positive. I still need to work on the whole self-love thing. I know how important it is, and more importantly, I believe in the power of it.
What bothers me the most is that I write a blog about being positive, maintaining healthy habits, and above all, loving yourself…faults and all. And there I was, in a moment of weakness, proclaiming that I hate my body. I feel like I let all of you who read my blog down. I’m sorry for writing one message and living another.
I’m not quite sure what happens from here…except that I don’t want to be a hypocrite. I don’t ever want to use the word hate and body in the same sentence. I’m ready to enter my thirties with true self-love and respect. It’ll take time, but for once and for all, I’m going to learn to love and accept the body I’ve been given….faults and all!. It’s well deserved.
I know this post isn’t in line with what I usually write about, but I wanted to be honest and make the point that no one is perfect. As I like to say, we are all beautiful works in progress. And while acknowledgement is a great first step, you can’t stop there. At the end of the day, you have to help yourself by challenging the negative thoughts, replacing them with positive ones, and moving forward. This is what I wish for myself and others like me. It’s the only way.
“You are imperfect, permanently and inevitably flawed. We all are. And you are beautiful.” -Amy Bloom
Thank you for reading…and hopefully forgiving me for being a hypocrite. I promise I’m working on it.
Aparna B. says
March 8, 2013 at 6:56 amI know EXACTLY how you feel! <3 We are our own worst critics and sometimes I am the worst on myself! But your hubby is right: put yourself in the position if you had to respond to that kind of comment if one of the close women in your life said the same time. I have a long way to go, but when I get down on myself, I remember how far I've come. That's the important part. Par, you are beautiful, intelligent and one of the most genuine people I've come to Internet-know (hehe <3 :)). I ALWAYS come to your blog BECAUSE you're positive and always have something insightful to say that helps me feel OK about whatever bad may be happening in my life! You contribute so much and we all appreciate it! But don't forget – you're still human. You have emotions and you're allowed to have bad days too! Just remember about all the people around you who love you, support you and will always encourage you with our journey! And we're all here too! xoxo
Parita says
March 10, 2013 at 7:13 pmThanks, Par! Your words mean a lot! Remembering how far we’ve come is key…as is acknowledging that we’re human. It’s nice to know that others go through this as well…makes me feel like we’re all in it together. I think as long as we replace every negative thought with a positive one, we’ll be ok. That is the key!
Amy @ Second City Randomness says
March 8, 2013 at 7:33 amI think, no matter how happy of a place we’re in, we’re going to have days like that. And it’s sad, but it’s also ok- just something to get past and move on. 🙂 My bf is so comfortable in his own skin. It’s to the point of obnoxious. But I’m trying to learn from him to do the same…
Parita says
March 10, 2013 at 7:10 pmYou sound like Vishnu! He basically (in a very nice way) told me to get over it and move forward. Guys have it easy, but you’re right, we can learn from them.
Khushboo Thadani (@KhushbooThadani) says
March 8, 2013 at 8:27 amOpening up is never easy but thank you so much, P…I know I’m not the only one who appreciates it and can definitely relate to this post. As Amy said above, those kinds of thoughts are inevitable…they might become less frequent but they happen to the best of us. The important thing is to be able to recognise those thoughts are creeping up and not letting them bring you down. The other day you asked what our favorite quote is and I want to add this my answer “If you can’t love yourself, how can you expect others to”…I constantly remind myself of this whenever I start to feel down about my body. Love your optimistic approach to your 30s and Vishnu seems like a great support!
Parita says
March 10, 2013 at 7:09 pmGreat quote, K! And you’re right, the most important thing any of us can do is love ourselves unconditionally. It’s a must! While I’ve gotten much better at managing these kinds of thought, I really hope to get to a point one day where it’s all in one ear and out the other. I hope we can all get there one day!
Tiff (@LoveSweatBeers) says
March 8, 2013 at 8:43 amThanks for opening up. I feel the same way quite often. Bad thoughts just have an evil way of sneaking into our heads and totally taking over all the good stuff we’ve got going on. You’re man’s right though. Let him support you while you learn to support yourself. 🙂 You’re beautiful!
Parita says
March 10, 2013 at 7:07 pmThanks, Tiff! When I read your comment, I honestly thought, “She feels this way too!? No!” It’s comforting to know that I’m not the only one that has days like this. And you, my friend, are beautiful too! 🙂
loftyappetite says
March 8, 2013 at 10:45 amWe all have days like that… even if it’s not true, we just feel that way. I think it’s all part of the complex chaos that is being female! haha
Parita says
March 10, 2013 at 7:06 pmThat’s what I tell Vishnu when he stares at me blankly sometimes. Haha!
Kacy says
March 8, 2013 at 10:47 amI think it’s so great that you wrote this post. It’s so real. I have been there a thousand times. Self love and good body image is a difficult thing. I am far too hard on myself, but I keep working on it.
Parita says
March 10, 2013 at 7:05 pmThank you! I think the key is to never give in to it and constantly work on it. We’ll get there!
Lauren says
March 8, 2013 at 10:59 amI had to kind of step away from the HLB world this past year but I never stopped reading your blog and Parita, this post remind me why. Honestly, I have REALLY struggled with going from the college lifestyle (walking around campus all day long and generally having more free-time to be active and make healthy food) to a 9-5 sit-down job. I suddenly felt guilty about every single piece of food I put in my mouth no matter how healthy it was and like you, the calling myself fat problem just sprung up again. Thank goodness for supportive and caring significant others, though because my boyfriend has basically said the same things Vishnu said to you. My goal for March was to not call myself fat. Not even once. Surprisingly, it’s been really easy and I’m hoping this becomes a permanent thing. I know no one is perfect and I’m fine with being a work in progress, I just really want to overcome this bad habit. My greatest fear is that I will have a daughter and teach her through my actions that it’s okay to hate your body.
Parita says
March 10, 2013 at 7:04 pmI’m so proud of you for making progress this month! What I’ve come to realize is that by taking something like this one day at time, we can overcome it. And I don’t want my children to ever think it’s ok to hate or disrespect their bodies – that’s why I’m going to try to eradicate this once and for all (like you!).
And having a 9-5 desk job isn’t the most ideal situation (I’m right there with you), but you can make it work. I try to get up every 30 minutes, stretch/walk around, etc. We’re going to be fine. Life is just one big adjustment after another! 🙂
IHeartVegetables says
March 8, 2013 at 11:00 amThis is a lovely post, because it’s clearly from the heart. I’m the SAME way! It’s easy for me to say one thing, but feel another. I’ve also come a long way, but I still have those days where I feel like negative self talk is the only thing in my head. I would NEVER say things to people that I say to myself, and that’s not fair! I’m glad Vishnu is being supportive and helping you see what you need to do! You can do it!
Parita says
March 10, 2013 at 7:01 pmWE can do it, Liz! It’s definitely not easy but we deserve it.
dixya @ food, pleasure, and health says
March 8, 2013 at 11:56 amParita – you are not an hypocrite but a beautiful human being, a person with pure soul. Also, one of the honest, realistic person I know. Your blog really talks to me and sometimes I feel like I am having an conversation with you 🙂 I read your article and I went through that phase too and still struggle sometimes even now. I dont want to be hypocrite and say its okay but honestly, sometimes its very hard to put away those negative thoughts. However, what I can certainly say is having positive people around you (yay Vishnu for being so awesome) and constantly being grateful for little things in life really helps. Take Care friend – You are AWESOME!
Parita says
March 10, 2013 at 7:00 pmThank you so much, Dixya! I’m glad my posts resonate with you. That’s always my goal. 🙂
And you’re right, we all have our days. But it’s important to always look for the good. Having great people around you (physically and on the internet) works wonders too!
sprint2thetable says
March 8, 2013 at 12:19 pmI love that Amy Blook quote!
You are not a hypocrite at all. We ALL do this. Trust me. I was in such a tizzy thing week it wasn’t even funny. Ugh. But the things is, we are all different. When we stop compaing ourselves to some PR-world idea of perfection, we’ll all be better off. Easier said than done, I know.
Parita says
March 10, 2013 at 6:59 pmThanks, Laura! And you’re right, I think the media plays a huge part in all this. However, we have to learn to look past all that to what’s real…I’m getting there! 🙂
Ameena says
March 8, 2013 at 5:03 pmI’m so sorry this happened…but I think we can all (unfortunately) relate. The good thing about getting older? I actually feel okay with the way I look. Sure I wish I was a bit more toned here and there (thanks Maya!) but overall these things don’t seem to matter as much anymore.
I can tell you are gorgeous Parita, inside and out. And that’s what’s important.
Parita says
March 10, 2013 at 6:58 pmI figured a lot of people can relate to this and I’m glad to hear that you’re finding it easier to deal with as the years go on! That’s comforting! I’m much better than I was in my early 20s, so here’s to my 30s being the years I really break free of this. 🙂
Sig says
March 8, 2013 at 5:45 pmHeya Pari,
I just wanted to let you know that it’s all ok – somehow we all relate. I spent the first year of marriage being up and down because I gained weight and thought Evs didn’t find me attractive anymore. Turns out, it was more the fact we had both started new jobs, moved houses and were living together for the first time!
Turning 30 was a big step for me, as has being pregnant. My body has changed beyond recognition and I’m half-afraid what it will look like once this baby comes out. However, I know, no matter what it looks like – it doesn’t define me – it just shows that I have created and nurtured a baby for the last 9 months. Your body has done so much for you too – strong legs to take you places, strong arms to lift you up and a gorgeous smile to keep it all together 🙂
You ARE beautiful – but I don’t want to reduce to just that. You are open, funny, kind-hearted, generous and one of the most positive people I know.
Parita says
March 10, 2013 at 6:56 pmSig! Your comment means a lot. And I am truly trying to change my mindset before I have a baby because I know things will definitely change after that. And more importantly, I never want my child to think that it’s ok to hate or disrespect his/her body. You’re going to be such a wonderful momma!! I can’t wait for yours (and Evs) journey to begin!!
Honey What's Cooking says
March 8, 2013 at 6:36 pmThat was an intimate moment you shared, and that took a lot of guts to write. Second, WHY do you hate your body? You never explained that. You look amazing.. your body is incredible.. dude, if you hate your body with all the working out you do, you must think i’m a little roll of fat with my 2 workouts a week. You really are beautiful inside and out… and you have a toned and trim body, you have nothing to hate. At the end of the day, you know what I say to myself when thoughts like this come in my way, at least I have a body to love/hate, at least all the parts are in tact, think about those who don’t’ have body parts and living with that. It puts things into perspective.
Parita says
March 10, 2013 at 6:53 pmThank you for your kind words, Nisha! I don’t really know why I feel this way sometimes, but I’m honestly trying to work on turning every negative thought into a positive one. And you’re right, no matter what, we have to look at what we have and be thankful for it because there are people out there making the best with a lot less. Thanks for the reminder!
chronicworrier says
March 11, 2013 at 1:30 amParita- I can imagine how difficult it must have been to write and publish this. Your honesty and positivity are still big draws! I suppose we often mistake positivity to mean an endless swim in cheerful, problem-less land, while trying to flush out negative thoughts and work on making our lives happy is what being positive is all about. I’m sure you’re doing a wonderful job at it!
Parita says
March 11, 2013 at 10:37 pmThank you! I think positivity is about being able to get through whatever life presents to you with an “I can do this” attitude. It’s not something I’ve perfected, but I’m getting there…slowly! 🙂
Tina Reale (@tinareale) says
March 11, 2013 at 7:04 amOh, I have been there too! There have been plenty of moments where I say or think something like that then feel like such a hypocrite because I *know* better and try to show better through the blog too. I think the mental games and struggles we have will always be there in a way and its natrul to succumb at times. We just have to pick up and move on…in love and respect. Although I’m with you on shouldn’t we just be past this by now and not have any more issues? I guess that would be too easy. Harumph.
Parita says
March 11, 2013 at 10:38 pmMeans a lot coming from you, Tina! And you’re right…just being able to “get over” this kind of thinking would be too easy. Oh well, I’m always up for a good challenge. 🙂
Tanvi (@Tanvii) says
March 13, 2013 at 8:29 amThere is nothing I can say which everyone hasn’t already said above. I probably tell my husband to not touch my belly fat everyday and he still does. I have diagnosed myself with an ‘image disorder’. There are good days and bad days but like you said, “Life is just one big adjustment after another!”